4 possible reasons why your girlfriend said that you will never get back together, are:
1. She can see that you still don’t understand what she really wants
Often, when a guy gets broken up with, his initial reaction is to do whatever it takes to quickly get his woman back.
So, rather than spending a bit of time understanding her real reasons for breaking up with him (so he can then give her what she wants), he dives in and starts promising to change things about himself she doesn’t actually want.
For example: Imagine that a woman broke up with her guy because he was too timid and submissive around her and others.
He almost always let her have her way (even when she was being unreasonable) and he rarely stood up for himself in social situations.
He might have tried to convince himself that he was doing the right thing by being so submissive with her, by thinking something like, “A woman doesn’t want to be bossed around by her man. She wants to feel like his equal. Besides, modern women are emotionally strong and capable of taking care of themselves, so they don’t want a guy to tell them what to do. They want to make all the decisions themselves and be in control. Fortunately, I’m the kind of guy who respects women’s power and I’m happy to take a back seat and let my girlfriend lead because that’s what will her happy.”
Yes, it’s true that a woman doesn’t want to be bossed around, but she also doesn’t want to have to boss her man around.
She wants a man that she can look up to, respect and follow the lead of, rather than feeling like she has to take care of a soft, wimpy guy.
So, in this example, the woman felt more emotionally dominant than her, which caused her to lose respect and attraction for him.
She then began to close herself off to him emotionally.
Eventually, she got tired of leading him and left.
To get her back, a guy like that might say things like, “Please don’t give up on us. What we have is special. I promise that I will never give up on our love and I will do whatever it takes to make you happy again. Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it!”
He’s hoping that she will feel flattered and happy that he’s willing to do anything for her.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that he’s behaving in the exact same way that turned her off in the first place (i.e. needy, wimpy, submissive, emotionally weak and needing her to lead him).
So, rather than make her feel optimistic about her future with him, she feels like the situation is hopeless.
He still doesn’t understand what she really wants and therefore, he keeps offering her the wrong things (i.e. to do whatever she wants vs. being an emotionally strong, dominant man she can now look up to and respect).
As a result, she pushes him away even more and says things like, “Forget about it. You and I are over and we will never get back together. Please stop calling me and move on. I’m just not interested. You need to move on.”
So, if you want to get your ex back, make sure that you offer her what she wants, rather than what you think she wants.
For example: Some of the things that a woman usually wants her guy to change are…
- To stop being so insecure, needy and clingy in the relationship with her.
- To make her feel feminine and girly by being more emotionally masculine than her, rather than making her feel neutral like a friend.
- To be emotionally independent and to have a huge goal and purpose in life other than his relationship with her.
- To stand up for himself and not let her, or others push him around.
- To make her feel loved and appreciated.
- To take the lead in the relationship and guide both of them to a better future together.
- To want the same things as her long term (e.g. to go traveling, to buy a house, start a family together, focus on their studies or careers).
When you understand what your girlfriend really wants, you can then begin to change those things about yourself right away.
Then, when you interact with her over the phone and in person and she sees for herself that you’re now the kind of man she can look up to, respect and feel attracted to, her walls will come down.
She will stop saying, “We will never get back together again,” because all of a sudden, saying it just doesn’t feel true to her anymore.
Suddenly, there is a spark of hope in her heart and mind that you and her could actually make things work.
It’s not over between you and her now.
Something is still there between you.
Additionally, this time, it feels even more appealing and interesting to her because you’ve leveled up as a man.
You have become a better man and are now able to make her feel attracted in more interesting, appealing, exciting and fulfilling ways.
You are still you, just better.
She gets to be with a new version of you and experience newer, more interesting and deep feelings.
From there, you just need to turn her spark of hope into a raging fire of sexual and romantic attraction for you.
Don’t worry, it’s easy to do.
When you do, she will go from saying, “We will never get back together” to, “When can we see each other again? I miss you!”
Another possible reason why your girlfriend said that you will never get back together, is…
2. She is just being dramatic
Some women like to create drama after a break up to hopefully make an ex beg, plead and chase her for another chance.
For example: A woman might say, “You broke my heart and nothing will ever make me forget that! Please stop asking me for another chance, because we will never get back together again. It’s over!”
Her ex may then start begging and pleading with her and saying things like, “Please don’t say that. I love you so much! Please forgive me! I promise I will be the best boyfriend in the world if you just give me one more chance to make it up to you.”
She can then feel good about the fact that she has complete control over him.
Yet, having the upper hand like that doesn’t actually make her change her mind and want him back.
In fact, it actually turns her off even more, because he’s falling for her fake drama (something that her other ex’s have likely also done).
Here’s the thing…
Even though she won’t admit it when asked, a woman doesn’t actually want a guy to take her so seriously when she is creating drama.
