Here are the 5 steps to get your girlfriend back after she broke up with you because you wouldn’t commit…
1. Don’t offer your commitment in a desperate way now
When a woman breaks up with a guy because he wouldn’t commit, he will often panic and think something like, “Oh no! How could I let this happen? I ruined a perfectly good relationship with my ideal woman because I was didn’t want to give her anything more than we had together. What am I going to do now to get her to see that I will commit?”
He might then make the mistake of classic desperately trying to show her how much she means to him and how willing he now is to commit.
For example: “Please baby, don’t do this to us. What we had was so special. You can’t just throw that away. I was a fool not to realize sooner that you are the most important person in my life. I know it now though and I want to make it up to you. Whatever you want, I’m willing to go along with it. Let’s move in together/get engaged/get married. I’m 100% committed to giving our relationship my all from now on. Please, give me another chance. I beg you! Please.”
Yet, rather than make a woman happy that she is finally getting what she wanted from him, she feels even more turned off and annoyed with him.
Firstly, women never feel attracted to desperation in men.
So, when a guy is begging and pleading to a woman, it might temporarily make her feel good that she has so much power over him, but it’s not going to make her look up to him and respect him as her man, or feel sexual attracted to him.
As a result, he won’t seem attractive and appealing to her anymore.
She will feel like she might have even made a mistake in getting into a relationship with him in the first place, if that’s who he really is as a person underneath or when challenged.
Secondly, most women don’t want a guy to make a commitment to her simply because he’s afraid of losing her and doesn’t know what else to do to hold on to her.
The commitment will feel forced and she will have to worry that he really isn’t committed and is only doing it to keep her for a while longer, until he’s ready to break up with her.
She doesn’t want to continue being the one who is always worrying about being dumped or left behind.
So, if you want to get your girlfriend back, don’t make any rash, desperate decisions that might cause her to pull away from you even more.
Of course, if you’ve already offered your commitment to her by begging and pleading in a desperate way, don’t worry about it.
What’s done is done.
As long as you make sure that, from this moment onwards, you show her that you’ve learned from the experience and have become a better man as a result (e.g. emotionally stronger, confident, emotionally mature), she will begin to drop her guard.
When she can see for herself that you have sincerely changed and are not just chasing after her and making promises out of desperation, she will start to feel respect for you again.
You can then build on those feelings and make her remember why she seriously wanted to share her life with you in the first place.
The next thing you need to do is…
2. Get her to forgive you
Apologizing to your girlfriend for your mistake is a good thing, but it’s not everything.
An apology makes her feel heard and feel like you’ve made the effort to understand where she’s coming from.
Yet, that’s where the story ends.
After apologizing, you have to transition to forgiveness, so she can drop her guard and truly open back up to you.
If your girlfriend doesn’t forgive you for making mistakes in the relationship, then you’re stuck.
Without forgiveness, she’s not going to feel good about the idea of giving you another chance.
She will have her guard up and remain focused on your negative qualities or the fears she has about getting back into a relationship with you.
So, you must to get her forgiveness.
How can you do it?
Say something like this to her, “I understand that right now, forgiving me is probably the last thing you want to do. You might even be thinking that your feelings for me are dead and that you’ve wasted enough of your time with a guy like me who won’t commit to you. You might also feel like you deserve to be treated better and you do. I couldn’t agree with you more. I definitely stuffed up and I never realized what an amazing girl I had until I lost you. I don’t expect you to take me back, but I do want you to know I’m not that guy anymore. Rather than taking me back, I just want you to forgive me. Forgive the old me for being such an asshole. I know that you are mature enough as a person to understand that people sometimes make mistakes. We’re only human. As long as a person learns from their mistakes and becomes a better person as a result, I think everything improves and moves in the right direction. So, can you forgive the old me? I’m not asking you to forgive me so we can get back together. I’m asking you to forgive me because you will feel better about yourself and any new relationship you decide to have. You’ll be able to start with a clean slate, rather than always feeling scared that what happened with us will happen again.”
Of course, saying something like that to her doesn’t mean that you’re giving up on you and her getting back together.
It also doesn’t mean that you’re encouraging her to find another guy.
You’re just being the more mature one in the situation, which will make her feel respect and attraction for you.
