When she asks for her stuff back, you should use the opportunity as a way to create a more positive dynamic between you and her by joking about her stuff.
You can say, “Your stuff? Sorry, I already sold all of it to a pawn shop and the rest I gave to charity,” and then let her feel shocked for a couple of seconds and say, “Only kidding. It’s all here. I’ll help you box it up if you like to make it easier for you.”
Why joke about her stuff like that?
By not being so serious about the process, it takes the tension away from what could be a very uncomfortable, stressful time.
If you had been needy, insecure or clingy leading up to the break up and during it, using humor also lets your ex girlfriend see that you are not the same old insecure guy that she broke up with.
Remember that your ex might be feeling quite nervous about asking you for her stuff back.
She might be wondering, “How is he going to react? Is he going to get angry and make a scene when I try to get my stuff out? Are we going to have a huge fight about it? Will I need to get someone to come along with me for protection?”
So, when you make a light-hearted joke and even offer to help her box up her stuff to make it easier for her, she can then relax and go through with the process without worrying so much.
She will then start to wonder, “Hmmm, that’s weird. I thought he would go crazy, but he’s being so nice and he’s even making jokes about it. What’s going on? Could he really have changed that fast? I like how he is behaving now…I wonder what he will be like in person” and her defenses start to come down a little bit.
Even if she tries to convince herself that you’re still the same guy that she broke up with, at the back of her mind she will be wondering why you’re not behaving in the ways she’s expecting you to (e.g. getting angry or upset, begging her to change her mind, trying to stop her from fetching her stuff) and she won’t be able to help herself from feeling drawn to you.
So, just let her have her stuff.
Holding onto it isn’t going to make her change her mind, unless she is still undecided about breaking up with you.
If she is certain that she wants out of the relationship at the moment, then be helpful and let her move her stuff out, rather than trying to hold her back.
Just focus on making her feel attracted to you whenever you interact with her from now on and the relationship will not be over.
You will definitely have a chance to get her back, but don’t try to do that by holding onto her stuff.
Remember: Everything that you say and do from this point onwards is either going to be sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you, or it’s going to be turning her off and confirming to her that she made the right decision by breaking up with you.
4 Mistakes to Avoid Making at This Crucial Time
Right now, you’re probably feeling a bit worried about your ex girlfriend wanting her stuff back.
At this point, a guy might think, “If she takes all her stuff, then whatever we had is truly over because there’s nothing binding her to me anymore. She can forget all about me and find another guy” or, “If she takes all her stuff, I won’t have any excuses to talk to her anymore. She can then refuse to see me or take my calls and there will be nothing that I can do about it.”
Naturally, it’s hard not to panic when your ex girlfriend asks for her stuff back, but you love her and still want to be with her.
However, your actions right now will determine whether the process of getting her back is going to be easy or difficult.
This is why it’s important that your words and actions are attracting her to you, and not turning her off.
So, if you’re unsure about what types of behaviors will push her away from you even more, here are 4 mistakes to avoid making:
1. Helping her move out, but not using those interactions as a way to spark some feelings of respect and attraction.
Sometimes, when a relationship gets to the point where a woman is asking for her stuff back, a guy might make the mistake of giving up on believing that there’s still something he can do to change her mind.
Yet that’s where he’s wrong.
As long as a guy is still interacting with a woman in person or on phone calls, he can spark her feelings of respect and attraction for him, and make her re-connect with the love that she used to feel for him.
However, if a woman arrives at her ex’s house to pick up her stuff, and he just stands around moping and looking depressed, he’s not using the interaction to reactivate her feelings for him.
He might even make the mistake of begging and pleading with her, by saying things like, “I’m so sorry for everything. Please don’t take your stuff. I beg you! Let’s try to work things out. I promise that I will change. Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it. I can’t live without you. Please baby! Give me one more chance.”
Yet, that type of emotionally weak, needy behavior is not attractive to women.
