Flirting is an essential ingredient that you need to include when you’re out there approaching and picking up women to get laid, get a girlfriend or find yourself a wife. It’s also something that you need to include in a relationship to help keep the spark alive.
When it comes to meeting women, if you’ve been finding that your conversations with women start off well, but then fizzle out and become boring to the point where the girl just doesn’t seem very interested in talking to you anymore, then flirting is most-likely the missing ingredient that you’ve been overlooking.
In This Post
In this post, I’m going to answer the following questions for you about flirting:
- What is flirting?
- What is an example of flirting?
- Why do women prefer men who can flirt?
- Why does flirting turn a woman on so easily?
- Is flirting all you need to attract a woman for sex or a relationship?
What is Flirting?
The best way to start off answering that question is to look at the dictionary definition:
Flirt (verb): To behave as though you’re attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions. To court triflingly or to act amorously without serious intentions.
So, what does that mean? Essentially, you are showing that you’re attracted to her, but it’s not serious. You’re doing it without serious intentions. You’re acting amorously, but without serious intentions. What does acting amorously mean?
Amorous (adjective): Showing sexual desire, expressing love, being in love.
By acting amorously or being amorous towards her, you are showing sexual desire for her, showing love and appreciation of her, but without serious intentions.
Women know that flirting isn’t serious, the dictionary says that flirting isn’t serious and I’m telling you as well; it’s not a serious thing to do, but it’s a very important thing to do because it creates a spark between yourself and a woman.
What is an Example of Flirting?
The examples of flirting that I’m going to provide for you take place in a Starbucks cafe when you’re interacting with the female barista and ordering a coffee.
The first example of flirting that I’m going to give you is a subtle example of flirting and then I’m going to provide a really obvious example of flirting, to ensure that you fully understand what is going on.
1. Subtle example of flirting
With this subtle example of flirting, it’s more about your body language, tonality, vibe and how you’re coming across rather than what you’re saying. You are acting amorously, showing her that you’re attracted to her, but you are not doing it in a serious way.
It’s not a serious, formal, risky thing to do; you’re just being a cool, easy-going, loving, charming guy and you’re showing interest in her in a very subtle way that women love.
So, you walk up and she asks you, “What would you like to order?” or “What can I get you today?” and instead of just ordering your coffee like a normal customer and not showing her that you find her attractive, not expressing any love or appreciation for her, you can flirt with her in a very subtle way.
When she asks you something like, “What can I get you?” you can pause, smile, look her up and down a little and say, “Well…hello, how are you today?” with a subtle expression of love, appreciation and sexual desire.
That’s what flirting is. You are showing her that you find her attractive and you are doing it without serious intentions. You’re just being a cool, confident, loving, charming guy by flirting with her in that way.
What you might notice now that we’re talking about subtle flirting is that guy’s like George Clooney, who women refer to as being charming, has been using that type of body language all along.
When he interacts with female hosts or interviewers, you will notice that he uses a flirtatious smile and body language. He’s showing his appreciation of the woman’s beauty and sex appeal. He’s not afraid to express that feeling in a subtly flirtatious way.
The same applies with your interactions with women; you can show that type of appreciation of the woman’s beauty, her attractiveness and you can do that in a loving way. It’s not serious; you’re not doing it with serious intentions. You are simply flirting with her and giving her the type of communication experience that women yearn to have with men.
2. Really obvious example of flirting
The next example is a really obvious example of flirting to ensure that you get the point and understand what flirting is. Remember: You are behaving as though you’re attracted to her, you’re showing your attraction for her, you’re showing your appreciation of her, but it’s not serious, which means that you can joke around with at times as I will demonstrate with the following example.
When you walk up and the woman asks you, “What would you like to order?” to be flirt with her in a really obvious way, you can pause, smile and say something like, “Well…I thought I knew what I was going to order, but I’ve walked up now and my mind’s gone blank. I’m standing here talking to the most beautiful barista in all of Starbucks, so I’ve lost my train of thought. Let’s see…what was I going to get? Latte…cappuccino…I guess I’ll get a latte.”
