There’s always a chance to get a woman back, so what she is saying is simply based on how she feels about you now.
She currently doesn’t believe that you will be able to change and give her the relationship experience she wants, so she has given up.
You can get her to go from saying that you have no chance with her to saying that there might be a chance, if you can reactivate some of her feelings (i.e. respect, attraction, love) when you interact with her 1 to 3 more times.
Once she opens back up to you a little bit, you then need to rapidly build up her feelings for you by getting her to experience new feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Feelings Change All the Time
Hearing a woman say, “You have no chance with me anymore. It’s really over between us, so please just move on,” can easily make a guy believe that getting her back is a lost cause and that her feelings will never, ever change.
Yet, regardless of how convinced your ex might be right now that she never wants anything else to do with you, when you change how she feels about you, everything WILL change.
Think about it like this…
Throughout your life, you might have noticed how a person can go from disliking someone (or even hating them), to liking them, becoming friends and sometimes, even falling in love with them.
It’s possible that something like that might have even happened to you throughout your life, possibly multiple times.
For example: Maybe there was a guy at work, or university who really got on your nerves and you just hated him or despised him.
Something about his behavior and the way he communicated with you just got under your skin (e.g. he was too loud and obnoxious, he disregarded your opinions, he was disrespectful) and you found yourself disliking him and even secretly wishing you could punch him in the face.
Then, somewhere along the line, he changed his communication style, became more respectful towards you and generally improved his behavior.
Chances are that when that happened, your feelings towards him changed.
You may have gone from thinking, “What an idiot that guy is!” to “Well, he’s actually not so bad after all,” and you possibly even became friends.
The fact is, feelings can change.
In the case of getting your ex back; she can literally go from firmly believing that she never wants to see you again, to really, really wanting to be with you.
Whether or not you will be successful at getting her back, all depends on the approach that you use when trying to get her back.
For example: A guy might make some of these mistakes when trying to get an ex back:
- Beg and plead with her to give him another chance.
- Apologize excessively.
- Plead with her to remember the good times.
- Pour his heart out to her and tell her how he can’t live without her.
- Give her reasons why they should be together.
- Send her text messages talking about good old memories to hopefully get her to miss him.
- Ignoring her for weeks or months in the hopes that she eventually changes her mind and comes back on her own.
- Lying about having other women interested in him to hopefully make her jealous.
Yet, those approaches rarely work.
Begging and pleading and excessive apologizing doesn’t work because it makes a guy comes across as being emotionally weak, which is very unattractive to women.
Women are attracted to the emotional strength in men (e.g. confidence, self-assurance, masculinity, determination), so when a guy begs, pleads or cries to her for another chance, it simply makes her lose even more respect and attraction for him as man.
As for when a guy is pouring his heart out to her and saying things like, “I love you so much! I can’t live without you. Please don’t destroy what he had together. I know I messed up but how can you forget about all the good times we shared?” a woman simply won’t care about any of that if she doesn’t have feelings for him.
So, if the current way that you’ve been communicating with your ex has been turning her off, then it’s only natural that she will be behaving coldly towards you and saying things like, “It’s really over between us,” or “There’s nothing that you can say or do that will make me change my mind about you. You have no chance with me anymore, so just leave me alone and move on. We’re finished.”
That’s how she is feeling based on how you’ve been interacting with her up until this point.
However, when you make some changes and improvements to the way you are interacting with her and talking to her from now on, her feelings will also change.
When you interact with your ex in ways that build up her feelings of respect and attraction for you, everything changes.
She starts to feel drawn to you again in a way that actually feels good to her.
Then, rather than dwelling on her past negative feelings for you every time she thinks about you, she begins to feel more positive emotions and actually begins to miss not having you around.
3 Important Questions to Answer Right Now
If you want to change the way that your ex feels about you, here are 3 important questions that you should answer right now…
1. Do you know how to make her feelings about you change?
Quite often, when a guy gets broken up with, his first instinct is to ask his woman, “What have I done? Please tell me what I did wrong. Whatever it is just tell me and I’ll change.”
