When a man’s clinginess begins to overshadow the good parts of the relationship, it’s only a matter of time before the woman’s love will start fading away.
Bit by bit, his clingy behavior sucks the happiness, the harmony and carefree feelings out of their relationship and creates an annoying, negative tension that makes it difficult for his woman to be around him.
Since women are naturally attracted to confident, emotionally secure men and turned off by insecure, emotionally weak men, she will feel repelled by him on a deep and instinctive level.
When he notices that she is pulling away and losing interest, he will often make the mistake of becoming even more clingy and needy, which will turn her off even more. It’s a vicious cycle that usually ends in a break up for most couples.
To help you understand how and why that happens, here’s a video that I made for guys who have already been broken up with and are trying to understand how to get their woman back…
As you will discover from the video above, a woman will usually go through 3 stages before she decides to break up with a guy.
Being clingy will ruin a woman’s respect for a guy and if he keeps doing it, she will stop feeling attracted to him (remember: Women are attracted to the emotional strength of men and turned off by the weakness) and will gradually begin to fall out of love with him.
If you are sincere and serious about wanting to know how to stop being clingy in your relationships with women, you first need to understand what is causing you to behave in a clingy way.
After helping many guys to eliminate their clinginess and become a confident, independent man that women respect, admire and remain attracted to in a relationship, I have identified the following common causes of clinginess for men in relationships with women…
1. Lack of purpose
If you lack purpose in life, you will often make the mistake of making your girlfriend (fiancé or wife) your purpose in life. Women want a man who loves them, but who is rising through the levels of life and reaching for his true potential that is related to his purpose in life.
A woman doesn’t want a boy who hides behind his mother from the big, bad world. In other words, they don’t want a guy who hides from the world behind her, the relationship and household responsibilities.
2. Inability to attract other beautiful women
If you got lucky when you met your girlfriend (fiancé or wife) and found it difficult to attract other women before you met her, then your secret insecurity about this will cause you to cling to her.
You will see her as your safety blanket and protection from the world of rejection around you.
How good are you at attracting other women?
Watch this video to understand how a woman’s attraction for a man really works and whether or not you need to improve your ability to attract women…
3. Lack of confidence about your value to her
If you are worried that every guy who talks to her or who she looks at is going to steal her away from you, then aren’t very confident about your value to her. Remember: Women are attracted to the strength in men and turned off by the weakness.
If you are the type of guy who sees other men as your competition, then it will actually turn her off you and make other guys seem more attractive. She will sense that you’re not an alpha male and are looking at other guys as being better than you.
Guys who’ve experienced a lot of loneliness (e.g. due to not having many friends, not having great relationships with friends, being single for long periods of time, feeling unloved by his parents, etc) will often become clingy when they find a girl whom they love and want to be with.
Since he is so worried about her potentially losing interest and leaving him, a guy who has experienced a lot of loneliness will cling to him woman like glue because he doesn’t want to lose the feeling of togetherness that he has been experiencing.
For a relationship to be successful, it has to be a “give love” dynamic rather than a “take love” one. For example: If you need to take love from her to make yourself feel better and don’t have much love to give to her, the relationship will lack balance and will begin to feel unfair.
A woman wants to be with a guy who wants her, loves her and respects her, but doesn’t NEED her for his emotional security and sense of identity. You have to be your own man (i.e. a man who is going after big ambitions and dreams in life), in addition to the man that you are for her.
5. Trust issues
The truth is, you can never really trust a woman to be 100% loyal, honest and loving to you for life. However, to be successful in a relationship with a woman, you HAVE to give her that trust.
You also need to be wise enough as a man to know that you can’t trust another human being 100%, so if she ends up breaking your trust, then it is fine to feel disappointed and upset, but you shouldn’t be so surprised that you let it crush your world.
Without giving her your trust all the time in a relationship, you will fall into the trap of being insecure, clingy, protective and mistrusting – all of which will destroy her attraction, respect and love for you as a man.
Remember: Women are attracted to the emotional strength in men and turned off by the weakness. You’ve got to become and be a strong man, otherwise you won’t ever be what women really want.
For a relationship to reach the higher stages of true love and commitment, you have to allow the love and connection to mature and deepen over time, rather than destroying it or halting it by being emotionally weak or untrusting.
Failing to Be the Strong Man That She Really Wants and Needs
As a man, the most important thing you can offer a woman is your emotional strength and the worst thing you can offer is your weakness.
When I talk about strength, I’m not referring to your ability to lift heavy weights in the gym; I’m talking about your mental and emotional strength (i.e. confidence, drive, self-belief, self-esteem).
Insecurity (noun): Lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt.
Confidence (noun): Belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.
As you can see from the dictionary definitions above, confidence is the opposite of insecurity.
If you are insecure when in a relationship with a woman, it is only natural that you will feel clingy, needy and possibly overly-protective of her at times.
However, if you are a confident guy who knows that he could easily have other women and who also has the right approach to life (i.e. your life purpose is your number one priority and she is a close second), then you will be less likely to ever become clingy.
