Unsuccessful men aren’t unsuccessful by accident. Their failure in life is usually as a result of doing things the wrong way, or not doing what they need to do to be successful.
For instance, men who aren’t experiencing success with women will usually have a big list of excuses and ways of blaming everything and everyone else except themselves.
Unsuccessful men often go through life thinking they know it all and don’t need to learn from anyone, or they make the mistake of trying to learn from the fictional reality they see on TV and movies, instead of learning from people who are successful and are willing to teach others how to be successful in their field of expertize.
Focus on the reasons why you can succeed, not on the reasons why you might not be able to.
— Dan Bacon (@Dan_Modern_Man) December 31, 2013
If you copy the thinking of unsuccessful men or hope that your life magically changes like it does for characters in a Hollywood movie, then you’re most likely going to end up failing and being very disappointed in yourself throughout life.
In real life, success comes to those who don’t make the same mistakes as the masses. You’ve to be smart and effective to succeed in today’s competitive world.
Success Happens When You Develop Effective Habits of Being
Successful men are usually successful because they have learned the right habits from successful people, or they worked it out on their own. For successful men, being successful is simply a habit of being that they have developed OVER TIME, not OVERNIGHT. When something that you do or some way that you think becomes so routine that you do it automatically, then it has become a habit.
For successful men, thinking, “Oh okay, that didn’t work out. What did I do wrong? What did I do right? What do I need to change next time so I get it right?” is simply a habit of being.
For unsuccessful men, they will usually think in a less productive way, such as, “See, it happened again. I always stuff up with this. I’m hopeless at it. I guess I can’t be successful like those other guys.”
For successful men, stopping to learn from people who are more successful at them in whatever area of life they are trying to succeed at, is a HABIT. They do it automatically.
For unsuccessful men, they tend to go around in circles, looking for the answers in all the wrong places. Often, this is because they are intelligent men who are making the mistake of thinking that they know it all already.
Yet, months or years later, they look back and realize how wrong they were and regret wasting those years of their life. We all have things that we routinely do on a daily basis, so we all have habits.
The question is, are your habits successful habits, or are they leading you down the wrong track?
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle, Ancient Greek philosopher
Old Dog, New Tricks?
You probably think of habits in terms of being either good or bad, and you most likely consider the majority of your existing habits to be the ‘habits of a lifetime’ because you’re unable to remember a time when you didn’t have them.
The habits you have are all patterns of behavior that you’ve learned somewhere along the way. For many guys, a lot of their habits were picked up from their parents or from those around them in childhood without actually realizing it.
So which ones are good and which ones are bad, and can old habits be changed?
The good news is that it’s always possible to change your habits, no matter how long you’ve had them. Old or bad habits can be dropped and new, good habits can be established at any point in your life. The key to developing successful habits is to recognize which ones they are.
Change is always possible when you learn to focus on the positive and begin taking steps to eliminate the negative.
3 Common Habits of Successful Men
1. They create success, instead of waiting for it
Successful men create their own success, they don’t hopelessly wait for success to come and find them.
American industrialist Henry Ford is a great example of a successful man who found his own success by creating it. His Model T, built in 1908, heralded the beginning of what’s now termed the ‘motor age’ as cars were once luxury items that could only be afforded by the very wealthy.
He said, “I will build a car for the great multitude,” and he did; he made a car that ordinary working people could afford and then he sold it to the masses.
“The repetition of affirmations leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.” Muhammad Ali, Former Professional Boxer.
2. They believe in themselves
Successful men know that the only way to get others to believe in them is to first believe in themselves.
Champion heavy-weight boxer Muhammad Ali is perhaps one of the sporting world’s most well-known faces and he became as famous for his, “I am the greatest,” self-belief statements out of the boxing ring as he did for his ability in the ring. He knew that self-belief was the key to achieving his dreams and to getting others to believe in him.
3. They don’t give up
Successful men see lessons where others see failure. It took Thomas Edison 10,000 attempts to create the electric light bulb but he famously said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that don’t work.” Men who become successful are positive thinkers and they are certainly not in the habit of giving up.
