Women always test men.
One of the ways a woman tests her ex man is by showing interest one minute and being cold and distant the next.
She will also complain, remind him of how badly he treated her, blame him for the hurt she is feeling and so on.
In most cases, she is testing to see if you are going to buckle under her pressure and lose confidence in yourself and your attractiveness to her.
She wants to see if you can maintain your self-esteem and confidence no matter how cold, mean or bitchy she is trying to be.
Her words and behavior may seem serious, but deep down, she is open and ready for you to reactivate her feelings and bring back her sweet, loving, good girl side that she used to share with you.
She won’t openly admit that and, if she’s inexperienced with relationships, she probably won’t even know that it’s possible for her to go from hating you to loving you again.
Yet, she can.
You have the ability to cut through all the drama and bring the situation between you and her back to love, connection and happiness again.
How can you do that?
Start by understanding the following 3 important things about your ex…
1. Her Dramatic Emotional States Are Usually Fake
Women often create drama purely as a way to test a man’s confidence.
They don’t actually want you to take it seriously.
In most cases, the best response is to simply laugh at her and her attempts to create a negative situation (e.g. when she throws a tantrum, starts blaming you for everything that is going wrong in her life), rather than getting dragged into the drama.
Here’s the thing…
The more feminine and girly a woman is, the more likely she will be to get very emotional and moody from time to time.
For example: A woman might be very successful in her professional life and generally be able to keep her emotions under control at work.
Yet, when she is at home with her man or interacting with friends, she might let her emotions go to create some drama (e.g. by crying when she’s feeling stressed, throwing a tantrum over something seemingly insignificant, making a big deal out of nothing and getting upset about it).
Feminine women love to create drama because it allows them to express their wild, random emotions and it also gives them an opportunity to locate and lock onto a man who has the ability to remain confident, calm and in control amidst the storm she is creating.
When a feminine woman meets a man who doesn’t buckle under her fake pressure, she locks on and doesn’t want to let go.
So, even though you and your woman are now broken up, she’s going to naturally continue creating drama and testing you to see how you react.
For example: She might be even more unpredictable with her behavior (e.g. answers your calls or texts in a friendly way and then ignores you for days or even weeks. Sounds like she’s enjoying talking to you on the phone and then suddenly starts an argument over nothing. Seems to be having a good time hanging out with you and then goes cold and wants to leave. Starts having sex with you and then stops right in the middle of it, cries and says that she doesn’t want to continue).
When a guy is experiencing that kind of erratic behavior with his ex, it’s only natural that he might feel a bit confused and he may even get upset at her for being so annoying, frustrating or inconsistent.
If he blames himself, he may think, “What am I doing wrong? Why does she act all nice and friendly one minute and then suddenly she’s being cold and distant, or angry and telling me to leave her alone? I don’t understand. She’s acting like a crazy person.”
What some guys don’t understand is that a woman will usually create some sort of drama around her (e.g. by starting an argument, being open and friendly one minute and cold and distant the next), to test how he will respond.
- Will he remain silent and put up with her bad behavior (i.e. because he fears that he won’t be able to convince her to give him another chance if he says anything that might annoy her)?
- Will he respond like a woman by losing control of his emotions (e.g. get upset or annoyed with her, begging and pleading with her, crying)?
- Will he lose confidence in himself and his attractiveness to her and give up completely on the idea of getting back with her altogether?
If he doesn’t respond like a real man (i.e. remain calm, laugh at her drama in a loving, easy-going way or use humor to get her to laugh at herself), she will sense his insecurity and lose even more attraction and respect for him.
For example: A guy might be having a good conversation with his ex on the phone, when all of sudden she says something like, “You really stuffed up you know? I can’t believe you have the nerve to talk to me after everything you put me through. Who do you think you are? Do you really think I would ever want to get back with you after all you put me through?”
Naturally, he might feel confused and even hurt by her seemingly harsh comments and questions.
He might say to himself, “Huh? Why is she being like this all of a sudden? I thought we were both enjoying talking to each other. What did I do to set her off like that?”
He may then become very guarded around her and try to say and do whatever he thinks will please her (e.g. he will be extra nice, considerate, caring, generous, thoughtful).
Yet, here’s the thing…
If he pays too much attention, gives too much importance or tries too hard to understand the emotional states she goes through, he will be missing the point.
In most cases, a woman doesn’t really care about what she is saying when she is being emotional because it’s only a fleeting, feminine expression.
Although she wants you to respect her right to feel those emotions, she doesn’t expect you to take it all so seriously and think that it’s the end of the world.
This is where so many guys mess up with their ex and with women in general.
They just take women way too seriously.
