If your ex keeps canceling her dates with you, here is what you need to do to make her stop…
1. Don’t Refer to it as a Date
If your ex has broken up with you, she won’t like the idea of going on a date.
Mainly because the word “date” implies a new, romantic courtship between a man and a woman, where they go out with each other (e.g. for dinner, to the movies, on a picnic), with the intention of hooking up sexually and then falling in love.
So, when you say something like, “Let’s get together for a date,” she may wonder, “Why is he calling it a date? I don’t even know for sure if I want to get back together again and he’s already talking about dating. Huh? We’ve just broken up and I just don’t have feelings for him right now. I’m not ready to start dating him again. Doesn’t he understand that? No way am I going on a date.”
To stop your ex from cancelling dates, you need to stop thinking about catch ups as dates and stop calling them dates.
Instead, just think about it and refer to it as catching up as friends to say hello, or meeting up to have a coffee instead.
For example: A good way to ask your ex to meet up with you in a way that won’t scare her off, is by saying something along the lines of, “Hey Tania, how about we get together for a catch up to say hello in person as friends sometime this week. I accept that we’re broken up now and I’m not asking for us to get back together at all. I’m just asking to catch up and have a quick cup of coffee between friends. Us catching up as friends isn’t about getting back together, it’s just being able to be two mature adults who can talk to each other one last time after a break up and be civil to each other. I promise that if we get together and you decide that you never want to talk to me again, I will leave you alone. So, what do you say? Monday and Tuesday are busy for me, but Thursday and Sunday are good. Which of those days would be better for you?”
When you say something like that rather than asking her to meet up with you for a date, it takes the pressure off her and she can relax because she’s not feeling like you’re trying to push her into something she’s not ready for yet.
Then, when you meet up with her for coffee, you’ve simply got to make sure that you’re saying and doing the types of things that will spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you, rather than making the type of mistakes that will turn her off (e.g. being too nervous and insecure around her, letting her dominate you and the situation, being too nice to her so that she will want to see you again).
When you respark her feelings for you at the meet up, it suddenly makes her see you in a different light.
She stops looking for ways to avoid you (i.e. canceling meet ups with you) and begins looking forward to meeting up with you again and again.
As long as you are re-attracting her properly, the meet ups will actually be dates, but you just won’t be talking about it in that way.
There will be a silent understanding between you and her that the relationship is back on and it feels better than ever.
Before you know it, you’ll be back together and going on dates again as a couple.
Another way to stop your ex cancelling dates is to…
2. Make Her Laugh and Smile On the Phone Before Suggesting a Catch Up
On a phone call, you can spark your ex’s feelings of respect and attraction for you by making her laugh and smile and letting her experience the new and improved you.
The more you make her smile, laugh and feel happy to be talking to you again, the more she will be thinking, “What’s going on here? My ex is so different from the way he used to be. I was expecting him to be nervous and insecure on the phone, but instead he’s so calm, relaxed and confident. He’s making me laugh and smile and it really feels good talking to him again. Maybe seeing him in person won’t be that bad after all. It could be fun. I’m interested.”
So, make sure that when you call your ex on the phone, you don’t get caught up in a serious conversation with her and end up talking about all the mistakes she feels you made in the relationship.
If you allow the conversation to get serious like that, it will usually just bring up all her negative feelings for you and then, if you ask her to meet up with you she will be feeling so annoyed that she will say, “No way! I don’t want to see you again. It’s over. You need to accept it.”
On the other hand, if you make a woman smile and laugh, she can’t stay mad at you for long, even if she initially tries to act cold or distant towards you.
The more light-hearted, happy and relaxed the interaction between you and her is, the less she will be able to hold on to her negative feelings about you.
She will drop her guard and open herself up to the idea of meeting up with you in person.
3. Don’t Ask Her Via Text to Meet Up With You
After helping 100s of guys to successfully get women back after a break up, I’ve found that pretty much every guy who can’t get a meet up with his ex is asking her via text.
Most guys are worried that their ex won’t want to talk to them on the phone, so they stick to text messages.
Yet, it’s just too easy for a woman to say no to a date via text. Why?
