Texting is an easy way to spark some attraction and arrange a date with a woman.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys end up losing their opportunity with a woman due to making one or more of the texting mistakes outlined in this post.
1. Taking Too Long to Move Things Forward
If a woman likes you, she will be excited to get your first few texts.
She will wonder what is going to happen between you and her.
Will you have sex soon?
Will you start a relationship and fall in love?
Could you be the one?
Yet, if all you do is text her and don’t actually arrange a meetup, she will either get bored or begin playing hard to get.
- If stops texting you all of a sudden because she is bored, it usually means that she’s not getting enough stimulation out of just texting with you. She wants to see you in person and feel you, touch you and take it from there.
- If she is playing hard to get by taking a long time to respond to texts, it often means that she’s either testing your confidence (e.g. will you panic and think that you’ve lost her interest?) or is trying to see how much you like her (e.g. are you texting her the way you text all other girls, or do you actually really like her?).
What a lot of guys don’t realize is that most women are open to having sex with a guy very quickly these days.
You don’t have to spend days, weeks or months trying to get to know a girl via text before you can meet up with her and have sex with her.
Most women are open to meeting up with you on the day or night of getting your number (via a dating app), or within a day of giving you their number in person.
You just have to text, create some attraction and then arrange to meetup in person.
As long as you are then able to attract her on the date, you will usually end up kissing her and in some cases, even having sex with her.
For example: A study in America found that 55% of couples had sex on their first date.
Another study in Europe found that 70% of women admitted to having experienced a one night stand.
Sex happens very quickly these days, so don’t waste time hiding behind texts and hoping that she asks you out, calls you or says that she really likes you and wants to see you in person.
Simply make her feel attracted to you and then arrange to meet up with her, so you can both either have sex or start a relationship.
2. Playing Too Hard to Get
If a woman has given you her phone number, or matched with you on a dating app, then you don’t need to ‘play it cool’ or ‘play hard to get’ to get a date with her.
Unfortunately, many guys don’t realize that until it’s too late.
A guy will be texting a woman he likes and take a long time to reply, to hopefully show her that he’s not needy and possibly has other options with women.
Yet, she happens to be going through a phase in her life where she is sick and tired of meeting guys who don’t truly like her.
She wants to find a guy who likes her enough to text and arrange a meetup, rather than treating her like she doesn’t really matter to him.
Of course, a guy shouldn’t go to the other extreme and put in loads of effort to show how much a woman means to him.
So, what should he do?
Don’t play mind games.
Just make her feel attracted via text and then arrange to meet up with her.
You don’t need to do anything else.
3. Using a Boyish Text Style
Recently, a 25-year-old guy contacted me via The Modern Man and said, “hey dan…i nid u 2 tel me wat u do to gt such hot chiqs.”
Some guys think it’s cool to text like that, but the reality is that it makes a guy seem immature and in some cases, lacking in intelligence.
To be clear here…
It’s okay to use slang and abbreviations when texting women (e.g. k, np, imo), but if you go overboard with it, many women will assume that you lack maturity and are possibly too boyish (rather than manly) for them.
Always remember that women are attracted to masculine guys, not feminine guys who act girly via text.
Some examples of the girly, feminine style that some guys make the mistake of using when texting women:
- What r u doin? Idk wat 2 do today…LOL 🤪
- LOL….so, sorrrry!!! I m late c u in 20
Boys will say that they don’t know what to do with their day and act all silly about it.
Men will make a decision and get on with it.
There’s nothing wrong with being playful via text, but acting unsure, giddy or indecisive is not attractive to women.
In terms of the slang and abbreviations being used (e.g. “Idk wat 2 do”), it just makes things worse (from her perspective).
Not only is he being indecisive, but he’s also being immature when texting.
So, all that adds up to him potentially being an indecisive, immature, girly type of boyfriend and if she has had any experience being in relationships with guys, she will know that she definitely doesn’t want that kind of boyfriend.
It doesn’t matter if the girl you like is 15, 25, 35 or 45; she doesn’t want a guy to text like a little boy.
She wants to be able to look up to him and respect him, not look down on him like an annoying little brother of hers.
Whatever age you are, always try to present yourself in a mature, masculine way via text while also being playful and joking around at times.
It is fine for a girl (or even a grown woman) to write like a girl, but it is not fine for a guy of any age.
Simply text in a more mature, masculine way no matter how girly she gets with you.
Do reply to her like this:
- Woman: hey…wat u doin? i wana c u…do u lyke me 2?
Man: You’re cute. Let’s catch up soon 😉
- Woman: hey…wat u doin? i wana c u…do u lyke me 2?
- Man: Yes, let’s catch up. Are you cooking me dinner, or? 😄
- Woman: hey…wat u doin? i wana c u…do u lyke me 2?
- Man: Hey beautiful 😉 Yes, let’s catch up for a drink tonight. 7pm?
Don’t reply to her like this:
Woman: hey…wat u doin? i wana c u…do u lyke me 2?
Man (boy?): yessss!!!! i lyke u 2. im doin nothin atm…i wana cu 2
The second example above looks like two girls texting each other.
Don’t ever reply to a woman’s text like that, unless you’re doing it as a joke.
Other than doing it as a joke, just text like a man and she will naturally feel attracted to your masculinity.