In the case of an ex, rather than make her think, “Amazing! My ex is being so sweet to me because I threw a tantrum. He’s really trying so hard to please me. He’s such a good guy! Wow! I must give him another chance! I simply cannot lose him. He is my Prince Charming!” she will instead be thinking something like, “He doesn’t get it. He’s just not man enough for me. He’s always getting so emotional over everything that I say or do. He just can’t relax and accept that I’m a woman and sometimes I overreact about stuff and don’t even care about it. I don’t want him to feel intimidated by me after I have an outburst like this, or to tiptoe around me and think that he has to be on his best behavior. A real man would laugh at the situation and put me back in my place by not taking it so seriously. He’d make me laugh and take away the seriousness of what I was saying. He’d make us feel happiness and love again, rather than getting dragged into my drama. I guess I made the right decision by breaking up with him.”
Women rarely admit those private kind of thoughts they have about men and attraction, so most guys in the world go through life completely clueless about how they really should be behaving around a woman.
So many guys take the emotional outbursts of women too seriously and as a result, the woman feels disappointed that she’s attracted yet another guy who doesn’t know how to be a man and put her back in her place in a loving, but dominant way.
As a result, she just breaks up with him and hopes that the next guy she meets will understand what women really want from men, but will rarely, if ever, go around admitting.
Why don’t women admit it?
Imagine if women admitted that they didn’t want men to take them so seriously.
That would be a total disaster in the workplace and in general life because guys would take it the wrong way and start disrespecting women everywhere.
What women want is for a man to not take their emotional outbursts so seriously when in a relationship.
Not at work, not in general life, not anywhere else but in a romantic relationship.
Not taking her BS so seriously allows her to look up to you and respect you as the man, while she naturally slots into her place as being your feminine woman.
In today’s world, many women are embarrassed to admit that they want to be a man’s woman, so they will rarely, if ever, admit what you’ve just learned here.
You just have to know this and then act on it.
When you do, you will see a happy, shocked look in a woman’s eye and she will lock on to you and not want to let you go.
She will realize that you are one of the rare men who actually has the ability to allow her to be a feminine, girly woman.
That’s a dream scenario for most women, even though they are usually embarrassed to admit it when asked.
So, if you find yourself getting frustrated every time your ex gets emotional, it could be because you’re making the mistake of wanting her to behave more like a man (e.g. react in a predictable, consistent way, be more logical and serious, be more in control of her emotions).
She doesn’t want to be like you.
She wants to be able to be a woman and create drama, change her mind like the weather and be moody, without it negatively affecting you.
If you can allow her to have that experience, she will never want to leave you.
It’s so damn rare for women to be able to find a man who gets it.
So, the next time your ex gets overly emotional with you (e.g. starts crying, throws a tantrum), the best way to react is to just laugh at her and the situation, rather than getting sucked into the fake drama she is creating.
Initially, she might act shocked that you’re not reacting the way she’s expecting you to (e.g. you’re not getting upset or annoyed with her), but even if she doesn’t show it, she will actually be feeling a tremendous amount of respect and sexual attraction for you for having the balls to guide the interaction back to laughter and love, rather than getting sucked into her fake drama.
From there you just need to continue making her laugh and smile so that you can build on her initial feelings for you.
The more respect and attraction for you she feels, the less she will be able to stop herself from reconnecting with her feelings of love for you.
2. Her Texts Are Usually Meant to Test Your Confidence
For example: A guy might text his ex woman and ask her to meet up with him for a coffee.
She may then respond with something like, “Sorry, I’m really busy right now. I don’t think I can meet up with you at the moment.”
A confident man won’t suddenly lose confidence and think that he no longer has a chance with her.
He will accept that she is busy and text something like, “Okay, no problem. I’ll text you next week to see if your schedule has cleared up a bit.”
On the other hand, an insecure, self-doubting guy will start wondering, “Is she just trying to avoid me? Maybe she said she’s busy because she doesn’t want to tell me that she doesn’t want to see me again. Maybe she’s got another guy and isn’t telling me! I’ve lost her! I have no chance now! It’s overrrr!”
Then, when he eventually interacts with her (e.g. on a phone call, or in person) and she gets the sense that he’s insecure and worried about what she thinks of him (e.g. she picks up on the insecurity in his voice or notices it in his body language), she will feel turned off.
So, when you’re interacting with your ex, whether it’s via text, social media, e-mail, on the phone or in person, you need to remain confident no matter what she says or does to test your confidence.
You can’t fall into the trap of reading into everything she says and wondering, “What does she mean by that?” or “What does she think of me right now?”
