Being dominant over a woman doesn’t mean that you should be overly aggressive with her. Women do like being dominated, but not in the way that many guys mistakenly assume.
When guys ask me, “Do women like to be dominated?” it’s often because they’re somewhat confused by the mixed messages they get from TV commercials, movies and even from women themselves.
On one hand, there seems to be a clear “girl power” message these days that says women want to be treated as equals in every way and would be shocked, angry and insulted if a man tried to dominate them. Yet, and on the other hand, there’s also a different kind of message emanating from the belief that women prefer “bad boys” and guys who “treat them mean to keep them keen.” So which is it: Do women like to be in “power” or do women like to be dominated?
Women do like to be dominated by men, but it’s not in the way that most guys think.
Women aren’t desperately looking for a man who will push her around, be selfish, be overly forceful, etc. Instead, being dominant comes down to simply being the stronger one (mentally and emotionally) in the interaction, on the date, during sex and in the relationship.
If a woman feels like she can dominate you and push you around in most ways, then she won’t be able to feel girly around you and truly surrender to you during sex. Instead, she is going to feel like she is mistakenly allowing a weak man to penetrate her, which is not a turn on at all.
Women are turned off by weak men (mental and emotional weakness) because they don’t want to get pregnant to a weak man and have to carry and protect him and the child throughout life. A woman’s natural instinct is to find a man who she can feel safe with.
That doesn’t mean finding a man who is extremely dominant or forceful or who going around beating up guys who look at her, like some guys assume. Instead, it means that she wants a man that will be strong for her throughout life. She wants a man who will be a consistent, pillar of strength in her world as they embark on the journey of life together.
Different Environments Require Different Styles of Dominance
Now, just because women like men to be more dominant (or stronger than them mentally and emotionally), it doesn’t mean you should begin trying to boss everyone and every woman around, no matter what the circumstance is.
When I was moving up the ladder in the corporate world, I quickly realized that while women loved men who were assertive and fairly dominant in the bedroom, it didn’t mean that they wanted to be pushed around in the workplace.
In the workplace, a woman wants to be respected and to be treated as an equal, but being respectful towards her doesn’t mean that you hand over your power and let her run the show.
It just means that you don’t treat her like a girl or flirt with her in a sexual way and expect her to behave all girly and submissive around you, like she would in a different environment (e.g. a bar, in the bedroom, etc).
When I eventually reached a very high position of leadership in a company that had over 1,000 employees, my boss was actually a woman. She was an awesome leader and I learnt so much about leadership from her. Now, although she was a bit of a girly girl outside of work, it didn’t mean that I could openly flirt with her and get her to behave that way in front of others.
Behind closed doors, she was happy to have a bit of a flirt and laugh with me, but as long as it didn’t cross the line where she began to feel as though I was trying to use my ability to dominate her in that way to gain dominance over her in the workplace.
I still had to respect her position in the company and allow her to “be the boss” in the situation.
Now, that doesn’t make me weak by allowing a woman to be the more dominant one in a work situation; it’s just the dynamic of working with women who are in positions of leadership. If I’d met her outside of the office, say in a bar for example, she would have felt excited and lucky to meet a guy like me who was and would remain in the position of dominance the entire time.
No doubt, her and I would have ended up having sex that night. I know that because I met many women like her and they are extremely easy to have sex with, because they rarely meet guys who feel stronger than them, mentally and emotionally.
The majority of guys will crumble under the pressure of a woman playing hard to get, rather than maintaining confidence in themselves and knowing that they are more than good enough.
How can a guy do that? Part of the secret is to be more of a challenge for women to win over…
When it comes to sex, women do like to be dominated, but they will only happily accept it from a man they feel deserves to have that level of power over them.
For example: A lot of guys who’ve let their woman have all the power in a relationship end up asking me, “Dan, why isn’t my girlfriend/wife interested in sex anymore?” and they’ll often say something like, “She doesn’t let me have sex with her anymore.”
Did you notice the key term there? The guy is seeing sex as something that she needs to LET him have. When the right dynamic is in place in a male/female relationship, it will be the man who allows his woman to have some sex.
She will be wanting it from him and he will decide how much she gets to have. She will be wanting to give him oral sex and please him, because it will feel right to her to put herself in the submissive position. However, if she has too much power over him and doesn’t respect him as a man, it won’t feel right for her to get down on her knees and give him oral sex.
Essentially, what a guy needs to do is understand what really attracts women. If you’re not exactly sure what women want, I recommend that you don’t waste your life guessing and potentially getting rejected or dumped because you still haven’t figured it out.
If you want to know how a woman’s attraction for a man really works, watch this video…
As you will discover from the video above, women can feel attracted and turned by a guy for many different reasons. While it’s true that women like to be dominated during sex, that does not mean they ALWAYS want to be dominated.
In my opinion, overly dominant behavior should only happen 20% of the time and the remaining 80% should be a mix of loving, intimate sex. Some women are exceptions and prefer dominant sex 80% of the time, but generally speaking, being very dominant 20% of the time is more than enough for most women.
Strong Man vs. Weak Man
I often have guys asking me things like, “Dan, do women like to be dominated?” or “How dominant do I have to be to make women respect me?”
