You can get a second chance with her, but the question is…
1. Do you know what would make her feel motivated to give you a second chance?
To get a second chance, you first have to get clear on the subtle things about you that caused her to want to end the relationship, so you can make the right, subtle changes that will naturally re-attract her and make her want to open up to giving you another chance.
If you try to get back with her and she senses that you’d probably make the same old mistakes as before (e.g. be insecure, give her too much power in the relationship), then she isn’t going to feel motivated to want to give you another chance.
Some of the subtle things that women look for in men include:
- He treats her well, but at the same time, also makes her feel then need to treat him well without having to push her to do it. Where guys go wrong: Just being good to a woman and hoping that she will love them for that. There’s more to romantic love than just being good to a woman.
- He is emotionally open and available, but is also a bit of a challenge for her at the same time. Where guys go wrong: Just being emotionally open and available, so the woman feels as though she doesn’t have to try to win over more of his love. He is already giving 100%, so there is no challenge for her and therefore, no need for her to try any harder.
- He remains confident and in control when she tests his confidence and composure under pressure, by being moody and distant. Where guys go wrong: Losing confidence, becoming clingy or getting irritable or angry when a woman is moody or distant. Real men don’t react negatively to a woman’s ever changing moods. Real men remain confident and sure of themselves at all times, while still being respectful and loving towards the woman.
- He makes her the most important person in his life, but not the most important thing. Where guys go wrong: Making a woman the most important person and thing. Therefore, his whole life revolves around her and he then becomes jealous, controlling, needy and insecure. Real men see their purpose (or vision) for their life as the most important thing and work towards achieving the goals associated with that. A woman gets to be the most important person in his life, but she can lose that position if she doesn’t respect him, treat him well or if she tries to stop him from pursuing his big goals and dreams.
- He is a good man, but he is also masculine in his energy, therefore making her feel feminine in comparison to him and happy that she is being treated well. Where guys go wrong: A guy will suppress his masculinity because he thinks it’s ‘wrong’ or ‘disrespectful’ towards a woman to be anything but nice, soft or neutral around her like a good friend. As a result, she doesn’t feel feminine and therefore, doesn’t feel sexually and romantically attracted. Instead, she feels more like a friend, or sister to him. Real men embrace their masculinity and let it come through via their body language, vibe, conversation style, tone of voice, behavior and actions. Women rarely get to be around men like that and when they do, they feel deeply and magnetically attracted.
How about you?
Can you relate to any of the examples above, in terms of where you might have gone right or wrong with her during the relationship?
Maybe you started out being quite confident, masculine and goal-oriented, but lost some or a lot of that over time in the relationship.
What subtle things about you really turned her off and caused her to lose interest?
That is what you need to get clear on first, before you even attempt to contact her because if she senses that you haven’t really changed, then she’s not going to feel motivated to get back with you.
2. Would you know how to create a new relationship dynamic with her that caused her to be more respectful, affectionate and loving towards you?
Women want to be good to their man, but you have to bring that side of them out.
One guy will bring out a bitchy, mean, cold side of a woman and another will bring out a loving, sweet and warm side of her.
It’s the same woman, but each guy used a different approach with her and as a result, created a different relationship dynamic.
For example: If a guy is too nice, accommodating, nervous and unsure of himself, a woman is naturally going to feel a lot less respect, attraction and love for him, compared to a guy who is good to her, a bit of a challenge, confident and assertive.
Likewise, if a relationship starts off well, but the guy eventually becomes insecure, needy and jealous, then it doesn’t how many great dates they went on in the past, how great the sex was or how much she loves him; she’s going to lose interest.
Additionally, his insecurity, neediness and jealousy is going to bring out a different side of her, where she starts becoming more and more distant, unloving and detached.
If he is unable to stop behaving in that way and change the relationship dynamic, she will eventually tire of it and break up with him.
So, before you reach out to her and get her back, ask yourself: Will I be able to create a new relationship dynamic based on the changes I’ve made, or will it essentially be the same as before?
If you feel as though you haven’t really changed your insecurities or issues, then you should address those first.
Of course, you don’t need to change everything about yourself or become perfect first to get her back, but you do need to begin making some adjustments and preparing yourself to succeed at making her want you back.
3. Will you know what to do if she initially plays hard to get?
When a guy reaches out to his ex woman (who is secretly open to potentially getting back together), she will usually play hard to get, rather than being open and easy to get back with right away.
