Here are 7 of the most common reasons why a woman will react in that way after a boyfriend breaks down in front of her.
1. She naturally feels repelled by his lack of emotional masculinity
Life is not always easy or predictable and sometimes problems arise whether you want them to or not.
This can include things like missing out on getting into your preferred college or university, getting fired from your job or being overlooked for a coveted promotion, to bigger things such as a death of a loved one, a break up with the love of your life, or even in extreme cases, a pandemic that requires weeks of social distancing.
These types of things happen to everyone, regardless of how prepared a guy might try to be in his life.
This is why, when it comes to attraction, one of the things that matter most to a woman, is how well a guy responds to these unexpected and challenging situations in his life.
For example: Maybe he’s great when things appear to be going his way, but can he keep it together when things fall apart around him?
Can he maintain his emotional masculinity, face the situation head-on and work towards a solution like a man, or will he break down because he can’t cope?
Depending on how he reacts when he’s faced with a difficult challenge in his life, it will either turn a woman off because she perceives him as being too emotionally weak and wimpy.
Alternatively, it will make her feel even more respect, attraction and love for him for being an emotionally strong, masculine man that she can depend on.
So, if a woman breaks up with a guy and he loses control of his emotions in front of her and breaks down, rather than feel flattered that he’s so devastated about losing her that he can’t keep it together, she instead feels turned off by him at a deep instinctive level.
She may then begin thinking things like, “If he can’t even handle a simple breakup, how is he going to cope with more serious things in life? If I give him another chance, will I end up having to be the stronger one in the relationship and look after the both of us because he’s too emotionally weak? No thank you. I’d rather walk away and look for a real man to be with, rather than settle for a wimpy guy who breaks down when things get challenging.”
This can then cause her to cut him off and refuse to see him anymore.
If this has happened to you, don’t worry about it.
It’s not something you can’t recover from.
As long as you learn from the experience and focus on showing her from now on that you’re an emotionally strong and mature man, she will gradually begin to reconnect with her feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
Of course, if she refuses to see you, you’re going to have to overcome that obstacle first.
That means you need to get her on a call with you and begin sparking some of her sexual and romantic feelings for you again (e.g. by making her laugh and smile and feel good to be talking to you again).
Then, when she’s relaxed and open, get her to meet up with you in person.
If she refuses to see you, tell her that it’s one last time to say goodbye in person and then you promise you won’t bother her again after that.
If you’ve sparked her feelings of the call, she will likely agree, even if it’s just so that you will leave her alone after that.
At the meetup, make sure you’re prepared to fully re-attract her and get her back.
When she sees that you really are different now (e.g. more confident, emotionally strong, manly) she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again.
She will then open up to at least seeing you again to see how she feels, making it easy for you to get her back again.
2. She fears that if she accepts that kind of behavior from him, it will encourage him to do it again in the future
Although it may be excusable for a guy to break down when he realizes that he’s about to lose the woman he loves, not many women will see it that way.
In fact, when that happens, most women will usually think something like, “Why is he acting this way? He’s being so wimpy. Does he think it’s going to make me change my mind about breaking up with him? Doesn’t he realize that he’s actually convincing me even more that splitting up with him is the right decision for me? What if I give in to him and give him another chance and then he ends up behaving this way every time something doesn’t work out the way he wants it? I’ll end up living with an emotionally weak, emotionally sensitive man that I can’t rely on. No thank you! I’m glad I’ve seen this side to him now. It motivates me to move on even faster and find myself a real man to be with, rather than settle for a wimp.”
A guy might then feel hurt and confused and he may even wonder things like, “Why is she being like this? I thought modern women like it and even want a guy to express his emotions to her. I was just being honest about my feelings for her and how devastating losing her is to me. What’s wrong with that?”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Women feel the most respect and attraction towards a guy who feels emotions, but remains in control of them like a man.
So, if a guy breaks down during a breakup, it causes a woman to wonder what will happen in the future if she accepts him back.
What’s going to stop him from breaking down every time something happens that upsets him (e.g. they have an argument, she decides to do something he doesn’t want her to do like spend more time with her friends)?
Additionally, what other behaviors will she then have to accept if she gives in to his emotional weakness now?
For example: Will he also…
- Become very clingy and needy because he thinks that she will be impressed at how devoted he is to her?
