She has only made up her mind based on how she currently feels about you, which you can change.
Right now, she feels turned off by the mistakes you made in the relationship (e.g. you became too insecure, took her for granted, were mean to her and nice to other people, she felt like you were dragging her down) and the unattractive approach you have used to get her back so far (e.g. begging and pleading, getting angry or upset with her, promising to do anything she wants if she gives you another chance).
So, it might feel like it’s going to be impossible to change her mind.
You can change how she feels about you by following these steps:
1. Understand what kind of attraction experience she really wants with a man
Each woman requires a different attraction experience than other women.
For example: Some women prefer a very confident guy who always takes the lead, other women prefer a confident guy who takes the lead while also letting her take the lead at times and some women like a shy guy who lets her boss him around.
Each woman is different.
Do you know what kind of attraction experience your ex really wanted from you?
Were you giving her that experience?
If not, don’t worry – you can reawaken her feelings for you by interacting with her and letting her see that the attraction experience she seeks is now available with you.
For example: If a woman broke up with a guy because she felt like he was dragging her down (e.g. he was too negative as a person and kept whining about life) to get her respect and attraction back, he has to show her that he is now more positive and optimistic about life.
When she experiences the new positive, easy-going man that he has become, she will naturally start to feel differently about him.
She will stop feeling stressed out by his negative approach to life and she will start to enjoy being around him.
Of course, just making that one change won’t automatically get her back, but it will bring her guard down and allow him to then start re-attracting her in other ways.
When he does that, she will then begin to open up to giving him another chance so she can explore her new, more interesting and appealing feelings for him.
Another example is where a woman broke up with a guy because he made her feel as though she had to take care of him emotionally.
For example: He was too emotionally sensitive regularly needed her reassure him of her love and commitment to him, otherwise he’d become clingy, controlling or upset.
He was also hiding from rising through the levels of his true potential as a man by spending most or all of his spare time with her.
He was afraid of failing or being rejected if he tried to achieve his big goals, dreams and ambitions, so he just used her as an excuse to waste his time away doing nothing and just hanging out with her.
As result, she felt turned off by his emotional sensitivity and by his fear of becoming a bigger and better man.
To make her change her mind and become open to giving him another chance, he needs to show her that he’s a much more emotionally independent man now.
He also has a clear purpose in life and has set goals for himself that he’s fearlessly working towards achieving.
He has hobbies, friends and interests and is living a happy, enjoyable life without her.
He wants her back, but he doesn’t need her back to take care of him and give him a reason for living.
That is what counts to her.
When she can see for herself that he would be totally fine without her, she can drop her guard and start to feel some respect and attraction for the new version of him.
How about you?
What are the kinds of things that turned your woman off and lead to the break up?
What do you need to change to let her see that not only are you different now, but that she feels differently when she interacts with you?
When your ex can see that you’ve understood the kind of attraction she really wants from you and are now able to provide that to her, she won’t be able to stop herself from opening back up to you.
She may start thinking things like, “I know that I said I made up my mind and never want him back, but I was saying that about the old version of him. This new version of him is actually very attractive to me now. If he’d been like this all along, we would never have broken up in the first place. Maybe it’s not too late to make things work between us after all. I can see us working now. I feel something for him again. I don’t want to miss out on this opportunity.”
She then naturally changes her mind because getting back together doesn’t feel like it’s the wrong thing for her to do anymore.
She wants it to happen, rather than feeling like you are trying to force her into it against her will.
That’s the key.
If you are trying hard to convince her to change her mind, she will remain closed off to you and see your efforts as desperate and selfish.
Yet, when you reawaken her feelings for you and let her see that you can now give her the kind of attraction experience she really wants, then things change.
You don’t have to waste time and energy trying to convince her to change her mind, because she does it by herself.
She wants to give you another chance for her own reasons (e.g. she wants to explore her new feelings for you, it doesn’t feel like it’s over between you and her anymore, she wants to be around you).
2. Prepare yourself to attract her in new ways when you next interact
Understanding what caused her to stop feeling attracted to you is a good start, but just understanding it won’t get her back.