Why is a Man’s Confidence So Important to a Woman?
A man’s confidence is important to women because the world we live in is a challenging place and at her core, she is a feminine woman who wants to feel protected by a mentally and emotionally strong man.
She wants to be able to stand next to you in this world and feel like she will be okay because you are there with her.
This is made clear by the honest lyrics of the Miley Cyrus song, “Adore You”.
“I’m scared oh, so scared
But when you’re near me
I feel like I’m standing with an army of men
Armed with weapons” – Miley Cyrus
Regardless of whether you love or hate Miley Cyrus, the fact is that her lyrics in that song are honest and explain what women really want to feel when around a guy.
That song is not about a clingy guy who is afraid of the world and needs to feel protected behind her emotional strength. It’s about a confident man who knows who is, what he wants from life and he will stop at nothing to achieve it.
The guy she is singing about would be confident in social situations, other guys would respect him and he’d make her feel girly and feminine around him because of how mentally and emotionally masculine he is.
All women (except for butch, masculine lesbian women) want to feel girly around guys, even if they deny it in public situations, such as on a talk show or during an interview.
If you want to get to the point where you are the sort of man that makes a woman feel like she is standing with an army of men that are armed with weapons, then you must start getting rid of your insecurities and become a real man who can make women feel girly in response to your masculinity.
If you’re a clingy guy, then you need to face up to the fact that you are an insecure guy. Accept it and then do what it takes to not be that weak guy any more.
You are better than that.
You’re not a weak, clingy guy. You are a strong man. It’s there inside of you and you’ve just got to let it exist, rather than adding fuel to the fire of your insecurities and letting your weakness control your life.
Let your strength be the basis of who you are, not your weakness.
If you let your weakness define who you are, you will think, behave and act in all sorts of weird ways that are based on that insecurity.
A clingy guy will feel like his only hope is to spend more time with his woman and show her how much she means to him. He’ll constantly try to show how much he loves her, he will constantly text or call her when they are apart and he will ask if she has missed him.
To a guy who is feeling insecure, all of this feels like the right thing to do because in his warped emotional state, he believes that his clinginess will demonstrate how much he loves his woman and she’ll feel compelled to stay with him.
Yet, that isn’t the way it works.
Women are not attracted to emotional weakness.
If you don’t want to be yet another dumped guy who comes to me to learn how to get an ex back, I recommend that you fix your clinginess now.
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Bang on article again. The causes you listed above are so true, and personally speaking, I felt unloved and neglected by my parents my whole life, still do today at 19 years of age, they seemed to prefer my younger sibling, whereas I used to get laughed at by my father and get called all sorts of names; gives you a shitty sort of feeling, which is still present even today, and damn, does it have an effect on your dating life too.
Anyways I have a query about your products, do you ever question what you guys teach at TMM? Because I mean isn’t it just a matter of self-esteem, especially when it comes to being successful in human interactions and relations? Rather than applying techniques (for interacting and escalating with women); or are your programs just for guys who need a leg up?
For me I know I’ll have a hard time applying techniques that I learn Dan, because I’m pretty low self-esteem and feel crappy as a person. But I’m eager to try the and learn from alpha male power program – as that seems more centrally focused on the person, rather than just using outer techniques.
What do you reckon Dan?
Thanks in advance
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
I also experienced what you did with your parents. I’m 36 now and only recently got them to fix their communication regarding expressing their love for each individual child, not just specific siblings. It ate away at me throughout my childhood and was definitely a contributing factor in my downfall in this relationship: http://www.themodernman.com/why_women_cheat.html
I got past all that stuff LONG before (about 10 years ago) getting my parents to fix their communication skills though. The secret is to accept that they just learned “on the job” about how to be a parent and, unlike the newer generations of humans these days, people in the past didn’t feel comfortable with self-development. So, when problems arose in your relationship with your parents, I’m guessing they didn’t read any books from experts. My parents didn’t either. I used to be annoyed that my parents didn’t learn and improve themselves so there wasn’t so much friction between my siblings, until I realized that most people aren’t perfect in the way they approach things, but they have good intentions and may have messed up along the way due to their incompetence, insecurity or carelessness. That’s just life.
Anyway, about your question: No, of course not. Why would we question it? We put in years of testing and development to ensure that our advice worked for guys, before we ever made our programs. THAT is one of the main reasons why everybody loves The Modern Man. Listen to this to hear how we tested and developed our advice leading up to Dating Power:
Look out there online and 99% of the “dating gurus” are not successful with women (do a Google Images search for the guru’s name + girlfriend) and have simply slapped their advice together in ebooks and videos, without ever really testing it. For us, the proof is in the pudding (i.e. we (Ben, Stu and I) are successful with women and so are the customers of ours who actually use the advice: http://www.themodernman.com/success/modern-man-success-stories.html).
BTW: You’d be surprised – most of our advice is based on the person, rather than the outer techniques. You’ll see when you begin learning from us.