- Blow everything out of proportion when they have an argument or fight (e.g. start worrying and thinking things like, “She doesn’t love me anymore! I’m losing her!” or, “She’s going to break up with me. I can feel it!”) and then begin to panic and stress around her?
- Cry to her when he is facing other challenging problems and situations in his life?
- Try to make her feel guilty for how he’s feeling and what she’s putting him through if she does something he doesn’t like?
If a woman gets a sense that she will have to live with an emotionally weak man and have to be the emotionally strong one in the relationship who always picks him up in difficult times because he can’t cope, she will usually choose to just walk away.
She will then try to make a fresh start with a guy she perceives as being more emotionally strong than her ex, rather than accept an ex who isn’t the man she wants him to be.
So, if you want your ex girlfriend to open back up to at least talking to you over the phone and seeing you in person, you have to show her, via your actions, behavior and the way you react and respond to her, that you’ve gained more control over your emotions.
In other words, you no longer react by breaking down, crying or getting upset when something bad happens in your life.
When she can sense that you’re now more emotionally strong and that if she gave you another chance, she wouldn’t end up with a wimpy guy who falls apart that she then has to take care of emotionally, she will naturally start to feel some respect for you again.
When she respects you, she also starts to feel attracted to you and then her defenses naturally come down.
You can then build up her sexual and romantic feelings for you and get her to give you another chance.
3. She feels unsafe with a man who can’t handle the challenges of life without breaking down into tears
Even though a woman might be tough, have her own goals, career and dreams and be able to handle things on her own, her instincts will still make her want to be with an emotionally strong man who has the ability to make her feel protected and safe in a relationship, as well as in life in general.
So, when a man falls apart in front of her in the relationship or during and after a breakup, she instinctively starts to lose respect and attraction for him.
She might not consciously think, “Hmm…I don’t want to see him anymore or be in a relationship with him again, because I don’t feel safe with him,” but she will feel it.
Essentially, her instincts will kick in and she will start thinking things like, “Something just doesn’t feel right. I know he only broke down because he still loves me and he doesn’t want to split up, but rather than feel flattered that he cares about me so much, I actually feel even more turned off by him than before. I don’t know what changed about him, but I don’t like it. He’s not the kind of man I want to settle down with anymore. I just don’t feel safe with him anymore. I think he still has a lot of growing up to do.”
She will then usually cut him off, rather than have to deal with any more emotional outbursts from him and focus on finding herself a real man to be in a relationship with.
Here’s the thing…
By breaking down in front of your ex girlfriend and expecting her to be okay with that, you were essentially trying to make her go against her natural instincts (i.e. to find a man to settle down with, who can support and protect her and the children they might have together someday).
Unfortunately, only a very small percentage of women can continually ignore their natural instincts and urges.
So, if you want your ex girlfriend back, it’s very important that you show her that you’ve leveled up as a man (i.e. you’re more emotionally strong).
Only when she can see that for herself, will she be willing to drop her guard and open back up to the idea of being your girl again.
Another common reason why a woman will react in that way after her man breaks down in front of her is…
4. She feels like she has way too much power over him now, which she doesn’t want
When a guy breaks down in front of his ex girlfriend, she might interpret it as a sign of weakness.
She may then begin thinking things like, “I bet I could say anything to him and he would do it, just for a chance to be with me again. He would probably promise me the moon, pay for my expenses and run all my errands or fix things around my house if I asked him to and implied that I would give him another chance if he did that. Basically, I now have him wrapped around my little finger and if I say jump, he’s likely going to ask, how high.”
Yet, rather than make her happy, the knowledge of having her ex at her beck and call doesn’t actually make her want to see him anymore.
A woman wants to be with a man that she can look up to and respect, not a guy that is willing to submit and follow her orders like a good, little boy.
So, even though a woman might get emotional and even cry when she watches a romantic movie and the guy breaks down in front of his girl, in real life, she’s not going to respect a guy if he actually falls apart and hands all his power over to her.
If she can’t respect him, she won’t be able to feel sexually attracted to him and without those two things, being in love with him becomes next to impossible.
She will then try to distance herself from him as quickly as possible and find herself a replacement man to be with.
So, if you broke down in front of your ex girlfriend and now she doesn’t want to see you anymore, it’s possibly because she feels that she has power over you.
That means, to get her back, you have to take back your power from her, starting with not letting her call the shots in the ex back process (i.e. letting her get away with not seeing you anymore).