When she feels that way about you, she won’t want any other guy and will feel drawn to you again.
After forgiving you, she stops going over your mistakes and feeling angry and disappointed at you.
Instead, she starts seeing you as an emotionally strong man who has taken responsibility for his actions in a mature way and is doing something to rectify them.
She then starts to look at you as you are now, rather than the guy she broke up with who wouldn’t commit.
From that point onwards, you’ve just got to make sure that every time you interact with her, whether it’s on a phone call or in person, you making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
When you do that, her feelings come flooding back and she becomes more open to the idea of being in a relationship with you again.
3. Reactivate her feelings by attracting her in ways that she liked at the beginning of your relationship
Your girlfriend obviously fell in love with you and wanted a commitment from you for a very good reason, right?
In other words, she loved you, respected you and felt attracted to you.
She really wanted to be with you and saw you as being the one.
So, get it out of your mind that just because she broke up with you, it’s completely over now and you could never make her love you again.
Yes you can.
When you start behaving in the ways that attracted her to you in the first place (e.g. confident, cool, charismatic, fun, interesting), she won’t be able to stop herself from reconnecting with her feelings of respect, attraction and love again.
Think back to what she loved about you the most and do more of that when you interact with her from now on, while at the same time doing less of the things that annoy her.
For example: If your girlfriend was attracted to you initially because of your sense of humor, bring that out every time you interact with her.
Make her laugh and smile, especially when she’s being cold and saying, “Sorry, but it’s over.”
If your girlfriend loved your ability to make her feel feminine and girly in contrast to your masculine strength, then make sure you don’t suddenly start sucking up to her, being extra nice and sweet and allowing her to dominate you because you think that will make her happy.
So, re-spark her feelings by giving her what she liked at the beginning of your relationship, while also making sure to avoid displaying things that gradually turned her off (e.g. insecurity, being too emotionally sensitive).
Where some guys go wrong is by neglecting what has always worked (e.g. being the cool guy that he is) and trying to get her back by putting on an act of being someone he’s not.
For example: A guy might suddenly become very romantic to hopefully show his ex how much he cares for her.
He might send her a bouquet of flowers, buy her special gifts and even write her love letters, poems or songs.
Yet, rather than impress her, when a guy is behaving out of character (i.e. he’s never been romantic before), he just ends up appearing desperate or insincere to her.
She then closes up even more because she feels turned off by his desperation and loses trust in him due to him being insincere by putting on an act of being Mr. Nice Guy or Mr. Romantic all of a sudden.
So, don’t waste time pretending to be someone you’re not.
Instead, attract her in the ways that used to work so well, while also making sure to add in new ways of attracting her that are extensions of that.
For example: If she was initially attracted to your confidence and humor, make sure to continue being that way, but don’t stop there.
Level it up so that you’re very confident and now using humor that even funnier and more enjoyable to her (e.g. ballsy humor).
An example of ballsy humor is calling her up and saying, “Hey ex girlfriend…what’s going on.”
Another example is where she asks, “So, how have you been?” and you jokingly say, “Well, I was having a great day…and then you called. Now I have to listen to your annoying voice” and have a laugh with her about that.
4. Stop asking for a relationship and start making her feel like she wants to be in a relationship with you again
One of the most common reactions that guys have when they get broken up with for not wanting to commit is to try to convince their ex to give them another chance by getting into long discussion about the relationship, what he wants, what he has learned and how he hopes to make it up to her now.
For example: A guy might call his ex woman and say things like, “Please just think about how much we’ve been through and what a waste it would be to just throw all that away because I wouldn’t commit. Do you remember how you used to tell me that you wanted to grow old with me? Do you remember how we talked about marriage and starting a family? Well, that’s still possible for us. I am ready now. So, please just give me a chance. I promise that things will be different from now on. This break up has been a wake up call for me. I am ready to commit to you 100%”
If she keeps saying “No,” a guy might then think to himself, “Nothing is working. Well if a commitment is what she wants, then that’s what I’m going to give her.”
He might then say to her, “Look, I am serious. I have already been looking at rings. I was planning on proposing to you the next time I saw you. Please believe in me. I have changed.”