Look at it this way…
When a woman receives a text from her ex, all she’s seeing is a bunch of words (and possibly emoticons and emojis) on a screen.
In the back of her mind, she’s usually going to keep thinking about all the negative things she remembers from the relationship and how badly he messed up.
So, when he asks her for a date via text, she will think something like, “Really? Does he honestly think I’m going to go out with him after everything he put me through? Well that’s not going to happen.”
In some instances, a woman might respond by saying something like, “Yeah, sure. Let’s go on a date,” (e.g. because she doesn’t want to get into a big text discussion with him about why she doesn’t want to meet up).
Yet, she already knows that she’s just going to cancel on him at the last minute.
So, don’t waste time trying to get your ex to meet up with you via text.
It rarely, if ever, works with ex back situations because the woman can easily mess you around.
Instead, simply get her on a phone call so she can experience the new you and so you can make her laugh and smile.
If she is laughing and smiling with you on the phone and then you ask her to meet up with you in a confident, easy-going manner, she is much more likely to say yes, because she’s feeling good while talking to you.
She will assume that a catch up with you won’t feel awkward or tense and may actually be quite fun, so she is much more likely to attend.
Mistakes to Avoid
It’s only natural that a guy might feel frustrated and even annoyed, when he’s desperately trying to meet up with his ex to try and get her back and she keeps canceling on him.
He may then make some of the following mistakes, which will turn her off even more…
1. Trying to make her feel guilty for not meeting up
Out of frustration a guy might resort to playing the guilt card on his ex.
For example: He might say to her, “Why are you doing this to me? Why won’t you meet up with me? Why do you keep canceling your dates with me? I put in the effort to make plans for us (e.g. get movie tickets, book a table at a restaurant) and then you don’t show up and I’m left with the bill or the embarrassment of having to cancel reservations at the last minute. Does messing me around like that make you feel good?”
Secretly, he’s hoping that if he makes her feel guilty enough for standing him up, she will actually show up the next time he asks her out.
Yet, trying to make a woman feel guilty for not wanting to meet up with you rarely makes her change her mind.
Women hate it when met put too much pressure on them to be consistent and follow through as promised, especially when dealing with a formerly needy, jealous or controlling ex.
So, rather than trying to guilt your ex into meeting up with you (which even if it works doesn’t guarantee that she will even consider getting back together again), just focus on attracting her into wanting to see you again.
The more attraction she feels for you (i.e. because you’ve successfully sparked her feelings for you over the phone by making her laugh and smile), the more willing and even happy she will be to meet up with you.
Another classic mistake that guys make when trying to get an ex woman back is…
2. Trying to make her feel pity for him because he’s lost without her
For example: He might say to her, “Please baby… stop torturing me. Can’t you see I’m hurting here? Please, let’s just go on one date together. I promise I will make it worth your while. I know we can make things right between us. I just can’t cope without you. I can’t sleep or eat properly without you. I’m a mess. All I’m asking you for is one date. Have a heart. Please. I’m dying here. Just give me a chance.”
He’s hoping that if she sees how much he’s suffering without her she will feel sorry for him and then agree to go on a date with him.
Yet, just like in the previous mistake, making a woman feel pity for the emotional pain you’re experiencing, usually only turns her off even more.
A woman doesn’t like to feel like she’s being manipulated for feeling the way she’s currently feeling (i.e. angry, unhappy, turned off), simply because her ex can’t cope without her.
Additionally, when a woman has disconnected from her feelings for an ex, she stops caring about how he feels or what he wants.
When he tries to make her feel pity for him, she will think something like, “Well, you didn’t worry about how much you were hurting me when we were together, so why should I care about how you feel now? It serves you right. I hope you suffer. Leave me alone!”
So, forget about making her feel sorry for you and focus instead on doing what really works, which is re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Another classic mistake guys make is…
3. Coming across as though he’s got nothing else to focus on in life except getting a meet up with her
When a guy is constantly texting, e-mailing, messaging and calling his ex and asking her to meet up with him, it’s going to make her feel as though he doesn’t have much else going on in his life other than her.
Women hate that.
A woman doesn’t want to be a man’s main reason for living or his main sense of identity or purpose in life.