Getting into the Habit of Being a Success in Everything That You Do
As a general rule, you should try to do things PROPERLY in life. Don’t glaze over the instructions to complete a task or ignore the rules of a game. Get into the habit of doing things properly and you will find that your success rate at almost everything will skyrocket.
It’s not about being overly serious about things, but it is about respecting yourself as a man and being able to maintain the respect of others. There’s nothing wrong with bending the rules of a game for a bit of fun, or being creative in the way you create something, but just do it properly.
If you aren’t sure how to do a certain thing PROPERLY, get into the habit of doing it the way that SUCCESSFUL people do it and then, you too, will be successful.
Most people know that if they aren’t successful at something, the fastest and easiest way to change that is to adopt some of the success habits of those who ARE successful at what they want to achieve.
“It is not enough to have a good mind; the main thing is to use it well” Rene Descartes, French philosopher, mathematician and writer
Changing Your Old, Unhelpful Habits
Experts in the field believe that it takes 21 days to form a new habit or to change an existing habit. Once you’ve identified the successful habits of the people you admire, decide which ones you already have and which ones you most want to acquire.
You may have a list of several successful habits that you’d like to be able to adopt, but choose just one to focus on for a period of at least 21 days. Trying to do more than one at a time is a recipe for failure, no matter how keen you are to succeed.
Habits are the things you repeatedly do so to create a new habit you must repeatedly do the new thing. This means making a concentrated effort and dedicating time to repeating the new behavior every day until it becomes a part of your routine way of doing things.
Once you’ve established a habit, it’s a pattern of behavior that’s likely to stick with you even if it’s no longer something you repeat every day.
Keeping the Habit
One of the most effective ways to keep a new habit is to surround yourself with visible reminders of what it means to have that new habit. For example, if you’re dedicating time and effort to developing a positive thinking habit, hang out with people you know who can keep you motivated, inspiration and on track for success.
Additionally, when you spend time with people who already have the successful habit that you want to establish, you are reminded of why you want to adopt that habit. However, if you hang out with people who will cause you to think negatively and avoid developing the positive, new habit you need for success, it will become difficult for you to make solid progress towards your goals.
So, choose your friends and influencers wisely. There are lot of insecure people out there who think that success is too difficult and life is unfair. Make success happen by taking one step after another towards your goals.
Don’t give up.
Keep going and keep taking action and then someday soon, you will stop and realize, “Hey! I did it! I’m successful at this now! I did it!” From then on, your life will have changed forever.
Don’t hide away from your goals. Don’t give up. Take action.
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Hey Dan,
I am quite interested in your estimations on how many % of guys after reading your material/attending your seminar/being live coached do make a LASTING improvement. The reason why I’m asking this, is because I’m seeing more and more often how people attend some motivational seminar, they go all crazy about it (for about a WEEK or so) and then return to their old habits with no shift in the end.
I myself know a person whose dream was to go to Tony Robbins seminar. She thought that after that all her problems will be gone. Her dream came true and she even had a 1 hour one-on-one conversation with him(he interacts with the audience and picked her). The “interesting” fact is, that he didn’t help her at all. So she found a new guru and applied for a NLP class and thinks that this will solve all her problems….
My guess is quite pessimistic – that about 10% make a lasting improvement, am I right? 🙂
And my follow-up question is, why to you think this is.
Thank you.
All the BEST,
Pete
Hi Pete
Thanks for your question.
We’ve been coaching guys in person for over 5 years. Every guy that we’ve ever taught the techniques to has succeeded. Example: http://www.themodernman.com/new_ideas_approaching_women.html
We’ve also followed up with guys who watched the Dating Power seminar and they have succeeded too. Example:
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/audio/turn_rejection_into_success.html
We’ve also had customers willingly submit video testimonials, audio testimonials and written testimonials. Examples:
http://store.themodernman.com/testimonials.php
However, one thing we have found is that the guys who do NOT use our advice (i.e. they buy it, but don’t use it) don’t get any results. That shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone though. It’s just normal. For example: If you want to play basketball and go to a store to buy a basketball, you’re not finished. You still have to go to the court and play. Likewise, we give men the techniques to approach women (i.e. what to say, what to do, etc), but it is up to them to actually talk to women and use the techniques.
