5 common reasons why an ex woman will be guarded when she begins talking to her ex again…
1. She senses that you want her to commit to a relationship
When a man is able to begin talking to his ex woman again, he may think, “Okay, this is good! We’re talking again! That’s the first step to us getting back into a relationship.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Just because you’re keen to get back into a relationship with her, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your ex feels the same way.
She might just be curious to talk to you to see how she feels, but isn’t thinking, “I want to get back into a relationship.”
So, if she senses that you’re secretly hoping to get back into a relationship (e.g. you’re being very nice to her, are trying to get her to go on a date with you, you keep wanting to discuss the relationship and how and her can fix things between you), it can cause her to be guarded because she doesn’t want to make you think that you’ve already won her back and she is ready for a relationship.
If you want your ex to drop her guard and open up to the idea of getting back together again, you to avoid making her feel like she is under pressure to commit to the idea of being in a relationship with you.
You need to stop thinking about every conversation that you have with her as your last chance to get her back into a relationship with you and instead, just focus instead on having fun together.
The more that you make her laugh, smile and feel good to be talking to you again, the more she will be able to relax her guard and open herself up to reconnecting with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
Then, getting back together will happen naturally, because it will feel good for both of you.
On the other hand, if she senses that your number one focus is getting her to commit to a relationship, she will continue to keep her guard up.
Another possible reason why your ex is guarded around you is because…
2. She’s not fully re-attracted to you yet
In a lot of ex back cases, when a guy starts talking to his ex again, he makes the mistake of being too neutral with her (i.e. talking in a friendly, straightforward manner and avoiding flirting with her or creating sexual tension).
He may try to convince himself that being neutral is the way to go, by saying to himself, “I need to take things slowly with her so I don’t scare her off. I’m just going to be a good friend to her by being there for her. Doing that will show her that I care and that she can always rely on me.”
Yet, rather than making her think, “Aww, he’s being so sweet to take things slow with me and just being there for me,” a woman will usually think, “Things feel weird between me and him now. We talk, but there is no spark. I don’t know what he wants from me. Does he just want to be my friend? Should I start dating other guys then? Maybe I should date a new guy to see how my ex reacts. If he doesn’t care, then he just wants to be my friend, but if he does, then clearly he has been acting like a friend just to stay on my mind.”
Obviously, you don’t want that to happen right?
If not, make sure that you do more than just talk to your ex in a neutral, friendly way.
If you want her back for real, you’ve got to actively make her have sexual and romantic feelings for you again.
Another possible reason why your ex is being guarded when talking to you, is…
3. She is testing to see if you will lose confidence in yourself
Many women will test their ex’s confidence by being guarded and not making it easy for him to win her back.
A woman wants to see if her will he maintain his confidence, or if he will start feeling insecure and unworthy of her love.
Will he give up and walk away because she isn’t making it obvious that she wants him back, or will he persevere until he has her back in his arms and hears her say, “I love you” once again?
Will he realize that she’s just testing his confidence, or will he take it as a sign that he’s not good enough for her anymore?
If he can’t pass her confidence test, she will perceive him as being emotionally weak and unable to cope with the challenges that life throws at him.
As a result, she will lose respect for him and won’t be able to feel safe with him as her man.
On the other hand, if he can maintain his confidence even though she is being guarded, she will start to feel surges of respect and attraction for him again.
She’ll then drop her guard, open back up to him and he can then get her back.
The next possible reason why your ex is being guarded when you’re talking to her, is…
4. She doesn’t want to seem too keen in case you change your mind or lose interest in her
A woman will sometimes keep her guard up around her ex, because she doesn’t want to open herself up to the possibility of getting hurt.
For example: Imagine that a woman broke up with a guy and then, after a few days, he starts texting her again or talks to her on the phone and sounds like he’s interested in working things out between them.
In her heart, she’s glad that he’s making the effort to interact with her and get the relationship back together.
She may even be thinking things like, “Maybe I made a mistake breaking up with him. Maybe we can make things work between us. I really want to believe that we can be together again.”