He may be hoping that by telling him exactly what to change about himself, she will then be happy to give him a chance to do that and change her mind about breaking up with him.
Yet, that’s not how it works.
A woman doesn’t want to be a guy’s teacher in life and have to teach him how to be the man that she wants.
If she has to start explaining to him what he’s doing wrong, she will feel like she’s taking on the role of his mother, teacher or big sister.
What’s wrong with that?
If a woman takes on the role of being a man’s teacher, she also takes on the more dominant role in the relationship, which then makes her lose respect and, more importantly, feelings of sexual attraction for her guy.
Here’s what you always need to remember about relationships with women…
Regardless of a woman’s achievements outside of her romantic relationship (e.g. she is a leader in an office workplace, she is a leading student at university, she is respected and looked up to by her family), she will always secretly want to be in a relationship where the man is “the man” and she is his woman.
A woman wants to be able to relax into her feminine self and be a feminine, emotional woman, rather than having to think, feel, behave and act like a man to keep the relationship in order.
When a woman feels more dominant than her man in a romantic relationship, she naturally begins to lose respect for him.
If a woman doesn’t respect her man, her sexual attraction for him will begin to fade.
Then, if she doesn’t feel respect and sexual attraction for him, she will gradually fall out of love with him.
This is why it’s not a good idea to ask a woman what you did wrong and what she wants you to change about yourself.
A woman wants you to figure out how to be the man she needs you to be, without her help, because she doesn’t want to be your teacher and feel like she’s more dominant than you in the relationship.
You have been dumped and this is a crossroads in your life where you are either going to stand up and become a better man, or remain stuck at the level you’re at right now, which is clearly not attractive to your ex.
2. Will having time apart make her miss you?
If a guy tries everything he can think of to make his ex change her mind (e.g. beg, plead, apologize, tell her that he loves her, promise to change) and nothing works, it only stands to reason that he might then, as a last resort, give her time apart in the hopes that she will eventually miss him and come back by herself.
A lot of guys go around believing that all a woman really needs is some space to suddenly come to the realization that her ex was the one for her.
Yet, that’s not how it works for most ex back situations. Why?
When a woman is saying that her ex has no chance with her anymore, it usually means that any feelings that she had for him in the past have now been buried under more negative emotions such as anger, hurt, disappointment, resentment or disgust.
If the guy then stops texting her, ignores her on social media and doesn’t call her up to say hi and arrange a time catch up in person, it’s unlikely that she will suddenly be thinking, “Huh??!!! Why is my ex avoiding me? I know I told him that there was no chance between us anymore, but now that he’s completely ignoring me I just can’t stop thinking about him! I want him back soooo bad!”
Instead, it’s more likely that she will be thinking, “Hooray! I’m rid of him at last. It looks like he finally got the message and he’s leaving me alone. Now I can move on with my life in peace.”
So, don’t waste time giving your ex loads of space and hoping that it magically makes her change her mind about you.
If you want to back off and give your ex a bit of space that’s perfectly fine, as long as it’s no more than 7 days before you contact her again to attempt to arrange an in person meet up.
Anything longer than 7 days is a waste of time, and it just gives her more time to go out, meet other guys, have sex and possibly even fall in love.
Where a lot of guys go wrong is by cutting off all contact with their ex for up to 30 or even 60 days after a break up.
Then, when she doesn’t come running back, and he possibly even hears from someone else that she’s dating a new guy, he might wonder, “What went wrong? Shouldn’t she be missing me and realizing that I’m the one for her? Why is she moving on with another guy? I thought it was essential that I not contact her for a long time after the break up. I thought that giving her lots of space was the answer.”
The reason why she didn’t come running back is simple…
When a woman doesn’t have feelings for a guy, she’s not going to feel like she’s missing out on much when she stops hearing from him, so she’ll usually just move on.
The fastest way to get your ex to stop saying that you have no chance with her anymore, is by actively make her have some feelings for you again by interacting with her on a phone call and in person.
After helping 100s of guys to get women back, I’ve found that giving a woman many weeks or even months of time apart only works 20% of the time if:
- She is still in love with the guy.
- She can’t handle the emotions of the break up.