Women are instinctively attracted to the emotional strength in men (e.g. confidence, masculinity, the ability to handle stressful situations) and turned off by emotional weakness (e.g. insecurity, neediness, an inability to handle difficulties in his life).
So, when a guy is begging, pleading, pouring out his heart and promising her the world, rather than feel flattered and think, “Wow, that’s so sweet! My ex must really care about me. Maybe I’ve been too quick to move out and I should stop and give him another chance,” a woman is likely to feel even more turned off by him and what she perceives as his emotional weakness.
If you want to get your ex girlfriend back, you have to show her that you’re not the guy she broke up with.
You need to use every interaction you have with her (even when helping her pack up her stuff) to create feelings of respect and attraction in her.
You can do that by making her smile, laugh and feel good to be around you.
You can take a difficult situation (i.e. her picking up her stuff) and turn it into an interaction that will stick in her mind (in a positive way) for days after.
When you joke around with her, tease her and make her feel relaxed and happy to be around you, rather than feel happy to have her stuff back, she may begin to wonder, “Did I make the right decision? Am I being too hasty about ending things with my ex? Maybe I should just wait a while and see what happens. Maybe I should leave a few things here, so I have an excuse to come back and see him again.”
That is what you want.
So don’t worry about your ex girlfriend wanting her stuff back right now.
Instead, just focus on saying and doing the types of things that actively spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
That is what is going to make her see you in a more positive light and bring her guard down.
2. Feeling betrayed because you and her used to talk about staying together forever.
It’s only natural that a guy might be feeling shocked, hurt and even betrayed if he had always imagined himself and his girlfriend living together happily ever after.
In some cases, a guy might even feel a little bit angry about what he believes his ex girlfriend is doing to him.
So, when she asks him for her stuff back, he might lash out at her by saying something like, “How could you do this to me? Where is your loyalty? What about all the good times we shared? Are you just going to throw everything away? After everything I’ve done for you, you’re just going to give up on us just like this? What about all the promises that we made to love each other no matter what? I’ve kept my side of that promise. The least you can do is give me another chance here.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Being in a relationship is a choice that two individuals make independently of each other.
A woman is not a man’s property, and he is not her property.
Unlike in the past where a woman had no say in who she could marry, and then had to stay with her husband regardless of how miserable she felt, or how badly he treated her, today’s women can break up with a guy if he stops making her feel the way that she wants to feel.
So, feeling as though you are entitled to your girlfriend, or that she should stay with you because of what you’ve done for her, isn’t a good enough reason for her to stay.
A woman will stay with a man because she chooses to stay with him and not because she feels obligated to do so.
If you want to get your ex girlfriend back, you can’t force her back by making her feel guilty about the promises she made to you in the past.
You have to actively re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you every time you interact with her (e.g. via text messages, e-mail, on social media, on a phone call, or in person) and start building a new relationship with her on a clean slate.
When you re-spark some of her feelings for you, the negative things about your relationship begin to fade into the background and instead of thinking about how much you hurt her, she begins to wonder, “What’s going on with my ex? He’s so different now… What’s changed? I actually enjoy being around him again,” and her guard begins to come down.
3. Feeling like holding onto her stuff will somehow change how she feels.
When a guy is feeling desperate to get his ex to listen to him and give him a second chance, he might try to hold on to her stuff as a way of making her change her mind.
For example: He might say something like, “Why don’t you wait for a while before you take your things? Maybe we can work things out between us. I’m not ready to let you go yet. Please just give me another chance. I still love you.”
Sometimes a guy might even refuse to give his ex her things back.
He might say, “I’m not giving you anything back until you at least give me a chance to explain. I know that we can work things out between us if you’ll just listen to me. Just give me a chance to show you that things can be different between us.”
Yet, a guy trying to convince his ex to give him another chance is not going to work if she’s disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him.
She’s just going to see it as yet another thing that she doesn’t like about who he has become.
