Here are 5 reasons why your ex might be confused and not know if she wants to be with you or not:
1. She Loves You, But Isn’t in Love With You Because You’re Not Giving Her the Attraction Experience That She Wants
To maintain a woman’s feelings of attraction and love and to make her feel like a real woman in a relationship, you need to make her feel girly and feminine in comparison to your masculinity.
A mistake that many guys make in a relationship is to treat their woman more like a friend, rather than treating her like a feminine woman that they feel sexually attracted to and aroused by.
When in a relationship, treating a woman like a friend doesn’t make her feel like a real woman (i.e. feminine, girly, free to be emotional like a woman).
The less feminine and girly a woman that feels in her man’s presence, the more she will disconnect from her feelings of sexual attraction for him, because they will feel more like friends than anything else.
Without attraction, she might then begin to focus on the things that she doesn’t like about him and start to nag, pick fights and distance herself from him.
So, even if a woman likes her guy as a friend, if she’s not getting the attraction experience she wants from him (i.e. he’s not making her feel feminine, girly and sexually attracted), she will eventually break up with him.
Unlike in the past where a woman would stay with a man for life regardless of how bad she felt, in today’s world, a woman is free to leave any time she chooses if she isn’t feeling the way she wants to feel (i.e. feminine and girly, able to look up to and respect her man, sexually attracted).
If your ex is saying, “I’m confused. I don’t know if I want to be with you or not,” it could be because she hasn’t been feeling the way that she really wants to feel in a relationship.
However, you can change how she feels by making some adjustments to the way you interact with her from this point onwards.
When you change the way you interact with her in a way that makes her feel respect and attraction for you again (e.g. make her smile and laugh, feel feminine and girly), then her feelings will also change.
She then starts to think, “I feel good when I talk to my ex or spend time with him now. I enjoy his company and I’m starting to hate the idea of him meeting a new woman and moving on. Maybe it’s a good idea to get back together again just for a bit to see how it goes.”
However, if you continue to make her feel like a neutral friend in your presence, she will just keep saying things like, “I don’t know what I want…I’m confused. I’m just not that into you anymore. Maybe we’re better off as friends. I don’t know. Maybe I need time to think about this.”
2. She Doesn’t Like Who She is in Her Relationship With You
The love between a man and a woman is something that needs to be taken care of, nourished and deepened over time.
However, sometimes a guy can behave in ways that cause a woman to lose respect for him, and make her react in ways that she doesn’t like.
For example: If a guy doesn’t follow through on his promises again and again, it might cause his woman to become angry, argumentative and even aggressive towards him.
Naturally, if not following through on his promise is a once off thing, then it won’t really matter that much to her, but if he is in the habit of letting her down all the time, she will begin to resent coming across as an angry, aggressive woman.
Alternatively, a guy might be very insecure in the relationship with his girlfriend (fiancé or wife) to the point where he becomes overly protective, clingy and suspicious of her, and he might even forbid her to see any of her friends.
She might then react by becoming secretive and having to lie about her whereabouts, which is something that she doesn’t like doing.
Another example is when a guy is using his relationship as an excuse to hide from his true potential in life.
He has dreams and ambitions, but is either too lazy or too afraid (of failure) to follow through on them.
When this happens, a woman might say, “Why are you always watching TV or playing video games? Why don’t you do something with your life?” as a way of motivating him.
Yet, over time, she begins to feel like all she’s doing in the relationship is nagging him and complaining.
It stresses her out and when she sees how happy her friends are with their men, she begins to wonder why she has been trying so hard to make it work with a guy who doesn’t even yet know how to be a man.
3. She Doesn’t Believe That You Can Change
Often, when a guy realizes that his girlfriend (fiancé or wife) is feeling unhappy in the relationship, he will then start making promises to stop her from breaking up with him.
For example: A guy might say, “Please baby, don’t break up with me. I love you. I promise to change. Whatever it is that you want me to do, I’ll do it. Just give me one more chance. Believe me, I will change this time, I promise.”
Initially, a woman might think to herself, “Okay, I’ll give him one more chance. However, he better make some drastic changes fast, or else I’m leaving this time.”
