If you want a friends with benefits relationship with a woman to turn into an exclusive, committed relationship, you have to make her feel so attracted to you that an exclusive relationship becomes her idea.
When she wants to be exclusive more than you do, the relationship begins with the right dynamic because you are giving her a chance to be with you. Women love the thrill of the chase and it’s much more exciting for a woman to have to convince you to be exclusive with her, than feel like she is doing you a favor by becoming exclusive with you.
Why? If she is attractive, most are way too easy to attract and seduce. Watch this video to understand why…
What to Do if You Genuinely Only Want Sex and Not a Relationship
If you are genuine about your desire to only be friends with benefits, you simply need to let her know that you find her sexy, but that you’re not looking for a girlfriend right now.
For example: If she makes an effort to look sexy, pretty or beautiful, openly say to her, “Wow…look at you today. You’re looking sexy…I like it” so she knows for sure that you see her in that way.
At some point, she’s going to ask you about why you don’t have a girlfriend. Simply, “I’m not looking for a girlfriend right now, but I like spending time with you because you’re sexy.” She will get the message.
Some women who really like you will hope that they can change your mind and get you to commit to them, but that’s all part of the fun for both of you when it comes to FWB relationships.
Personally speaking, I’ve had many women cry their eyes out in an attempt to get me to feel sorry for them and commit, only to then call me an asshole for not committing…and then come to see me for sex a week later.
FWB relationships are often full of that type of drama, but if you initially made it clear that you’re not looking for a girlfriend, she can never sincerely accuse you of being an asshole. Instead, she will actually secretly respect you that little bit more because you’re a man of your word and are not easily swayed by the pity pleas of a woman.
Why Most Guys Can’t Handle FWB Relationships
Unless a guy can easily attract and pick up other beautiful women whenever he wants, he will almost always end up developing “feelings” for a friends with benefits woman.
He might start out acting like he is totally cool with the idea of a FWB relationship, but when he develops feelings for her and notices that she still wants to keep things casual, he will usually start behaving in a way that turns her off.
For example: He will become insecure about her desire for him and ask questions like, “So, do you like me?” or “Are you attracted to me?” or “Do you have any feelings for me?” or “Do you enjoy what we have?”
All of those questions are turn offs for a woman because women are attracted to a guy’s confidence, not his insecurity. To make her want to have an exclusive relationship with him, he has to make her feel so attracted to him that she begins to develop feelings for him.
Can You Handle a FWB Relationship With Her?
If a female friend suggests that you and her become “friends with benefits” (i.e. have casual sex and not become boyfriend and girlfriend), it’s a pretty enticing offer.
Yet, can you handle it? To clearly answer that question, consider the following…
1. Do You Really Only Want to Be Just Friends With Her?
If she’s suggesting adding sexual benefits to your friendship, you obviously get on well and feel relaxed in each other’s company. She definitely finds you attractive, but by suggesting that you become friends with benefits, it usually means that she doesn’t see you as someone she wants to be in a “serious” relationship with.
Either that, or she is trying to manipulate your emotions by pretending to only want to be friends with benefits so she can have sex with you, make you fall in love with her and then beg her to be your girlfriend. In other words, she’s insecure about your desire for her and wants to make sure she really gets you to want her and commit to the idea of being with her.
So, what do you really feel for this woman? It it really just her friendship that you want? Is there a danger that adding “benefits” to the mix will lead to you wanting more from her than she’s prepared to offer?
Think about it for a moment….
Friends with benefits have sex together – but they’re not together. Let’s say you’ve had sex with your friend on a couple of occasions when no other guys are really pursuing her. It all feels fine at that point and on the surface it sounds like a win-win situation; she wants sex and she’s calling you…why wouldn’t you give her what she wants?
Well, it’s usually not that simple…
If you don’t have any other options with women because you don’t really know how to attract women, how are you going to feel when her dating life picks up and she starts having sex with other guys?
What are you going to be doing when she starts having sex with other guys? Are you going to care? Are you going to want her to stop and just be with you because you’ve developed feelings for her? Will you feel betrayed or rejected?
If you’re not approaching and having sex with other women right now and are secretly hoping to get into an exclusive relationship with her, it will almost certainly blow up in your face. The only way to avoid her rejecting you is to really, truly know how to attract her and make her only want you.
2. How will you feel if she gets into a relationship with another guy and stops being your FWB?
If you’ve been getting regular sex from her every week for a few months and have maybe even developed feelings for her, will you feel rejected if she gets into a relationship with another guy? Will you want to make her change her mind?
What if she tells you that she’s now in love with the new guy and says that she can no longer be your FWB?
If you are the type of guy who can easily attract and pick up other women, you’re not really going to be worried about it at all. In fact, you’re probably going to be happy for her.