You need to contact her, re-spark some of her feelings for you (e.g. by maintaining your confidence around her regardless of what she says of does to push you away, flirting with her to create a sexual spark between you, being more of a challenge to her so she feels like she is the one who now has to impress you) and seduce her back into a relationship with you.
5. She fears that his break down was a manipulative tactic to hopefully convince her to give him another chance
Sometimes, a woman will try to break up with a guy one, or even a few times, before she finally goes through with it and every time she tries, he manages to talk her out of it.
For example: He might…
- Beg and plead with her to change her mind.
- Promise her that he will change this time if she gives him one more chance.
- Tell her how much he needs her and how he can’t live without her as a way of making her feel guilty.
So, when she eventually does dump him and he breaks down in front of her, rather than just see him as being a guy who is very upset about losing the woman he loves, she instead takes it as another one of his ‘tricks.’
As a result, she ends up losing even more respect for him for trying to influence her decision to leave him by putting her on a guilt trip.
She might then think something along the lines of, “Here we go again! He’s doing that thing he does where he tries to manipulate me in some way so that I will change my mind and stick with him. Well, this time it’s not going to work. I don’t care how upset he pretends to be or how much he breaks down. I’ve had it with him. In fact, I’m going to cut him off right now, so that I don’t have to endure his drama anymore. It’s over and I want to move on now.”
She will then likely decide that she’s better off just cutting him out of her life completely, rather than have to deal with his antics if she agrees to stay in contact with him.
So, if you really want your ex girlfriend to open back up to you again so that you can get her back, you’re going to have to replace her suspicions about why you broke down, with more positive feelings.
In other words, you need to focus on reactivating her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you, firstly via text, social media messages and email, then over the phone, until you can convince her to see you again in person.
At the meetup, show her via your attitude, thinking, actions, behavior and the way you respond to her that you’ve changed in some of the ways that matter to her (e.g. you’re more emotionally strong now rather than insecure and unsure of yourself, you’re more assertive rather than being timid, you’re more emotionally masculine rather than being too soft).
As you do that, she will naturally begin to reconnect with her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
From there, getting her back becomes easier for you, because she’s open to seeing more of you to determine how she feels.
6. She was always attracted to how confident and emotionally independent he was and he’s gone ahead and ruined that for now
In most cases, a woman will fall in love with a guy because he displays the qualities and personality traits that she is looking for in a man (e.g. he comes across as being confident, emotionally strong, emotionally independent, manly).
Of course, over time, certain things may get in the way of her feelings for him (e.g. they start to want different things in the relationship), so she decides to break up with him.
Yet, she may think, “I know things didn’t work out between us, but the one thing I’ll always remember and respect about him is that he was truly a confident and emotionally strong man.”
She may even secretly be thinking that with a bit of time apart they can sort their problems out and get back together again.
So, when he breaks down in front of her, it ruins the last piece of respect for him that she’s been holding on to.
Then, rather than want him back, she feels as though she doesn’t want to see him anymore.
In a situation like this, if you want to get your ex girlfriend back, you just need to get her on a phone call with you and show her (via your attitude, communication style, actions, behavior and the way you respond to her), that you really are at a different level now (i.e. emotional strong, confident, emotionally independent).
When she can see that no matter what she says or does, you now respond in a totally different, more emotionally strong way, she will naturally want to see you again.
You can then build up her feelings of respect and attraction for you and get her back.
7. She worries that if she gets back with him, he might go beyond just crying and become more extreme if she tries to break up with him again
Sometimes, a woman will worry that if she gives her ex another chance, she might end up stuck in a relationship that no longer makes her happy, simply because she’s afraid of breaking up with him.
The truth is, some guys will do anything to hold on to their woman.
That can even include him threatening to commit suicide if she doesn’t stay with him.
So, in order to avoid potentially finding herself in that position sometime in the future, a woman will usually just tell her ex that she doesn’t want to see him anymore and try to move on without him.
Of course, that’s probably not something you would do, but your ex is likely not willing to take the risk right now.
This is why to get her back, you’re going to have to prove to her that breaking down in front of her was a mistake and that you’re not going to be repeating it (or something even worse) somewhere down the line.
You need to show her via your actions, behavior and the way you interact with her from now on that you’ve learned from your mistake and have become a better, more emotionally mature man as a result.
That will give her a good reason to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
When she feels that, her guard will come down a little and you can then build on her feelings and get to a hug, kiss, sex and back into a relationship.
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