A big part of being the life of the party is trusting in yourself to go with the flow and be your real self.
When you can do that, people naturally gravitate towards you because you are seen as the cool guy who is being authentic and having a great time. When women see that others like you, they like you even more and picking them up becomes twice as easy.
Being the Guy Who is Attractive to Women
Have you ever been to a party and noticed that some guys (even though they aren’t good looking, tall or rich) are liked by almost all of the women there?
Have you also noticed that some guys (even though they are good looking, tall or have a great job) are overlooked by almost all of the women there?
What is going when that happens? Why do some guys get more attention from women than others?
Feeling Awkward at Parties
Have you ever gone to a house party or social function and found yourself sinking into the background, wondering how you can join in with the “popular people”?
As you feel left out and worry that you’re not making a good impression, you notice another guy who is effortlessly holding everyone’s attention, having great conversations with lots of laughter and having women fall all over him.
What does he have that you don’t? What makes him such a “people magnet”? How is he able to be so comfortable around all the girls and be so calm, confident and cool when talking to the other alpha males?
A big part of the other guy’s secret is that he knows how to make women feel attracted to him. When he interacts with women, they laugh, smile and feel excited because he knows how to trigger their feelings of attraction.
Even if he is just being friendly to most of the women, they still feel good when talking to him because he is actively saying and doing the sorts of things that make them feel attracted.
Another secret of the guy who is popular at parties is that he also gets involved in the party. He trusts that he can handle himself and just goes with the flow. However, as for you, the more time you spend hiding away from the action and wondering what his “secret” is, the more you begin to fade into the fixtures and fittings of the house, bar or venue of the party.
Instead of trusting yourself to go with the flow and have a great time, you begin to go into your head, constantly worrying what people are thinking, assessing your “coolness” in comparison to others and trying to fit in.
What you need to realize is that people go to parties to be sociable and to have fun. They go with the expectation of mingling and meeting new people and they also go with every intention of taking part in some social flirting and funny banter that goes on.
So, if you’re the guy who hides away in a quiet corner observing what everyone else in the room is doing, you’re missing out on building new friendships and finding yourself a girlfriend, or at least a woman to have sex with for the night. You’ve got to learn to trust yourself. Trust that you can hold your own in a conversation and be confident when the attention is on you.
How to Be the Life of the Party: Go With Your Gut Instinct
The people who appear to be the most charming and interesting at a party are usually those who trust their gut instinct and be themselves. Think about the times in life when you are the most comfortable being yourself. Maybe it’s when you’re chatting with a close friend or discussing business with your co-workers.
Whatever the case, in those moments, you are going with the flow and trusting that you can handle yourself in the moment. You’re not sitting there worrying about making a mistake or looking stupid.
How to Be the Life of the Party: Flirt with the Women
Flirting is the way that a man and a woman communicate their sexual interest in each other, without actually saying the words, “I like you and want to have sex with you.” It’s a discreet form of communication that takes place during a conversation or interaction between a man and a woman.
According to the Social Issues Research Centre (SIRC) in the UK, flirting is a fundamental part of human nature: “Flirting is much more than just a bit of fun: it is a universal and essential aspect of human interaction. Anthropological research shows that flirting is found, in some form, in all cultures and societies around the world.”
They also go on to say that without our instinctive ability to flirt, the ability to initiate contact and express interest in members of the opposite sex would also be lost, meaning we’d become incapable of progressing to reproduction and the human race would become extinct as a result! No pressure to get your back off the wall and start mingling in!
How to Be the Life of the Party: Joke with the Men
A big part of being the life of the party is being able talk and joke around with the alpha males in the room. If women see that you are intimidated by the alpha males, they will naturally lose their feelings of attraction for you.
If other guys see that you are intimidated by the alpha males, they will sometimes begin to treat you disrespectfully by making you the butt of jokes or excluding you from conversations.
How to Be the Life of the Party: Help People Feel Good About Themselves
If you want people to show interest in you at a party, you often need to make them feel good about themselves first. Since most people are insecure and lack confidence in themselves, they respond very positively to those who make them feel good about themselves. So, avoid being the guy who talks about himself the whole time, focuses on negative conversation topics or points out mistakes a person is making in life, in the conversation, etc.
When you say something that makes someone else feel good about themselves, you make yourself a more attractive person to be around and you instantly come across as a more “likeable” guy.
Warning: I am not saying that you should be handing out insincere compliments or loads of compliments. It needs to be sincere and it needs to be a minor part of the conversation you have with the person.
Focussing too much on saying nice things will make you come across as insincere or as an a** kisser. Neither is good at a party or in life for that matter!
How to Be the Life of the Party: Talk to as Many People as Possible
The more people you talk to, the more popular you will become at the party. After speaking to people in five separate groups, don’t be surprised if, on your way to the toilet/bathroom, you are stopped once or twice by people who want to talk to you again.
This is much better than feeling like an outsider and going to the toilet/bathroom to merely “hide” for a while until you recover from the anxiety you’re feeling.
So, talk to everyone. Talk to the cool people, the “uncool” people, the grannies, the young people, the staff (if there is any), the host of the party and anyone else who happens to be around. Soon enough, you’ll have people walking past and tapping you on the shoulder to chat to you again or calling you over to rejoin their group.