Oh man, thanks for the reply. BTW did you get better with women AFTER fixing your relationships with your parents? The reason I ask this is because, I don’t know if it’s just a thing in the UK or my own cultural saying, but people say that ‘if you don’t have a good relationship with your parents then you’ll never have a good relationship with your girlfriend/wife’ and that kind of scares me, as I see other guys – alpha males interacting with their families in such a happy and loving way and it seems to come across easily into their own relationships with girls.
And most of your advice is based more on the person? Awesome! Just what I’ve been looking for, for ages. I’m different to other guys – I don’t want just a quick fix and learn just a few what to says here and there, I’m more interested in learning the deeper core stuff first, even if that means taking more time.
One other thing Dan – I know now, after reading your articles, that attracting women isn’t about muscles or on looks and other superficial stuff, but I have a big nose, it’s bugging me atm, but my family making fun of it in the past can do that to me I guess, and so I keep thinking women will be turned off because of it, how do I get over this insecurity? Or how did you get over your insecurities on looks or small things like this(if you had any) in the past?
You’re welcome mate.
I got better long before fixing my relationship with my parents. I’ve been at the mastery level of success with women (i.e. free of insecurity, able to deepen a woman’s love, respect and attraction for me, etc) for 10 years now. When I began improving myself, I made the decision to accept that it was their issue and I let go of it. It took time to get them to improve their communication skills and awkwardly say, “I love you” instead of saying, “Yes, of course. We love you all” (referring to all the children). Although, when they eventually did say it, I didn’t need it anyway because I had already gotten past that. I already knew that their communication error (i.e their inability to express love properly) was their issue and not min. Getting them to improve was more about getting them to feel better and fix the problem for my other siblings.
About your nose: Mate, it’s not a big nose. I just searched you up on Facebook using the e-mail you inserted into the comment form. You don’t have a big nose. That said, even if you did have a big nose, it doesn’t matter. You have seen 100s, if not 1,000s of men with big nose, walking along with a beautiful girlfriend or wife. Why? Your nose isn’t what is important to the woman. She’s not looking to breed with you for your nose, she wants to feel safe around your confidence and masculinity.
Great post Dan!
This is the first time I encountered and watched your video ‘New Habit of Being’. You’ve hit the nail bang on in my situation mate. Developing a natural habit of socialising and being friendly has been hard work for me over the months but progressive. At least I have the decency to ask people especially in an transactional conversation mode how they are, and they appreciate that pretty much all the time! This talk you mentioned about being in a shell and just wanting to get on with your day is spot on a life of introvertedness I have lived in and am slowly but surely overcoming. Thanks for the video Dan, really enjoyed it.
Thanks for your positive feedback.
I’m glad you enjoyed the video. Essentially, just give yourself some credit for becoming a bigger and better man each day. If you keep trying to improve, a year from now, you will look back in amazement at how much you’ve grown. However, in the meantime, don’t ever beat yourself up for not being there 100% yet. Big things do take time, but they are worth it in the end.
I found this fascinating and I’d love to learn more!
Thanks for the positive feedback.
I will be writing more articles soon. Stay tuned.
Thank you for The Modern Man, it has been extremely helpful in making life better than ever. Recently I’ve been hooking up with a girl and its fairly obvious that this is just a hook up and nothing more. However, I’ve seen her the past few times with a new guy even a day or two after we had hooked up. How should I react to this? I don’t want to come off as clingy or insecure, but it just makes for an awkward setting. Just last night I texted her asking what she was up to and got no response. I saw her an hour later with the same guy and her friends. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
Congratulations on hooking up with a new woman. By that, I assume that you mean having sex with her.
About your question: It may be a case of you and her not being fully compatible with each other, but simply going along with having sex because there was a lot of attraction in other ways initially. Don’t sit around as the guy in the background as she hooks up with new guys. That will only make you feel desperate and rejected (if you’re not at the mastery level of confidence with women http://www.themodernman.com/videos/what-is-your-skill-level-with-women.html). Instead, hook up with new women and when she shows interest in you again, let her have the pleasure of being sexed by you again.
When you get to the level of being able to attract pretty much any woman you meet, you will know that a situation like the one you’re in now is nothing to worry about. No person is compatible with every person they meet. Read: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/theres-no-such-thing-as-rejection.html
Hey Dan, great post. I learned a lot. I want to know what other newsletter I can read of yours to help me with my confidence. Apart of me is saying “I know I can get my ex back, I know she still cares” we broke up in February. But I get insecure thinking in the process she’ll find another guy, I’m now open to fact I know I’m needy and insecure. That’s exactly how I lost her then she gave me a bs excuse when she dumped me. Every time I acted needy in arguments she’ll withdraw from me and she always did when we argued. How can I fix this, and what newsletters of yours can I read so when we meet up I can show her I’ve changed?
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
You can sign up for this newsletter: http://www.themodernman.com/free-videos-about-how-to-get-your-ex-back.html However, please note: I work on The Modern Man every day (i.e. I don’t have a day job), so I can’t do everything for free. All of my best techniques and solutions are in my programs: http://store.themodernman.com/products/get_your_ex_back_super_system.html
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