If you’re feeling depressed because your girlfriend dumped you and doesn’t want you back, you need to change your thinking and actions to break free of the negativity and become hopeful and optimistic about getting her back.
When you’re feeling depressed and focussing on the negatives, getting her back seems impossible.
You keep reminding yourself that she doesn’t want anything to do with you and that you’re all on your own.
No one in your life seems like they are interested in helping you and are probably just telling you that it’s for the best, that there are plenty of fish in the sea and that you’ll get over it.
Don’t listen to them.
You can get her back, but first you need to address the core reason why you are feeling depressed because women aren’t attracted to emotional weakness in men.
To re-attract your girlfriend, you will need to switch off the depression and flick the happiness switch back on.
The fact is that you will continue to feel depressed if you don’t do anything to create feelings of hope and optimism.
You have to develop a belief in yourself that you can re-attract her and get her back.
For example: Here are 5 ways that you can make her feel some attraction for you again, so her guard comes down and she opens back up to being with you.
You don’t have to be perfectly confident and emotionally strong, just better.
You’ve got to turn off the depression and turn on the happiness, emotional strength and sense of optimism in your life again.
Getting Stuck in the Negative, Never Ending Cycle of Depression
Sometimes, a guy will make the mistake of focusing on all of the negative, painful emotions related to getting dumped by his girlfriend, which naturally leads him to feel depressed.
He creates that ongoing, negative cycle by constantly replaying all the memories of the good old times and focusing on how lost, lonely and depressed he feels now that she’s no longer in his life.
He also focuses on where things went wrong and spends all his time wondering about things like, “If I was only more attentive and loving, maybe she would have stayed with me,” or “If I could have made our lives more fun, maybe we would still be together,” or “If only I would have listened to her warnings and changed, I wouldn’t be feeling this way now. I’m a complete screw up of a guy…I’ve ruined the relationship with the love of my life and now she doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
What he doesn’t realize is that the longer he keeps blaming himself, while at the same time creating an unrealistic picture of how perfect his ex girlfriend really was, he will only keep himself stuck in the dark and hopeless place called depression.
You can’t really blame a guy for feeling sad and blaming himself, but if you want to stop going through your life saying, “I feel depressed because my girlfriend dumped me and I don’t know what to do,” you must pull yourself out of the negative cycle of thinking that you are currently in, and find reasons to feel more positive and optimistic about your life and your chances of getting her back.
What you need remember that going from feeling depressed, to feeling positive and excited about your life, is a physical and mention action.
In other words, you have to physically pick yourself up and start doing the types of things that will make you feel more positive and happy in your life.
You also need to mentally begin to think in a more positive, optimistic and forward moving way.
For example: You can…
- Feel happy to have learned a lesson that has caused you to become a wiser and stronger man as a result of being dumped. Feel happy about that, feel proud and feel excited that you really have become a better man already and will continue to improve today, tomorrow and this week. When you interact with your girlfriend again, she is going to notice the changes in you and feel attracted to the confidence that you now have about yourself as a man.
- Focus on the positive things you gained from your relationship with your girlfriend, such as the realization that it’s a man’s role to deepen the love, respect and attraction in a relationship rather than taking his woman for granted and expecting her to just stick around. You won’t make that same mistake again with her or (if you decide not to get her back) with another woman.
- Make a choice about what you want to do about being dumped (i.e. are you going to focus on getting your girlfriend back, or are you going to get out there and start dating other, beautiful women). You are a man who has choices in life. You’re not stuck; you have choices.
- Focus on the other areas of your life that you may have neglected while feeling depressed (e.g. follow through on your goals and dreams).
As you can see, feeling depressed is a choice that you make or don’t make.
You can choose to feel depressed or happy depending on how you think and act from now on.
I understand that it doesn’t seem like the right thing to do to feel happy after getting dumped by the woman you love, but believe me – it’s the exact process you need to follow if you want to be attractive to her the next time you interact with her.
Women are not attracted to the emotional weakness of men (e.g. depression, insecurity, anxiety).
Women are sexually attracted to the emotional strength of men (e.g. confidence, happiness, high self-esteem), so if you want to re-attract your girlfriend and get her back, you must begin the rapid process of becoming emotionally strong and happy again.
When you make an active effort to think and act in a more positive, forward moving way, you will notice that the depression instantly begins to fade away day by day until it’s completely gone.
However, if you keep thinking negative thoughts and acting depressed, you will find reasons to hold on to your negative, which will keep you locked in a negative cycle of depression for a lot longer than is necessary.
You can stay stuck in your negative cycle of depression and self-blame if you want, but that’s not really going to change anything for the better.
What is going to make things change for the better is if you accept that what has happened between you and your girlfriend is now in the past.
