How do you tell a woman that you don’t want anything serious and are just interested in having casual sex? What should you tell her if you want to continue dating multiple women at once?
If she thinks that you’re in a relationship with her, but you are only interested in casually seeing each other for a while, then chances are hight that she’s gotten the wrong impression about your intentions.
Don’t worry – it’s not difficult to get a woman’s mind fantasizing about whether you might be “the one.”
Despite the current dating trends, social acceptance of sexual promiscuity and high divorce rates in Western society, women are still hard-wired to find a man to stay with for life. Therefore, they will often go into “relationship mode” much quicker than men.
Why does this happen? For practically all of human history, if a woman had a “quick fling” with a man and got pregnant as a result, she would then have to look after a child for the next 20-30 years on her own, or try to get another man to support her and the child.
The guy who had a quick fling with her could get his 30 minutes of sexual pleasure, impregnate her and then leave with no family courts demanding that he pay child support. Only in the last century have governments been able to force fathers to pay child support.
During this time, women have also gained a lot of independence from men by entering the workforce and being granted equal rights in society. However, these recent changes to our society have not changed the biological wiring of women.
Women are still wired to find “the one” who will stay with them and help raise the offspring. So, don’t ever be surprised by a woman thinking “relationship” when you’re only thinking “sex” or casual dating.
So, Where is This Relationship Going?
If you’ve already had the “So…where is this relationship going?” conversation with her and have told her that you only want to see her, then it’s no surprise that she thinks you’re now in a relationship.
Unless you truly want to see a woman exclusively, you should never tell her that she’s the only one you’re dating. Simply tell her that you’re going to be catching up with other women in your life at the same time, because you’re not in “settle down” mode right now. Or, say to her, “I’m not looking for a serious girlfriend right now, but we can see where it goes.”
Ironically, telling her early on that you’re seeing other women or not sure if you want to commit actually creates an ideal relationship dynamic, where the woman tries to become your #1 girl. While doing that, she usually can’t help herself from falling madly in love with you and feeling like she has won the lottery when you eventually stop seeing your other women just to be with her.
Assuming That All is Well
Most women will simply watch how you behave and if your behavior suggests that you’re not dating anyone besides her, she will usually make the assumption that you and her are in an exclusive relationship.
For example: If you routinely ask her out for the next date or suggest future date ideas while you’re out on a date, she’s going to take it as a hint that you are eager to see her on a regular basis.
The same holds true if you regularly call her during the week to set up a date for the weekend. It is a classic sign of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship beginning to form.
However, if you’re dating a girl and you call her for another date once every two weeks, she usually won’t assume that it is a serious a relationship; she’ll get the hint that you’re simply dating her casually and are likely seeing other women.
Dating Multiple Women at Once
The best way to approach dating multiple women at once is to simply let women know that you’re seeing other women. Usually, it’s better to imply it by casually mentioning that you and a woman went to restaurant recently, or that you just saw what would be considered a “date movie” with a woman you know. She will get the hint.
Another way to let her know is when she calls you to arrange a date. I
f you already have a date planned with another woman, just tell her, “Hey, that sounds great, but I’ll be meeting up with my friend Jessica at that time…we’re going to ______….how about Thursday instead, or Monday if you don’t have Thursday free?”
Even though you’ve referred to Jessica as your “friend” she will naturally wonder how close the friendship is and whether or not she’s one of your lovers.
While being upfront about dating several women at once often means that you lose a few low-quality women; it usually results in high-quality women falling madly in love with you as they try to become your #1 girl.
If you decide that you love her and want to enjoy a serious relationship, then reward her by getting rid of your other girls. That’s what I did when I finally decided to settle down with my sexy girlfriend. I enjoyed the bachelor lifestyle for about 12 years and now I’m enjoying another side of life…
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Question from a female: The woman you are currently in a relationship with now- was she one of your multiple girls that you were sleeping with and she just happened to be the one that got under your skin ( if so why) or did she sleep with you once and said no more until you got rid of the other girls or she never slept with you at all until you stepped up? i am asking because I met a guy on a dating site who said he was looking for 1 woman to date but he really just wants sex( misleading!) and he and I have amazing chemistry and even though we are both busy -I don’t want to feel like an unpaid prostitute and want a bit more – to go to nice places other than his place and be the special girl…Should I keep sleeping with him and dating other guys until somebody steps up and or cut out the sex until he wants to date me “proper”?
Thanks
Hi Carla
Thanks for your question.
When I met my girlfriend, I had four other women in my life (i.e. I was having casual sex with them). I was out at a nightclub with a friend and sitting around waiting for hot girls to walk into the club. After an hour of kicking back and waiting for a proper hottie to walk in, my girlfriend-to-be walked in and I said, “Now THAT is what I’m talking about.” She had the exact look and feel that I was after in a woman: Sexy, beautiful, confident and free-spirited.
After my girlfriend and I hooked up, we got serious after a couple of days of seeing each other every day. We had “the talk” and she asked if I was going to continue seeing other women or just see her. For the first time in a very long time, I was happy to ditch my other girls and get serious. We both knew that we were a perfect match for each other and moved in with each other very quickly.
As I explain in this article http://www.themodernman.com/dating/how-to-court-a-woman.html there is a difference between being in dating mode vs. courting mode. When my girlfriend and I met, we dropped the dating approach and went right into courting and getting serious.
As for your situation: You should follow your heart. If your heart is telling you that he’s just not that into you and is simply banging you for a while, then keep your options open. However, if you feel as though he is just putting on an act of being a player, but actually wants to get serious with you, then yes – cutting off the sex for a while is a way to draw out his feelings for you.
BTW: Here’s my article about dating multiple women at once: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/dating-multiple-women.html
Cheers
Dan