Here are 6 of the most common reasons why an ex wife will do that and what you can do to get her back:

1. She wants to see if you’re still missing her and wanting her back, but isn’t 100% interested in getting back with you yet

Sometimes, a woman will message her ex husband as a way of finding out what her options are.

For example: If he’s still missing her and wants her back she might be willing to work on the relationship so they can get back together again.

However, if she gets a cool response from him, she will then focus on fully getting over him and moving on (usually by hooking up with and dating other guys).

So, if you want to reconcile with your ex wife, don’t let this opportunity go to waste.

That doesn’t mean you should chase after her or behave in a desperate or needy way.

Instead, respond to her messages once or twice in an easy-going and fun way and then just go ahead and call her.

On the phone, it’s a lot easier for you to reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you.

The reason is, she can hear the confidence and sincerity in your voice, which means it’s harder for her to make assumptions about you like she would via text (e.g. she might assume you’re feeling nervous or unsure of yourself while texting, but when she hears your voice or even sees your face on a video call she won’t be able to make that mistake).

She wants to see if you’re still missing her and wanting her back, but isn’t yet interested in getting back with you

She then naturally feels drawn to you and becomes open to meeting up with you in person to see where things go from there.

2. She misses you and hopes that by messaging you, a spark will ignite and you and her can reconcile

She misses you and hopes that by messaging you, a spark will ignite and you and her can reconcile

Basically, she’s likely hoping that you will take the lead and relight the spark of sexual and romantic attraction between you and her.

For example: Some of the most effective ways to do that are by…

  • Using ballsy humor, or playfully challenging humor to break down her walls and make her feel at ease and happy to be talking to you, rather than just talking to her in a neutral way, or being on your best behavior to hopefully get her to take pity on you.
  • Being flirtatious when talking to her to create a sexual spark between you, which then makes her want to see you and release the built up sexual tension with kissing and sex.
  • Being more emotionally dominant than her (while still treating her well and being a good man), so she can feel feminine and girly in comparison to you.
  • Making her feel that she will be lucky to get you back, rather than like she would be doing you a favor because she’s too good for you.

The more you attract her in ways that she doesn’t expect, the more she will want to interact with you on the phone and in person to experience it.

It’s then pretty easy for you to fully reactivate her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you and get her back.

3. She has been having a difficult time dating and has reached out to you to make herself feel better

If a woman struggles to find a replacement man to date after she gets divorced, it might dent her confidence.

So, to give herself a bit of a self-esteem boost, she might start messaging her ex again to see what happens.

If he seems overly exited to hear from her, or if she gets a sense that he’s been sitting around unable to move on without her, she will feel better knowing that he still wants her.

She might that use that confidence boost to go out and try her luck at hooking up with other men again, knowing that even if she fails, her ex husband will still be there to make her feel good about herself if she needs it.

The important thing in a situation like this is not to allow your ex to use you in that way.

Instead, use her contacting you as an opportunity to re-attract her and get her back.

4. She’s testing to see how you react

She's testing to see how you react

This can be out of curiosity (i.e. she may be thinking, “I wonder of he still has feelings for me after all this time?”), boredom (i.e. she’s got nothing to do and thought it might be fun to text you and see what happens), or interest (i.e. she still has some feelings for you and wants to explore them).

She will then wait to see what you will do when you get her messages.

For example:

  • Will you get overly excited about hearing from her and desperately chase after her?
  • Will you just ignore her?
  • Will you have the confidence to respond to her, reactivate her feelings and get her back?
  • Will you lose control of your emotions and begin pouring your heart out to her and telling her how much you missed her and how lost you’ve been without her?
  • Will you try to make her feel bad, by telling her how happy you’ve been without her?
  • Will you show her that even though you do want her back, you don’t really need her back in order to feel good about yourself or to live a happy, successful life?

Depending on your reaction, she will either go back to ignoring you and focus on moving on, or she will open herself up to seeing you in person again to see how she feels.

5. She doesn’t feel as though you and her need to continue cutting off communication like you have been

This is often the case when a woman feels that she’s over her ex husband and is now ready to be friends with him instead of pretending they didn’t once share a special connection.

The good thing about a situation like that is that if you still want to get back together with your ex wife, you can use the friendship to make it happen.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you should pretend to be her nice, neutral friend who is no longer interested in her in a sexual and romantic way and hope that eventually she will realize what a great guy you’ve become since the divorce and want you back.

That’s not how attraction works.