As long as you learn from your past mistakes from this moment onwards, you can move forward and focus on re-attracting your ex girlfriend.
When you make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, and you see how differently she reacts (e.g. she smiles, laughs, is happy to be talking to you) compared to how she used to respond to you (e.g. angry, refused to listen to you), you can prove to yourself that there really is hope to get her back.
Guys from all over the world get women back every day and you can do it too.
4 Action Steps to Get Over Your Depression and Get Your Girlfriend Back
You can choose to stay stuck in a low emotional state saying, “I feel depressed because my girlfriend dumped me,” but that won’t change anything.
On the other hand, you can focus on becoming a man that she can look up to and respect, feel attracted to and love again.
You can do that by following these 4 action steps…
1. Recognize the Good and the Bad Things About Your Relationship
The worst thing that you can do to yourself is to keep remembering the good old times and think about how good things used to be with your ex girlfriend, versus how terrible it feels now that she’s gone.
Not only does that make you feel depressed (i.e. because it feels like you can’t have that with her any more), but it also turns your relationship and your ex into something that was perfect and faultless.
The reality is that if everything was that perfect between you and her, you would not be in the situation you are in right now where you’ve been dumped.
Here’s what you need to recognize…
Even though you might have messed up pretty badly and turned her off, it doesn’t mean that she didn’t have her own faults or play a part in the break up.
She’s not perfect, even though you probably want to think she is.
No one is perfect.
Yes, she is special and you love her so much that you want her back, but don’t make her become Miss Perfect in your mind to the point where you feel unworthy of her.
Rather than sit around thinking, “I’m a failure as a man. My ex was so amazing and beautiful and I hurt her so much. She will never want me back,” make an effort to put her value as a person into perspective.
For example: Ask yourself…
- What did you and her fight about? Was it always your fault or did she sometimes do things that annoyed you?
- Was she always a good, loving girlfriend, or did she do things that were hurtful towards you (e.g. forget to return your calls, not take your goals and interests seriously)?
- Did she make time for you in her life, or did she make work/friends/hobbies a bigger priority than you?
- Was she loyal, or did she give you reasons to doubt her (e.g. flirted with other guys in front of you, texting other guys without telling you, lied about important things to your face)?
- Did she always treat you with respect?
If you spend some time thinking about it, you will discover that your ex isn’t perfect or way more valuable than you are.
Even if you feel as though she was a great woman who was always loving and beautiful and did nothing wrong, there were clearly many things wrong in your relationship, otherwise she wouldn’t have dumped you.
However, by refusing to focus on any of the bad things, you are not allowing yourself to move forward in a mature way so you can then build a stronger, better, and more lasting relationship with her.
You need to say to yourself, “I accept that I feel depressed right now because I really loved my ex and I thought we would be together forever. Our relationship wasn’t perfect and both her and I could have done things a little better, but we made mistakes. When I make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for me the next time we interact, she will open up and want to get back together again.”
If you can’t think and act in that positive, optimistic and forward moving manner, you will remain stuck feeling depressed rather than working towards getting your ex girlfriend back into your life.
2. Feel Genuinely Happy With or Without Her
Right now the idea of feeling genuinely happy without your girlfriend might seem impossible.
However, until you can accept that you can be happy, regardless of whether your ex is in your life or not, you will be unable to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you when you next interact.
Remember: Women are attracted to the emotional strength in men (e.g. confidence, the ability to cope with whatever life throws at them) and turned off by the emotional weakness (e.g. low self esteem, unable to pick himself up when something difficult happens).
So, if you interact with your ex (e.g. on a phone call or in person) and she sense how depressed you feel without her, and that you’re unable to pick yourself up and get on with your life, she will most likely interpret it as emotional weakness and feel turned off.
Seeing that you are feeling sad and depressed without her, isn’t going to make her feel sorry for you and want to get back with you out of pity.
Sometimes a woman will do that for a few hours or a day just to mess with her ex boyfriend’s head and make him feel even worse, but most women will just turn and walk away and not look back.
If she senses that you are depressed without her, it will further destroy what little feelings of respect, attraction and love that she still has for you.
If you want her back, you must take action and think in ways that will make you feel positive, optimistic and genuinely happy with or without her.
You’ve just got to do it if you want her back for real.
Your girlfriend is almost certainly not going to want to get back with you if she thinks that you only want her back because no other quality women are going to want anything to do with you at the moment because of the low emotional state that you’re in.
Even though a woman will rarely admit this, she likes the idea of being with a man who can have any woman he wants, but chooses to be with her.
The benefit of being happy without your ex is that, not only does she feel more respect and attraction for you, but that you can also naturally attract other women that you interact with as well.
I know that you probably don’t even want to think about other women right now, but remember what women prefer about a guy.