You have to prepare yourself to attract her in new ways, so she can experience new feelings for you.
Most guys aren’t aware of that, so they end up ruining their chances with an ex girl by making one or more of the following mistakes…
Mistake 1: Trying to make her change her mind via endless texts, e-mails and letters
When a woman is refusing to see her ex or talk to him over the phone, he might feel that the only way to get through to her is via text, e-mail or by sending her a long letter.
He’s hoping that if he can make her listen to his point of view (e.g. he loves her, he knows that things can be different if she gives him a chance, he just made some mistakes and she should understand that and open back up to him to see for herself), she won’t stay closed off to him anymore.
Yet, here’s the thing…
When a woman can’t see a guy and experience the new version of him in person, she’ll usually just assume that he’s still exactly the same guy she broke up with.
So, when he texts her or sends her an e-mail or letter, it’s unlikely that she will give him the benefit of the doubt and say to herself, “Hmmm…he really sounds like he is truly sorry for what happened between us. I’m going to take his word for it that he’s changed. I believe him! I’m going to giving him another chance!”
Instead, she’ll just assume that he’s the same guy she broke up with and feel even more turned off by him for not being man enough to talk to her on the phone or in person.
So, if you want your ex to change her mind, make sure you only text or e-mail her as a way of getting her on a phone call with you, so that you can re-spark her feelings for you for real.
Hiding behind texts because it feels easier to you isn’t a smart move.
Women get turned off so easily by texts from an ex (e.g. because a text can come across as insecure, desperate or needy).
Women can also play hard to get and not reply to texts just to see how their ex will react.
If he gets upset, seems to lose confidence or starts sucking up to her, she then feels turned off by his desperation and insecurity.
This is why it’s always best to just get her on a phone call and meet up with her in person.
Another mistake that guys make is…
Mistake 2: Pouring his heart out to her and explaining how she is the only one for him
He might say things like, “You’re the only woman for me. Without you I’m lost. Can’t you see that everything I’ve ever done was for you and me? Yes, I stuffed up before, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you and that I won’t do whatever you want me to do to make you happy from now on. Please don’t throw our love away. You’re my one and only true love. Don’t you remember what you used to say to me about growing old together? You told me you loved me more than any other guy. I love you more than any other woman I’ve ever met. You are the one for me. Please don’t walk away from what we have. Please think about this. I love you.”
Yet, when a woman has disconnected herself from her feelings of love, respect and attraction for a man (e.g. because she broke up with him for being too insecure, taking her for granted or not being able to give her the kind of attraction experience she wanted), him pouring his heart out to her just won’t matter to her.
Instead, she’ll just think something like, “I might be the one for you, but you’re definitely not the one for me. You don’t understand me and what I really want. Goodbye!”
She then closes herself off even more and it becomes more difficult for him to get through to her.
If he keeps using the same approach and she can see that he doesn’t even understand what she really wants, a woman will usually then block his number, delete him or block him from social media and try to move on without him as quickly as she can.
So, if you want to get your ex back, don’t make the mistake of talking to her about your feelings all the time and telling her how much she means to you and what you’d do if she gave you another chance.
Instead, focus on changing how she feels (i.e. make her experience new feelings of attraction for you, get her to reconnect with her original feelings for you, make her want you), rather than on how you feel about her.
It’s fine to tell her that you love her, but only if you are making her feel sparks of love for you.
If the feelings aren’t mutual, she just isn’t going to care about your feelings for her.
Another classic mistake that guys make is…
Mistake 3: Trying to get her to remember the good times
When a woman is saying things like, “Leave me alone. I’ve made up my mind and I never want you back,” a guy might start bringing up all the good times they shared in the past as a way to hopefully get her to change her mind.
Yet, rather than make a woman change her mind, highlighting to her how good things used to be only reminds her of how bad things became in the end.
The secret is to focus on making her feel sparks of respect, attraction and love for the new you, rather than trying to get her back based on what she used to feel for you.
