If you’re in the position where you’re saying, “My girlfriend said it’s over,” then you’re probably feeling hurt and confused right now.
You might even be saying to yourself, “How could this happen?” or “I didn’t see it coming.”
You might be thinking that this came out of the blue and that she’s made a snap decision to end it.
Yet, generally speaking, a woman doesn’t just wake up one morning and decide, “Oh, I think I’m going to break up with my boyfriend today.”
In most cases, she will have given her guy many hints about her feelings.
So, if your girlfriend is now saying that it’s over, you need to make sure that you start making her have positive feelings (e.g. attraction, respect, love) for you from now on.
Even though you might think of her as your GIRLFRIEND, the reality is that she is now your EX GIRLFRIEND if she has broken up with you.
In her mind, “It’s over” means that you are no longer her boyfriend and she is going to try to move on without you.
So, if you want her back as your girlfriend, you need to start re-attracting her…
When you start to reactivate her feelings of attraction for you, she will naturally begin to change her mind about wanting to break up with you.
Understand What Caused Her to Break Up With You
Why did she break up with you?
Do you know exactly where you went wrong?
If you are going to get her back and keep her, it’s important that you understand what caused your girlfriend to say, “It’s over.”
A woman will rarely say why she’s breaking up with a man, so it’s often difficult for a guy to figure out what he really did wrong.
She will say things like, “I just don’t feel the same way anymore” or, “I need to be alone for a while” or, “I don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone right now” as a way of softening the blow of the break up.
This is why so many guys repeat the same mistakes over and over again in their relationships; they never really, truly understand what it is about them and their behavior that is turning women off.
Women don’t want to explain how to re-attract them because they don’t want to feel like you’re faking it.
A woman wants to feel naturally attracted and drawn to who you are, without her having to give you instructions on how to be that way.
Some women will help, but they will resent a guy for it.
Women just want a guy who understands how to be the sort of man that a woman wants to stay with, rather than needing women to teach him and guide him along.
So, ask yourself, “What attitudes and behaviors caused my girlfriend’s feelings for me to change?”
Here are some classic examples of why a woman will break up with a guy…
1. Taking her for granted.
Most guys are nice guys, so they would never intentionally take their girlfriend for granted.
However, everyday life can sometimes get in the way and a good guy can end up being a bit of an asshole to his woman and not really know how to change back to being a good boyfriend to her.
He might be aware that he is going about the relationship incorrectly and ruining things, but he is just so annoyed with life, frustrated with work or unhappy about certain things about himself that he takes it out on her.
Since she loves him, she will put up with it for a while, but eventually she will grow tired of being made to feel that way.
A guy might even get to the point where he just takes his girlfriend’s efforts to look for him for granted.
For example: When was the last time you really noticed your girlfriend and said, “Wow, babe…you look sexy” or something like that?
In many cases, a guy will mistakenly slip into giving her automatic compliments without actually paying attention to her. “Yeah, yeah – you look great.”
When a woman makes an effort to look good for her man, she wants him to notice it and to make her feel loved, appreciated and valued.
If, when she buys a new dress or changes her hair all she gets from her guys is, “That’s nice,” she naturally ends up feeling that he’s not really valuing her.
Women know that the most attractive part to them is their physical appearance.
It is what attracts men to women like glue.
So, if her own man doesn’t really feel attracted to how she looks, she starts to feel devalued and may then start flirting with other guys to make herself feel better.
Another example is when a guy constantly makes plans with her and then cancels these plans at the last minute.
Of course plans change, but if this is a regular habit, she will feel that he is taking her for granted and that she’s not important enough for him to keep his word with her.
Unlike in the past where women would just “grin and bear it” and stick with a man for life because it was shameful to break up or get divorced, today’s woman will quickly break up with a guy for not making her feel how she wants to feel in the relationship.
She won’t feel ashamed to break up with him because all she has to do is turn on the TV and her favorite pop idols are either singing about breaking up with unsatisfactory guys, talking about on talk shows, living it out in reality shows or acting it out in movies.
Today’s women is free to do whatever she wants. If her boyfriend is deepening the love, respect and attraction between them in the relationship, she doesn’t have to stick around. She is free to try and find happiness with someone else.
2. Being clingy or needy.
The opposite of being taken for granted is having a guy who uses his relationship to hide from his true potential in life.
Although a woman likes to have her man’s undivided attention, she doesn’t want to have it ALL the time. She wants to be the one who pines over, and misses him; not the other way around.
As romantic as it may seem to want to do everything together, a relationship needs balance.
This is why it’s important that a man has hobbies, friends and interests outside of the relationship.
If he doesn’t he will inevitably become clingy and needy, especially if she does something that doesn’t include him.
Essentially, women are attracted to strong men who know what they want in life and aren’t afraid to go out and get it.
A man who uses his relationship to hide from life because he’s afraid is a big turn off and he’s usually the one who finds himself saying, “My girlfriend said it’s over” and wondering what he did wrong.
3. Letting her wear the pants in the relationship.
Many guys who have little experience with women and feel that they got lucky in getting their girlfriend, will end up doing whatever she wants so that she won’t stop loving them.
These guys hand over all the decision making to her hoping this will make her happy.
However, regardless of how independent and strong she is, a woman still wants to know that the man she’s with really is a man.
She doesn’t want to feel as though she has to be the “man” in the relationship and make all the decisions for him.
If he isn’t mentally and emotionally strong enough to handle taking the lead, she can’t actually relax and be a feminine woman because she always has to be “on duty” doing his job for him.
When this happens, she will eventually end up resenting him and she won’t enjoy being around him.
Some women may seem to like being in charge and even put up with a relationship like that for a few years, but they will eventually get tired of not being able to feel like a feminine woman around their boyfriend.
The only way to truly make a woman happy in a relationship is for you to be the man and let her be your feminine, girly woman. She might be strong and successful with her career, but around you, she wants to feel feminine and girly.
She might not ever tell you that, but it’s what she wants and if you don’t give her that experience, she will eventually feel like she needs to end the relationship with you and find it with another man.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
When a guy has little experience with fixing a dying relationship, he will often resort to “quick fix gimmicks” in the hopes of getting his girlfriend to change her mind, rather than actually fixing his personal issues and improve himself to show her that he is serious about getting her love, respect and attraction back.
Some of the quick fix gimmicks that guys try to use include:
- Begging and pleading for her to give him a second chance.
- Promising to change if she changes her mind.
- Buying her flowers, chocolates and other expensive gifts to hopefully show her that he loves and appreciates her.
- Telling her that his life is “over” without her.
- Ignoring her for weeks or months and hoping that it will magically fix everything.
If you want to get your girlfriend back, you can’t hope to “trick” her back.
This might work on a woman who has little experience in relationships, but if she comes back to you and realizes that nothing has really changed, she will simply break up with you again.
If you want her to change her mind and give you another chance, you have to show her that you really are the man that she should be with and that you are doing what it takes to fill in any gaps that she feels existed in your relationship.
From there, you need to get her to forgive you, forget the mistakes that you made in the past and fall in love with you again.