The secret to picking up women in coffee shops is to quickly trigger her feelings of attraction for you, while also creating a relaxed, easy-going vibe between you and her.
The easiest way to do that is to use flirting and in the video below, I’ve included some examples of how to do that in a Starbucks cafe…
As you will discover from the video above, women prefer guys who flirt because it allows you and her to quickly establish your sexual attraction for each other in a discreet way.
You Have Plenty of Opportunities to Approach Women in Coffee Shops, But Will You Actually Approach?
These days, there are coffee shops everywhere. No matter which country you find yourself in, you are likely to find a coffee shop…and with coffee shops comes the opportunity to meet and pick up women.
Yet, despite the interest that guys have about approaching and talking to girls in coffee shops, they often chicken out at the last moment because they lack the confidence to approach.
If you need some help to build up your confidence to approach women, watch this video…
I often get asked how to pick up women in coffee shops by guys who aren’t really into meeting women in nightclubs or bars.
They see beautiful women during the day and want to know how to spark up a conversation, grab her number and then hook something up later. The good new is that getting a woman’s number in a coffee shop is one of the easiest pick ups you can do, as long as you have the right attitude.
Women will often act surprised that you have started to chat to them because people usually behave like strangers in a coffee shop, but once she sees that you’re a confident, easy-going guy and you’re talking to her in a relaxed, chilled out manner, she will open herself up to the conversation and feel excited that she is meeting a guy in a cafe.
In many of the modern romantic movies, people meet in places like coffee shops and other public places, so women are usually very excited that it is happening to them in real life.
Having the Right Attitude
The right attitude for approaching and picking up women in a coffee shop is about accepting that it’s totally fine to chat to a random woman in a coffee shop.
It’s not a crime, it’s not “dangerous” and it won’t end up with you getting a hot coffee tipped over your head.
In places other than a bar or nightclub, women often act shocked or surprised when you initially approach (because they aren’t expecting it), but if you come across as a cool, easy-going guy that shock quickly turns into excitement and happiness.
As long as you can deal with the fact that most women will seem surprised and nervous when you approach and are willing to just wait 10-15 seconds for them to relax, then picking up women in coffee shops will become an fun, interesting and very productive part of your life.
Having a Strong Intention
Like with anything else worth getting in life, approaching and picking up women requires you have a strong intention, a clear purpose and a willingness to push through when things feel a bit challenging.
If you know what you want and have the confidence and self esteem to go and get it, you will have no problems picking up women in coffee shops. On the other hand, if your approach is half-hearted, hesitant or insecure, you will almost always come away empty handed.
Women respond to the strong intentions of men and like it when a man knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to go after it.
Women are turned off when they see that a man becomes nervous or doubts himself the moment she shows the slightest bit of challenge or resistance.
Women always test men to see how confident they really are, so if you can remain relaxed and confident and keep pushing forward towards your goal (i.e. getting her phone number, adding her to Facebook, having sex with her, etc) she will submit to that.
Women want to relax into the masculine direction of a man, but she needs to know that you are actually a man (they test to check this) otherwise it just doesn’t feel right for her to submit to your direction.
Guys often think that picking up women is a “technique” but that’s just not true; it’s all about attitude. Guys who approach women with the wrong attitude end up failing and wondering if they used the wrong line or wore the wrong shirt. Yet, guys with the right attitude can basically say and do whatever they want (and wear whatever they want) and they’ll still get the girl.
Here are some common mistakes that guys make when trying to pick up women in coffee shops:
Mistake #1 – Approaches with the wrong vibe
When approaching a woman in a coffee shop, it is important that they guy’s energy level matches that of the environment that he is in.
If he brings the same vibe to a coffee shop that he does to a nightclub, or a beach party, he is very likely going to be asked to go away. Why? Often, the woman will not be in a talking mood, will be feeling shy or may be feeling a bit overwhelmed by her day. You need to take it easy when you first start chatting with her, but you also need to add a good vibe.
Overall, the best approach is to just be easy-going and go with the moment and allow the environment and the woman, or group, to dictate the vibe. You don’t have to walk in, take over the cafe and have everyone laughing and cheering. Instead, just go with the flow and be your cool, confident self and things will naturally open up between you and the woman.
Mistake #2 – Appears nervous and tense
If the guy is nervous or hesitant in his approach, it will in turn make the woman feel uncomfortable. Why?
She doesn’t want to be responsible for making him feel any more uncomfortable than he already is, so she’ll try to ignore him or close down the interaction/conversation as quickly as possible.
However, if the guy leads the way and is relaxed, she too will be able to open up and relax and go with the good feelings in the moment. The guy’s confidence creates a feeling of relaxation and excitement in the woman.
That last sentence you’ve just read is a big part of the secret of how to pick up women in coffee shops. Don’t get caught up in trying to find fancy pick up lines or overly-complicated strategies.
Just learn to be confident and go with the flow of the moment. Know that the more confidence you show her, the more she will enjoy being around you and the more excited she will become as a result of her growing feelings of attraction for you.