Instead, you’ve got to actively spark her feelings of attraction for you every chance you get (e.g. making her feel sexy and desirable when she’s with you, creating exciting tension between you through teasing and ballsy humor).

Of course, it’s totally fine to be friendly with her.

Just ensure that you’re also making her feel strong waves of sexual and romantic attraction for you too.

When you do, the relationship will naturally get back together right away, or very quickly.

6. She has forgiven you for your part in the breakdown of the marriage and now thinks of you in a more compassionate way

She probably now realizes that mistakes were made by both you and her and the mature thing is to acknowledge that, rather than not taking responsibility for her actions and blaming you for everything

At the same time, she understands that you shared a great love and that is something that bonds you and her forever.

Based on that, it’s better that you forgive each other so that you can both move on without the baggage of the past casting a big shadow of any future relationships you might have.

Yet, the wonderful thing about forgiveness is that it automatically makes her stop looking at you in a negative way.

She recognizes that who you are now and who you were before the divorce are two different people.

You’ve changed as a man because of what happened and are now a better man because of it.

When she goes through that emotional transition, she automatically starts to feel better about interacting with the new and improved you.

She finds it easier to open herself back up to you and when she does, you need to make sure that you’re able to make her feel enough respect and attraction for you to actually want to be in a relationship with you again.

4 Mistakes to Avoid Now That She’s Messaging You Again

1. Sticking to text and she then gets her fill and loses interest

Playing it safe by sticking to only messaging back and forth with your ex wife and never calling her, is a tactic that rarely (if ever) works in getting a woman back.

The reason for that is because in most cases, a woman who doesn’t have strong (or any) feelings for her ex and he in turn, isn’t doing anything to make her have feelings for him, will get bored of texting with him.

She may then begin to wonder “What’s the point?” and lose interest.

She will then usually focus her attention on other guys she knows who are interested in her and are bold enough to call her and meet up with her, because she can see that things are progressing with them, unlike with her ex.

So, if you want your ex wife back, it’s up to you to be a man about it and lead the way by calling her and reactivating her feelings for you again.

That’s what works.

2. Sticking to text and she then assumes you’re not interested in anything more than that

Sticking to just texting and she then assumes you’re not interested in anything more than that

If your ex wife has any feelings left for you and is secretly hoping that you and her can try and work things out, sticking to text will likely ruin that.


She may decide that if you’re not willing to call her or see her in person, then you’re probably not interested in her anymore and are perhaps being too polite to tell her.

As a result, she assumes that you’re doing the ‘nice’ thing of being a good ex husband who responds to her messages, but that you’re not interested in anything more.

She will then likely force herself to go out and meet, date and hook up with other men to get over you and move on.

3. Having in depth conversations via text and she then becomes exhausted by it and wants to stop

It’s only natural that interacting with an ex husband can be a bit stressful for a woman (i.e. they had a special connection and then things got ruined and they ended up getting divorced).

So, even if she’s the one who started messaging him again, it’s likely that her intention wasn’t to get caught up in long, stressful discussions about the marriage and subsequent divorce.

Instead, she probably just wants to test the water and see if they can still have a nice, friendly, light-hearted chat and see where things go from there.

So, if you try to get into a deep, meaningful conversation with your ex wife via text, she will likely start to feel overwhelmed and stressed out by it.

She may then think something like, “Messaging him again was a mistake,” and she might then stop replying to you, or if you continue to put her under pressure, even block you.

4. Getting to a phone call, but not getting her to meet up with you to say hi as friends, so you can then re-attract her and seduce her

Something that a lot of guys don’t understand when trying to get an ex woman back, is that if you’re not reactivating her sexual and romantic feelings for you in person, she’s going to remain a neutral friend.

Think of it this way…

A relationship is two people who spend time together, enjoy doing things with each other, touch, kiss and have sex.

You can’t successfully do any of that via text or on a phone call (i.e. even phone sex can’t replace the real thing).

So, if you want to get back with your ex wife, you have to be courageous enough to make it happen.

Take the lead by re-sparking her feelings for you in person so she wants to be around you more and more.

She wants to touch, hold hands, hug, kiss and have sex.

Only then will she be willing to try again.

On the other hand, if all you do is talk over the phone, she will eventually feel that your interactions are leading nowhere.

She then assumes that it’s over and decides to forget about you and make a fresh start with someone else.

Don’t let that happen.

Get your wife back today, tomorrow or in the next 1-2 weeks.

You can do that.

Every day, new men take a chance and get their ex wife back.

You can do it too.

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