Instead, you need to remain confident no matter what she says or does and focus building her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
That’s the real secret to getting an ex woman back…
When you have the confidence to calmly do whatever it takes to get her back regardless of what she says or does, you’re tapping into her instinctive nature that tells her, “He’s a real man. He’s in control. He’s calm, confident and loving. Nothing makes him lose confidence or get emotional at me. He’s a keeper. He’s the kind of man that I can look up to, respect, love and feel attracted to.”
She then drops her guard and then getting her back becomes a matter of you taking the lead and making it happen.
3. Most Women Don’t Want to Guide You Back Into a Relationship
If you break up with a woman and she really wants you back, she will happily take on the leadership role to guide you back into a relationship.
Yet, that doesn’t apply to you, right?
You want her back and she isn’t interested, right?
If so, you need to be the emotionally strong one who has the courage to take the necessary actions and guide her back into a relationship with you.
Right now, your ex might be making it very difficult for you to interact with her and she may even be saying things like, “Leave me alone. Just get it in to your head that it’s over between us. Nothing you can say or do is going to make me change my mind.”
This might make you feel like you have no hope with her anymore and you may want to give up.
Don’t give up.
Regardless of how difficult the situation might seem to you right now, the main thing to remember is that, generally speaking, a woman doesn’t want to make it easy for you to get her back.
It’s a test of your confidence, manhood and love for her.
She wants to see what you’re really made of, now that you’re under extreme pressure and are potentially going to lose her forever.
To test you, she’s going to play hard to get, create drama and throw tantrums.
She will wait and see if you have the emotional strength and confidence to respark her feelings of respect and attraction and then guide her back into a relationship with you.
For example: A guy might think, “My ex said that’s it’s over between us. What will she think of me if I try to get her back? Will she think I’m a great guy for not giving up on our love, or will she think I’m being desperate?”
He might then decide to do one of the following things…
- Act extra nice to her (e.g. agreeing to everything she says, not standing up for himself when she puts him down) in the hopes that she will see what a great guy he really is and give him another chance.
- Cut off all communication with her (e.g. via text, social media, e-mail, over the phone and in person) as a way of making her miss him and come running back.
Yet, neither one of these approaches usually works. Why?
In a case where a guy is being extra nice and sweet to his ex, it will usually turn her off and she will lose respect for him.
She will see that his niceness is coming from desperation, not from the fact that he is always like that.
He’s putting on an act.
Women hate it when men act like something they’re not.
Women love it when men are authentic and simply remain confident, calm and in control around them.
Likewise, if a guy decides to ignore his ex woman (to avoid coming across as being needy or desperate), she will usually just forget all about him and move on.
When a woman doesn’t have feelings for a guy, not hearing from him for a long time isn’t going to matter to her all that much.
Instead, she’ll usually just use that time to get over him and move on.
What you need to understand, is that to get an ex back, you need to be a man about it.
You can’t sit around worrying about what your ex thinks of you and whether it’s 100% okay with her for you to want her back.
As the man, you need to take the lead and not wait for her approval to start the ex back process.
Instead, you need to actively focus on rebuilding her feelings of respect and attraction for you every chance that you get from now on (e.g. via text, e-mail, social media message, on a phone call, in person).
Regardless of what she says and does (e.g. throws a tantrum, tells you to get lost, is being cold and distant towards you), you need to show her via the way you think, talk, behave and interact with her, that you’re the kind of man that she can now look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love for life.
For example: When a woman has lost touch with her feelings of respect and attraction for a guy and then breaks up with him, she may say to him, “You’re just not what I need at this point of his life. I don’t know if I have feelings for you anymore.”
Naturally, when a woman says something like that, a guy might feel defeated and he may lose confidence in himself as a man.
He may say to himself, “Well, I guess that’s it then. She doesn’t have feelings for me anymore, so there’s nothing else I can do.”
Yet, that’s not the case at all.
In fact, caring too much about what your ex thinks or says, actually only confirms to her that you’re not the confident, emotionally bulletproof man she needs you to be.
So, don’t let what she says or does put you off getting her back.
It’s up to you as the man to be the more emotionally strong one and show her that you have complete confidence in yourself and your attractiveness to her.
Don’t tell her that; show her by how you talk, behave and react to her.
Even if she’s being cold, distant or telling you to leave her alone, you have to have the balls to continue reactivating her feelings of respect and attraction for you (e.g. by making her laugh, making her feel girly in your presence) whenever you interact with her.
The more you can remain confident (no matter how she behaves), the more she will feel naturally attracted to you, whether she likes it or not.
Attraction is an automatic, unconscious reaction that happens to humans and it cannot be turned off by thought.
Even if she tries to fight it, she cannot stop attraction from happening.
So, don’t waste another day filling your head with doubts about whether or not it’s possible for you to get her back.
Be the man and get her back now.