However, if you got lucky with her (i.e. she wasn’t very attracted to you, but gave you a chance because she was bored and needed some action, or she needed a guy who make her feel loved after getting dumped by a boyfriend) and you have no other options with women, it’s probably going to feel like a serious break up to you.
You will probably look at her as your girlfriend and will have been trying to get her to change her mind about the FWB.
This is why, as a man, it’s so important that you understand how to attract women. If you don’t know how to attract women and are simply trying to get lucky, you will almost always get rejected or dumped by women that you like.
If you start falling in love with her and want to have her as your committed girlfriend, but she’s dating other guys and still looking for “the one” for her, how will that make you feel?
Will you be able to get her to want only you by making her feel a lot of attraction for you, or will you end up behaving in a needy, insecure way that turns her off?
The Easy Way to Get Her to Love You Again
Getting her to love you, respect you, touch you and want you the way she did in the beginning, isn't difficult at all.
In fact, it's one of the easiest things you'll ever do.
So, if your woman isn't showing you the respect, love and affection you deserve, watch this eye-opening, life-changing video by Dan Bacon to find out what you've been missing.
You will discover what she has been WAITING for you to do, but will probably never tell you about.
It's so simple and it works.
Watch the video now to find out more...
I would urge anyone reading this who doesn’t have experience with women like myself to listen and follow Dan’s advice/ use the Modern Man programmes before going about the issue in question.
I have paid the price myself this year! by being involved with an ex-girl friend, un-happly married and wanting fun.
I became all the problems in the article and lost control within 5 five weeks and watched my life/mind rip apart in front of me, while she found someone to be with shortly after while I fell apart of which I am still recovering from lately but never to make the mistake again.
Thanks for your positive feedback and for sharing your story.
Great article Dan, been following your stuff for a while, been in love with this girl for about half a year now, but she had a boyfriend. They just broke up and i got with her for the first time last week, but it seems she still hasn’t gotten over him yet, putting me exactly in this situation. As always it seems the key is confidence and to stop having this unnecessary anxiety over women!
Thanks for your positive feedback.
Yes, a lot of people don’t realize that anxiety is completely unnecessary. It’s also completely curable. I provide the cure for approach anxiety and social anxiety in Alpha Male Power: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/alpha-male-power.html
BTW: Here’s an article I wrote earlier that helps with the situation you’re in: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/can_you_axe_her_ex_boyfriend.html
I am a female that also loves women. I mean I am not a lesbian, I am in love with this guy.. But our relationship has become too difficult. Even though he is ironically kind of the ‘bad boy’ he also just leaves it at that. He used to do nice things but now he doesn’t do anything extra. So I am not committed to him anymore.. I also like women. So I have been seeing them. I think your article is right on.. And very imp message to guys who think that being nice is a bad thing. I mean HELLO? it’s not bad EVER! but we certainly don’t want a pushover wimp either. Anyway thanks for the article! Dawn
Thanks for your positive feedback.
Yes, unfortunately a lot of guys these days have grown up without good male role models or have been brainwashed by the dramatizations they see on TV advertisements, in TV shows and in Hollywood movies that depict women as wanting BAD BOYS who always treat them badly. The reality is, women want confident, masculine men who are ALSO good guys. Women refer to these guys as real men and they are in VERY short supply, which is why women hold onto them with both hands and don’t let go when they find one.
Last couple of weeks, I’ve been struggling with women, but really now I’m greatful for all iv read in here!! As I’m typing right now,there’s a girl coming on my crib for sex!!so It helped a lot and thanks for all the advice here and I’ll keep reading nor posted with everything!!! Now starting to enjoy life to the fullest, not there yet but surely!! Thanks again your the BEST
Thanks for your positive feedback.
I’m glad I’ve been able to help you. If you want even better and faster results, invest in my programs. That’s where all the best techniques and advice is contained and I’ll never share that stuff on the site for free.
Okay! I will Dan
I agree with your statement that “The fact is, a woman absolutely will emotionally attached in a friends with benefits relationship, but only with a guy who makes HER chase him and try to change HIS mind. ” I am in this situation right now. I’m not really sure if I want to date my male friend, but I would like him to do more work than me trying to initiate things. Should I just give him lots of space and let him initiate? what if he doesn’t really initiate for FWB (Friends With Benefits) activities unless I do? Does that mean he isn’t into it because i know he does…We’re also co workers
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
It’s a difficult one because most guys don’t realize that in order to turn a woman on, a man usually has to show how turned on he is by the woman. If he doesn’t know that and is hiding his sexual desire for you, then it will be a slow, awkward road to sex.
If you want to help things along, simply go out with him on a Friday or Saturday night and have some drinks. Then, hug him and look him in the eyes. If he’s even half a man, he will kiss you at that point.
Comments are closed.