If you’re wondering to yourself, “How can I get my ex back?” the first thing you need to know is that it is possible (and often very easy) to get an ex back.
As long as you begin saying and doing the types of things that will make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, she will become more open to the idea of getting back together and giving the relationship another chance.
Where Did the Relationship Go Wrong?
Relationships can break up for many different reasons, but here are some classic ones that you might identify with.
Did You Take Her For Granted?
One of the biggest relationship mistakes guys make is to slip into taking their girlfriend (wife or fiance) for granted. Many times, this is not something the guy does intentionally, but the pressures of everyday life can lead to him forgetting to pay her the attention she needs to feel loved and valued in the relationship.
A classic example of this is failing to take a genuine interest in the efforts she makes to look good for you. She perhaps asks for your opinion on which outfit she should wear, and while this might seem unimportant to you, it means a lot to her because women know that their appearance is what we men are attracted to the most.
Giving her a stock standard reply each time like, “Yeah, looks good honey” may seem fine to you because you may not care too much about fashion or looking good, but it means a lot to her. Chances are you think she looks beautiful in everything, but not taking the time to pay attention to things that matter to her will cause her question whether you actually care at all.
Another example is letting her down or changing your plans at the last minute. Let’s say you were planning a quiet night in together watching a movie – an activity that she really enjoys because it’s quality time together – but you then change your plans at the last minute because you and some friends decide to hang out at a cafe or restaurant until late into the night.
You might not see it as a big deal because you and her can watch a movie at home some other time, but it is a big deal to her because you’re choosing to put other people before her.
Obviously, plans do need to change at the last minute from time to time, but if you’ve slipped into “breaking your promises” on a regular basis, you’ve slipped into taking her for granted and expecting her to just be there whenever it’s convenient for you.
Unlike in the past where women would just “put up with” a bad husband (they rarely had boyfriends back then), these days women will break up with a guy for not making her feel how she wants to feel in a relationship. Women get a lot of influence from pop singers, TV, movies and even the government who support single mothers.
The message that women get these days is not the same as it was 100 years ago. They’re not necessarily being told to stick by their man through thick and thin. In most cases, they’re being told to leave a guy if he isn’t up to scratch.
2. Did You Become Clingy and Possessive?
Clearly, not paying her enough attention will lead to her feeling taken for granted and potentially ending the relationship as a result, but paying her too much attention can actually be just as damaging. A lot of guys who contact me for advice and ask, “Dan, how can I get my ex back?” often then explain how they can’t understand what happened because they “worshipped the ground she walked on.”
One guy who wrote to me (I later helped him get his ex back via my phone coaching service) said:
“Dan, we did everything together. She said that we were soul mates. She would say I love you every day, but then all of sudden she just said that she no longer felt the same way. I couldn’t stand to be apart from her for more than a few hours when we together, so being broken up now is killing me. Please help!”
To help this particular guy, one of the first things I explained to him was that women don’t want a clingy guy. He asked me why and I explained that women are attracted to guys who go after their true potential in life and do not hide from the world behind a relationship.
He admitted that he’d stopped focussing on his career and hadn’t been seeing his friends much at all. He was basically just seeing her everyday, for the duration of their two year relationship.
To keep a relationship together, you need to keep a balanced life going for yourself and for her. It can’t all be about seeing each other. Living in each-other’s pockets and avoiding the rest of what life has to offer can lead to clingy, overly-possessive behavior.
For example, if you don’t have any serious hobbies or interests outside of the relationship, or you don’t spend enough time in the company of your friends without her, there’s a danger that you will begin to feel jealous of any friends she chooses to spend time with or feel resentful of any time she spends taking part in activities that don’t include you.
Clinging to her in this way and being “needy” in terms of wanting to spend every waking moment with her is not the romantic turn on you might have been led to believe through watching “romantic comedy” movies. In the real world, most women just want a real man and they will keep dumping guys until they find one.
She Needs to See That You Have Already Fixed Your Issues and Improved Yourself
Okay, so having figured out where you might have gone wrong in your relationship, you’re still going to be asking, “How can I get my ex back?” right? The simple answer to your problem is to become the type of guy that she wants back. How are you going to do that?
Well, you’re going to have to show her that the problems or issues she had with you in the relationship no longer exist. It’s not good enough for you to say that you are improving and behave in the ways you did before; you actually have to have already changed.
She needs to see by interacting with you in person, on the phone, via text or Facebook that you have already learned from the mistakes you made in the relationship and you have become a better man as a result.
When she sees that, she will become open to the idea of getting back together because it will be good for her too. From there, you need to say and do very specific things to get yourself another chance and then keep the relationship together.
She Wants You to Be More of a Man Than You Were Before
When a woman gets back with a guy, she doesn’t want a guy who takes her for granted, she just wants a guy who genuinely pays attention to her and takes a sincere interest in the things that are important to her. However, this doesn’t mean being a guy who focusses all of his energy on her and hangs on her every word.
Being clingy and overly-possessive suffocates a relationship and it makes you a needy, desperate guy in her eyes – a guy she can no longer respect and a guy she no longer feels sexually attracted to.
So what kind of guy does she want? She wants a man who knows how to make her feel like a woman; she wants a man who naturally leads the way in a relationship by creating the ideal relationship dynamic, allowing her to feel protected, cared for and totally feminine.
She wants a man with strong alpha male traits; a confident man with true masculinity, because that makes him a man she can feel a deep, instinctive and lasting sexual attraction for.