As for a percentage of guys who succeed, I can only speak for the guys who’ve actually used our advice. We’ve never had a client fail to get results, even when we’ve been tested on live television (watch videos): http://store.themodernman.com/about_us.php Our advice always works.
Cheers
Dan
P.S. How about you? Have you tried any advice to improve your life and followed through on it to success?
Well yeah, I think I’m an upper-intermediate with women 🙂 – I mean I almost never struggle with them and even dated a model for a short time:), yesterday I broke up with her. However, I still have some problems (that don’t have anything to do with the techniques) and that seem for me quite hard to fix.
My appearance bugs me for example – I don’t have issues about it, but after at least 15 people said something along the lines (“wow, when I first saw u I thought u were a total nerd, I didn’t think you are so cool”) – it really makes u angry a little bit (:. I dress cool, but my face makes me look nerdy I guess. (I can’t wear contact lens, because of some sh*t with my eyes). And so I have quite low “success rate” at the bars, etc. On the other hand I’m quite successful on other places (meeting through friends, bus stops, shops,…).
Last but not least – I still don’t get it – women love guys who are socially intelligent and who are just men. How can you teach somebody social intelligence and being a man in just a few days? It takes a very long time (I took a long time for me!), doesn’t it? 🙂
Hi Pete
Thanks for your question.
The two words that make up “Social intelligence” explain how it can be taught so easily. People who aren’t socially intelligence simply don’t have the right “intel” on socializing. They may be academically intelligent, but lack the right knowledge on socializing.
At The Modern Man, we tell you what is right, wrong and weird (socially and with women) and when you follow our instructions you are seen as socially intelligent. If you do the wrong things or do the things that others see as weird, then you won’t be seen as socially intelligent. It’s not about being a social conformist, but it is about knowing what works and doesn’t work when it comes to human social interaction.
Cheers
Dan
P.S. About your appearance. Most of what people see as “nerdy” will be coming from deep within you. Who you are on the inside reflects on the outside via your subtle body language, vibe and presence. You need to become a strong, masculine man on the inside and it will then reflect on the outside. You would have seen guys who look similar to you, but don’t seem nerdy. While your physical appearance can play a part, it can easily be overridden by your vibe, presence and body language.
Hey Dan, we’ve spoke a couple of times over email. I think after reading this I have more of a resolve to go to bars and clubs alone. (I think I told you my situation most of my friends are busy with school – so I can’t depend on them to come with me) Is it frightening and daunting for a first timer – Yes. Is it outside of my comfort zone – Totally. But I want what I want and I’m going to get it. I think what got me is just reading online about going to Bars/Clubs alone (horror stories) and hearing my friends saying “Why would you go to a bar alone, people would see you as a weirdo!” etc, and not only that they bring in their own insecurities to it, which I found out affected me quite quickly, and I remember listening to one of your mindsets “People don’t care” I thought why should I care if people thought if I was a weirdo, if I cared what every single person thought of me – man I’d be a chameleon. That’d suck. The first time in my life I’m actually really looking forward to summer break (5 – 6 months)where I can do and practice what you guys teach – I’m really looking forward to it. I’m assuming I’d get pretty good. Anyways great article Dan, thanks!
P.S.
I read your co-worker article I’d say that kind of applies to my university… my college isn’t big its small, and I need a good social networking where a relationship gone wrong doesn’t hurt me getting into the live-action film industry (Dream job). My teacher(s) breaking into Hollywood or the Art Director’s Guild is extremely hard. So I should meet people outside of school.
Hey Michael
Thanks for your comment.
You don’t have to go alone. Follow the advice in this article: http://www.themodernman.com/social/friendship/making_new_friends.html
Cheers
Dan