The best way to convince an ex to get back together is to let her experience and feel attracted to the new and improved you in person, so she can see the contrast between you and him.
No doubt he will be making her feel a lot of new, positive emotions because he’s a rebound, but you can beat him at that game.
You’ve got to meet up with her and make her feel attracted and respectful of you in new ways (e.g. attracting her with your emotional strength by getting her laughing and smiling even if she is being cold, bitchy or distant).
Once you’ve reactivated some of her feelings for you again, she will start to look at you in a more positive light.
If she’s very happy with the new guy, she probably won’t be thinking about getting back with you right away, but her guard will come down.
She will start to look at you in a more positive light and since you are being so confident, charismatic and emotionally strong, she won’t be able to keep thinking of you in a negative way.
To end the catch up, make sure that you get her to hug you when you are parting ways (e.g. “Okay, bring it in for a hug”) and if possible, try to have a kiss goodbye as well.
If the kiss goes well, you can then try to get her to hook up with you sexually, but if you can’t get the kiss – don’t worry.
The main thing that you need to focus on is using every interaction you have with her from now on (e.g. e-mail, text, Facebook, phone calls, in person) as an opportunity to spark her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you again.
The more that you can make her smile, laugh and feel happy when she’s interacting with you, the more open she will become to the idea of getting back together again or at least hooking up with you on the side to see how she feels.
Just remember: Your focus has to be on saying and doing the types of things that are going to draw her to you and turn her on, not push her away even more and make her think, “I’m so glad I broke up with my ex. My new guy is so wonderful compared to him. I’m so happy now.”
Mistakes to Avoid if You Want to Get Her Back From the New Guy
To ensure that you don’t turn her off and make the new guy look like a better man in contrast to you, be sure to avoid making any of these classic mistakes:
1. Saying bad things about her new guy.
It’s only natural that a guy who loves his ex woman and wants to get back with her is going to feel unhappy when he sees that she has a new man in her life.
He may start comparing himself to the new guy and thinking, “What does she see in that guy? I don’t think he’s that good looking. He looks like a nerd,” or “I know we had our problems but I treated my ex well, but I always bought her expensive gifts and took her out to all the trendy places in town. The new guy drives an old, beat up car. He looks like such a loser!” or “I could beat that guy on the sports field any day of the week. I’m fitter and stronger than him” or, “He seems dim witted. I’m intelligent, successful and witty. All he has is a bad boy attitude. What does she see in him?”
It’s fine to think that way, but if you go and say those kinds of things to your ex, she’s going to assume that you’re being insecure and are trying to get her to look at him in a negative light.
If your ex thinks that you are being insecure, then it will make the new guy look more attractive in comparison to you.
Women aren’t attracted to insecurity.
Confidence is what turns women on and even if the new guy isn’t that confident, you will make him appear more confident if you are being insecure (according to her).
So, what should you do instead?
Don’t look at him as competition.
He’s nothing compared to you.
You are so much better than him that he doesn’t even register on your radar.
Even if you don’t really believe that you are better than him, it’s essential that you begin to believe it.
Confidence is what attract women, not self doubt or insecurity.
If you look up confidence in the dictionary, the definition is, “Belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.”
When it comes to getting an ex back, you need to have belief in yourself and your attractiveness to her.
Doubt that and the new guy will look more confident in contrast to your insecurity.
By the way…
As you may know, when a woman dates a new guy after a break up, he is usually very different to her ex.
In most cases, the rebound guy is simply filling in whatever emotional gaps were missing in her previous relationship.
For example: If a woman broke up with her ex because he was too clingy, needy and insecure and was using his relationship with her as an excuse to hide from his true potential in life, then the new guy will be independent, self-assured, emotionally strong and will be achieving big goals in his life.
Alternatively, if a woman’s ex boyfriend (fiancé or husband) allowed her to wear the pants in the relationship, her new guy will be more dominant than her.
So, how do convince her to come back to you even though she has a new guy?
She will become interested in you again if she can see that you are not the same guy she broke up with, and the things she broke up with you about are no longer an issue.
2. Trying to explain the reasons why she should be with you, rather than making her feel strong surges of respect and attraction for you.
In your mind, you probably have hundreds of great reasons why your ex and you should get back together again even though she has a new guy.