That’s a really obvious example of flirting because I’m actually saying what I feel about her attractiveness, by mentioning that I’m standing there talking to the most beautiful barista in all of Starbucks. It’s not as subtle as just walking up with a loving, subtly sexual smile and saying, “Well…hello, how are you today?”
With the really obvious example of flirting, I’m actually saying something like, “Well…now my mind’s gone blank. I’m standing here talking to the most beautiful barista in all of Starbucks and I’ve forgotten what I was going to order.”
You’re being playful with your display of sexual attraction, love and appreciation for her. You’re not doing it in serious manner that demands a serious response. You’re simply flirting, flattering her, expressing that love and appreciation of her and it’s not a serious thing. However, flirting a very important thing to do because it creates a spark between you and the woman.
Why Do Women Prefer Men Who Can Flirt?
There are many reasons why women prefer men who can flirt and I’m going to have to explain these for you to ensure that you really understand it, because a lot of guys see flirting as silly, pointless mind games that women want to play.
A guy might think or say, “I don’t want to do anything like that. I find her attractive and just want to say hello to her, ask her out on a date and then she likes me for being a good guy. Why does she have to play games? Why can’t it be more simple?”
Yet, the dating process just doesn’t work in that way and you’ll find out why as I explain the following four main reasons.
1. Flirting allows her to get a feel for the guy’s personality first
What a lot of guys don’t understand is that women feel attracted to men for different reasons than men feel attracted to women. A woman can feel attracted to a man’s physical appearance, but if his personality and behavior doesn’t make her feel the way that she wants to feel, then she’s not going to be interested in almost all cases.
Even though he “looks good,” she will still reject him and won’t be interested because he just doesn’t “feel good.”
Yet, the same rule doesn’t apply for the majority of men when it comes to their attraction for women.
Men are mostly attracted to a woman’s physical appearance and if a woman is attractive, most of the men that she meets will be willing to have sex with her or even start a relationship even if they don’t like her personality and behavior.
Most guys would be willing to give it a go to have sex because most guys are ready to have sex or are turned on enough just based on the woman’s physical appearance.
This is why the porn explosion happened on the internet. Men look at porn and get turned on immediately, simply based on how the woman looks. Even if the guy doesn’t like the woman’s personality, morals, values or level of intelligence, he can still get horny and want to have sex with her (or jerk off to her).
Just based on physical appearance, most men are ready and willing to give an attractive woman a chance. They would date her, have sex with her or even begin a relationship with her even if they didn’t fully like her personality and behavior. That is the position that most women are in and you need to understand that if you are going to understand why women behave in the ways they do.
Some guys have higher standards when it comes to women and want to find a woman who’s not only attractive, but also has a great personality. However, the majority of men (95%) that a woman will meet in her life, will either ask her out or show her that they are really interested and want to be her boyfriend, simply based on her appearance.
Even if the guy doesn’t like her personality, even if she is being a bit of a bitch, the majority of guys will still be interested in giving it a go. If she is attractive, that is the sort of treatment that she will get throughout her life from men.
Yet, she doesn’t just want to accept one of those random guys. She wants a guy who can make HER feel attracted…and that is NOT just about a guy’s looks.
Instead of being immediately ready for sex, most women need to be warmed up. Some women are very easy and will have sex right away or will be very easy to pick up, even if a guy has little to no skill at attracting and picking up women. However, the majority of women need to be warmed up and if the guy’s personality and behavior doesn’t turn her on and make her feel attracted, then she’s not going to go along with it.
Flirting allows a woman to get a feel for the guy’s personality first before she begins to show some more interest. Instead of a woman just saying, “Oh, you like me? Okay…you look good, I look good, so I’ll give you my number…let’s go out on a date…how about tonight? Come over to my place, we’ll have sex and get this relationship started” she will want to get a feel for the guy’s personality first.
2. Flirting is discreet and non-committal
When you flirt with a woman and she flirts back with you, it doesn’t mean that she is saying, “Okay, I like you and I want to start a relationship” or “Okay, let’s have sex.” What she’s doing is simply flirting with you to see how it feels and if it feels good, she will go with it.