Mistake 4: Pleading with her to stop being so closed off and just give him a chance
When a woman breaks up with a guy, she will usually choose to disconnect herself from him as quickly as possible, so she can get over the pain of the break up and move on.
A guy might then try to make her change her mind by saying things like, “Why are you doing this to me? Why are you being so stubborn and closed off? How can I make things right if you won’t even give me a chance? Please baby…don’t shut me out like this. I need you. Please!”
Yet, it just doesn’t work because nothing about that approach makes her feel sparks of respect, attraction and love.
In her mind, he is just being selfish and wanting her to change his mind so he can feel better about himself.
He’s not doing anything to respark her feelings for him.
As a result, she will just say something like, “Sorry. I’ve made up my mind and I never want you back.”
He might then spend the next few months or years missing her and feeling hurt by how she dumped him and moved on so easily.
In many cases, a guy won’t ever realize his mistake and how he could have gotten her back if he used a different approach that was focused on making her feel attracted again.
Instead, a guy will often become depressed, insecure and emotionally guarded from the pain he experienced after being dumped by her.
Don’t put yourself through that.
There is an easier way to get a woman back and it’s about making her have feelings for you again.
Once you do that (and it’s easy), she naturally changes her mind and opens back up to you, without the need for you to beg, plead and try to convince her.
Another mistake that guys make…
Mistake 5: Promising that he will change
Promising to change isn’t as powerful as understand what she needs you to change, changing and then letting her experience the changes.
In other words, actions speak louder than words.
It’s easy to say, “I will change, I promise!”
A woman knows that a promise from her guy is not the same as him actually following through and doing it.
For example: In many of the ex back cases that I’ve worked on over the years, a couple will have had several near break ups before the final break up took place.
A woman will likely have said something to the effect of, “I’m tired of this. If you don’t change I’m going to leave you,” and the guy will usually have responded by promising her that he will change.
Then, if he didn’t change or only briefly changed and then went back to his old way of thinking and behaving, she breaks up with him for real.
If he then tries to get her back by promising to change, she is less likely to believe him and give him yet another chance.
She then says something like, “I’ve made up my mind and I never want you back” and at that point, a guy starts looking for help.
Maybe something similar happened to you, right?
You’re here now and I can help you.
If you want your ex to change her mind, you must start changing the things that turned her off when you were together.
Then, when you interact with her again, you will be ready to give her the kind of attraction experience she always wanted from you, but never seemed to get.
Remember: Actions speak louder than words.
You need to show her (not tell her) that you’re now at a different level from when she broke up with you.
With that in mind, let’s move onto the next tip…
3. Interact with her to allow her to experience the new and improved you
Sometimes, when a woman says, “I’ve made up my mind and I never want you back,” a guy might decide that his only hope of getting her back is to give her enough space to change her mind.
He might say to himself, “Right now, she’s angry with me about what happened and she’s closing herself off from her feelings for me. She’s confused about how she feels and when I try to talk to her, it only makes her feel annoyed and angry. So, the best thing to do is give her some space to figure things out. When she doesn’t hear from me or see me for a while, she will realize how much she still cares about me and then she will want me back after all.”
He might then cut off all communication with her for 30 to 60 days (sometimes even longer) in the hopes that this will trigger her fears of losing him and make her come running back.
Here’s what he doesn’t realize though…
In most cases, when a woman has disconnected with her feelings for a guy, she will just use the time apart to get over him, move on and possibly even hook up with another guy.
Don’t do that to yourself.
Understand that the best way to change your ex’s mind is by interacting with her (instead of ignoring her) and making her laugh and smile, so she can begin to reconnect with her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Essentially, when you make a woman smile, laugh and feel happy during a conversation, she simply can’t hold on to negative, angry feelings about you for long.
So, if you think she needs a little bit of space, give her 3 to 7 days at most.
Giving her that amount of time proves the point that you’re not being needy and desperate.
It also allows her time to calm down and start missing you.
You decide how much space (up to a week) that she will need.