Most women do that because they want to be sure that he’s worth giving a second chance to.
Essentially, she’s looking to find the answers to questions like:
- Will you lose confidence in yourself and in your worthiness to her, if she isn’t making it easy for you initially?
- Will you give up on getting a second chance if she doesn’t seem interested after the first message, or first few messages you exchange?
- Will you get angry at her?
- Are you really interested in her, or just reaching out to her because you are bored, or want to get her interested again and then lose interest in her to get revenge?
- Will you lose control of your emotions and start pouring your heart out, telling her all about your feelings for her and how hard it has been for you? (That’s not attractive to women).
- Will you have the confidence to joke around with her and flirt with her like old times, or will you lack confidence and assume that you are only ‘allowed’ to talk to her in a nice, friendly, polite way?
- Do you seem to have changed based on how you now talk to her, or are you still essentially the same guy, with the same insecurities, who is giving it one last effort to try to get her back?
- Do you seem wiser, more mature and more confident now?
- Are you able to make her feel open, relaxed and interested when talking to you, or does she feel the need to remain closed up, tense and distant?
As a result, she will either feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, or she will feel as though she probably made the right decision to end the relationship (i.e. because nothing has changed).
If you want her to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction and therefore, be willing to open up and see where things go, you have to be able to give her the impression that she would have a different, more enjoyable experience with you now, based on the changes you’ve made.
She will get that impression based on how differently you interact with her and how that now makes her feel (i.e. she now feels more excited, turned on, alive and interested when talking to you).
Of course, if she is the type to play a little hard to get, she might not make that 100% obvious to you right away, which is why you need to maintain your confidence, continue to build up her attraction and then move things forward (i.e. to a phone call, catch up in person to say hi, hug, kiss, sex).
4. If you dumped a woman that you weren’t attracted to, what would she have to do to get a second chance with you?
Since the real, more secret reason why most men break up with a woman is due to her physical appearance, she would usually have to improve her physical appearance (e.g. lose some weight, wear sexier clothes, change her makeup) in order to get another chance.
Of course, sometimes a guy will be struggling to get laid after dumping his ex girlfriend and will take her back briefly, just so he can have sex with her and hang out with her again.
Yet, in most cases, if a man has broken up with a woman due to no longer finding her physical appearance attractive (or if he never did and was just with her for a while, or until he found something better), then she’s going to have to make herself look a whole lot better to make him willing to give her another chance.
Interestingly though, it doesn’t work the same way for women who dump men.
Women are much more attracted to how a man’s behavior, attitude and actions makes them feel, rather than how he looks.
The real, more secret reasons why a woman will break up with a man include him not being manly enough (in his attitude, behavior or actions), being too insecure, being jealous and needy and so on.
If he were to suddenly become a lot more manly in his attitude, behavior and actions, be confident, emotionally independent and sure of himself, while still treating her well and being a good man, then she would suddenly see him as being attractive again.
So, while it is totally fine to take care of your physical appearance as a man, it’s truly not the deciding factor for almost all women out there, when they judge a man as being attractive in terms of relationship potential.
What really matters are things like this:
- Can she relax into being fully feminine in your presence, or does she feel more like she has to lead you and tell you what to do?
- Do you make her feel turned on and excited to be interacting with you, or does she feel bored, stressed or indifferent?
- Can you make her smile and laugh even when she is being moody or distant, or are you afraid to be another other than nice during those times, or stay out of her way to hopefully not ‘get into trouble’ with her or to stay on her good side?
- Are you more confident than her in social situations, therefore making her feel protected, safe and proud to be with you, or is she more confident, therefore making her feel like she has to protect you and feel embarrassed at your lack of manliness at times?
- Do you make her feel loved, special and wanted, while also making her feel a natural desire to make you feel the same way in return? Are yo only able to give love, but not get enough of it in return, or are you on the other end of the extreme where you take love, but don’t give enough in return?
- Are you able to make decisions and confidently follow through on them, without needing her to encourage you along, or approve of your decisions, or do you essentially need her input and backing before you do anything important? While it’s good to make some joint decisions as a couple, a man has to be able to make his own decisions about his own life as well. If he is too dependent on a woman, she ends up feeling like his mother or big sister, which kills her sexual attraction for him.