Women like to play in what I call The Maybe Zone of Flirting to see how they feel, before committing to anything else. The Maybe Zone of Flirting is, “Maybe I like you, maybe I don’t. Maybe I’ll hook up with you, maybe I won’t.”
A lot of guys don’t like that and wish that women would be more straightforward and to the point. “What’s with all these silly games?! I like that girl….I find her attractive…I want to be with her. Why is she playing hard to get? Why is she making this difficult?”
One of the reasons why is that a woman wants to be discreet about her sexual interest in a guy so that other people (including the guy) don’t think that she is “easy” or look down on her in any way. Additionally, before she actually commits to going on a date with a guy, having sex or starting a relationship, she wants to be able to feel very attracted to him first because the attraction that a woman feels for a guy is mostly based on how his personality and behavior makes her feel.
If a woman is attractive, most of the guys that she meets are willing to get started with her (i.e. kiss her, have sex with her, take her out on a date, etc) simply based on her appearance, but she’s not. Most women need to be “warmed up” first and they will then be interested in going forward to a kiss, a date, having sex or starting a relationship.
3. Flirting builds up sexual tension
Sexual tension is an exciting feeling that a man and a woman will experience when they want to have sex with each other or go to the next stage of a relationship, but there is something (or someone) blocking that progression.
Example 1: They work together and are attracted to each other, but it is considered wrong or inappropriate to hook up, so they just flirt with each other and the sexual tension builds up. Another
Example 2: A woman is interacting with a guy in a bar who isn’t easy to pick up. He’s not a typical guy who is instantly ready to hook up with her or be her boyfriend simply based on her appearance. Instead, he feels attracted to her, but has the ability to “warm her up” by building up the sexual tension between them.
Most guys instantly react to a woman’s physical appearance and are ready to act simply based on that, which is why guys jerk off to porn. The attraction to a woman’s physical appearance is enough for most guys.
However, what a woman wants to experience is the exciting feeling of sexual tension that only happens with a guy who understands the position that women are in when it comes to dating and sex. She wants to feel attracted to him in many different ways during an interaction to the point where she too is ready to kiss or have sex.
You can attract a woman by how you are talking to her, how you are using your body language and how you are responding to what she says and does. These are things that a guy either knows how to do or not. Guys who don’t know how to attract women during interactions will talk to women and the conversations may start out okay, but it quickly becomes boring and the woman loses interest because there is no build up of attraction or sexual tension.
Many men don’t want to flirt with women because they want women to stop being silly and just like them for being a good guy, “Hey…I’m a nice guy…I’m intelligent…I’ve got good intentions with you. What’s with all the silly games? I like you…let’s stop mucking around here.”
Yet, what is really going on is that, if you refuse to flirt with women, what you’re refusing to do is create a spark between yourself and a woman when you meet her. The intelligent, deep and meaningful conversations with a woman happen later on in the relationship. You don’t need to having those sorts of conversations with a woman initially to get her interested in you.
You’ve got to create a spark, build up her attraction for you and create exciting feelings of sexual tension. Most women need to be “warmed up” to the guy first and they are not interested in getting started (i.e. with kissing, sex or a relationship) simply based on the guy’s appearance. They want to feel attracted and turned on by his personality and behavior.
Initially, women want to feel a spark with you and flirting is one of the easiest ways to make that happen. There are so many things that you can say and do to flirt with a woman and create between you and her when you first meet her.
If there is a woman that you already know and you haven’t created a spark with her, you can now create that spark by using flirting and then build on that by attracting her in many different ways.
A lot of intelligent men want women to be impressed by the fact that they are intelligent, have great ideas about the world and politics (or anything other topic they think women should be impressed by), have a great job, have great intentions with the woman, but that isn’t what she is looking for.
She wants to feel a spark of sexual attraction and then she wants you to be able to build on that by making her feel turned on by your personality and behavior, which is actually a very easy thing to do once you know what you’re doing.
4. It’s more fun and enjoyable than talking to a guy who doesn’t flirt
With flirting, sparks fly immediately between a man and a woman and in a relationship, flirting is one of the things that helps to keep the spark alive.
What happens for a lot of couples is that they will get into a relationship and initially, it will be fun and exciting because there is the “beginner’s lust” at the start of a relationship.