Then, contact her and re-spark some of her feelings of respect and attraction for the new and improved you.
4. Get her to forgive the old you for her benefit
Getting your ex to forgive you is a very important step to making her change her mind.
To make her want to forgive you, it’s important that you let her know that forgiving you will make her feel better, fresher and lighter.
She won’t have to carry around the baggage from her relationship with you and will have handled the break up in a mature way (i.e. forgiving the old you for making mistakes because she is mature enough to understand that people can make mistakes, learn and become a better person as a result).
When you get her to forgive you, she then stops thinking about the mistakes you made with her and she starts looking at the new you in a more positive light.
Her determination to remain broken up from you starts to fade away and she becomes open to you again.
When that happens, you need to make sure that you’re able to make her feel enough respect and attraction for you again, so she feels motivated to want to be in a relationship with you again.
5. Ask her to catch up with you to say hello, or to say goodbye if she wants that instead
Getting your ex to change her mind about you and the relationship is a lot easier when you’re talking to her face-to-face.
When she can see the new and improved way that you now talk, think and behave around her (e.g. more confident, charismatic, emotionally masculine, dominant but loving), it becomes difficult to keep imagining you as the horrible ex she broke up with (e.g. wimpy, annoying, overly emotional, insecure).
So, don’t waste a lot of time trying to convince her to give you another chance via text, e-mail, social media message or letter.
Instead, call her on the phone and reawaken her feelings for you (e.g. by making her laugh and smile, making her feel feminine and girly) and then get her to meet up with you in person.
Initially, she could be a bit resistant to see you again and might say something along the lines of, “No. I don’t want to see you again. I’ve made up my mind and I never want you back. So, what’s the point of meeting up? What do you want?”
Regardless of what your ex says to you, make sure that you don’t get upset or lose your confidence in the moment.
Remain calm and confidently say, “Hey, I’m only asking you for a quick catch up. It’s nothing serious. Just because we agree to have a quick cup of coffee, it doesn’t mean we’re getting back together again. These days, it’s no big deal for ex’s to meet up and say hello as friends. Besides, after we meet up, if you decide you just want to say goodbye and never see each other again, I will respect that. I won’t contact you ever again. So, how about it? I’m busy on Monday and Tuesday, but I’m available on Wednesday afternoon or Sunday morning. Which of those days is best for you?”
You might then get a response of something like, “Okay, fine. Maybe just this once,” or if she really wants you out of her life, she might say, “Okay, if that’s the only way I will be able to get rid of you for good, then yes – let’s meet up this one time and that’s it.”
Whatever the case is for you, just go ahead and make plans to meet up with her on a day that suits you both.
If you attract her at the meet up, she’s not going to want it to be a final goodbye.
She will open back up to you and will stop being as cold and distant.
In many cases, a guy is able to get his ex woman back at the first meet up.
However, in difficult cases (i.e. where she hates him), it can take a couple of meet ups to fully get her back.
Whatever the case is for you, just remain confident, calm and in control of the situation by focusing on making her have feelings for you again.
That now leads us to the final tip for you…
6. Make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you at the meet up
At the meet up, you’ve got to continue building on her feelings for you so she will want to change her mind.
You can do that by making some attractive adjustments to the way you’re talking to her, how you respond to what she says and the way you react when she tries to test you (e.g. by being cold and distant, telling you that she’s made up her mind and never wants you back).
When she can see that you’re not losing your cool and are instead being a confident, emotionally strong man (something she’s probably not expecting from you at this point), she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling some respect for you again.
When you get her respect back, everything begins to change.
She drops her guard, opens herself up to feeling attracted to you again and starts to feel drawn to you in a sexual and romantic way.
She starts thinking, “This isn’t the same guy that I broke up with. He’s actually the kind of man I can look up to, respect and easily fall in love with now. I’m so confused. I thought I’d made up my mind, but now I want him back. I don’t want to miss out on this. I have to give it a try. I like how I am feeling. I want this.”
Remember: It doesn’t matter what she said before about never wanting you back.
What matters is how you make her feel from now on.