Then, if he doesn’t follow through on his promise to change, she will break up with him.
He might then start his pleading with her all over again (e.g. “I promise this time I’m really going to change, just give me one more chance”), but by that stage the woman probably doesn’t believe that he can change.
He’s already made promises to her that he hasn’t kept, and it’s likely that he doesn’t even know what she really wants him to change and he’s hoping that she will tell him.
However, a woman doesn’t want to be a man’s teacher in life.
She doesn’t want to have to take him by the hand and lead him through the steps of being the man that she needs him to be.
Instead of becoming his life long teacher about manhood, she’ll simply break up with him by saying something like, “I just don’t feel the same way anymore. I need time apart to figure out if I want to be with you or not.”
So, the first step to getting your ex’s respect and attraction back is to fully understand the real, more subtle reasons why she broke up with you.
Then, the next time you interact with her (e.g. on a phone call, or in person) she will be able to notice via the way you interact with her that you truly understand where you went wrong and are no longer the same guy that she broke up with.
When she experiences the new you, it makes her drop her guard and feel more open and even happy to be interacting with you again, because she feels that you’ve actually made the effort to see things from her point of view.
4. She Thinks That it Might Be More Fun to Be Single Than to Be With You
There are several reasons why a woman will feel that it’s better for her to be single than to be in a relationship with a guy.
For example: Some possible reasons could be because…
- The relationship has fallen into a rut, and they have gotten into a boring routine as a couple.
- They haven’t done anything new and exciting together for a long time.
- He has been taking her for granted and he expects her to stick around just because of what they had in the beginning, even though the relationship hasn’t felt good to her for a while.
- He hasn’t been able to give her the type of sexual experience she was hoping to have with him.
- He stopped saying and doing the types of things that made her feel attracted to him in the first place.
- She thinks that she’s too young to settle down and is jealous of her friends who are enjoying the single life. Yet, if she was happy in a relationship, she wouldn’t be worried about that.
Here’s what you always need to remember about relationships with women in today’s world…
Just because things felt great between you and her at the start of your relationship, it doesn’t mean that she will be willing to stick around for life in a relationship that has lost its spark.
To get her to stop feeling confused about whether she wants to be with you or not, you have to actively spark her feelings of respect and attraction again (e.g. by making her smile, laugh, and feel happy when she’s interacting with you).
When she feels more attracted to you than she ever has before, because you are now making her feel attracted in new and exciting ways, she will realize that her love for you is stronger than she ever thought and she will look forward to being your girl once again.
5. You Have Given Her Too Much Power Over You and She No Longer Respects You Enough as Her Man
Sometimes, a guy cares about a woman so much that he mistakenly thinks that if he lets her have whatever she wants, make all the decisions and basically boss him around, she will be happy and will want to stay with him for life.
However, the reality is that although a woman might enjoy wearing the pants for a while, if she feels like she’s more dominant than her guy in the relationship, she will eventually lose respect and attraction for him.
She will begin to wonder, “What did I ever see in him? He’s always letting me push him around and he never stands up to me, even when I’m intentionally being bitchy to him. He’s such a wimp. I need a stronger man than this. I don’t feel safe with him. He’s too easy to push around. This just doesn’t feel right to me any more. I’ve got to leave him and find a better man.”
If a woman doesn’t feel like the guy that she is with is an emotionally strong man who she can look up to and respect, she will have no reason to stay with him for long.
A woman will usually give a guy like that plenty of warnings by telling him to man up and stop being so sensitive, but if he doesn’t change, she will just cut her losses and leave.
3 Mistakes That Will Make Her Not Want to Get Back With You
If you want your ex to come back, you have to be show her (via your actions and behavior) that you are now the sort of man she can look up to, depend on, respect and feel attracted to.
However, you’re not going to be able to fully get her respect and attraction back if you make any of these mistakes…
1. Trying to get her to see that the relationship is worth fighting for.
When a woman is telling her ex, “I don’t know if I want to be with you or not,” he might try to convince her by reminding her of what they had together.