However, once that initial lust has died away, if the guy doesn’t know how to flirt with his woman and doesn’t know how to create more sexual tension to keep the spark alive, the relationship can start to feel boring. The couple then ends up feeling like friends or housemates and the fire begins to burn out with no spark between them.
Why Does Flirting Turn a Woman On So Easily?
The reason why flirting turns a woman on so easily, is that it attracts women in many different ways at once.
Most guys are going through life that, to attract women, you’ve got to look good, be tall, have muscles, have loads of money, have an expensive car, live in an amazing house or apartment, wear the best clothes and THEN you will get the girl. Yet, that’s just not how it works. The fact is that you can attract women in so many different ways.
Yes…women are attracted to guys who are good looking. A handsome guy can make the woman feel attracted.
Yes…being tall will make a woman feel some attraction for guy.
Yes…having a perfect, gym body can make a woman feel attraction.
Yet, they are not the ONLY things that women can feel attracted to and that is why you will see guys who are overweight, with attractive women. You will see guys who many people think are not good looking, with a beautiful woman. You will see guys who are from a race (e.g. Asian) where other people think that he can’t attract many women, but he will be doing it…easily.
Why does this happen? How can women feel attracted to guys who don’t look like male models? What is going on?
It is a fact of nature that women CAN feel attracted to men for many different reasons. A woman’s attraction for a man is not limited to his physical appearance. When you flirt with a woman, you are actually attracting her in many different ways at once.
By flirting with a woman, you are:
- Being confident.
- Displaying social intelligence.
- Being masculine.
- Being charming.
You’re being confident and are displaying social intelligence by being a guy who actually understands flirting and knows that women love it and that they want guys to do that with them.
You’re being masculine because you’re making her feel girly; you’re not afraid to say or do something like that in a public or social environment. You are also being charming, depending on what style of flirting that you’re using at the time.
There are so many different ways that the woman is feeling attracted to you when you flirt with her. If you think about what attraction actually is, you will understand how it works. The dictionary definition of attraction is:
Attraction (noun): A quality or feature of someone that evokes feelings of interest, liking or desire.
The dictionary definition of attraction is not, “the feeling that a woman gets when she sees a good looking guy.” Attraction occurs when a woman observes, notices or experiences qualities in a man that evoke feelings of interest, liking and desire within her.
When it comes to attracting women, you have so much power. You’ve got more power than you most-likely realize. You can attract women in so many different ways.
Is Flirting All You Need to Attract a Woman For Sex or a Relationship?
Flirting is just one of the ways that you can attract women.
In my programs at The Modern Man, I teach guys how to attract women in more than 100 different ways. If you read my book The Flow (an instant download after you purchase), you will learn about flirting, many important attraction techniques and the personality traits and behaviors that naturally attract women.
You will also have examples of things that you can say and do right away to start attracting women. From that, you will be able to get yourself a girlfriend, get yourself a wife or get laid and have sex with many different women.
If you don’t know about things like flirting and how to attract women in other ways, then reading The Flow will give you an introductory education on what it takes to be successful with women. You will learn how to attract women when you meet them and then maintain the attraction of a woman in a relationship.
Then, if you want to learn more and discover more attraction techniques, more ways to be confident and more mind-blowing insights about success with women, I have all of my other programs for you as well.
Personally speaking, I never used to know about flirting. I thought that flirting was something that women did and that wasn’t important for men.
I would go over and talk to women and ask them boring questions about what they did for a living, where they lived, how old they are, etc. The conversation would quickly get boring and I didn’t know why it got boring. I didn’t know why women weren’t excited when talking to me.
I mistakenly thought that, “Okay…it must be happening because I am not good looking enough. I have to buy more expensive clothes…I’ve got to get better looking fashions. I’ve got to go the gym…I’ve got to look better in any way I can and THEN, hopefully women are going to be excited when they talk to me.”
Yet, no matter what I did in terms of going to the gym, buying new clothes or expensive shoes, styling my haircut in a certain way or getting a new cologne…none of it made a difference to the end result of actually getting laid or getting a girlfriend.
