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10 ‘Toxic Friends’ That Will Bring You Down
Toxic friends: Untrustworthy friends are not actually 'friends'
Toxic friends are those who continually have a negative effect on your life. While some of them can add some value to your life, they usually end up causing you more problems and misery than they’re worth.
What makes many toxic people so difficult to recognize is that they're often quite funny, charming or cool when you first meet them. That's how they manage to weave their way into your life, so that when their true personality traits finally reveal themselves, you're more likely to make excuses for them, cut them some extra slack or want the friendship to succeed despite their faults.
These people should be avoided at all costs and you should never hang on to a toxic friendship in fear of feeling a little lonely without him or her in your life. Even one great friend will bring more happiness into your life than ten toxic friends could. So, here are the 10 types of toxic friends that you should avoid.
10. The 'Wet Blanket' Friend
No matter what great thing has happened to you, this toxic friend will always point out the downside. Got a promotion? He'll tell you how much more work and pressure you'll now have. Entered a new relationship? This toxic friend will remind you of your past romantic failures and why this one is just as likely to end badly. Bought a new car? He'll research the statistics on why the car you purchased was a poor choice. In short, no matter what happy event lights up a positive fire in your life, he'll be the wet blanket that puts it out.
9. The "I Can Top That!" Friend
Whether a crisis has come your way, you've achieved something great or something funny happened to you, the "I can top that!" toxic friend will invariably jump in with something that happened to him that was either worse, better or funnier – at least in his mind.
8. The ‘Steal Your Girlfriend’ Friend
No matter how in love you are with your girlfriend, this toxic type of friend will gladly give up your friendship to hook up with your lady. Guys like this are usually pretty desperate and insecure and will hardly, if ever, approach a woman that they don’t know to talk to her. They’d rather steal what you have instead of confronting their fears of approaching women.
If you tell him to stop hitting on your girl, he’ll tell you that you shouldn’t be so insecure. He’ll try to explain that if your girlfriend really wanted to be with you, she wouldn’t be interested in him.
The right type of friend in this situation is a guy who knows that he should act like a friend to your girlfriend, instead of trying to attract her. ‘Friends’ who try to attract and pick up your girlfriend are simply not cool enough to be your friend. Explain your concerns. If they change, keep them as a friend. If they don’t, ditch them without a second thought. Friendship is nothing without loyalty.
7. The "Why Does It Always Happen to Me?" Friend
Everyone goes through bad patches in their life and you should be there for a friend when needed. However, when a toxic friend's life is always full of some type of drama – usually of his own making – then it's time to put an end to the friendship or at least keep it at a distance until he/she finds someone else to complain to. If you want to be happy, you need to have positive friends in your life that will inspire you and help you to achieve your goals and not people who sap all of your energy and time with their problems.
6. The 'Moocher' Friend
A moocher is someone who always seems to want something from you and never gives you anything in return.
This friend might not directly ask you for money but he always conveniently forgets his wallet, never picks up a bill, complains if he pays a little more than you on a bill, constantly raids your refrigerator or always expects you to provide him with some form of 'hospitality' (food, booze, a place to party or a couch to sleep on). This toxic friend is simply a deadbeat who will drain more than your wallet. These are usually not the type of friends you can count of in a time of need, so don’t be afraid to move away from this ‘friendship.'
5. The 'Never Your Wingman' Friend
Whenever you and this toxic friend go out to meet women, he's always the one who hits on the hot chick and expects you to chat up her fat, homely friend while he gets the babe's phone number. Being someone's wingman and distracting the unattractive friend is a two-way street. A real friend will take turns hooking up with the hotties and distracting their plain pals.
4. The ‘Malicious’ Friend
Guys enjoy taking verbal jabs at each other in a playful way. This type of communication – called ‘ribbing’ - is generally a harmless form of communication that actually helps friends bond together. However, when you have a toxic friend who crosses the line between being funny and being nasty and malicious towards you, you have to call him on it. Let him know that while you enjoy joking around about stuff, ribbing is not meant to turn into a serious, personal attack on someone.
Unless he changes his behavior towards you, feel free to ditch him and don’t look back. He’ll only try to bring you down and no one needs that in their life.
3. The 'It's All About Me' Friend
When you speak to this type of toxic friend the conversation always revolves around him. His only interest in you goes something like this – "Well enough about me. Let's talk about you. What do you think of me?" While that might sound amusing, it's also too true. Whatever is happening in his life is much more important than what's happening in yours.
