When seeing your ex again, it’s very important that you use the opportunity to show her that you’re no longer the same guy she broke up with.
This naturally re-sparks her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you and gets her to open up to giving the relationship another chance.
How can you show her that you’ve changed and become a new man?
By remembering the following…
1. She will be impressed if you are emotionally stronger than her, while also making sure that she feels good about herself too
Where a lot of guys go wrong when seeing an ex woman again, is worrying too much about what she might say or do at the meet up, rather than focusing on what he is going to do to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him.
Many guys assume that the woman is totally in control of the ex back process (i.e. she decides how often they can see each other, how long it will take for her to forgive him and want him back, what he needs to do to please her).
A guy will assume that what he has to do is be really nice to her, follow along with all her demands and hope that she eventually takes pity on him and gives him another chance.
Yet, that approach usually leads to the woman losing respect for the guy because she can see that he’s not being his real self and is being extra nice, considerate and generous as a way of sucking up to her.
That’s not what makes a woman feel respect for a guy.
She wants to see that he is being a good man, but he’s not desperately putting up with her bad treatment of him in the hope that she will eventually take pity on him and give him another chance.
She wants to know that the man she is with is someone she can respect, look up to and feel proud of, rather than a guy that makes her feel pity and disappointment due to his lack of a backbone.
So, a woman will test her ex guy to see if he’s emotionally strong enough to take control and guide them back into a relationship, or if he’s going to lose confidence and fall apart at the first sign of resistance from her.
For example: To test him, a woman might act cold and distant towards her ex when they meet up.
She may even say things like, “I don’t know why I’m even here. This is just a waste of my time. We have nothing to talk about anymore,” or “I don’t know why I’m bothering with you after everything you put me through. I should have my head examined for even talking to you on the phone, let alone meet up with you.”
Naturally, hearing her say these types of things might make a guy feel upset and he may think to himself, “This is hopeless. She doesn’t have feelings for me now and I’m just annoying her even more. I don’t know what to do to make her give me a chance to show her that I’ve really changed this time.”
Then, rather than use her coldness as an opportunity to show her the new him (e.g. by cracking through her defenses and making her laugh, smile and feel good to be around him again), he instead begins to feel anxious around her.
He might then react by being extra nice to her in an attempt to get on her good side.
For example: He might…
- Plead with her to give him a chance to show her that he’s changed.
- Pay for everything (e.g. drinks, meals) as a way of impressing her.
- Try to calm her down by promising to do anything she wants him to do.
- Take the blame for everything that happened between them (e.g. he may say things like, “I’m so sorry. It was all my fault. I was a real jerk to you and I deserve it now that you’re angry at me and don’t want to get back together. It’s all my fault.”)
However, rather than make a woman think, “Awww… he’s being so sweet. He really does care about me. Look how nice he is, even though I’m being such a bitch towards him. I have to make it up to him by giving him another chance. I know…I’ll tell him that all is forgiven and then we can get back together again. Yayyy!” she will simply feel turned off by him.
She doesn’t want to see him becoming weak when she tests him like that.
She wants him to have the balls to joke around with her and bring the interaction back to a more fun, easy-going vibe, rather than being so serious and depressing.
For example: She says, “I don’t know why I’m even here. This is just a waste of my time. We have nothing to talk about anymore” and he jokingly says, “Yeah…what are you doing here? I guess it means you still love me” and then laugh at her (in a loving way, not in a condescending way) and laugh at the situation they are in.
Alternatively, he might say something like, “You know what you’re doing here” and she then says, “What?” and he says, “You’re here because you want to cook me some dinner. I’m hungry. Get your pretty butt in the kitchen and make me some food” and then has a laugh with her about that.
Obviously, he’s only joking.
What’s important is that he has the balls to joke around in a moment like that, rather than worrying that if he says something “wrong” she will leave and never come back.
Worrying like that is needy and it turns a woman off.
A woman doesn’t want to feel as though you need her reassurance, love, attention and approval to feel okay about yourself.