How to Be the Life of the Party: Be the Guy You Imagine Yourself Being in Your Daydreams
Every guy who wants to become more attractive to women, more skilled socially and an all-round confident guy, will spend many hours a week daydreaming about how things “could be.” Don’t worry about how things could be. Make it happen in reality by DOING IT.
The guys you see at parties who seem to be effortlessly holding everyone’s attention, they’re just mingling. They’re putting themselves in a position to meet the maximum number of people and, crucially, they are trusting their gut instinct and going with the flow.
You need to learn to trust yourself and be the guy who imagine yourself being in your daydreams. People are rarely going to come looking for you if you’re hiding out somewhere in a quiet area of the party, and no one is going to hang around for very long if you’re not fun to be around when they do find you.
To be the life of the party, you have to trust your gut instinct and allow the real, confident and charismatic version of yourself to come to the surface.
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I’m in a situation I’m basically sick of my friends and I’ve been thinking a lot lately and have come to the realisation that I’ve been putting up with them and some of their ‘less desirable traits’ because I don’t find making friends that easy.
I want to meet some new people who treat me better and don’t irritate me as much as my current friends do but I’m scared to put myself out there, I’m stuck in limbo.
I’ve lined up some classes, clubs that I’m interested in checking out but its my lack of confidence in being able to mingle, socialise that is stopping me from turning up and trying. I’ve had many bad experiences of going to clubs and classes and not being able to loosen up and I basically just not getting much out of it. Its almost like I want to get confident before I do these things because I’ll be a completely different person and get way better reactions rather than how I am now nervous, tense etc.
Do you have any bridging mindsets or any advice that you can give me to get me to take some steps? I would appreciate not getting the usual ‘just go and chat and be yourself’ if it was that easy I wouldn’t be typing this right now.
Thanks for your questions.
You said, “…but its my lack of confidence in being able to mingle, socialise that is stopping me from turning up and trying.” I provide the exact solution for that in Coaching Call Breakthroughs. You’re not alone with experiencing that problem. Many guys get stuck in limbo because they don’t take action. I coach 3 different clients in Coaching Call Breakthroughs. One of them has that problem and I coach him through it, providing the solution.
You also said, “Do you have any bridging mindsets or any advice that you can give me to get me to take some steps?” Our exclusive Bridging Mindsets are explained in Coaching Call Breakthroughs and Dating Power, but I’m not going to give examples here in a comment. That premium advice is reserved for customers only.
You also said, “I’ve had many bad experiences of going to clubs and classes” Once again, we provide specific advice and solutions for that. Two of the 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend are in those type of environments. We explain what to say and do to establish yourself as an alpha male, make friends, attract the women and expand your social circle.
All the solutions are in our programs. We’ve been coaching guys to success for years, so we’ve already solved all the problems. Use our advice and you will succeed with women.
I’ve just started going out to bars and nightclubs over the last few weeks and I am still relatively unfamiliar with the modern man techniques. I am learning them as I go and it makes a lot of sense to me. My problem is similar to Landon’s, I have a few close friends but they are complete pessimists, everything is negative. Being around them in a bar situation makes it very difficult to stay positive. Here is the thing, my older brother by a few years has studied the modern man, he is very much a positive guy and would be the ideal wingman. I’m just thinking that maybe i’ll show low social status going out to bars with my brother? should I just bring the pessimists to make up numbers to show that I have friends?
Thanks for your question.
It’s not “low status” to go out to clubs with your brother. It sounds like you’ve been reading “advice” from other sites, which are run by insecure guys trying to pretend they are confident. The Modern Man advice is based on actually being confident, not pretending. You wouldn’t be asking that sort of question if you’d watched Alpha Male Power http://store.themodernman.com/in/d2e92f for example. Instead, you’d be posting up a success story like other guys do. I recommend you stop and do some learning from us first. It sounds like you’re going to heading out on the town with a bunch of insecure mindsets in your head. Women pick up on insecurity, nervousness, fear, etc and it turns them off immediately.
Hi Dan, I`m Paul from New Brunswick Canada, I`ve been reading your news letters for some time now and have purchased the flow witch I have found to be very helpful, I would like to say thanks for the good work, it is very helpful.
I would like to ask a question if I may, your imput on this would be appreciated, first of let me say that I`m sixty one years old, I was married for 25 years and divorced for 9 years now, I dated different girls since my divorce but this one seems to be the one about nine months ago I meat a 53 year old lady witch I have been seeing since, I have fallen in love with her and she says that she loves me also, we`ve been having sex from the very beginning and all is good there, The only thing is that she is very reserved, it`s hard to talk to her about things I find important and it also is hard to get her to commit to anything weather it be a date or anything long term, I sometimes wonder if she really loves me as she says she does, should I not be able to feel it if she did love me, or is it just me worrying to much, any advice you can give would be appreciated.
Thank and keep up the good work.
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
Essentially, you need to ensure that you increase the respect and attraction she feels for you as a man. Watch this video: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/the-3-stages-she-went-through-before-breaking-up-with-you.html
If you and her are still together, I would recommend that you watch Better Than a Bad Boy. It will recharge your masculinity and explain how you can ensure that she begins showing you more love, respect and affection: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/better-than-a-bad-boy.html
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