Recently, a guy wrote into The Modern Man to ask for help.
He said, “My girlfriend said I’m too clingy, but I don’t think I am.”
He then asked, “Why does showing her how much I love her make her say that I’m being too clingy? Isn’t she just being unreasonable?”
Although it’s natural to feel defensive when someone attacks your good intentions, especially when it’s the woman you love, it’s important not to write it off and assume that she’s just being unfair in her criticism of you.
A woman’s attraction for a man is mostly based on how his behavior, thinking and actions make her feel.
If you are being clingy, insecure and needy, it is going to make her feel turned off by you and if that keeps happening for long enough, she will eventually break up with you.
You’re actually lucky guy to have a girl like her because, instead of dumping you or cheating on you like a cold-hearted woman would, your girlfriend has made the effort to tell you that your behavior (i.e. being too clingy) is turning her off and making her feel smothered and unhappy in the relationship.
Watch this video to learn how many guys ruin a relationship with a woman by being insecure…
Your girlfriend is putting up with your clingy behavior now, but she is eventually going to get tired of it and start feeling attracted to confident guys who seem more independent.
You don’t need to suddenly act like you don’t care about her or anything drastic like that.
In fact, you don’t need to act anything.
Instead, you’ve just got to start being a more emotionally balanced and emotionally strong man who isn’t so dependent on her for your happiness, sense of worthiness or sense of identity in this world.
Emotional Strength vs. Emotional Weakness
Women are naturally attracted to the strength men, so showing signs of emotional weakness (e.g. neediness, clinginess, unreasonable jealousy, etc) is always going to be a turn off to women.
A guy’s real strength isn’t necessarily about his muscles, but rather about his mental and emotional strength, his masculinity and self confidence.
When a guy is being clingy with his girlfriend, he is showing her that he lacks the all important emotional strength that women look for in a man.
She automatically feels as though she can no longer rely on him to be the man in the relationship and begins to feel responsible for his emotional well being, almost like a mother or big sister would for a young boy.
Instead of being amazed by his desperate need for her, the girlfriend feels turned off by him on a deep and instinctive level.
When that happens, she begins to withdraw from him both physically and emotionally.
Of course, when he realizes that she’s pulling away, he makes the mistake of giving her more of what she doesn’t want – clinginess, neediness and unreasonable jealousy.
Right now, you might be asking yourself, “How am I being too clingy? Why does she think I am a clingy boyfriend?”
So, let’s look at some examples…
My Girlfriend Said I’m Too Clingy: 3 Reasons Why She Could Be Right
If your girlfriend is telling you that she thinks you are too clingy, it means that she’s losing respect and attraction for you.
If you cause her to lose too much respect and attraction for you, she will eventually fall out of love with you.
When that happens, she will probably break up with you or cheat on you.
So, make sure that you fix the problem now rather than letting it get worse…
1. Do you constantly bombard her with text messages or phone calls so you’re never out of her mind?
Some guys believe that the key to a successful relationship is making sure they stay on their girlfriend’s mind by regularly texting her or phoning her when they are not together.
To a guy like that, it is a sign that he is being romantic, treating a woman well and making her feel loved.
A guy will believe that she may think, “Wow! My boyfriend is so attentive and caring. Look how he never stops thinking about me. I’m so lucky to have an awesome boyfriend like him. I’ll never leave him for another guy because he’s just so nice and romantic.”
The truth is that, although a woman will definitely feel respect and attraction for a man who shows her that he wants her, she doesn’t need to be reminded about it 24/7.
If you’re constantly texting or calling her, you’re making her feel like she has to mother you and take care of your fragile emotional state, especially if you’re the type of guy who gets upset if she doesn’t answer her phone every single time, or reply to your text messages immediately.
Behaving in that way is a huge sexual turn off for a woman. A woman doesn’t want to feel like she’s a man’s mother.
That is un-sexy to her and it switches her off emotionally.
Of course, the more “switched off” she becomes, the clingier and needier he becomes and the more she pulls away.
Rather than be smothered by calls and messages, a woman wants to be in the position where she’s always thinking about YOU and missing YOU.
She wants to feel consumed by her love for you and she wants to consider herself lucky to have “caught” such a great guy like you.