Women want to be with a guy who could easily have other women if he wanted to, but is choosing to be with her.
If your ex senses that you are depressed, she will know that other women won’t find that attractive and therefore, she will feel turned off by you even further.
If you don’t know how to make yourself feel genuinely happy without her, you might want to try one of the following:
- Work towards achieving your goals and ambitions in life.
- Challenge yourself to learn something new that will make you become an even better man that you are.
- Take up a new hobby (e.g. rock climbing, surfing, cycling).
- Enroll in a class (e.g. martial arts, dancing). I included dancing because it’s an easy way to get yourself around other women and feel confident about your attractiveness, which your ex will then notice.
When you focus on taking action to become genuinely happy without her, you are taking your mind off being dumped and improving yourself as a man at the same time.
The next time you interact with your ex, she will see that you’re not a lonely, depressed guy who has been sitting at home alone, which will make her begin to feel some respect and attraction for you again.
3. Rapidly Become a Man That She Can Look Up to and Respect, Feel Attracted to and Love
Going through a break up can give your confidence and self-esteem a severe beat down to the point where you might feel that you’re unworthy of your ex girlfriend or that she will never, ever change her mind about you.
For example: A guy might say to himself, “I was such a bad boyfriend. No wonder my girlfriend dumped me. I hurt her so much and I let her down. I don’t deserve to be her boyfriend anymore.”
Yet, thinking like that isn’t going to get him out of his depression or get her back.
So, rather than putting yourself down and feeling like you don’t deserve to get your girlfriend back, focus instead on making yourself worthy of her, by rapidly becoming a man that she can look up to and respect, feel attracted to and love.
How can you do that?
By making sure that every time you interact with her from now on, you’re showing her via your actions, behavior and the way you talk and respond to her, that you’ve moved beyond the level you were at when she broke up with you.
For example: If a guy got dumped because he was too insecure in his relationship and was too clingy and needy, he needs to show his ex that he’s now confident and emotionally strong.
Even is she is cold or rude when they interact, if he can remain emotionally strong and confident in himself, she will begin to feel a renewed sense of respect for the stronger man that he has become.
Alternatively, if a guy got dumped because he wasn’t going anywhere in life, and was spending a lot of time playing video games, watching TV or passing the time in some other non-productive way, he needs to find what he really wants to achieve in life and start going after it.
He needs to set some goals for himself, actively go after them and make some progress that she will be able to see or believe when he tells her.
Then when he interacts with his ex, she will realize that he is now for his true potential as a man and is no longer the no hoper that she dumped, which will make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him.
When you are confident and self-assured about your value to your ex girlfriend, she will naturally feel more respect and attraction for you than if you were to doubt yourself and feel unworthy of her love.
Women can’t stop themselves from feeling respect and attraction for a guy who is emotionally strong no matter what life throws at him.
So, as long as you have improved and have risen past the level you were at when she dumped you, she will naturally feel some level of respect and attraction for you again.
She will then realize that you have the potential to become an even better man that before and all you need to do then is guide her through the rest of the ex back process and she will be your girlfriend again.
4. Make Her Feel a Renewed Sense of Respect and Attraction
If your ex girlfriend has been saying, “I don’t have feelings for you anymore,” or “Look, just accept that it’s over between us,” it simply means that the way you are talking to her and interacting with her now isn’t making her feel a lot of respect and attraction for you.
Yet, that’s just what she is saying now.
When you make some adjustments to the way that you are talking to her, how you respond to what she says and the way you react when she tries to test you (e.g. by being cold and distant, telling you that there’s no hope), she will not be able to stop herself from feeling some respect for you.
That’s what you want.
When you get her respect back, everything changes.
She drops her guard, opens herself up to feeling attracted to you again and begins to feel drawn to you.
As long as you are triggering her feelings of attraction, she will want to interact with you more and more.
However, if you’re not saying and doing things that are making her have feelings for you, then she’s just going to be saying, “Please stop bothering me. It’s over. Why don’t you get it? We’re finished. Move on.”
She is saying that because you’re not actively making her have feelings for you again, so it’s only natural that she would react in that way.
If you want to get your girlfriend back, don’t waste another moment sitting around feeling depressed because she dumped you.
When you re-spark her feelings of attraction for you again, it will begin to make the negatives about your relationship seem less important to her, because she can see that you are now a completely new and improved man that she suddenly feels something for.
Finally, one important thing that you need to remember is this…
You are going to be doing her a favor by getting her back, because when you renew her feelings of respect and attraction for you, she will feel like she is winning by getting back together.
The feelings that a woman experiences when she falls back in love with a guy that she dumped is unlike anything else in life.
It’s such an emotionally rewarding and enlightening experience for both the man and the woman and the new love feels better that any love that they ever shared before.