The best way to get your ex girlfriend back is to:
1. First understand the real reasons for the break up. (See video below).
2. Begin fixing your emotional issues (e.g. insecurity, neediness, commitment issues, etc) to get to a better, stronger place emotionally.
3. Get your ex-girlfriend on the phone and arrange to meet up with her in person.
4. Make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you at the meet up.
Your ex girlfriend is only going to begin to care about your desire to get back with her if you begin to make her feel the type of respect, attraction and love that she wants to feel for you.
Getting her back can’t all be about you getting what you want. You have to trigger the types of thoughts and emotions in her that make her feel drawn to you and open to giving the relationship another chance.
Watch this video to understand where guys go wrong when trying to get an ex-girlfriend back and what you need to do instead if you want to succeed…
Until a guy knows what really caused his girlfriend to break up with him (this is often different to what she is saying the reason is), he can’t take any kind of meaningful action to fix the problems or make the improvements needed to get her to change her mind.
Without knowing the real causes of her decision to dump him, any effort to get her back will usually be wasted time and energy and won’t get him the end result he wants.
For example: A guy might be trying to get his ex-girlfriend back by showing her how much he really cares about her, but that isn’t the reason why she broke up with him. She knows how much he cares, but because he doesn’t have the ability to trigger her feelings of respect and attraction for him, she doesn’t see why she should give him a chance.
If he just started to focus on triggering those feelings, she would start to laugh, smile and be open when talking to him, but if he’s trying to get her back by showing her how much she cares, she will feel even more turned off by the fact that he still doesn’t understand how to give her what she really needs.
Mistakes to Avoid
The best way to get your ex girlfriend back is to make her feel the type of respect and attraction that a woman needs to feel to justify being in a committed relationship with a guy.
She’s not going to be feeling that way if you are…
1. Begging or pleading with her to give you another chance
Some guys make the mistake of begging and pleading with their girlfriend to change her mind about the break up. A guy will think that by letting her know how devastated he is by her decision and how desperate he is to get her back, she’ll somehow be flattered into wanting to give the relationship another try.
Yet, it almost never works because women are naturally attracted to the emotional strength in men and turned off by the weakness. When a man begs and pleads with a woman, she instantly realizes that he needs her more than she needs him.
…and that is not what a woman wants to feel like in a relationship with a man.
What a woman wants to feel is that you love her and want her in your life, but you do not need her for your emotional security. You are confident, have high self-esteem and are happy with or without her.
That’s what she wants to see, so desperation and neediness to be with her is never going to be attractive. You can show her that you love her, appreciate her and want her, but don’t come across as though you need her.
When a guy is begging and pleading to be given a second chance by saying things like, “I’ll do anything…! Just tell me what it is you want and I’ll do it” it only reinforces her view of him as being unattractive to her.
She realizes that he doesn’t have what it takes to lead the way in the relationship and figure out for himself what needs to be fixed. In other words, he needs her to teach him how to be an attractive man in a relationship.
If she goes along with that and teaches him how to be the man that a woman wants to be with, it will most-likely become a repeating pattern in their relationship. For example: He will stuff up and turn her off and then ask her to teach him what to do instead.
Yet, that isn’t what a woman wants because it puts her into the position of teacher, or like a mother or big sister figure to him. When a woman is put into that type of position with her man, it immediately begins to eat away at her feelings of respect and attraction for him.
When a man is asking his girlfriend to tell him what the problem is, he is putting her in the position of leading the way and that is not what she wants.
The same applies if a guy says something like, “I can change. Whatever it is you want me to do differently, I promise I can change.” By asking her for “clues” about what needs to change, he’s showing her that he doesn’t actually have a clue himself therefore his promises are most-likely going to be hard to fulfil.
For example: If she does tell him, “I need you to be more of a man” he probably won’t know what that means. He may look up a couple of articles online and come across politically correct, wimpy advice that will tell him to clean up the house, buy her gifts and basically kiss her ass.
Yet, that isn’t what a woman means by “be more of a man.” What she really means is that she needs him to begin thinking, behaving, feeling and acting in a more masculine way, therefore making her feel more girly and feminine in his presence. She doesn’t need him to be an even nicer, more generous and kind guy than he probably already is.