- She can’t find another guy to take his place.
So, if your ex doesn’t want anything to do with you at the moment, don’t waste a lot of time ignoring her and hoping that her feelings for you will change all by themselves.
You have to actively build up her feelings for you by getting her to experience new feelings of respect and attraction for you.
When you do that, she will drop her guard and open herself up to the idea of interacting with you again.
From that moment on, you’ve just got to continue saying and doing the types of things that are going to keep building up her feelings for you, rather than saying and doing the types of things that were turning her off in the past, or that have been turning her off since the break up.
3. Are you trying to get her back even though you haven’t improved your ability to attract her in ways that she really cares about?
When a woman is saying things like, “Forget about me. There is no chance of us getting back together again,” a guy will often begin to change all sorts of things about himself.
For example: A guy might think, “Okay, well maybe she needs me to spoil her more than I’ve been doing so far. If I’m even nicer to her than ever before, tell her how much I care and spoil her with gifts, romantic dinners and special weekends away, she will change her mind and give me another chance. I’ve got to try to buy her things or help her financially or do something with her to show her how much I care.”
Yet, what he often doesn’t realize is that a woman’s love cannot be bought.
Sure, some women out there are gold diggers and will stay with a man for a while to get lots of gifts and jewelry and live a luxurious lifestyle, but that isn’t love.
She’s just using him until she’s had enough.
A woman’s love cannot be bought.
If you want a woman to love you, the solution is to actively create that love by how you make her feel as you interact with her.
For example: Be confident, charismatic and make her laugh, rather than being insecure and stressing her out when you talk to her.
If your ex doesn’t have feelings for you at this point and doesn’t want anything to do with you, the next step for you is to start building up her feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
How can you do that?
You need to be offering her what she really wants, not what you think she wants, whenever she interacts with you.
If you’re unsure about what she really wants, here are some questions you can ask yourself to help you work things out…
- Did I make her feel loved and appreciated when we were together, or did I take her for granted and put other people and things (e.g. friends, work, hobbies) before her in my life?
- Did I make her my world and become needy and controlling, rather than having a more balanced, mature approach to life where I spent time with her and also spent time with friends and on working towards my biggest goals and ambitions in life?
- Was she able to depend on me as the man, or did I expect her handle the problems in our relationship?
- Could she look up to me and respect me as a man, or did I use my relationship with her as an excuse to hide from my true potential in life?
- Did I make her feel feminine and attractive in my presence, or did she feel more like a friend or big sister to me?
- Did we want the same things in life, or were we going in different directions (e.g. getting married vs. partying and staying single)?
When you fully understand her real, more subtle reasons for breaking up, you can then begin to say and do the types of things that will show her that you’ve moved past the level you were at when she broke up with you.
For example: If a woman wants to feel girly and feminine in comparison to the guy’s masculine vibe and presence, the best way for him to show her that he’s changed is by letting her experience the new him when he talks to her on the phone or in person.
Regardless of what she says to him, how coldly or rudely she’s treating him, or how badly she’s behaving, she will notice that he now responds in an emotionally strong, masculine way.
He remains calm and in control of his emotions rather than becoming nervous, unsure of himself or upset at how she is behaving.
Regardless of what she is saying and doing, he focuses on making her laugh, smile and feel girly in his presence.
Initially, she might say to herself, “He’s just putting on an act to impress me. If I keep pushing him by being cold and bitchy, he will eventually crack and become the emotional, wimpy guy that I broke up with.”
However, when she realizes that no matter how much she tests him, he remains confident and masculine, she will naturally begin to feel feminine and girly in his presence and that will re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for him.
So, if you’re at a point now where you’ve been trying to get your ex back and she keeps telling you that you have no chance with her anymore, the quickest way to make her drop her guard and open back up to you is by getting her to feel some respect and attraction you again.
When she experiences these feelings again, her guard will come down, and she will likely agree to meet up with you to see how she feels.
From there, you just need to continue saying and doing the types of things that will prove to her that you’re not just trying to impress her, but that you’re now the kind of man she can look up to, respect and feel proud to call her own.