So, rather than have her think, “Aww… My ex must really still love me. He’s putting everything into seeing me. I feel so flattered. Seeing as though he has nothing else going on in his life besides me, I should definitely go on a date with him,” she will think something like, “Why is he bothering me all the time with texts, e-mails and calls? Doesn’t he have anything else to do in his life besides meeting up with me? Does he really think that a date with me will solve all our problems and then we can get back together and live happily ever after? It doesn’t work like that. His needy, desperate behavior is actually making me feel good about my decision to break up with him now. I want a man who doesn’t need me to be his purpose in life. Being his purpose in lie is way too much responsibility for a woman…doesn’t he know that? Doesn’t he know that a woman wants a man who has a strong purpose other than her? Doesn’t he know that women want to follow along with a man, rather than lead him? I want to be able to depend on him, not have to take care of him like a little child because he can’t cope without me. He just doesn’t get it. I have to remain broken up with him.”
Even though a woman likes the idea of being with a man who loves her, takes care of her and is devoted to her, she doesn’t want to feel like she’s the only thing he’s got going on in his life.
If your ex gets a sense that all you’re doing day in and day out is thinking about her and trying to get her to meet up with you, she will feel turned off by what she perceives as your emotional weakness and lack of purpose and direction as a man.
So, even though it’s important that you actively focus on making your ex feel respect and attraction for you by calling her on the phone and getting her to meet up with you, just make sure that you also spend time getting on with your life (e.g. following through on your big goals in life, going out with friends to have fun, pursuing your fun interests).
Then, whenever you interact with your ex (e.g. on a phone call) and she notices that you are emotionally strong, happy and getting on with your life without her, she begins to see you in a more positive way.
She likely stops dreading the idea of meeting up with you (e.g. because she’s afraid you’ll become all emotional on her and beg her to take you back) and she opens herself up to the idea of seeing you again in person to see if you’ve really have changed.
Another mistake that guys make is…
4. Making the meet up sound too serious and like he’s going to get all deep and meaningful with her
Sometimes, when a guy is trying to get his ex to meet up with him, he comes across as being so serious about it that she fears he will try to push her into something she doesn’t feel ready for.
She might think to herself, “It sounds like my ex is going to ask me to start again and give the relationship another chance. I’m not ready for that yet and I don’t know if I ever will be. He’s being too forceful about it by focusing on having a relationship again, rather than just talking to each other in person. If he just relaxes a bit and allows me to deal with some of the negative emotions I’m feeling, I might feel like I’m ready to see him again. Yet, right now I don’t feel like meeting up because I know he’s going to pressure me into having a relationship. I’m just going to cancel on him because I don’t want to deal with this right now.”
So, don’t get serious on her (e.g. by calling a meet up a date, or making it seem like a date without even calling it that) and just focus instead on making her feel so happy and excited to be talking to you over the phone that meeting up feels like the logical next step to her.
Finally, another mistake that guys make is…
5. Not telling her and making it clear that the meet up isn’t about getting back together
If you want to stop your ex from canceling her dates with you, one of the best ways to do that is by making it clear to her that it’s just a meet up and nothing more.
For example: You might say to her, “How about we get together for a cup of coffee and a chat? No strings attached of course. I don’t expect you to get back together again with me just because you’re agreeing to have coffee with me. It’s just a meet up between friends. We can do that. We can be friends and see each other from time to time. It doesn’t have to mean anything other than a simple hello. So, let’s catch up for 10 minutes and have a cup of coffee this week as friends. It’s not about getting back together. We’re just going to say hello. If you don’t ever want to talk to me again after that, just tell me and I will accept it and never contact you again. You have my word on that.”
When you state it like that, it takes the pressure off the situation.
She then feels more relaxed about meeting up with you because there’s no fear in her that you’re suddenly going to put her in the uncomfortable position of begging her to get back together with you again.
Then at the meet up, focus on rebuilding her feelings of respect and attraction for you, by showing her that you’re at a different level as a man now than you were when she broke up with you.
When she sees that you’ve changed and starts to feel good around you, her guard naturally comes down.
She becomes more open to meeting up with you again and again because she knows that it’s fun and that it makes her feel good.
That’s how you stop your ex from canceling her dates with you and get her back.