Here’s the thing though…
In small number of cases, proposing can work because the woman was just trying to put so much pressure on him until he did propose, so she accepts his proposal because that is what she actually wanted.
Yet, in all other cases, the woman has already had enough of the guy’s BS and is turned off for other reasons too (e.g. the guy had no real plans for his future that we was continually following through on and making progress on, he had a wandering eye and stopped making her feel appreciated and loved).
So, she isn’t just breaking up with him because he wouldn’t commit.
She doesn’t want a guy who isn’t ready to grow up (even if he’s 30 or 40 years old and hasn’t committed to her yet. It’s not about age, it’s about maturity level) because she doesn’t want to waste any more of her time.
As you may know, a woman’s fertility rapidly begins to decline after she reaches the age of 30.
So, even if a woman doesn’t want kids, hates kids or just maybe wants kids, she will still be largely influenced by her breeding instincts.
In other words, her instincts are telling her to leave and find another man who would be ready and capable to breed and stick with her long enough for the offspring to be safely raised.
In modern culture, we have invented the idea of staying together for life because it’s more politically and socially correct.
However, our instincts are essentially driving us to get to the point where we can breed and then raise offspring that can go onto survive and breed.
Everything else (e.g. dating, going on holidays, having fun together as a family) is just dressing, accessories and distractions to make sure that the breeding happens and the offspring are taken care of.
Anyway, enough of the deep stuff.
Let’s back to the simple stuff about you getting her back.
The thing is, your ex girlfriend doesn’t want you to propose to her just to get her back or propose because you think that she wants it.
She wants you to be in this for real, without desperately trying to prove that to her.
In other words, she has to be able to sense your sincerity, without sensing desperation.
To show her that, you need to relax, focus on re-attracting her and not be in a desperate hurry to rush her back into a committed relationship.
Let her feel attracted to you again and want it and she will naturally come back to you.
The more that you make her feel good (i.e. attracted, respectful of you, falling back in love with you) when she’s with you or interacting with you, the less she’ll keep focusing on the fact that you wouldn’t commit to her in the past.
She won’t want to focus on that because she won’t want to ruin the good feelings she is now experiencing around you.
As a result, her walls will come down and she will believe that giving you another chance is actually something that she really wants to do.
…and it will be true.
She will want to do it for her own reasons (i.e. she is attracted to you again, worried about losing you now, feeling like the relationship still can work).
However, if you just keep asking for a relationship without re-sparking her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you first, she’s not going to feel like it’s something she really wants to do.
She will feel as though you’re trying to force her into something for your own reasons (e.g. you feel lost without her, you want to stop feeling the pain of being rejected by her, you are embarrassed to admit to your family and friends that you got dumped and she no longer wants you).
So, make sure that you focus on re-attracting her and making her naturally want you back, rather than making her put her guard up because she senses your desperation and need.
5. Give her 3-5 days of space in-between attraction building meet ups
If you keep texting, e-mailing and calling your ex non-stop, she won’t have any time to miss you.
Instead, she may begin to think, “First he wouldn’t commit to me and now he won’t leave me alone. He’s driving me crazy! I didn’t know that he was really like this deep down. Maybe I was wrong about him when I though that he was such a confident, cool guy. I don’t see him that way anymore. He seems like a needy, desperate guy. He’s lost the appeal that he used to have. I don’t feel it anymore.”
You don’t want that to happen!
So, make sure that you give your girlfriend enough time between every interaction (i.e. where you make her feel attracted to you again) to feel like she misses you and wants more of you.
She will then realize that she does still love you and wants to be with you, despite the fact that you wouldn’t commit to her before.
She will see her feelings for you as being a sign that you and her aren’t meant to remain broke up.
As a result, she will open back up to you and the relationship.
However, don’t make the mistake of giving her too much space (some guys go overboard and ignore a woman for weeks or even months), or she will just go back to thinking that you don’t care enough to commit.
So here’s what you need to do:
Call her on the phone, or meet up with her in person and spark her feelings for you by making her laugh, smile and feel excited to be interacting with you again.
Give her a few days of space to allow her to miss you and miss how good it feels to be interacting with you again.
Wash, rinse and repeat until she’s saying, “I want to get back together again. You are the man for me.”