There are many benefits to being assertive as a man.
- Ensures that you don’t get pushed around by people who pick on the weak.
- Reminds people that people that you are guy who should be respected.
- Makes women feel naturally attracted to you.
On the other hand, being a passive type of guy who lets people push him around:
- Makes you the target of bullies, jerks or manipulative people who want to take advantage of you.
- Reminds people that you are a guy who doesn’t need to be respected.
- Makes women feel turned off by you.
9 Ways to Be More Assertive
Any guy can learn to become more assertive.
Just like with any other behavioral habit in life, it takes a bit of practice and effort before it becomes natural, easy and automatic. Here are 9 ways to get you started on your mission to become a more assertive man…
1. Speak Up
Most people in this world are nice, good people, but you will always come across some who aren’t. It’s just the nature of how this world works.
When you come across someone who is trying to take advantage of you or is disrespecting you, don’t be afraid to speak up. It’s not about getting angry or aggressive, but it is about being assertive.
The key to being assertive in a way that doesn’t come across as aggressive is to be light-hearted about the situation. Talk with a tone of voice suggesting that it’s not a big deal, but you’re going to say it anyway.
For example: Maybe someone rudely cut in front of you in a line or you were overlooked for a raise even though you’d been doing a great job.
Sometimes this happens entirely innocently and other times the person doesn’t realize that you’re a guy they should respect.
When this happens, the first thing you need to do is speak up and make your position clear, but be light-hearted about it.
You can smile and say in an easy-going, but assertive way, “Hey mate – I’m waiting in this line here and I’m in front of you. You can go behind me if you want, but I’ve been waiting here and I’m not losing my spot.”
“I noticed I was passed over for a raise again. I feel like I’ve been doing a great job. Is there any reason why I have been overlooked by you again?”
If you don’t speak up, people will just assume that you are guy who doesn’t need to be respected. The majority of people will show you respect and be considerate because they are nice people, but when you come across people who don’t give you the treatment you deserve, don’t be afraid to speak up in an assertive, but easy-going manner.
2. Make a Clear Decision About What You Want
If you don’t know what you really want out of a situation, you won’t know when you need to be assertive to stand up for what you want.
Before you enter a negotiation or approach a woman that you find attractive, make sure that you know exactly what you want.
Women respect guys who know what they want and go after it with confidence, so if you approach a woman and don’t feel like you deserve to have her, she will pick up on that and it will turn her off.
Likewise, if you’re entering a negotiation at work or in business and you don’t feel like you deserve a good outcome, it will come across in your body language, tonality and vibe and you will almost always get less than you deserve.
3. Hold Your Ground
A lot of men give up way too easily when they are faced with a challenge.
For example: Many women play hard to get when a guy approaches them because they want to see if the guy is truly confident.
So, if you are about to approach a beautiful woman and usually can’t get past the first few minutes of conversation, make it your aim to stay in there when it reaches that ‘awkward point’ where you often run out of things to say.
Be assertive by staying in there and talking to her about whatever you feel like talking about, even if you’re worried that those subjects might not be interesting to her.
You’ll be surprised at how impressed women are that you don’t back down so easily. As women often say, “I like a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to go after it.”
4. Show Strength and Composure in Your Body Language
Your body language is a vitally important part of your communication. You can’t turn your body language off; it is always on.
No matter how much you try to hide your intentions, fears or insecurities, they will always come through via your body language in subtle and sometimes obvious ways. People are always reading your body language to assess your confidence level, state of mind and intentions.
If you understand how to be confident on the inside, your body language will naturally display confidence on the outside.
5. Be Clear, Confident and Calm When You Explain Yourself
Not only do you need to be clear on exactly what you want from a situation, but you also need to clearly explain your position as well. If you are not clear on what you want or what you mean, the other person may misunderstand your intentions or needs.
To make sure that a person understands you, make an assertive statement like, “Okay, to make sure that you and I are completely clear on this, can you tell me your understanding of it now?” after you have explained your position.
6. Don’t Be Afraid to Say No
In most negotiations, the initial offer that is made needs to be met with a counter offer before it really becomes fair for both parties.
So, if you’re looking to get a proper raise at work and have noticed that other employees are getting more than you, don’t be afraid to say, “Thanks for the offer, but I’m interested in seeing at least a $6,000 pay rise, considering others have gotten that and I have done an equally good job. How can we make the same pay rise happen for me?”
You may not get the $6,000 pay rise right away, but you might get a 20-30% boost on top of what you were going to get, as well as instructions from your boss on how to get a bigger raise next time. That is much better than just being passive and accepting whatever is given to you.
7. Be Assertive, Not Rude
Some guys mistake assertiveness with aggressiveness or rudeness. By being rude or aggressive when trying to get your way, you will usually only make the person want to give you a worse deal.
The key to being effective while being assertive is to be respectful, easy-going and considerate of the other person’s needs. It can’t all be about you. If a person respects you and likes you as a person, you will almost always get a way better deal compared to when they don’t like or respect you.
8. Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
When negotiating, one of the best techniques to use is to ask the other person what they are looking for from the deal. Once you know what they are willing to settle for, you can then make your offer. Often, the other person will aim pretty low, because most people just aren’t that assertive in negotiations.
So, if you end up giving them a slightly better deal than what they hoped for, they will be extremely appreciative of your generosity.
Also, sometimes the other person may have to answer to someone else before making a decision and won’t have the authority to grant you what you want. Listen to the other person’s situation and be willing to work with them. This will make them much more likely to be willing to work with you.
When you know what the other person wants and can show that you are willing to give them that, they will be more willing to listen to your needs and give you what you want from the deal.
9. Don’t Apologize For Wanting Success
One of the biggest keys to success is to be absolutely unapologetic about wanting it.
Think of the most successful people you know and you will see that the majority of them, if not all, feel like they deserve to be successful. They have embraced success and are enjoying it.
Many unsuccessful guys feel like they would be taking away success from others if they became successful. However, thinking in that way doesn’t do anyone any good.
If you are a good guy and want to help others when you become successful, then do that. However, you’re not going to have much to offer if you’re just another unsuccessful guy. So, go after what you want, become successful and then do whatever kind deeds you want to do when you are in a better position to do so.
If you feel ashamed of being successful or feel like you don’t deserve it, the world won’t come knocking at your door to hand you huge success. In this world, you have to stand and go after what you want, otherwise you get pushed aside by others who are more assertive than you are.
Being an assertive guy and going after what you want not only leads you to having a much more enjoyable and exciting life, but it also makes women feel naturally attracted to you. Women love a guy who isn’t afraid to go after what he wants.
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