It depends on the following:
1. Do you know what will make her feel attracted to you again?
Making your ex feel attracted to you again has almost nothing to do with your physical appearance.
Attraction to physical looks fades, so if you’ve been with her for a while, she’s not going to be impressed by subtle changes to your appearance.
So, before you rush out and get a new gym membership, or blow a months of your salary on buying lots of new clothes, you need to understand that a woman’s attraction to a guy is mostly based on how he makes her feel when she’s interacting with him.
Of course, there are some women who are more impressed by superficial things like a man’s appearance, money or social status.
However, for most women, falling in love and staying in love with a guy is based on how he makes her feel when she’s with him, how he behaves around her and the way he thinks and takes action in his life.
So, don’t make the mistake of thinking that you need to get a physical makeover to re-attract your ex.
You can improve your physical appearance if you want to (e.g. lose some weight if you need to, build some muscle at the gym, overhaul your wardrobe), but your main focus needs to be on finding new ways to re-attract her emotionally.
By the way…
If you’re not sure where to start, here are some questions that will help you get a clearer picture on how to re-attract her in the ways that really matter…
- When you interact with your ex, do you make her feel feminine and girly in your presence, or does she feel more like a neutral friend or worse, does she feel more dominant and powerful than you?
- Are you confident and emotionally strong when you interact with her and believe in your value to her, or do you feel insecure, self-doubting and believe that she’s too good for you?
- Are you living up to your true potential as a man, or are have you been drifting through life just doing ‘whatever’ and not really caring about building a future for yourself?
- Are you emotionally masculine enough to handle her when she tests your confidence (e.g. by throwing a tantrum over nothing, being closed off towards you and saying she will never give you another chance), or do you crumble and become insecure?
- Do you and her want the same things in life (e.g. to settle down, get married and start a family together, or to party and have fun for as long as possible), or are you going in completely different directions in life?
- Is your relationship intelligence at the same level as hers, or do you still need to educate yourself about what it takes to maintain a relationship and keep it together for life?
When you understand what your ex girlfriend really wants, you can start letting her see that you now understand it and have changed (e.g. begin making her feel more feminine around you, start being more emotionally dominant than her or start being more confident and self-assured).
Don’t tell her that you’ve changed; let her sense it and see it based on how you now talk, behave and act around her and in life.
When she can see that you now understand what she really wants, her guard starts to come down and she naturally opens back up to you.
On the other hand, if you try to get her back without changing anything at all, or by offering her the wrong things (e.g. working hard to improve your physical appearance, sucking up to her by being extra nice, offering to do whatever she wants), she will most-likely remain closed off to you forever (or at least until you start re-attracting her in the ways that are actually important to her).
The next thing to consider is…
2. If your ex interacts with you, will she be able to sense that you would end up making the same kind of mistakes that lead to the break up?
In some cases, a woman will break up with a guy without telling him exactly what turned her off.
Instead, she will say something like, “I don’t think we should see each other anymore,” or “I need a break from being in a relationship for a while so I can focus more on my studies/work/finding myself.”
Yet, that isn’t her real, secret reasons for breaking up with him.
For example, some of the real reasons why she broke up with him could include the fact that:
- She feels turned off by how he lost the confidence she first felt attracted to. He ended up becoming too needy, insecure and clingy in the relationship with her.
- He failed to keep the spark alive between them, so she stopped feeling like an attractive, desirable woman around him. She felt more like his roommate or a neutral friend.
- She initially felt drawn to him because he was nice and sweet, but soon realized that he wasn’t manly enough for her (e.g. he sucks up to her all the time, lets her get away with bad behavior), so she feels more emotionally dominant than him.
- He gave her too much power in the relationship. She wants to be in a relationship with a guy who makes her feel like his girl, rather than her feeling like his mother or feeling as though she always needs to help him emotionally.
- He seemed cool initially, but he ended up showing a side of himself that made her feel as though they weren’t on the same level socially.
So, if you don’t want your ex girlfriend to remain closed off to you forever, you need to make sure that when you interact with her from now on, you show her (via your actions, conversation style and the way you respond to her), that you’re no longer making the same old mistakes that turned her off.
- You’re more confident and self-believing.
- You no longer feel unsure of yourself when she’s being closed off towards you.
- You’re not afraid to flirt with her to create sexual tension between you and her.
