Texting is a great way to spark some attraction and get things moving along with a woman.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys get stuck and end up losing their opportunity with a woman due to making one or more of the mistakes outlined in this post.
Taking Too Long to Move Things Forward
If a woman likes you, she will be excited to get your first few texts.
She will wonder what is going to happen between you and her.
Will you have sex soon?
Will you start a relationship and fall in love?
Could you be the one?
Yet, if all you do is text, she will either get bored or begin playing hard to get.
- If stops texting you all of a sudden because she is bored, it usually means that she’s not getting enough stimulation out of just seeing your words or emojis on her phone. She wants to see you in person and feel you, touch you and take it from there.
- If she is playing hard to get by taking a long time to respond to texts, it often means that she’s either testing your confidence (e.g. will you panic and think that you’ve lost her interest?) or is trying to see how much you like her (e.g. are you texting her the way you text all other girls, or do you actually really like her?).
What a lot of guys don’t realize is that most women are open to having sex with a guy pretty quickly these days.
You don’t have to spend days, weeks or months trying to get to know a girl via text before you can meet up with her and have sex with her.
Most women are open to meeting up with you on the day or night of getting your number (via a dating app), or within a day of giving you their number in person.
You just have to text, create some attraction, get on a call and then meet up in person.
As long as you are able to attract her on the date, you will usually end up kissing her and in some cases, even having sex with her.
For example: A study in America found that 55% of couples had sex on their first date.
Another study in Europe found that 70% of women admitted to having experienced a one night stand.
Sex happens all the time these days and it usually happens very quickly.
So, don’t waste time hiding behind texts and hoping that she asks you out, calls you or says that she really likes you and wants to see you in person.
Simply make her feel attracted to you and then get her on a phone call, meet up with her and start a sexual relationship with her.
Trying to Set Up a Date Via Text
Most women don’t like it when guys try to set up a first date with them via text.
Some women are okay with it (e.g. she is desperate, just wants to go along with it and see what happens), but most women, especially beautiful women, get annoyed by guys who try to organize everything via text.
When texting becomes a man’s primary form of communication with a woman, she can assume that the guy is too nervous to call, is worried about getting rejected or may not care enough about her to call.
As a result, she will either reject his attempts to arrange a date or catch up via text, or she will say yes and then cancel the day before, or the day of the date.
Watch this video to understand more about why women cancel dates…
Using a Childish Writing Style
Recently, a 25-year-old guy contacted me via The Modern Man and asked for dating advice like this, “hey dan…i nid u 2 tel me wat u do to gt such hot chiqs.”
Some guys think it’s cool to text like that, but the reality is that it makes a guy seem childish, or immature and in some cases, lacking intelligence.
Texting in that way was actually a trend that little girls started, when they first got phones, computers and access to social media.
Boys copied them to ‘get along with them’ not knowing that girls don’t actually want guys to behave like girls.
Eventually, guys in their 20s started texting like that (also hoping to ‘get along with’ women).
Here’s the thing though…
If you want to attract women for sex or a relationship, it’s not about ‘getting along with her.’
It’s about attracting her and texting like a little boy or girl isn’t attractive to the absolute majority of women out there.
To be clear here…
It’s okay to use slang and abbreviations when texting women, but if you go overboard with that stuff, women will assume that you lack maturity and are possibly too boyish (rather than manly) for them.
Always remember that women are attracted to masculine guys, not feminine guys who act girly via text.
Some examples of the girly, feminine style that some guys make the mistake of using when texting women:
“What r u doin? Idk wat 2 do”
“LOL….sorrrreeee!!! I m late c u in 20”
“hee hee hee im blushing”
“OMG….thats soooo baaaaad :O are you okay???”
When texting a woman, you should always aim to be the more mature one.
It doesn’t matter if the girl you like is 15, 25, 35 or 45 – she doesn’t want you to text like a little boy via text.
Whatever age you are, always try to present yourself in a mature, masculine way while also being playful and joking around at times.
It is fine for a girl (or even a grown woman) to write like a girl, but it is not fine for a guy of any age.
Simply write back to her in a more mature, masculine way no matter how girly she gets with you.
Do reply to her like this:
Woman: hey…wat u doin? i wana c u…do u lyke me 2?
Man: You’re cute. Let’s catch up soon.
Don’t reply to her like this:
Woman: hey…wat u doin? i wana c u…do u lyke me 2?
Man (boy?): yessss!!!! i lyke u 2. im doin nothin atm…i wana cu 2
The second example above looks like two girls texting each other. Don’t ever reply to a woman’s SMS and write in the same way she does, unless you’re doing it as a joke.
Other than doing it as a joke, just write like a man and she will feel attracted to your masculinity.
Girl: hahahaha….ur so funny…u crack me up! 😛
Man: Your face is funnier.