Rather than beg, plead or panic, she wants a man who will stand up to her by laughing (important) and saying something along the lines of, “Hey, stop being such a drama queen. Sure, I stuffed up, but you made mistakes too. That’s what happens in a relationship. No one is perfect. I’m not perfect and neither are you. What matters is how you handle it. When two people are mature and love each other, they don’t make a big deal about past mistakes. They learn from their mistakes and become better people as a result. Then, if they want to, they can get back together and have a relationship that’s even stronger and better than before. So, stop being so dramatic about things you little drama queen. If you need time to heal, then take that time, but don’t be so irrational about things. You’re more mature than that and you know it.”
Of course, your ex will most likely act (yes, act) shocked and maybe even pretend to be angry if you say something like that to her.
So, be prepared to laugh at her (in a loving way) if she does.
When you do, she will feel surges of respect and attraction for you for being man enough to stand up to her in that way.
Of course, you shouldn’t be mean to your ex girlfriend, but just don’t get sucked into her fake drama.
If you are too afraid to laugh at her for being a drama queen, then you don’t have enough balls to be with a woman like her.
A woman wants a man who isn’t afraid of her.
This doesn’t mean you should be aggressive or angry though.
Instead, it means that you should have the balls to look at her as a girl, rather than looking at her as being more dominant than you.
So, the next time she gets overly emotional with you, just remember to see the funny side of how she is approaching it all (i.e. look at her as being a silly little girl who is being overly emotional).
When she realizes that you’re no longer falling for her drama and that you can now maintain your confidence and sense of calm no matter what she says or does to throw you off, she won’t be able to stop herself from reconnecting with her original feelings of love for you.
When that happens, getting her back becomes easy.
Another possible reason why your girlfriend said that you will never get back together, is…
3. You have disappointed her one too many times
In a relationship, a woman needs to be able to trust her guy to be a man of his word at all times.
It’s not enough for him to stick to his word most of the time.
He has to be a man of his word every time, so she can fully relax into her trust in him.
The man is the leader.
A woman needs to be able to fully surrender into the leadership of her man and trust that he will guide both him and her to better times in the future.
If she can’t trust him as the leader, then she can’t fully surrender into her devoted, sexual love for him.
She will always have her guard up and be ready to leave him.
So many couples are in that state in a relationship because the man is unable to be consistent and be a leader that she can trust.
If that applies to your relationship, it’s essential that you get clear on what it really means to be a man in a relationship with a woman.
Understand that it is your responsibility to lead the way to an increasingly better relationship dynamic.
That doesn’t mean you have to do a lot of work.
It’s not like that at all.
It just means that you have to know how to guide a relationship into deeper feelings of love, respect and attraction.
When you do, you will see that it’s 10x easier than guiding a relationship a relationship into lesser feelings and ending up getting dumped by your girl.
A woman needs to be able to trust that her man can lead both him and her to better times and a better relationship in future.
He doesn’t have to be superman and achieve everything or get everything right.
He just needs to be better at leading the way than her.
Part of doing that is being a man of his word.
When a guy doesn’t stick to his word, a woman will start to lose trust in him as the leader.
The more that happens, the more she will disconnect from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him.
Eventually, she will wonder why she is following his direction in the relationship and will take over.
When she does, she will feel frustrated and annoyed that she is stuck with a guy who can’t even lead a woman in a relationship.
She will then start to feel attracted to other men who are more confident and emotionally masculine than him.
Soon enough, she will either cheat on her guy or break up with him and then try to move on.
So, what is an example of a guy not being a man of his word?
A guy might promise his girlfriend that he’s going to stop hanging out with his single friends all the time (e.g. playing video games, getting drunk, going out partying) and focus more on his studies or work.
Yet, rather than stick to his word, he might sneak around behind her back doing the things he promised not to do.
Naturally, when she eventually finds out about it, she feels disappointed in him and feels as though he’s not a trustworthy leader for her to truly surrender to and follow for life.
She may try to help change by saying things like, “You really let me down again. I don’t like it when you say that you will do something and then break your word behind my back. If you lie to me one more time, I’m going to break up with you. I refuse to be in a relationship with a man who can’t keep a promise.”
If he doesn’t take her warnings seriously and continues disappointing her, she will eventually lose so much respect that she will break up with him.
He might then try to get her back by writing her a long love letter or email, saying things like, “I’m so sorry for letting you down the way I did. I promise that I’ll never break my word to you again. I love you so much. You mean the world to me and the idea of causing you pain makes me feel sick to my stomach. Please give me another chance and I promise that I will prove my love to you.”
Yet, it’s unlikely she will believe him at that point, after all she has been through with him in the past.
By the way…
When a woman has stopped having feelings for her ex, him pouring his heart out to her isn’t going to make her suddenly care about the relationship.