Initially, when I started wearing better clothes, women did show some more initial interest, but when I began to talk to a woman, she would quickly get bored and I would run out of things to say. It would feel awkward with the long silences during the conversation because I didn’t know what else to say.
There was just no spark because I didn’t even know about flirting and I didn’t even know that you can attract women in so many different ways when you are interacting with them. As a result of that lack of knowledge, I was turning women off in many different ways while I was interacting with them. Yet, I just didn’t know it.
After being rejected by women yet again, I would go home with my tail between my legs thinking, “Oh well…I’m just not good looking enough. Oh well…I guess I’m stuffed when it comes to women…I guess I’m going to have to accept an unattractive woman” not even realizing how close I was to being successful with women.
If I could just go back in time, I would say to myself, “Dan! Wake up!!! Use flirting and other attraction techniques to attract women. You CAN do it.” I would tell the younger version of me to stop being so close-minded about attraction. Yet, that version of Dan just didn’t know what I eventually discovered and now teach here at The Modern Man.
Back then, I was going through life and looking at other guys who were with beautiful women and thinking, “Well…they must be better looking than me” because that is all I knew.
Attracting Women is a Complex Skill That You Either Have or Don’t Have
What a lot of guys don’t realize is that attracting women and being good with women, is a complex skill that a guy either has or he doesn’t have.
Like me when I was hopeless with women and couldn’t get myself a girlfriend, a lot of guys are still going through life right now, not even knowing that they have so much power when it comes to attracting women. A lot of guys are going through life thinking, “I don’t look good enough and that’s why women don’t like me” or “My job is not good enough” or “I’m not tall enough.”
Such men don’t pay attention to the fact that they do see guys who they look better than or who have the same “issue” (e.g. lack of height, overweight, etc) with attractive women. They don’t pay attention to that because they don’t know what else to think.
So, let me tell you something now to clear it up and to help you understand what’s really going on…
Being good with women (i.e. being able to attract women when you meet them and then continually build on the attraction, respect and love that a woman feels for you in a relationship) is a complex skill that a guy either has or doesn’t have.
In life, you learn many new complex skills and you either know how to do it or you don’t know how to do it.
An example is when a guy learns how to drive a car. Initially, there are so many things to think about, learn and focus on and it might feel like a difficult thing to do, but once you learn it and start doing it, you’ve got the complex skill and you’re set for life.
The same thing applies with developing and having the complex skill of being good with women.
Initially, from the outside, when a guy looks at a guy who is good with women and notices that sparks are flying as he interacts with them women, it can feel like it would be a difficult thing to do.
The guy on the outside may think, “Hhh…that’s too difficult. Bloody women…why do they make it so hard? Why can’t I just walk up to her and she likes me for being a good guy? Why does it have to be so difficult?”
It seems like a difficult thing to do, but it’s actually very easy, just like learning to drive a car. You learn what you need to do, you then do that, you gain the complex skill and you’re set for life. However, if a guy goes through life and he never develops the complex skill of being good with women, then what happens is that he almost always gets rejected by women when he tries to pick them up.
Relationships that he’s in become stale and boring. He may also become insecure, needy and take the woman for granted. The relationship then begins to fall apart. No one has ever really taught him what it takes to be successful with women and he’s going through life without the complex skill; he just doesn’t know what to do.
Yet, that is what I am here for at The Modern Man.
I am here to offer you all the answers, all the techniques, all the solutions involved in having the complex skill of being good with women. Once you get the complex skill, attracting women when you meet them and maintaining their attraction in a relationship is one of the easiest things to do in life.
When you first start out trying to learn how to pick up women, approach women and have your choice with women, it may feel like a difficult thing to do, but I always hear back from guys who have used some or all of my programs and most of them refer to it as being ridiculously easy.
Yet, at the start, if a guy is walking through life and doesn’t even know about flirting or how to attract women in many different ways and is thinking that it’s all about looks; it can feel like a really difficult thing to do. Women may seem silly, annoying and even shallow for rejecting him, but they are doing it for a reason.