- You can now laugh at her (in a loving way) when she creates drama and says things like, “I can never trust you again after what happened between us,” or “I just can’t forgive you for the pain you caused me.”
When she experiences the changes in you first hand (i.e. on a phone call or in person), she won’t be able to stop herself from opening up to you, even if only a little bit initially.
Then the more she sees for herself that you really have changed, the more she will start to respect you.
When she respects you, she will also start to feel sexual and romantic attraction for you and from there, it’s only a matter of time before she will re-connect with her original feelings of love for you.
On the other hand, if you keep trying to get her to open up to you while making the same old mistakes you made that led to the break up, she will just keep pushing you away and saying things like, “I’m sorry, but it’s over. We had our chance and it didn’t work. You need to accept that and move on.”
The next thing to ask yourself is…
3. How would you rate her level of love for you out of 10 after the relationship had settled down?
To answer this question, think about your relationship with your ex and how serious it really was before your break up.
Were you and your ex girlfriend talking about getting married and starting a family (which means her level of love for you would have been at about a 9 or 10), or were you just seeing each other from time to time (which could mean that her level of love was probably a 7 or less)?
Did you and her have the same values, beliefs and philosophy towards life and the future, or were you complete opposites?
Did you want the same things in life (e.g. a successful career, to travel the world, to help others, to settle down and start a family), or did you want separate things?
Was she always honest and loyal towards you (and you to her), or did she sometimes lie and betray you?
Was she often flirting with other guys behind your back or worse, in front of you?
Did she cheat?
Who was more invested in the relationship, you or her?
By honestly answering those questions, you will have a clearer picture of the depth of your relationship with your ex.
For example: If you and your ex girlfriend wanted different things in life, it’s possible that she didn’t really believe you were her ideal man.
She may even have been thinking things like, “He’s a nice guy and I do enjoy being with him for now, but I can see that we won’t be able to stick together in the long-term, because we want very different things in life.”
Naturally, after you and her broke up, she will have then closed herself off from you as a way of not giving you hope that you and her could get back together again.
So, if you want her back, you need to interact with her and let her see that you and her are now an even better match than you were before.
When you level up and are able to attract her in new and interesting ways, her feelings automatically start to come back to life.
Then, even if her level of love for you was originally low, it will begin to change and become stronger.
She will feel as though, if she doesn’t give you another chance, she might end up regretting it for the rest of her life.
As a result, her walls will begin to come down and she will open up to you again.
Another thing to ask yourself is…
4. Are you trying to get her to open up to a relationship before you’ve even re-attracted her?
After a break up, a guy will sometimes rush to try and convince his ex to give him another chance.
For example: He might repeatedly try to discuss the relationship and how he’s willing to do whatever it takes to make things right, so they can get back together again.
Yet, if she’s not feeling respect and sexual attraction for him anymore, she isn’t going to feel motivated to want to get into a relationship.
As a result, she remains closed off and thinks things like, “I know that he means well, but I just don’t have feelings for him anymore. Besides, him pushing me to commit to the idea of a relationship only proves to me that he still doesn’t understand why we broke up in the first place. It’s almost as if he believes we can just sweep our problems under the carpet and start over, just because he wants to. What about what I want? He doesn’t even make me feel attracted anymore, but he wants me back. Why should I give him another chance? That wouldn’t be fair on me. ”
This is why, if you sincerely want your ex back, you have to stop trying to get her to open up to a relationship.
Instead, you need to focus on reawakening her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for you, by making the interactions that you have with her from now on, feel fun, exciting and interesting.
When you use that approach, she will naturally open back up to you again because you are now something that she wants.
She will worry that if she remains closed off to you, it might cause you to move on with a new woman, which will then cause her to regret it and feel as though she is the one who got left behind.
As a result, she will open up to you and try to make something happen between you and her again.
Another thing to ask yourself is…
5. How badly did you behave leading up to, during and after the break up?
In some cases, a woman will remain closed off to her ex for a long time (or even forever) due to his behavior before, during and after the break up turned her off.
For example: Some guys might…
- Beg, plead and even cry in front of her.
- Throw a tantrum and demand that she change her mind.
- Accuse her of cheating.
- Insult her.
- Say that he never loved her anyway.
- Become aggressive or even violent towards her.
- Demand that she allow him look through her phone, messages and emails.