Girl: ? 🙁
Man: Whoops! Damn autocorrect. I meant to say your face is beautiful.
Girl: 🙂 tanx
Man: Whoops! Damn autocorrect again. I meant to say that your face is funny, but also beautiful.
At that point of a text exchange, I would either call the girl, or tell her to call me by texting, “Call me.”
Why? I’ve already attracted her with some confident humor and now it is time to take the exchange to the next level (i.e. catch up in person, kiss and have sex).
When you’re texting a woman you like, be sure to give her a chance to miss you.
Don’t always reply to every text she sends right away.
If you’re communicating with her via Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp or some other chat app, don’t send too many messages to the point where replying to you becomes a time-consuming, fully-involved, daily task for her.
Let her look forward to getting a message from you.
However, don’t take too long to move things forward with her (i.e. to a date, kiss, sex).
If the woman that you like is attractive, she’ll usually have a lot of different guys messaging her.
The guy who ends up having sex with her, or being in a relationship with her is almost always the guy who gets her on a phone call and meets up with her in person.
If you’re just another guy messaging her, it doesn’t matter how cool your messages are.
All it will take for you to be pushed aside is for a guy to kiss her in person.
If the kiss feels great, it will almost certainly lead to sex, which will then usually lead to a relationship.
So, don’t spend too much time texting before moving things forward and don’t be the guy who is texting her a lot on a daily basis.
Worrying When She Doesn’t Respond Quick Enough
Guys who text a woman way too often, are usually the type to also worry when she doesn’t reply within a certain window of time.
He will worry and think, “Damnit! She doesn’t like me anymore! Maybe she likes someone else! Maybe she’s ghosting me because of something I texted her. What did I do? I’ve lost her!”
He might then increase the frequency of his texts to make sure remains on her radar.
Alternatively, he might send a text like, “Hey, I sent you a message yesterday. Haven’t heard back from you. Is everything okay?” not realizing that sometimes people are genuinely busy and don’t have time to reply to involved text conversations every day.
If he doesn’t hear from her, he might even text to ask if he said something wrong, or if she is seeing someone else.
If she doesn’t reply and he keeps trying to reach out to her, her attraction and respect for him will dwindle away with each additional text of desperation.
The solution is to never worry about the length of time it takes a woman to text you back.
As long as you are being attractive via text, she will feel some attraction and be interested.
However, as explained earlier in this post, if you wait too long to make a move (i.e. set up a date, kiss her, have sex with her), another guy can simply come along, do that and then get into a relationship with her.
So, always focus on moving things forward.
Many guys make the mistake of sending sexual text messages, in the hope that the woman becomes turned on and wants to have sex with him.
Yet, many women don’t want to seem slutty, easy or untrustworthy to a guy, so they begin to close up, or initially go along with it to see how it feels and then begin to pull back.
Sexting is okay if you’ve already made a woman feel very attracted to you sexually in person, or on a phone call, or have already had sex.
However, if you try to achieve sexual attraction via sexts, it will almost always backfire, unless the woman is slutty, unattractive or desperate.
Being Too Sweet Via Text
It’s totally fine to add in an emoji, compliment or sweet message here and there to keep things balanced, but too much sweetness makes most women feel sick.
Women want to experience a range of emotions when interacting with her, rather than only experiencing one spectrum of emotions (e.g. niceness, comfort, relaxation, contentment).
You need to be willing to make her feel excited, shocked, insecure (in a playful way), worried, curious, confused and so on at times too.
The best way to allow that to happen naturally, is to let your real mood flow. I discuss that in this video:
Note: The above video is not about texting, but the same principle of letting your real mood flow applies.
Essential Texting Tips For Men
Here are some essential texting tips that I recommend men follow if they want to avoid messing up opportunities with women and actually get to dates, kissing, sex and relationships:
1. After getting her phone number for the first time: Send her a quick message like, “Hey – good to meet you. I’ll give you a call to say hi sometime. Dan.”
2. If you call to set up a date and she doesn’t answer: Send a quick text to let her know that it was you and what your basic intentions were, “Hey – it’s Dan. Was just calling to say hi. Hope you’re well. Chat to you another time.”
3. When you begin dating: Use text to flirt with her and keep things moving along. For example: “Hey sexy…” and then continue on with a text conversation. The aim of the text conversation will be to get her on a phone call, or if you’re already comfortable with each other or have had sex, text to arrange a second or third date.
4. When the relationship is sexual: If you’ve already had sex a few times, it’s fine to only use text to communicate with her and then call when it’s absolutely necessary, or when you want.
5. Deep into a relationship: It doesn’t matter. Call, text or leave messages anytime you want, but of course – don’t over-text. Give her a chance to miss you and be the one who texts, calls or messages first as much as possible.
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