For example: A guy who has been left behind by his woman might say to her, “We had so many good times together, don’t you remember? I know that we can be happy again if only you will just give me another chance. I promise you that I will change this time. It won’t be the same as before. We will be so much happier this time around. I love you more than anything in this world, so I know that your new guy will never be able to love you the way I do. Yes, I stuffed up, but can’t you see that our love is worth fighting for?”
However, if a woman has lost respect and attraction for her ex, she’s not going care how good his reasons are.
She may say something like, “Yes, it’s true that we had some good times together, but that was near the beginning. Most of the relationship was me trying to tell you to change and how unhappy you were making me feel. I have a new man in my life now and don’t want to go back to the annoying, frustrating life I had with you. Also, if you really loved me the way you say that you do, you wouldn’t have hurt me in the first place and we would still be together. You would have listened when I told you to change, but you didn’t. You just expected me to stick around and put up with it. Just accept that it’s over between us and that I’m happy with my new guy.”
While it might totally suck to hear your woman say something like that, the good news is that her feelings aren’t permanent.
You can change the way that she feels about you.
You’ve got to make sure that every time you interact with her from now on, you are actively making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
Don’t waste time trying to convince her.
If she doesn’t fully respect you at the moment, your efforts to convince her will be a whole bunch of wasted energy.
Focus on changing how she feels and her mind will then change without you having to convince her.
Don’t try to change her mind and expect that she will then change how she feels on her own. You have to start by reactivating her feelings for you and then her mind will follow.
When you get her back into a relationship, you then need to deepen her feelings for you over time, rather than just expecting her to stick around because you managed to attract her back.
In a relationship, it’s the man’s responsibility to maintain and build on the love, respect and attraction between him and his woman.
If he fails to do that by behaving in ways that are unattractive to her (e.g. he becomes clingy and needy, he stops making her feel feminine and girly in comparison to his masculine approach, he takes her for granted), then her positive feelings for him will gradually get pushed into the background and will get replaced by negative emotions such as anger, resentment and disgust.
When that happens, she will break up with him again because she’s not feeling enough respect, attraction and love for him to feel motivated to want to stay in the relationship.
In terms of getting her back, the only thing that will convince her to leave her new man for you is when you make her feel strong surges of respect and attraction for you, so she can then reconnect with her currently inactive feelings of love for you.
She will then begin to feel that your relationship is worth fighting for and that she will be losing out if she doesn’t give you another chance.
3. Losing confidence in yourself around her.
Getting broken up with can sometimes ruin a guy’s confidence in his attractiveness to his ex and to women in general.
He may start thinking, “I had the perfect woman and I ruined it. I’m such a loser. How could I have messed things up so badly? I don’t deserve a beautiful woman like her. I need to get her back because other women aren’t going to want me either. If she gives me another chance, I will do anything she wants to make sure that she is happy.”
Then when he interacts with her (e.g. on a phone call, or in person), rather than focus on showing her that he has understood what caused her to break up with him, and has moved past that level, he keeps putting himself down by going over what he did wrong in the relationship.
For example: When talking to his ex, a guy might say, “I really messed things up between us. I’m so sorry for hurting you. You’re so beautiful and you should be treated like a princess, yet all I did was cause you pain. I know I don’t deserve you, but I really want you back in my life. I promise that I’ll do anything you want me to do to make you happy again. Please just give me another chance! Tell me what you want me to do and I will do it, I promise.”
Yet, that’s not what a woman wants to hear.
A woman wants to see that her man can figure out what went wrong in the relationship, improve himself and then make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new and improved version of him.
If he can do that, she will be able to look up to him and respect him again.
Only then, will she be able to drop her guard and open herself up to the possibility of getting back together again.
On the other hand, if she sees that her has no confidence in himself or in his value to her anymore, she will likely think, “Why should I take him back? I already have a new guy who is confident in himself and is making me happy, so why would I go back to an insecure guy who hasn’t even changed?”
Here’s the thing…
You did make some mistakes with her, but you need to stop beating yourself up over it.
Accept that you made some mistakes in the past, but also accept that it’s not who you are right now.
You are a better man now, right?
Focus on that.
That’s who you are now.
Every time you interact with your ex from now on, focus on showing her (via the way you think, feel, talk and behave) that you’ve moved beyond the level that you were at when she broke up with you.
Let her fee respect, attraction and love for the man that you are now.
4. Not becoming emotionally independent.
There’s no doubt that you really want your ex back, otherwise you wouldn’t be trying to convince her to get back together even though she has a new guy, right?
That’s totally fine, but there is a big difference between wanting her back and needing her back.