Mistake #3 – Doesn’t create feelings of attraction
When it comes to a sexual courtship, men are usually the ones who approach women and it is usually up to the guy to create attraction between them. While a man will feel attraction for a woman’s appearance and quickly decide if he likes her or not, a woman will wait to get a feel for the guy’s personality and confidence before she decides whether she likes him.
If you believe what you see in TV commercials, you will think that you need to look like a male model, have six-pack abs and drive a sports car for women to be attracted to you. Yet, in the real world, all you really need is confidence, masculinity (mental and emotional) masculinity and social intelligence.
Attraction is how a man and a woman know that they like each other and would like to take things to the next level (exchange phone numbers, go on a date, kiss, have sex and even become a couple).
If the guy doesn’t create attraction between himself and the woman, via stimulating conversation, flirting and a sexual vibe, she will think that he is just being friendly in the coffee shop and that’s where the interaction will end.
Mistake #4 – Is too polite or too nice
Guys often lack the confidence to approach women in a decisive and purposeful way. A big mistake that a guy can make is to approach a woman, or group of women, in a coffee shop and ask permission to join them. The answer will most likely be a big “NO.”
Being too nice and polite is a sure way to get ignored and rejected by women, because although they want you to be a good guy, they don’t want to have to tell you how to behave. They want you to take the lead.
Of course this doesn’t mean that a guy should be rude or forceful. What it does mean is that if he approaches with confidence and behaves as though the women do WANT him to join them, he is more than likely going to be invited to join them.
Mistake #5 – Behaves as though she is doing him a favor by talking to him
Guys with a low self esteem often believe that if a woman pays him even the slightest amount of attention, she is doing him a big favor. A woman doesn’t want to waste her time with a guy who doesn’t believe that he’s good enough to be with her. Think about it: Why should she?
Example Coffee Shop Approaches and What to Say
In a coffee shop, you don’t always have to approach women directly by walking right up to her table. There are many ways to do get a conversation going. As long as you have the right attitude, things will naturally flow from one stage to the next.
Example 1: Ordering Coffee at the Same Time
Imagine that a woman walks up to order her coffee at the same time as you. Instead of just letting her in front like a boring guy would, try saying the following in a playful, easy-going way:
Her: [Looks at you to work out whether or not you’re going to let her go first].
You: [Smile and say] Alright, you can go in front…as long as you buy me 3 café lattes and a piece of that chocolate cake there 🙂
Her: [Laughing or smiling. Possibly asking you, “Really?” or looking confused].
You: [Smile and say in a relaxed manner] Okay, nevermind the 3 coffees. Just one coffee, a piece of chocolate cake and a cookie.
Her: [Usually laughing or smiling].
You: [Smile] Just kidding [and then say like a good guy/gentleman] …go ahead, you go first.
Her: [Will usually thank you].
Why talk to her in that way? Starting off the conversation in this way demonstrates that you’re a confident, cool, easy-going guy. It shows her that you are not a desperate guy who is hoping to impress her by being all nice and polite. You’re a guy who can have other women if he wants, so he’s not worried about potentially saying the wrong thing to her.
The irony is that by starting off the conversation in this bold, funny, but also easy-going way, she actually sees you as a nice, charming guy. Women like men who can make them laugh and they love men who can dominate them during a conversation.
Instead of following her lead or being submissive, “Oh, you go first. Please, go ahead. Ladies first” you are playing with the moment and demonstrating that you can dominate her in many different ways.
This is extremely important because one of the keys to making women feel sexually attracted to you is by making them feel girly around you. If she feels like you are the one who is “leading the dance” so to speak, then it makes her feel feminine and girly.
When you make a woman feel feminine and girly in any way, she automatically begins to consider the idea of having sex with you and opens herself up to the possibility.
If you make a woman feel nothing (i.e. by being a boring guy) or make her feel masculine in the moment, then she will almost always feel no sexual attraction for you. She will simply forget that she ever encountered you and get on with her life.
My approach to women ensures that they always feel sexually attracted, excited and happy to be around you. After starting off the conversation in the manner suggested above, you can then switch to a more normal and easy-going style of conversation.
From there, you only need to add in flirting and humor here and there to keep the spark, laughter and fun alive.
Example 2: Turn to Face Her Table and Say Hello
It doesn’t matter if she is sitting behind you or beside you, just turn around or turn to her a little and say the following:
You: [Smile and say in a relaxed, easy-going way] Hey, I know that people don’t usually talk to each other in coffee shops, but I saw you and I just can’t help but say hello. I’m Dan, what’s your name?
Her: [Smiling, feeling flattered, etc] Hi, I’m Jenny.
You: [Smile and say in a relaxed manner] Cool…Jenny from the coffee shop. I was totally into my coffee before I noticed you. Anyway, so I’m just having a coffee now and then I’m heading off to [tell her what you’re up to that day. Example: Work, study, shopping, to see friends, etc]. How’s your day going?