- Girl: hahahaha….ur so funny…u crack me up! 😛
- Man: Your face is funnier 😄
- Girl: ? 🥺
- Man: Whoops! Damn autocorrect. I meant to say your face is beautiful
- Girl: 😅 thnx
- Man: Whoops! Damn autocorrect again. I meant to say that your face is funny, but also beautiful
- Girl: LOL
- Man: Lol…
It’s totally fine to joke around with a woman like that, as long as you’re not texting like her.
Notice how she was using abbreviations and slang and I was being playful, but still being the more mature one.
If the conversation continued on, it would be fine to add in an abbreviation (e.g. np, k, imo, lol) or a bit of slang here and there, but just don’t do it as much as she does.
4. Constant Contact
Don’t send too many texts to the point where replying to you becomes a time-consuming, fully-involved task her every day.
Let her look forward to getting a message from you, rather than feeling exhausted by how much you are popping up on her phone.
That said, don’t take too long to move things forward and arrange a meetup.
Remember that if the woman you like is attractive, she will usually have a lot of different guys messaging her.
The guy who ends up having sex with her, or being in a relationship with her is almost always the guy who meets up with her in person and then kisses her.
If you are just another guy texting her, then it won’t matter how cool your texts are.
When she kisses a guy, he becomes a real option for her (i.e. a lover or boyfriend).
Additionally, if the kiss feels good, it will usually lead to sex, which will usually then lead to a relationship.
So, do text her and be available, but don’t contact her non-stop all day, every day to the point where she becomes annoyed, or exhausted by all the effort it requires to maintain a ‘relationship’ with you.
Just text to attract her and then arrange a meetup.
At the meetup, make her feel more attracted and then move in for a kiss.
If you don’t really know how to attract a woman in person and are unsure exactly when and how to move in for a first kiss, check out The Flow.
If you want to learn my best secrets for attracting women via text for dates, sex and relationships, check out Text Attraction.
5. Following Up in a Needy Way When She Doesn’t Reply
If a woman doesn’t reply quickly enough, it can cause some guys to worry and think things like, “Damn! Maybe she doesn’t like me anymore!”
In some cases, the guy will feel so worried that he’ll send a text like, “Hey, I sent you a message yesterday. Haven’t heard back from you. Is everything okay?” or, “Hey, I haven’t heard back from you for the last couple of days. Did I say something wrong?”
He either doesn’t realize, or he forgets that people are sometimes genuinely busy and simply don’t have time to reply to text conversations every day.
If she doesn’t reply and he keeps trying to reach out to her in that kind of way, her attraction and respect for him will dwindle away with each additional text of desperation.
The solution is to never worry about the length of time it takes a woman to text you back.
As long as you are being attractive via text, she will feel some attraction and be interested.
However, as explained earlier in this post, if you wait too long to make a move (i.e. set up a date, kiss her, have sex with her), another guy can simply come along, do that and then get into a relationship with her.
So, always focus on moving things forward.
That said, if she hasn’t replied to you for a week, there’s nothing wrong with reaching out to her via text.
Simply send her a text when you are doing an activity (e.g. exercising, at a beach with friends, at a party, walking your dog, eating some tasty food with friends) or have finished the activity (e.g. have eaten the food and there are now empty plates, just got back from a friend’s BBQ) and add in a photo of what you are doing (or what you did) and then say something like, “Hey Emma. Relaxing Sunday for me. Was at a friend’s BBQ. How are you today?”
That way, she can see that you are living your life and aren’t sitting around needing her.
Yet, you are also still interested enough in her to reach out.
Many women are insecure and worry that a guy isn’t that interested in her.
After all, she has experienced many guys being interested in her and then losing interest.
You might think she is amazing, but she has experienced rejection, being ignored and guys losing interest in her.
So, you need to be brave enough to reach out, show some interest, make her feel attracted and then arrange a meetup.
If you don’t, a woman will rarely, if ever, take on that role.
She will wait for you to do it.
6. Being Too Sweet Via Text
It’s totally fine to add an emoji, compliment or sweet line in here via text and there to keep things balanced, but too much sweetness makes most women feel sick.
Women want to experience a range of emotions when interacting with a man, rather than only experiencing one spectrum of emotions (e.g. niceness, comfort, relaxation, contentment, neutrality).
You need to be willing to make her feel excited, shocked, insecure (in a playful way), worried, curious, confused and so on at times.
5 Essential Texting Tips For Men
Here are some essential texting tips that I recommend men follow, if they want to avoid messing up opportunities with women and actually get to dates, kissing, sex and relationships:
1. After getting her phone number for the first time: Send her a quick message like, “Hey – good to meet you. I’ll give you a call to say hi sometime. Dan.”
2. If you call to set up a date and she doesn’t answer: Send a quick text to let her know that it was you and what your basic intentions were, “Hey – it’s Dan. Was just calling to say hi. Hope you’re well. Chat to you another time.”
3. When you begin dating: Use text to flirt with her and keep things moving along. For example: “Hey sexy…” and then continue on with a text conversation. The aim of the text conversation will be to get her on a phone or video call, or to simply arrange a second or third date.
4. When the relationship is sexual: If you’ve had sex and she is keen and interested, then let her be the one texting you from now on. It’s okay to sometimes reach out and text her first. Yet, try to allow her to be the one who is thinking about you, missing you, obsessing over you and wanting to hear from you. You’re not doing anything bad to her by doing that. It’s actually the experience she really wants. Just make sure to treat her well while also making her be the one who is obsessing over you and it will be fun, enjoyable and fulfilling for the both of you.
5. Deep into a relationship: Continue to text in an attractive way. Let her be the one who texts you more first.Learn More