The woman wants to feel a spark of attraction and she then wants the guy to be able to build on that attraction by attracting her in many different ways with his personality and behavior. If that doesn’t happen, then she isn’t feeling what she wants to feel before hooking up with a guy.
Stop Wasting Your Life Thinking That You’re Not Good Enough For Women
If you are going through life and not experiencing the type of success with women that you want, I hope that you don’t go through more of your life thinking that you are locked out of being able to attract women.
I hope that you don’t waste more of your life thinking that you’re not good looking enough, that you’re not good enough as a man, not tall enough, don’t have enough muscle or any other thing that you currently think is mandatory for success with women.
I hope that you can open your mind to the reality that guys who are not good looking are picking up beautiful women. Guys who are overweight are picking up beautiful women and even marrying them. Even Asian guys are hooking up with white women and marrying them. Why is that? It’s because women can be attracted to a guy for so many different reasons.
A woman’s attraction for a man is not limited to his physical appearance. I hope that you can understand that.
Furthermore, when you make a woman feel attracted to you in other ways, she will actually like your physical appearance, even if other people think you don’t look attractive. She will say something like, “There’s something about him that I like. He’s cute. I find him attractive. He’s my handsome boyfriend/husband.” She will be attracted to him.
Not all women in the world will go for a guy who doesn’t look like a male model, but many women will. That’s what you need to understand.
With flirting, you can create a spark between yourself and a woman initially, just by flirting with her (i.e. expressing your love and appreciation and feelings of sexual attraction) in a non-serious way. You are showing her that you’re sexually attracted to her and then when you create that spark with her, you simply build up the attraction (there are so many ways that you can do it) and then go through the process (called “The Flow”) that I talk about in my book The Flow.
You go through “The Flow” and naturally go from one step to the next with a woman. When a guy isn’t successful at approaching and picking up women for sex or a relationship, it’s because he isn’t go through The Flow. He isn’t creating a spark between himself a woman and isn’t able to build on that spark.
In most cases, a guy will be hoping that the woman will “like” him for being a good guy and then give him a “chance” with her. Yet, that isn’t the experience she is looking for and being a good guy just isn’t enough. You’ve got to be able to create a spark between yourself and a woman and then build on it. If you are able to do that, you will have so much choice with women because most of the guys that she will meet in her life have no clue how to do it.
No guy can pick up every woman in the world, but with flirting and attracting women in many different ways, you can pick up many beautiful women very easily.
Flirting is not a serious thing to do, but it’s a very important thing to do because it creates a spark between you and a woman.
You don’t need to worried about using flirting, “Will she see it as too forward?” or “Will I offend her?” You’re not doing anything wrong by expressing some love and appreciation. You’re not doing anything wrong by showing her that you find her to be sexually attractive. You’re not doing it with serious intentions.
Women know that flirting isn’t serious and they love it because they can get a feel for your personality first, before committing to anything serious like giving you a phone number, kissing you, having sex with you or starting a relationship with you.
Flirting allows a woman to play in the Maybe Zone and get a feel for you first, before she goes any further. When you are one of the rare guys who knows how to rapidly build on a woman’s attraction for you and turn her on, then you will have so much choice with women.
It will no longer be a case of you trying to talk to women and hoping that they like you, but will be a case you creating an instant spark between yourself and the woman, building on that attraction and then moving it forward.
Rather than thinking to yourself, “I hope I can get this girl to like me. I hope that I can grow on her” and hoping to be liked for being a good guy, you will actually be making women feel sexually attracted to you. Trying to be “liked” will lead you into the dreaded friend zone and will also leave you vulnerable to having another guy come along and steal the woman that you’ve been talking to for an hour, just by flirting with her for a few minutes.
You do have the ability to make women feel attracted to you.
You most-likely don’t realize how much power you have when it comes to attracting women. You have so much power. You have more power than you probably realize.
It’s not just about a man’s physical appearance. You can make women feel attracted to you in so many different ways and I hope that if you are interested in learning, then you read my book The Flow and if you want to learn even more, you check out some of my other programs as well.
When you do, you will have the complex skill that is required to be successful with women and you will be set for life. You will have your choice with women and you will be able to attract women when you meet them and maintain the attraction of a woman in a relationship.