Instead, she will usually think something like, “Good for you that you still love me, but I don’t feel the same way about you. You’ve disappointed me too many times and I’m not going to fall for your excuses and soppy declarations of love ever again. You’re just sending me letters and e-mails and hoping that I’ll forget about what happened between us. Well, it doesn’t work like that. I still feel hurt and angry about what you did. So, telling me how much you love me and asking for another chance based on that just makes me feel even angrier. It shows that you’re still only thinking about yourself and what you need and don’t really care about me or how I feel. You haven’t changed. You’re doing what you always do… telling me what I want to hear, so I will forgive you and give you another chance. Then, when I do, you break your word again and let me down once again. Well, not this time. It’s over! We will never get back together again and that’s final!”
So, if you want to convince your ex to give you another chance, don’t waste time sending her long love letters or e-mails, because she’s not going to care about how you feel or what you want right now.
Instead, show her (i.e. by changing your behavior, attitude, actions) that you truly are a man of your word now and won’t let her down again.
Note: I said that you should “show” her, not “tell” her than you are a man of your word now.
The more you can prove to her that you really have changed, the more she will start to feel some respect and attraction for you again.
She will relax her guard and open up to the possibility of getting back together again, because you’ve regained some of her trust.
Another possible reason why your girlfriend said that you’l never get back together, is…
4. She believes that you will never change
In most cases, a woman won’t just break up with a guy without giving him at least one or two more chances to change and improve.
However, if she sees that he always reverts back to his old way of thinking and behaving, she will eventually get fed up and break up with him.
He might then try to change her mind by saying things like, “I don’t want to lose you. I promise that this time I really am going to change. Just give me one more chance,” but by that stage, the woman probably won’t believe that he can change.
Instead, she will roll her eyes and say something along the lines of, “I’d like to believe you, but you’ve already made promises to change before and it’s never happened. I wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t even know what to change or how to changing it, and you’re actually hoping that I will tell you or help you. Well, that’s not going to happen. I’m tired of having to help you understand how to be the man that I need. I’ve tried for so long to get through to you and now I’m just fed up. I don’t care enough to put in the effort anymore. You aren’t the right man for me and I’m not going to waste anymore time trying to fix you or change you. You’d be better off finding a woman who will put up with you the way you are. However, that woman isn’t going to be me. As far as the two of us are concerned, we will never get back together! It’s over and you need to accept that and move on.”
He may then try to make her feel sorry for him by saying something like, “How can you do this to me? Didn’t what we had together mean anything to you? I know that I stuffed up, but doesn’t the fact that I’m truly sorry change anything? I still love you and I am willing to try to make this work. I will do all the work. You don’t have to do anything. Just let me show you that I can change. At least give me one more chance. I’ll really change this time. I would never walk away from you the way you’re walking away from me. I will always love you enough to give you another chance. How can you not care about me anymore? Doesn’t it matter to you that I still love you and that I will never be able to move on and find another woman because of my feelings for you? I’ve never loved any other woman as much as I love you.”
He’s secretly hoping that by making her feel sorry for him and by flattering her by telling her how much she means to it, she will change her mind and get back with him.
Yet, it just doesn’t work like that.
A woman doesn’t want to be manipulated into giving her ex another chance simply because he can’t deal with the idea of being broken up with.
Additionally, by behaving in that way, she starts to suspect that he doesn’t even know how to change and improve to get her back.
Instead, he’s hoping she’ll take pity on him and give him another chance with her without him having to change anything first.
Unfortunately, this makes it feel unfair to the woman and she closes up even further as a result.
Eventually, she gets annoyed and says something like, “We will never get back together. Get that through your head. It’s over!”
Don’t worry, you can fix it.
If you truly want to get your girlfriend back, don’t waste time trying to convince her in ways that don’t actually matter to her (e.g. making promises to change, trying to make her feel sorry for you, expressing your feelings for her).
Instead, focus on understanding the real, more subtle reasons why she broke up with you (e.g. you weren’t being manly enough, you became too emotionally sensitive) and then quickly make some changes to your thinking and behavior (e.g. by becoming more confident, emotionally independent, ballsy).
Then, the next time you interact with her (e.g. on a phone call, or in person) she will notice the changes by the way you interact with her.
You won’t have to tell her that you’ve changed.
She will sense it for herself.
She will see that you now truly understand where you went wrong and are no longer the same guy that she broke up with.
Initially she might try to test you (e.g. by saying that she will never get back together again) or by acting cold, distant or even rude.
However, when she sees that you maintain your confidence no matter what, it won’t take long before her resolve to never give you another chance starts to dissolve.
When that happens, all you need to do is continue saying and doing the types of things that will prove to her that you really are a new and improved man now.
She will naturally start to feel sparks of respect and sexual attraction for you again and open herself up to loving you once again.