Although those behaviors can turn a woman off and convince her that she wants to move on, not all of them are unforgivable.
Most reactions can be fairly easily forgiven, unless it was a violent reaction, or extreme stalker behavior reaction.
So, if you behaved in a way that you now regret, don’t keep beating yourself up about it.
Instead, realize that you’re not that guy anymore.
You have improved and become a better man already and when you interact with her again, your actions, behavior, vibe and conversation style will prove that to her.
When she sees that you really have changed, she will naturally begin to open up to you, even if just a little bit.
From there, you can show her that falling back in love with each other will be even better than it was the first time.
Don’t tell her that though.
Show it to her based on how you talk to her, behave, act and think around her and in life in general.
Let her see that you have changed and that she really does feel differently about you now.
When that happens, she won’t want to remain closed off to you anymore.
Another question to ask yourself is…
6. Have you tried all options to get her back?
Most guys don’t use the option of re-attraction because they simply don’t know how to do it.
Instead, most guys do all of the usual things like buying flowers and gifts, apologizing and promising to change if she gives him another chance.
Alternatively, a guy might use No Contact and ignore her for 30 or 60 days in the hope that she will start to miss him and open back up to him again.
Yet, none of these things work as well as re-attracting her.
For example: Watch this video to understand the truth about cutting off contact with a woman and hoping that she comes back…
The same applies to getting a gift for your ex, or trying to suck up with her with flowers, poems or letters.
It just doesn’t work.
You’ve got to focus on re-attracting her sexually and romantically, which is done when you talk to her on the phone and in person.
If you haven’t done that yet, then you haven’t tried what really works to get a woman back in today’s world.
2 Common Problems That Guys Encounter When Trying to Get an Ex Woman to Open Up Again
When a woman is closed off to her ex, she usually won’t make it easy for him to get her back (e.g. she won’t answer his calls, she will refuse to meet up with him in person, be cold and distant when they talk).
1. She is being stubborn about her decision to not give him another chance
In most cases, an ex woman will only be stubborn because the guy is going about the ex back process backwards.
Essentially, he’s pushing her to open up so that they can be a couple again, but he hasn’t fully reawakened her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for him yet.
Remember: A relationship is the last step in the ex back process, not the first.
So, if you want your ex girlfriend back, don’t waste time trying to convince her to open back up to the idea of having a relationship.
Instead, just focus on using every interaction that you have with her (e.g. especially over the phone and in person) to re-spark her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you.
The more she starts to associate positive feelings to interacting with you, the more her defenses come down.
You don’t have to force it to happen because it will happen naturally, even if she tries to stop herself from feeling it.
She will feel drawn to you and begin to want you back for her own reasons (i.e. so she doesn’t regret losing you).
However, if you keep trying to force her to open up to you so you can then convince her to want a relationship, she will remain closed off forever (or at least until you change your approach).
2. Trying to open her back up via text
When a guy is faced with a situation where his ex girlfriend is refusing to interact with him in any other way (e.g. she won’t talk over the phone or meet up with him in person), he will often resort to texting her.
It’s understandable and it can help, but texting isn’t the best option to properly get an ex woman back, as I explain in this video…
You can spark some attraction, but you shouldn’t try to use text to get her to commit being with you again.
That approach won’t work.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t find this out until it’s too late.
As a result, a guy thinks that it’s okay to send his ex woman long walls of text where he tries to explain things, convince her to change her mind and get her to understand his point of view.
Yet, to her, his attempts to get her back seem needy, selfish or even annoying.
As a result, rather than make her think, “Maybe he’s right about me being too closed off. Maybe I should give him a chance,” she just closes herself off even more.
When a woman can’t see a guy’s body language or hear the tonality of his voice, rather than give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he’s being confident and self-assured, she usually assumes the worst of him based on her past experiences with him (e.g. he used to be insecure/self-doubting/wimpy before).
This is why, if you keep trying to make your ex open up to you via text, you’re probably going to achieve the exact opposite.
She will close up and potentially even block your number.
On the other hand, if you get her on a phone call and reawaken some of her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you by making her laugh, smile and feel good to be talking to you again, it will be a lot more difficult for her to keep pushing you away.
Then, when you meet up with her in person (something that she will be more willing to do after you’ve made her feel good on a call), you can build on her feelings and bring down her walls once and for all.