Yet, at the same time, she may begin to worry, “Don’t let your guard down so easily! What if he changes his mind and says that he isn’t interested in getting back with you? You will then be the one who got dumped. So, be on your guard. Don’t show too much interest!” or “What if this is just a ploy to make me fall in love with him again, so he can dump me to get revenge for breaking up with him? You’ll get hurt. You need to be careful!”
As a result, she remains guarded and doesn’t want to show too much interest.
Another possible reason why your ex is being guarded when you talk to her, is…
5. She doesn’t believe that you’ve really changed
Sometimes, an ex woman will be able to see that her ex is still pretty much the same guy she broke up with.
He’s still thinking, acting and behaving in the ways that caused her to break up with him in the first place (e.g. he’s insecure, needy, emotionally wimpy, unsure of himself and his value to her), so she doesn’t see any point in opening up to him and giving him another chance.
She may think, “It’s pointless to waste time with him again. He hasn’t changed and if I drop my guard and allow myself to have feelings for him again, I’m just going to end up getting hurt one more time. I’m better off staying closed off and focusing on finding myself a new guy who can give me what I need…I’ve got to find someone to move on with.”
So, if you want your ex to drop her guard and be open back up to being with you again, you have to make some changes to how you communicate with her and behave around her (e.g. be confident, rather than being insecure, flirt with her, rather than just being neutral or nice, make her laugh, rather than having straightforward conversations all the time or worse, trying to discuss the relationship with her all the time).
When you do that, she will begin to notice that real changes have been made (e.g. you’re now more confident and self-assured, you’re more emotionally mature than before, you no longer allow her to dominate you with her assertive personality, you’re able to make her laugh and smile even though she‘s being closed off and distant towards you) and as a result, she won’t be able to stop herself from opening up a little bit more.
5 Mistakes That Some Guys Make When They Start Talking to Their Ex Again
Getting an ex to drop her guard and have feelings for you is a pretty easy thing to do.
Yet, if you make one or more of the following mistakes, it won’t be as easy…
1. Sticking to text, rather than getting on a phone call
In many cases, a guy will assume that his ex won’t like it if he calls her, or he will worry that he might end up feeling rejected and hurt if she doesn’t answer his call.
So, rather than get her on a phone call where it’s easier for him to make her laugh, smile and feel good to be interacting with him again, he just sticks to the comfort and safety of text messages.
Here’s the thing though…
If the only interaction a woman is getting with her ex is via text, she can’t fully feel attracted to him because she’s unable to hear his voice and get a real sense of how confident he is now.
Texts are okay for getting a conversation started, but you have to transition to a phone call or an in person meet up as soon as possible.
Otherwise, you run the risk of getting into text conversations that go nowhere, or her losing interest in texting you because it takes too much effort and she doesn’t get enough reward from it (i.e. she’s not feeling sparks of respect, attraction and love and instead, is feeling a bit annoyed, turned off and bored by all the texts).
Another mistake is…
2. Trying hard to impress her via text, by joking around too much or putting way too much effort into each reply
Where some guys go wrong is by thinking that they can make an ex woman drop her guard by being funny or by always saying ‘the right thing’ to her via text.
For example: A guy might think to himself, “Maybe if I joke around with her more, she will realize that I’m not being all serious or pushy with her and she will then relax and open up to me.”
Alternatively, he may become obsessive about what he texts her and spend a lot of time over-analyzing his every reply to her.
Secretly, he’s hoping that if he says the right thing, she will feel reassured that he’s being sincere and will then start thinking, “He’s being so thoughtful and considerate. I guess I’m being unreasonable to feel so guarded around him. His texts are great! Clearly his intentions are good and I should trust him again.”
It would be nice if women were that dumb, but they’re not.
Women are intelligent, feeling human beings just like men are and in most cases, they don’t fall in love with an ex again just because he is sending nice texts.
In most cases, because a woman can’t see her ex guy’s body language, or assess his state of mind by analyzing his tonality and behavior, she will think negatively.