Holding onto her stuff is a tactic that can work if the woman is secretly still in love with the guy and is hoping for a reconciliation, but if she has reached the point where she’s saying, “I want my stuff back! It’s over between us,” trying to force her to change her mind is simply not going to work.
So, rather than potentially destroy more of her feelings for you by refusing to give her back her stuff, use the interaction to rebuild her feelings for you instead.
Like the example mentioned earlier in the article, just focus on making her smile, laugh and feel good to be around you.
When you make a woman feel good in your presence, she can’t hold on to her negative feelings about you.
Instead, she starts to relax and then opens herself up to the idea that maybe you’re not the bad guy that she’s made you out to be after all.
She then becomes more willing to interact with you and see where it leads.
From there, you just need to continue saying and doing the types of things that will break down the walls she has built around her heart, and make her reconnect with the love for you that is still there inside of her.
4. Perceiving her moving her stuff out as meaning that you can never, ever get back together.
Seeing your ex girlfriend move her stuff out might feel like the end, but it doesn’t have to be.
Rather than think of it like a final ending, think of it in terms of a chance to start the relationship afresh in a new way.
By moving out, you and your ex girlfriend can start a new relationship again with a clean slate (e.g. as friends).
Watch this video to understand how that would work…
When she moves her stuff out, both of you can put all the negative issues from the past behind you and get to know each other in a new and more positive way.
It’s not the end.
You can re-attract her and get another chance.
You’ve got to have confidence in yourself that you can do it.
When a woman is currently saying, “I don’t have feelings for you anymore. I just want my stuff back so that I can move on with my life,” some guys tend to lose confidence in themselves and in their ability to attract her back.
For example: A guy might say to himself, “Taking back her stuff seems very final. After this point, there’s nothing stopping her from meeting someone else and moving on. I’ve really messed things up and now it’s just too late to make her change her mind. Once she takes her stuff out, we are finished forever.”
Yet, thinking like that isn’t going to get her back.
The truth is that couples (all over the world) do get back together all the time.
These days, (thanks to help available online and for guys who use my program, Get Your Ex Back Super System), it’s actually very common for a guy to get his woman back after a serious break up.
So, rather than putting yourself down and wasting a lot of time worrying about her wanting her stuff back, focus instead on showing her that you’ve moved past the level you were at when she broke up with you.
That way, she can see that you are changing and are not just pleading with her to give you a chance even though you don’t even know what you need to change or how to change it.
How can you show her that you’ve moved beyond the level that you were at when she broke up with you?
Start by making some changes to the way you interact with her, the way you talk to her and respond to what she says, and the way you behave in her presence.
For example: If a guy was needy and insecure in his relationship with his ex, he now needs to show her that he’s emotionally strong and confident around her.
If she says something like, “Just leave me alone. It’s over between us,” rather than react by getting upset, feeling hurt or walking away feeling rejected, the guy needs to remain emotionally strong and confident in himself and respond by making her smile and laugh.
When she sees for herself that he’s no longer the same guy she broke up with and that he’s reacting in a very different way to what she’s become used to, she will naturally feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the strong man he has become.
Her guard will then come down and he can guide her back into a relationship with him.
So, stop worrying about your ex wanting her stuff back.
Her stuff being at your place isn’t what’s going to make her change how she feels.
You are going to change how she feels, by sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for the new and improved you.
It’s Not Over
Right now your ex girlfriend is probably convinced that it’s over between you and her, which is why she might be asking for her stuff back.
However, just because she’s feeling like that right now, it doesn’t mean she can’t change her mind.
When you spark her feelings for you and allow her to experience the new, more mature version of yourself, she will not be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you.
Suddenly she will be open to seeing you more often, which will give you more chances to build on her feelings.
If you are doing it right, she may even call you up just to talk or send you texts with the secret hope that you might call her, create a spark and arrange a time to catch up in person.
Whatever the case is for you, just make sure that continue sparking her feelings for you as you confidently guide her back into a relationship.