Women only appreciate niceness and kindness from a man when they actually respect him and feel sexually attracted to him. If a girlfriend has lost touch with her feelings of respect and attraction for her boyfriend, she’s not going to care that he bought her a new gift or is promising to take her away on an expensive vacation.
She might take the gift and go on the vacation, but it isn’t going to change the fundamental problems in the relationship that are causing her to want to break up with him. Gifts and nice behavior are not what women need most from a man. What she really needs is to be able to respect you as a man (i.e. look up to you), feel sexually attracted to you and love you.
Anything else that is added on top of that (e.g. a gift, wining and dining her, taking her away for the weekend, etc) is simply a bonus thing that she gets to experience every now and then, but it’s not the fundamental requirement for keeping her happy for life.
So, begging and pleading with a woman isn’t going to change what she is really feeling. Your ex-girlfriend will only change how she feels about you when you change how you think, behave, talk and action when interacting with her.
The next time you interact with your ex-girlfriend on the phone or in person, you are either going to be making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you…or you’re not.
If you want to get her back for real, you must focus on making her feel the type of respect and attraction for you that will get her to become open to meeting up with you in person again and talking about giving the relationship one more chance.
That is the best way to get your ex-girlfriend back.
A woman doesn’t want a needy guy promising her the world or saying that he is unable to imagine life without her. Quite simply, she just wants to be with a guy she feels sexually attracted to and respects. If you can make her feel that, she will naturally begin to reconnect with her feelings of love for you.
2. Trying to reattract her by changing your look
A really bad piece of advice that guys are commonly given is to get themselves a makeover, so that their ex will see his “new look” and instantly change her mind. This is not only ineffective advice, but it is really bad advice.
Yes, changing a look to become more physically appealing and sexy will work for women who are trying to get an ex-boyfriend back, but it rarely has much of an effect for guys who are looking to get a woman back.
Why? Most women place much less importance on a guy’s looks than they admit, which is why you will see beautiful women with all different types of guys (e.g. overweight guys, bald guys, shorter guys, etc).
A woman will gladly stay in a relationship for life and be completely happy with her man if he is able to deepen her love, respect and attraction for reasons other than how he looks. Looks might be a way for some guys to initially get some attention from women, but how you look really isn’t the most important thing to a woman.
The truth is, changing how you look physically is not going to have much of an effect on your ex-girlfriend unless you are also making her feel attracted in other ways.
For example: If you meet up with your ex-girlfriend and you are being much more charismatic, charming, confident, masculine and fun to be around than usual, then she is going to appreciate the fact that you also look a bit more presentable physically.
She’s going to be feeling attracted to your confident, charismatic approach and she will then look at your physical appearance in a more positive light.
However, if you meet up with your ex-girlfriend and you are appear tense, insecure and emotionally needy, she is going to feel turned off by the fact that you’ve put so much effort into trying to look physically appealing.
She will likely perceive your attempts to be physically appealing as your way of hopefully covering up the fact that you still don’t know how to be emotionally appealing and attractive to her.
Rather than appreciating the effort you’ve put in to look more physically appealing, she will feel turned off by the fact that you still don’t know what women really want in a guy emotionally.
For most women, it’s not how a guy looks on the outside that makes him a truly, sexually attractive man, but who he is on the inside. If you waste a lot of time and money on kitting yourself out with some new designer outfits, a new hairstyle, and maybe a gym membership to begin building up your biceps, you’re totally missing the point.
Your ex-girlfriend’s reasons for breaking up with you are almost certainly going to be about your thinking, behaviour and attitude in the relationship and how that made her feel. She’s not really going to care about you new hairstyle or what brand of shirt or jeans you now wear.
For example: Let’s say that a guy’s ex-girlfriend broke up with him because he behaved in a way that led to her feeling taken for granted (e.g. didn’t care about her feelings, wasn’t interested in listening to what she had to say, treated her badly, rejected her desire to take the relationship to the next level and get engaged, etc).
Is styling his hair differently going to now make her feel as though she truly loves and appreciates her? Of course not.
In almost every ex back case for guys, it’s not how he looks on the outside that really matters to his girlfriend, but who he is on the inside.
The Best Way to Get Her Back
If you want to know the truly best way to get your ex-girlfriend back, you must begin by improving your ability to reignite her feelings of respect and attraction for you as a man.
Without that, she simply won’t care about what you want because she won’t be feeling what she needs to justify giving the relationship another chance.
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