For example: He might say, “I know that you’re feeling confused right now because you keep thinking about the fights we had…but, if you will just focus on all the good times for a minute, you will see that things weren’t that bad between us. We had some great times, and we can have more if you only give us another chance. Please don’t let our love die. We can make this work.”
Yet, although what he is saying is true, she’s not going to be looking at it in the same way as him if he hasn’t even reactivated her feelings (e.g. respect, attraction and love) for him first.
Instead, she will likely be thinking, “You’re right, we did have some great times together. However, that changed a long time ago when we started fighting and arguing all the time. You became a completely different guy than the guy I met and you are still that guy. Why would I want to go back to that?”
If you want your ex back, don’t waste a lot of time trying to convince you’re her by bringing up the good times you shared together in the past.
Instead, focus on renewing her feelings of respect and attraction based on who you are right now.
She needs to be able to feel attracted to the man you are today, not to the guy you used to be a long time ago before things went sour between you and her.
2. Giving her random reasons to consider giving the relationship another chance.
Sometimes, a guy will say whatever he can to convince his girlfriend (fiancé or wife) to give him another chance, even if it means trying to make her feel pity or guilt.
For example: A man might say, “I love you. If you leave me I’ll be lost without you. I’ll never be able to find another woman like you,” or “What about all the plans we made together? We were going to travel the world/buy a house/have a baby? How can you just forget about all that?”
Although from his point of view, these are all good reasons to stay together, the fact is that most women just don’t want to stay with a guy out of a sense of guilt.
A woman wants to be with a guy because she loves him and because it feels good to be in a relationship with him, not because she feels pity or guilt.
If a woman feels like she’s doing him a favor by staying with him, she will grow tired very quickly and when she sees that nothing has really changed about him, she will lose even more respect and attraction for him and it will then become more difficult to get her back.
3. Trying too hard to show how much you care to the point of being desperate, which then turns her off.
If a woman says to a guy, “I don’t know how I feel about you anymore. I’m not sure if I want us to be together or not,” he might decide that the only way to convince her that they were meant to be together is by repeatedly telling her how much she means to him.
He might then say to her, “I know that you’re not sure if you want to be with me or not, but that’s because you don’t understand how much I love you. When you realize that no other guy can love you the way I do, you will change your mind. All I ask is for you to focus on my love for you, and then give me a chance to show you that things can be different between us. If you ever loved me as much as I still love you, you would give us another chance. Please baby, we can fix this. You mean everything to me. There is nothing that I wouldn’t do for you. I would die for you. I would do anything. Please, just open your eyes and realize that I am the one for you. I love you more than anything else in the world.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
The love between a man and a woman has to be mutual, otherwise she won’t care how much he cares for her.
If she has pushed her feelings of love, respect and attraction into the background because of how much he has turned her off, she’s not going to care that much (or at all) that he’s still in love with her.
Instead, she’s likely going to be saying something like, “Look, I accept that you still love me, but I don’t feel the same way about you. Please just give me some space to figure things out. I need to be on my own for a while.”
If he then starts pleading with her, begging her to reconsider and pressuring her every chance he gets, she will begin to feel even more turned off by his desperation because women are turned off by the emotional weakness (e.g. self-doubt, insecurity, desperation) in men.
Women are attracted to the emotional strength in men (e.g. confidence, determination, self-belief).
So, if you want your ex back, don’t waste time pleading and telling her how much you still love her, because if she’s not feeling a lot of respect and attraction for you right now, it’s just not going to matter to her.
You Can Help Her Decide What She Wants
If your ex is confused and doesn’t know if she wants to be with you or not, it’s mainly because haven’t sparked her feelings of attraction for you yet.
When you focus on using every interaction that you have with her (e.g. via text, social media, over the phone, or in person) to re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you, her confusion will go away and she will be able to see that you and her can be together.
Then, rather than push you away by saying things like, “I’m not sure if I still want to be with you,” she won’t be able to help herself from feeling drawn to you again.
She will begin thinking, “I’m not as happy as I thought I would be without my ex. I think that I’m feeling a lot clearer about what I want now. Well, at least I feel like I should be with him. Maybe we should give our relationship another chance.”