She also doesn’t want to feel as though she is the one in control of the relationship.
She wants you to take control, but still be a loving, good man while you do it.
It’s not about being rude to her, insulting her or disrespecting her.
Instead, it’s about having the emotional strength to not take what she is saying so personally and just bring the interaction back to laughter and love.
After all, when you’re both laughing and feeling love, you’re not going to want to be breaking up and steering clear of each other.
She’s going to enjoy being around you and because she feels so good around you, she will want to give the relationship another chance.
She will want it for her own, selfish reasons (i.e. because you make her feel respect, attraction, love and happiness now), so she will be open and interested in seeing you again and keeping the relationship together.
Another thing to remember when seeing your ex again is that…
2. Improving your physical appearance is usually the least important thing to a woman
When a woman breaks up with a guy and says something like, “I just don’t feel the same way about you anymore,” or “I don’t feel attracted to you in the same way I did at the beginning of our relationship,” or “The spark between us has died,” a guy might make the mistake of thinking that if he changes his appearance (e.g. wears better clothes, loses some weight or builds some muscle, changes his hairstyle), her old feelings for him will come rushing back to her again.
Yet, that’s not how it works.
Although, a woman might say, “Wow, you’re looking good. I can see you’ve been really busy working out at the gym since we broke up. I love your new look,” his appearance is not the main thing that will make her feel attracted to him again.
Even though a woman may appreciate that a guy has made an effort to improve himself physically, she’s more interested in seeing that he’s improved himself emotionally.
For example: If a woman broke up with a guy because he became too wimpy or weak-minded in the relationship with her, that’s what is going to be most important to her.
If he’s wearing nice new clothes, sporting a fashionable haircut and has big muscles, but is still the same guy emotionally that she broke up with, she won’t think, “Sure my ex is still at the same level he was at when we broke up, but he looks better now with new clothes/with his big muscles. So, I’m just going to overlook the fact that I can’t respect and feel attracted to a wimpy, weak-minded man and get back together with him because of the superficial changes he made.”
Instead, she will think something like, “It’s a pity that he didn’t put as much energy into improving the things about himself that really matter to me (e.g. his emotional strength, his ability to make me feel respect and attraction for him as a man). If he had, I wouldn’t think twice about getting back with him. I would just give him another chance. I won’t tell him this, but the way he looks on the outside isn’t as important to me as the way he is on the inside (i.e. confident, emotionally strong, emotionally masculine).”
The thing you need to get clear on, is that what matters most to a woman is how you make her feel when she’s interacting with you.
That principle applies when meeting new women for the first time, being on a first date, having sex and when in a relationship.
It always applies, even if you are married, have children and have been together for years.
She has to feel respect, attraction and love for who you are when you interact with her.
- Can she relax into being fully feminine in your presence, or does she feel more like your boss and like she has to lead you and tell you what to do?
- Can she respect you, look up to you and feel proud to be with you, or does she feel like she’s too good for you and doesn’t want to be associated with you?
- Do you make her feel turned on and excited to be interacting with you, or does she feel bored, annoyed or indifferent?
- Do you make her smile and laugh, or do you make her focus more on all the negatives of your relationship and why she broke up with you?
Those are some of the things that matter much more than what a guy looks like on the outside.
Women will often go around talking about a man’s appearance (e.g. talking about abs, biceps, shoes), but what really matters is how confident and emotionally strong a man is on the inside.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you should let yourself go, avoid exercising, wear old, scraggy clothes and let your hair grow down to your knees and never wash it.
It’s totally fine to take care of your appearance, but just know that it’s not the most important thing to a woman.
What matter is how he makes her feel based on his attitude, his way of thinking and his behavior.
In other words, does he have an insecure attitude, think in an insecure way and behave in an insecure way, or is he confident?
When seeing your ex again, she will looking to see how confident you really are, even tough she isn’t giving 100% clear signals about whether or not she wants to get back with you.