For example: If he continually jokes with her, she might think, “Why is he acting so goofy? It’s actually quite cheesy that he’s joking around with me all the time. He was never like this, so it’s obvious that he’s trying to impress me or something. Either that, or he’s not taking what happened between us very seriously. If he thinks that cracking a few jokes via text will make me forget everything and give him another chance, he’s got another thing coming,” or “Doesn’t he realize I can see that he’s sucking up to me by saying what he thinks I want to hear? It’s easy to hide behind text messages, but I bet if he were face-to-face with me, he wouldn’t be able to hide his true self from me. He probably hasn’t changed at all and is just trying to convince me that he has by texting what he thinks I want to. Unless I talk to him in person, I’m not going to believe that he has changed.”
As a result, she remains guarded, even though he is saying all the ‘right things’ or putting in an effort to make her smile and laugh.
That is why you shouldn’t rely 100% on texts to get your ex woman back.
If you truly want her to stop being guarded, you need to interact with her over the phone and in person, where she can hear, or see for herself that you truly have changed and become a better man since the break up.
When you do that, her guard naturally comes down and from there, getting her back becomes a lot easier and quicker.
Another mistake is…
3. Not making her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction when he talks to her on the phone or in person
One of the biggest mistakes guys make, is being on their best behavior around their ex (e.g. he’s too nice and polite, he doesn’t flirt, he pretends that he isn’t interested in a relationship with her and only wants to be friends, he does whatever she wants him to do).
He may think, “I have to keep things neutral and friendly to not scare her off. In this way, I can slowly regain her trust and then, when the moment is right, I can let her know that I still love her and want her back.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
If a guy isn’t actively re-sparking his ex’s feelings of respect and sexual attraction, she’s not going to feel very motivated to drop her guard and agree to see him in person or give the relationship another try.
Instead, in a best-case scenario, she may begin looking at him as a friend and quietly start moving on without him.
Alternatively, she may think, “I’m not stupid! I know why he’s being so sweet and nice around me! He thinks I’m going to fall for his Mr. Nice Guy act and give him another chance because of that. Well, he can forget about trying to trick me into forgiving him. It’s going to take a lot more than him sucking up to me for that to happen!”
As a result her guard remains up and it becomes more difficult for him to get her back.
So, if you want your ex to relax and open up, you need to make her have positive feelings for you again (e.g. respect, sexual attraction, love) while also letting her see that you’re not desperately seeking a relationship with her.
The more you spark romantic and sexual feelings inside of her without putting pressure on her to commit to a relationship, the more her guard will come down.
She will then want to be around you, hug you, kiss you, have sex with you and get back into a relationship.
Another mistake that other guys make in your situation, is…
4. Giving off the energy of needing a relationship from her
After a break up, many women remain guarded and play the “Let’s wait and see what happens,” game when talking with their ex.
The ex guy can get her back, but it all depends on how he approaches interactions with her (i.e. if he makes her feel attracted during interactions or not).
So, if a woman gets the sense that her ex guy is simply trying to push her into a relationship before she’s fully ready, it’s only natural that she will close herself off and be guarded when talking to him.
A woman doesn’t want to be pressured into getting back together again, just because a guy wants it.
She wants to feel like it’s her decision and her choice, because it feels good to her.
So, if you truly want your ex to drop her guard around you, just relax when talking with her and focus on having fun together, rather than giving her the sense that you’re secretly, desperately hoping to hear her say that she wants a relationship with you again.
Another mistake is…
5. Interacting with her in ways that turned her off in the relationship
In many cases, a woman’s real reasons for the break up will be subtle things that she hasn’t told her ex about (e.g. him giving her too much power, him being too understanding or being too nice when she actually wanted him to have more of a backbone).
Those things are more important to her than anything else, but she doesn’t want to tell him about it because he will then say, “Okay, cool! I will change those things for you! Give me another chance!”
So, rather than telling him everything, a woman will just break up with a man and then, if he understands why on his own and is able to re-attract her by changing those things, she will open up and give him another chance.
Yet, if he doesn’t change and is essentially the same guy who is going to make the same mistakes, she will remain guarded and will quietly begin to move on without him.