In many cases, such guys have been told by friends, family, co-workers or even an ex-girlfriend (or wife) that they need to “man up” in some way or another. In a recent comment, a guy explained to me how his ex-girlfriend had dumped him because he wasn’t “man enough” for her in the relationship.
He wanted to know what she meant by that and whether it meant he was going to have to hit the gym or start bossing her around and being more forceful with her. His mistaken belief that “manning up” is all about bulking up with bigger muscles and becoming physically stronger is a common one, just like the belief that being manly means being overly dominant all the time.
However, those are not accurate definitions of what it means to be a man. What his ex-girlfriend wants and what all women want, is to be in a relationship with a “strong” man, but it’s not physical strength that matters, it’s mental and emotional strength.
If you are what women refer to as a real man, then you are going to have a lot of mental and emotional strength. No matter what situation you’re faced with, you’re going to remain strong. You’re not going to become insecure or crumble emotionally.
Instead, you will stand strong, do what is needed and push on to success. Life is challenging at times and as such, women are naturally attracted to men with strong alpha male characteristics such as mental and emotional strength.
These are qualities that make him a man who naturally leads the way in a relationship and pushes forward in life with strength, allowing her to relax into feeling like a woman. With a strong man, a woman can relax into his masculine direction and spend her time supporting him in whatever way she wants, because she believes that, in the end, he will succeed.
He will follow through on his promises and stop at nothing to achieve what he wants in life. On the other hand, with a “weak man” a woman feels as though she has to take care of him, plan for their future and be the strong one when life gets challenging.
So, when it comes to the question of, “Do women like to be dominated?” just remember that the most important thing to a woman is that you are stronger than her.
She is happy for you to be the more dominant one and will trust you and relax into your masculine direction for life, if you can consistently be a strong man. However, if you are weak, unstable and insecure, she is not going to allow you to dominate her. It will feel wrong to allow a weak man to have any sort of control or influence over her.
Do You Have to Be Selfish or Mean to Be Dominant and Strong?
A lot of guys who are unsuccessful with women consider themselves to be “nice guys.”
Often, they’ll look on at confident guys who go after what they want in life as being selfish and mean compared to how nice they are.
A nice guy like that may think, “I’m nicer than those guys. They are selfish, self-centered pricks while I am loving, caring and considerate of everyone. If someone else succeeds instead of me, that is fine. As long as I am nice, I don’t care. I know that by being nice, I am doing the right thing. The world can go and get f**ked…I know that I’m doing the right thing by being nice.”
Lol, something like that anyway. You get the picture.
The point I’m making here is that “nice guys” will sometimes try to rationalize their lack of success with women (and in life) as being the fault of others.
“If only people knew how nice and kind I was, they’d let me be successful.”
Instead of realizing that life is a challenging place and, in most cases, only the strong-willed and persistent achieve true success in whatever they are trying to achieve, a typical guy who is failing with women will believe that success with women should be granted to him because he is so nice and has good intentions. However, as you may know, life just doesn’t work that way.
Life isn’t all sweet, nice and perfect every day. Sometimes, you get thrown a curveball and it takes balls, not niceness to get past that and push onto success. Women instinctively know that niceness isn’t enough to get through the most challenging situations or threats during life, so that is why it’s not the most attractive thing about a guy.
Niceness is good, but it’s not what turns a woman on and makes her instincts kick in and effectively tell her, “This guy is strong. He’s a survivor. He can handle any challenge that life throws his way.”
There’s nothing wrong with being nice to a woman, but a guy can’t expect his niceness to be enough for a woman. Here’s why…
When the typical nice guy is running through all the frustrations in his head about his lack of success with women, he will often begin to look on at confident, alpha males as being mean and selfish because they just take whatever women they want.
He’ll see them being dominant in situations with other people and will notice that the women like it and he’ll then become even more frustrated.
“Why can’t women see that I am nice? I am a good guy, but they just don’t like me! They like that jerk over there who thinks he’s so damn cool, but he’s not – he’s a wanker!” What guys like this fail to realize is that women DO want a good guy, but he has to be STRONG as well.
By strong, I mean mentally and emotionally strong, not physically strong. Confidence rather than insecurity, decisive rather than indecisive, assertive rather than passive.
Women would prefer not to hook up with jerks, assholes and bad boys, but if they are no confident good guys available, they’d rather go for a jerk that settle for an emotionally sensitive nice guy who they could dominate and push around.
A woman wants to feel like a woman, which means she wants to be with a man who is mentally and emotionally stronger than her. A man who can take care of her in every way, no matter how challenging life gets. She doesn’t want a man who will crumble and look to her for support when life throws them a curveball.
She will help out, but she wants the man to be the stronger one.
This is what women mean by “manning up” and when you understand that, you will understand the answer to the question of, “Do women like to be dominated?” Yes, women do like to be dominated, but not in a way where the man pushes her around and forces her to do things against her will.
A woman is looking for a man who has what it takes to naturally take the lead in the relationship and in every interaction (including sexual) they have together. You don’t have to become Mr. Dominant or Mr. Perfect to achieve that.
Instead, you’ve just got to know how to be an emotionally strong man who can lead the way and allow a woman to relax because she knows that you’ve got her back and will lead the way to a better life for you and her.