Every time you go out together you can be sure that you'll only see the movies he wants to see, you'll eat only in restaurants he likes, or only watch the teams he's rooting for. And if he should ask you to make the occasional decision, you can be sure he'll remind you often how nice it was of him to do that.
There is really no value in having friends like those in your life. Feel free to keep them as acquaintances, but we recommend only being great friends with people who actually care about you.
2. The 'Now You See Him, Now You Don't' Friend
This guy is only around when it suits him. If he has someone he thinks would be more interesting or more fun to hang around with, he'll disappear from your life.
Or, if you make plans to do something together, he’ll either not show up or he'll cancel at the last minute without a good reason.
You may go for weeks or months without seeing this toxic friend or hearing from him. He won't return your phone calls and you'll think he's vanished. And when he reappears (usually because his other ‘friends’ got wise to his toxicity and no longer want to hang out with him) he'll tell you all about the wonderful adventures he had when he was out of touch. And if you ask him why he didn't ask you to join him and his friends, he'll say, "It slipped my mind."
This type of ‘friend’ doesn’t really care about you and is better kept as a casual acquaintance until he becomes a better man and deserves more of your time.
1. The 'Blabbermouth' Friend
Your first indication of trouble with this buddy is that he's always talking about your other friends behind their back. He loves to gossip, talk about other people’s relationships and shares what he thinks they're all doing wrong in their lives. He repeats things that he was obviously told in secret ("Listen, I told John I wouldn't tell anyone about this, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind you knowing.").
If you think that you'd never be the target of his type of disloyalty, think again. The minute you're out of sight, you can be sure he's telling anyone who'll listen about anything you've shared with him and what his true opinion of you actually is.
The only antidote for getting these types of human poison out of your life is to avoid all contact as soon as you diagnose your toxic friendship. Find more real friends and your life will become happier than you could ever imagine.
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By Dan Bacon, Founder of The Modern Man. Dan Bacon on Google+
(Personal photos with women)
When I read each of them, I feel that I have a friend like that in every category. I guess all of us have. We can’t just pick the perfect ones. But of course, it’s really bad when a friend, most especially The ‘Blabbermouth’ Friend, will just give you more problems.
I’ve had one and three combine to make what is probably the word “best” friendship ever.
Really great article. I’m sad to say that I’ve had at least one from every category. And I think I’ve actually qualified for one myself. >.<
My friend is a bit odd. He fits the profile of #1, and a #2. I know he talks about my brother and I behind our backs, but I guess that’s expected. He also doesn’t hang out with me much, and I know he started leaving to hang out with other people.
Anyways, he wasn’t that bad of a guy sometimes. One year this guy was making fun of me and he defended me. So these bad friends can have some good in them. Just wish they’d be more like that than what the list says.
What if my only friend is a toxic friend?
Find new friends:
http://www.themodernman.com/social/friendship/making_new_friends.html
There are billions of people on this planet.
Cheers
Dan
There is a big problem with me..I have that blabber mouth friend..But I cant get rid of him by taking him out of my life…because i really value his friendship…what should i do?
Hi Dean
Ask him why he talks behind the backs of other people so much. Ask him what he is trying to achieve by doing it.
Usually, people do it to make themselves feel better. However, the more intelligent and successful a person is, the less he will talk about other people behind their backs. Why? He has more important things to care about!
Give your friend the chance to improve. Yet, if he doesn’t ever change – you have to decide whether you are spending a lot of your time around someone who will probably never be very successful in life.
When you surround yourself with successful people or people who want to be successful, it usually ends up rubbing off on you. Likewise, surround yourself with unsuccessful people or people who don’t believe they can be successful and you will find it hard to stay motivated to achieve your goals.
Cheers
Dan
How can I find a true friend. I myself have some personal problems. Not explained in the ten above. I can’t able to continue my relationships for a long time.Give me some suggestions..Thanks for your excellent explanations about friends.
Hi Uden
What are your problems exactly? Why do you think you are unable to maintain your friendships for a long time?