Needing her back implies that you are feeling lost and can’t live a normal, healthy life without her.
On the other hand, wanting her implies that you have a great life with enough friends, interests, hobbies and goals of your own, so you’re not lost without her.
Instead, you love her, you want her back, you enjoy having her in your life and you want to do the right thing by her this time.
So, if you want your ex to see you as being a better option than the new guy she is dating, you need to get to the point where you want her in your life, but you don’t need her to feel happy and fulfilled.
If you can feel genuinely content in your life without her, you will automatically become more attractive to her and other women.
Remember: While emotional strength in a man is attractive, insecurity and self-doubt is not.
So, when your ex realizes that you are now a confident, emotionally strong man who is getting on with his life without her, she will automatically feel attracted to you… even if she doesn’t want to.
Attraction is an automatic reaction that humans have for each other.
If a man sees attractive traits in a woman, he doesn’t have to think about whether he feels attracted; it just happens automatically.
Likewise, women automatically feel attracted to men who display attractive trait such as confidence, emotional strength, charisma, determination to succeed, high self esteem.
When you make your ex feel attracted to you, she can’t stop herself from wondering, “Why is my ex so different now? Why do I like him all of a sudden? What has changed in him? He never used to be like that when we were together. I wonder if I rushed into my new relationship too quickly. Maybe I need to get some space from my new guy and think things over,” and she then begins to feel drawn to you again in a way that feels good to her.
5. Trying to make her feel sorry for you.
Sometimes, when a guy sees that his ex has a new guy in her life, he might try to make her feel pity for him by letting her know how hurt and lost he is without her.
For example: A guy might call his ex up on the phone and say things like, “How can you have moved on so quickly? Didn’t our relationship mean anything to you? I’m still in love with you and you’re already dating some other guy? How can you be so cold-hearted? I haven’t been able to eat, sleep or function properly since we broke up. I need you in my life. You are the woman for me. I don’t care that you have a new guy. I want you back. You are my everything and without you, I am nothing. I’m just not interested in life unless you are in it. I’ve been very depressed lately. Please just give you and me another chance.”
He’s hoping that if she realizes how much pain he is going through being without her, she will break up with her new guy and come rushing back into his arms – just like the leading ladies do in romantic Hollywood movies.
Yet, that’s not how it works in real life.
In real life, a woman doesn’t want to be feeling like she’s doing a guy a favor by being with him.
She wants to be with a guy who makes her feel respect, attraction and love, not pity or sorrow.
It’s up to her who she decides to be with and in most cases, a woman will decide to be with the guy who can make her feel the most respect, attraction and love…even if the guy isn’t perfect.
The new guy won’t be a perfect guy, but he will simply be making her feel more respect, attraction and love that you can currently make her feel.
Once your ex feels that (by interacting with you and feeling attracted to the new and improved you), she will begin to feel more attracted to you in contrast to him and her rebound relationship will fall apart.
She will then decide to give you another chance.
An important word there is “decide.”
In the past, a woman had to stay with her man for the sake of the children, because breaking up was considered taboo, even if he treated her badly.
She couldn’t decide to leave him because it was forbidden and a woman was essentially seen as a man’s property.
Yet these days, a woman can leave a man if she decides that she doesn’t want to be with him anymore.
So, don’t make the mistake of trying to get your ex to give you another chance based on feelings of pity or guilt.
Get her to decide that she wants to leave the new guy by giving her an improved attraction experience with you.
You can do it.
Getting Her Love Back
Right now, your ex girlfriend might be saying things like, “It’s over between us. I’m with another guy now, so just accept it and move on.”
Yet, even though it might feel like her feelings are set in stone and nothing that you do will change how she feels right now, it’s just a temporary feeling for her.
Feelings change all the time.
Think back to when she first fell in love with you.
She really wanted to be with you and even if an ex was trying to get her back, she would have been saying, “No” because she was happy with you.
Yet, after a while, you started saying and doing things that turned her off and her love for you began to get pushed into the background of her mind.
She started focusing on the negative things about you and eventually said something like, “I don’t love you anymore,” or “I want to break up with you” or “I don’t think we should be together anymore” or “I need some time apart to think about what I want.”
In the same way, when you make some adjustments to the way you think, act, behave and interact with her, she will not be able to stop herself from feeling respect and attraction for you, which will begin to change how she feels about the new guy.
When that happens, she drops her guard and opens herself up to the idea of being with you again.