That’s what matters.
Another thing to remember…
3. Focus on making her smile, laugh and feel good, rather than getting into deep, serious conversations about the relationship
When seeing your ex again, it might be tempting to want to talk about what happened between you and her.
For example: A guy might want to repeatedly apologize to her and explain why he behaved the way he did and how much he regrets hurting her.
He may also tell her how much he still cares about her and wants her back and remind her about how good things used to be between them in the beginning.
Yet, getting into deep, serious conversations about the relationship with your ex before you’ve fully reactivated her feelings (of sexual attraction, respect and love) for you, will just make her focus on the fact that things really are bad between you and her.
Rather than make her think, “This is good! At least we’re finally clearing the air between us,” she will be thinking, “There are too many painful memories for me. I don’t know if I can move past what happened between us. I think seeing him again was a bad idea. It only made me remember how bad things turned out in the end. We’re not right for each other and seeing him again is making that clear to me.”
So, if you don’t want your ex to be thinking like that, make sure that you focus instead on making her smile, laugh and feel good to be around you again.
It’s not about constantly cracking jokes and being silly around her.
Instead, it’s simply about not being so serious and harping on and on about the past.
When she’s smiling, laughing and enjoying being in your presence, it becomes difficult for her to keep thinking, “He stuffed up. I’m not going to forgive him for that.”
Instead, she thinks, “I never expected to be able to relax around him and enjoy myself like this. It actually feels pretty good to be around him again. I guess things aren’t that bad between us after all.”
So, if you want to re-spark your ex’s feelings of respect and attraction for you again when you see her, don’t try to convince her that you’ve changed with endless logic, reasoning and discussions about the past.
Finally, another thing to remember when you see your ex again is…
4. If you can’t hook up with her sexually, at least get a warm, goodbye hug and make it last for at least 5 seconds
It might feel a little bit awkward initially, but it’s worth it.
Having a warm hug goodbye helps you and her break the physical distance between you, feel rushes of love and attraction and more importantly, it confuses her.
She starts thinking, “Hmm…why did that hug feel so good?” and she then becomes open to texting you, calling you and seeing you again.
Make sure that you are the one initiating the texts, phone calls and suggestions to meet up.
Ask on a phone call rather than text though, because most women play hard to get via text when dealing with an ex.
However, whatever you do, just make sure that you don’t end the meet up without getting physical (i.e. hugging, kissing, having sex).
If you can only get to a hug, do that, but if you can go further – by all means, do that.
In some cases, a woman will be open to hooking up with her ex sexually when they meet up again.
In other cases, a woman will usually take on a “This was nice, but let’s wait and see what happens” approach, because she doesn’t want to come across as being too easy.
So, a way to continue building on her feelings for you and build up the sexual tension is to get her to give you a goodbye hug.
For example: When you and her are getting ready to leave, you can say something along the lines of, “Okay, bring it in for a warm, goodbye hug since we’re not going to see each other again.”
In most cases, if you’ve been making her feel surges of respect and sexual attraction for you throughout the meet up, a woman will be more than happy to give you a hug goodbye.
So, just go ahead and give her a nice, long, 5-second squeeze in your arms.
If she gives you a quick hug and pulls away after a second, you can laugh and say, “You call that a warm goodbye hug? Come here and let’s have a proper hug goodbye. We’re mature enough to do that, right? Relax girl, relax” and then bring her in for another hug.
She then feels attracted to your confidence, masculinity and fearlessness when it comes to love, so she drops her reservations about seeing you again.
Then, if you suggest meeting up again soon, she will be open to the idea of seeing you again.
By the way…
If possible, pull back from the hug and lean in for a kiss.
A kiss changes things pretty quickly.
All of a sudden, you go from ex’s to lovers again and it’s then a lot easier to transition to sex and then back into a relationship.
If you don’t move in for a kiss though, don’t worry.
Just do that the next time, or suggest heading back to your place or hers (after the hug goes well) and then do it there.