Dan
I have a “mallicious” friend. She seems to be getting worse and worse. The problem is that I work with her and sit in the same office. She is supposedly my friend and we have even been away for the weekend together and often on night outs. She is constantly making jibes at me and at first I thought I was being over-sensitive but recently have come to realise what she says is not right. Some examples of this are when I walk in the office, she will say words like “bitch, slut, slag, cow” under her breath. When I put work in her tray she tells me to “piss off”, when I broke up from work to go on holiday she said “it’ll all be over in 2 weeks” and then proceded to send me a text whilst I was on holiday to say “it’ll all be over this time next week” and then another which just said “Ha” when i got home from my holiday. I am turning 40 this year and she never lets up about it. I am not bothered about it but she is making me think I have a problem because she never stops making jibes about it. This started the month after I turned 39 yrs old. The list goes on and on and sometimes she can be really nice and I think i have misjudged her and then in the next breath she says something nasty. I made excuses at first for her, thinking she didn’t mean it but when she does something similar to another friend she will say to me “i know i’m being a bitch but …..” so she knows full well what she is saying to us. I have literally pulled myself away from her in the last 2 weeks and am just behaving very professionally at work and keeping my head down but it is creating an atmosphere. I struggle with confrontation but have managed to say “pack it in” to her a couple of times last week when she was abusive. Any ideas why she is like this and what I can do about it?
Toxic Friend #3.5 – A ‘friend’ who never respects any of your personal belongings. Wrecks your place, your car, you name it. Ruins the things you lend him. I can’t avoid attracting these kinds of toxic friends!
This article is extremely accurate and helpful, and although written for male readers, it applies to any friendship, including a couple I have in my life right now that I am struggling to deal with (I am a woman, as you can probably tell by the name). I have done exactly what you said, and have hung on to the friendship I have for fear of losing this person even though he makes no effort to include me in his life, yet has plenty of time and attention for everyone else. Despite this, it is difficult to let some people go but your article has helped immensely. Thank you.
One of my best friends in the 1 3 4 categories. He’s really cool sometimes and others he’s a complete asshole. I can’t exactly drop him as a friend cause he’d make my life hell. What do I do?
I had a blabber mouth friend who would talk bad about anyone and everyone and insult any ideas they had or choices they made.
Unfortunately she married the son of my mom in law’s best friend, so I will continue to see her during holidays.
We had a falling out, me pulling away from her and getting into it with her, although she played the victium and “told on me” to my mother in law as if we’re 5 year olds.
She was oblivious as to why I didn’t want to be friends anymore.
Everything was a competition, she would try to counsel me in my relationship with my husband, then boyfriend, when I didn’t want her opinion or judgement on how she felt my love life was going, especially when she was constantly abusing her husband.
What was worst of all was her fake personality that came out to friends who she talked bad about when they weren’t around.
Made me sick to see how fake a person she was, and sadly I fell for it at one time.
I am blabber mouth friend free right now, but I will be seeing her for a wedding in May.
It’ll take a lot of self control to not punch her in her ugly face when I see her, especially that I plan to drink that night.
Netti get rid of that person, she is not your friend…she is probably a sociopath which we all know do not have friends, they just have victims. people who are hell bent on making you life as difficult as possible. I had a friend that was much worse… i came home from my Xmas hols one day to find all of my photographic history from school to adulthood taken…my clothes covered in car oil, furniture with deep scratches. one photo was left on my bed with my face mutilated. it was like some thing out of a movie. the police could not do anything because there was no forced entry.. but my friend was the only one who had a key to my place. because of this I was watching the person like a hawk, and caught him stealing from me at a later date.so save yourself the heartache dump her and just have a work relationship only.
“he’s always the one who hits on the hot chick and expects you to chat up her fat, homely friend while he gets the babe’s phone number. Being someone’s wingman and distracting the unattractive friend is a two-way street. A real friend will take turns hooking up with the hotties and distracting their plain pals”
Misogynist and unnecessary.
Hey Moon
Thanks for your comment.
Actually, you’re not entirely correct. There is no need to pick up an ugly girl if your friend is talking to her hot friend. Simply be a gentleman by talking to the “ugly” girl. Then, pick up a beautiful woman later on that day/night.
Cheers
Dan
I have a friend who expects gifts whenever I see her and she just doesn’t even talk to me. But when we do, she only talks about how she is “fat” and “ugly.” And I still continue to treat her as a Queen so she won’t cry and tell everyone I’m a jerk. Whatever.
Hey John
She’s not a “friend” of yours, she’s an “acquaintance” or “someone you know.” Friends are people whom you share mutually positive and beneficial interactions and experiences with.
Cheers
Dan