Those things and more are much more important in a relationship than a guy’s appearance, so make sure that you don’t make the mistake of thinking that ‘looking good’ (i.e. wearing nice clothes, working out at the gym, getting a new hairstyle) will seal the deal with your ex and land you a second chance.
If she senses that the things she is really looking for in you (e.g. confidence, emotional masculinity) aren’t there, then your efforts to look good won’t impress her.
You can re-attract her, get her back and enjoy a second chance with her, but just make sure that you do it right.
You have to start within (i.e. your emotional attractiveness) if you honestly want her to feel differently when she interacts with you and eagerly want to open up and give you another chance.
That’s how men really get their ex woman back and you can do it too.
Just don’t sell yourself short by focusing on your physical appearance, or trying to get her back without really changing anything from within.
After all, who you really are on the inside, always comes through on the outside.
She will sense it, so get it right and she will naturally feel attracted and feel compelled to give you a second chance.
Another question to ask yourself is…
5. Do you think she has been missing you, or having second thoughts about the break up?
If so, then you should reach out to her and start the ex back process as soon as possible.
A classic mistake that guys make is to ignore their ex for many weeks or months, only to eventually see her move on.
The reality is that when a guy doesn’t contact his ex woman, she will usually see it as a sign that he doesn’t care about her anymore and is moving on.
So, rather than contacting him and risk getting rejected, she forces herself to continue getting over the break up and moving on (usually by going out on dates and hooking up with other men).
Meanwhile, her ex who wants her back, is ignoring her in the hope that it makes her build up the courage to contact him.
Yet, she never does and he ends up missing her for years or decades after that; always wishing he’d just called her and gave it a shot.
3 Mistakes That Can Reduce Your Chances of a Second Chance With Her
1. Asking for a second chance via text, message or email
It’s a lot easier for a woman to assume negative things about you and reject your request for a second chance, when she can’t see your body language, or hear the tonality of your voice.
Even if you really have transformed yourself into a better man, it’s difficult, if not impossible, for to fully determine the changes in you via text, social media message or emails.
This is why, you should only use texts, messages or email as an initial way to get back into contact with her, but should get to a phone call (or video call) as soon as possible, so she can get a sense of the changes you’ve made.
Then, get to an in person meet up as soon as possible, so you can re-attract her more directly and let her see for herself that she really does feel differently around you now (i.e. she’s more attracted, feels excited, alive and turned on, drawn to you, butterflies in her stomach, feels her love for you coming back).
Then, get to a hug, kiss, sex and back into a relationship.
You can do that, but it will rarely, if ever happen, if you just hide behind the safety of texts, social media messages or emails.
2. Expressing your feelings for her and then asking for another chance
Although it would be nice if all you had to do was tell a woman how you feel and she would then instantly want you back, it just doesn’t work that way.
If a woman has disconnected from her sexual and romantic feelings for you, telling her about your feelings isn’t going to suddenly make her feel the same way about too.
The only way to make her have feelings for you, is to interact with her and focus on making her feel attracted to the new and improved you.
That can be accomplished during the first interaction you have with her, but it might take 2 or 3 depending on if she is playing hard to get and keeping her guard up to see how you react.
However, at the end of the day, she’s going to be feeling attracted and drawn to you and as a result, be interested in exploring her new feelings for you.
You can then get her back when you meet up with her.
Yet, if you just tell her about your feelings for her and ask for another chance, then it’s one-sided.
The feelings aren’t mutual, so she doesn’t feel motivated to give you another chance.
Make the feelings mutual, or at least close to mutual first, before proceeding through the rest of the ex back process.
This is something that can be achieved very quickly, but you have to be willing to do it in the right order.
Women respond to ex’s a lot differently than men do, so you need to understand what makes a woman want to quickly get back with a guy and give him another chance.
3. Apologizing to her and then asking for another chance
Although apologizing is an important part of the ex back process, it’s not the main thing that will make your ex give you another chance, because it doesn’t actually fix the problems that caused the break up.
It’s fine to apologize, but your main focus needs to be on re-attraction, otherwise she’s simply not going to care about being with you and will continue to move on.
So, if you want a second chance with your ex, don’t waste time and energy trying to do it by promising her that things will be different this time.
Show her that things will be different by letting her experience the new and improved you for herself.
She will then open back up you naturally and easily, because she really wants to.