Not thinking, “He’s so clingy and needy. I just wish he could behave more like a real man.”
2. Do you need her to constantly reassure you that she still loves you and wants to be with you?
When a guy has grown up without having many close friends, has been single most of his life, or has experienced an unloving relationship with his parents, it can then negatively affect his romantic relationship with a woman.
For example: When he finds a woman who will go out with him, he might latch on to her emotionally because he’s afraid that she will dump him and he’ll end up feeling lonely and unloved once again.
He will constantly look for emotional reassurance from her and he’ll regularly ask her questions like, “Do you still love me?” or “You’d never leave me, would you?”
If she says, “Will you stop asking me whether or not I love you all the time?” or “You know I won’t leave you, but you’re driving me crazy with all your insecurity,” instead of realizing that he’s just being too clingy and he’s turning her off, he begins to think, “Why is she being so offish with me? Why won’t she say she loves me? Is she going to break up with me? Has she met someone else?”
Of course the more insecure he feels about her answers, the clingier he becomes and the less reassuring she becomes.
As I said before, a woman is attracted to the strength in a man and repelled by weakness, and clinginess is the quickest way to make a woman lose respect and attraction for you.
3. Do you have hardly any friends or interests outside of your relationship with her?
Some guys get totally “swallowed up” by their relationship, to the point where they’ll say, “My girlfriend is my life. We do everything together and when we are apart I feel physically sick. I can’t stand even being a few hours away from her. My life would be so empty without her. I don’t know what I’d do if she ever broke up with me.”
Again although he might think this is romantic and what she wants to hear, a woman is more attracted to a guy who goes after his true potential in life and does not hide from the world behind his relationship, than she is to a guy who declares his undying love for her all the time.
To keep a relationship together, you need to keep a balanced life going for yourself and for her. It can’t all be about being together all the time or doing everything together.
Living in each other’s pockets and avoiding the rest of what life has to offer is not attractive to a woman and can, in fact, make her feel smothered and trapped
Clinging to her and sacrificing all other areas in your life is not a romantic turn on for her.
Rather than focus all your energy on her, having friends and interests outside of the relationship is not only healthy, it also allows her to miss you and enjoy you more when you get together.
You Can Be the Strong Man That She Wants and Needs
If you want to get back your girlfriend’s respect and attraction for you as a man, you have to stop your clingy, needy behavior.
When you get rid of your insecurities and become the kind of man who can make her feel the way she wants to feel, she will change and become an even better girlfriend to you.
You will realize that the inconsistent reassurances she was giving you, pale in comparison to the love, respect and adoration you are getting from her now.
She will literally become a completely different woman around you and will stop looking at you as being a nuisance or an annoying boyfriend that she has to get rid of somehow.
So, if you sincerely want to stop being clingy and start having a better relationship with your girlfriend, you must be willing to eliminate your insecurities and become a mentally and emotionally stronger man than you are right now.
Clinginess is just a reaction to a belief that you’re not “good enough” and that you have to overcompensate in your relationships (with your girlfriend and even with friends and colleagues) to get the respect, love and approval you crave.
You Can Make Her Feel Respect, Love and Attraction For You
If you’re smart (I know you are), you will use this as an opportunity to become and even better and stronger (mentally and emotionally) man than you are right now.
You may be a good man today, but you can be even better tomorrow.
If you take on this opportunity to improve, you will raise your relationship to the next level where your girlfriend will feel even more respect, attraction and love for you.
She will stop referring to you as a clingy and will start looking up to you and respecting you as her emotionally strong, masculine man that she is madly in love with.
On the other hand, if you don’t do anything about your clingy behavior, she will likely decide to break up with you or worse, cheat on you and then break up with you.
Make a decision now to begin changing the way you behave around her.
Learn to trust that she does love you and want you in her life.
Don’t smother her with your need for emotional reassurance.
Be the man that she needs you to be.
When you change, she will change.
Women are very responsive to men and when in a relationship that is falling apart, most women just want the man to get things back on track again.
She doesn’t want to have to go through a messy break up with you.
She loved you at the start and she now wants you to man up and make her fall even more in love with you.