Here are 8 examples of when an ex woman’s actions and words don’t match up.

1. She says that she’s over you, but still texts you 

Some possible reasons why a woman will do that to her ex boyfriend, are:

  • She’s lying about being over him

She doesn’t want to admit that she made a mistake by breaking up with him, so she continues to text him in the hope that he will get the hint and make a move to get her back.

  • She’s secretly hoping he will change and get her back

As a result, she keeps texting him to see if he is now able to give her the relationship experience she always wanted, but didn’t get (e.g. he makes her feel sexy and desirable rather than just like a neutral friend, he’s more of a challenge so she feels motivated to impress him to maintain his interest, he’s more manly rather than being neutral or behaving a bit too much like her, he’s emotionally strong rather than emotionally sensitive). 

  • She enjoys the power she has over him

She enjoys knowing that he doesn’t know where he stands with her, or enjoys preventing him from fully getting over her and moving on. 

It’s a little power trip that boosts her ego and makes her feel attractive.

  • She misses him from time to time and texts to see what will happen 

She said that she’s over him, but her actions don’t match up to her words because she keeps texting him here and there. 


She wants to see if she will feel a romantic spark with him again. 

If she does feel it (i.e. because he’s being confident, charming, funny, being a bit of playful challenge), she may consider opening up to see where things go. 

If she doesn’t feel it, she will continue to text him (to give him false hope) until she meets a new man who makes her feel more attracted.

She will usually then stop texting her ex and move on.

2. She says she needs time to figure things out, but seems to be moving on without you 

She says she needs time to figure things out, but seems to be moving on without you A woman will say she needs time, or space, for some of the following reasons:

  • Needing time to figure things out was just something she said to get out of the relationship more easily

She knew that if she said she wanted to break up, he’d try to talk her out of her decision, get upset,  beg and plead with her to change her mind, or try to make her feel guilty.

So, to avoid any of those reactions from him, she said she needed time to figure things out.

That way, the guy feels like he still has a chance and then gives her time because he doesn’t want to lose his chance. 

She then uses the time apart to begin moving on as quickly as possible.

When she finds a good enough replacement man, she can then say, “It was never my intention to move on, but it just happened. I met someone unexpectedly and I really like him. I’m happy now. I’m sorry that it turned out like this. I wish you all the best.” 

  • She was bored of how the relationship made her feel

For example: They stopped doing exciting things together as a couple, or he took her for granted and just expected her to stick around, even though the relationship didn’t feel good anymore.

So, she then decided to take some time apart to see how she felt.

She may then have started going out with friends, had fun, met new guys and began enjoying life without him.

The fun of kissing or sleeping with someone new, or even just flirting and feeling sparks for someone new made her realize that she felt better being single than being in a relationship. 

So, she then started to move on without him, rather than going back to him.

  • She realized that a relationship with him was too much effort

There was so much texting to keep up with when with him, or he’d expect too much of her in terms of reassuring him of her love, or hr was just too difficult to be around.

So, when she took time apart and realized how much less stressful and happy her life felt without him, she decided to move on instead.

3. She acts cold towards you, but says some nice things too 

A few reasons why a woman may act that way towards her ex are:

  • She is testing to see how confident he really is 

In some relationships, a guy will gradually stop being the confident, emotionally strong version of himself that initially attracted the woman to him.

He will slowly become needy, clingy and insecure and the woman will lose respect and attraction for him.

Eventually, the lack of respect and attraction she feels will motivate her to break up with him.

Yet, she still may have some feelings for him, or have some hope that the breakup has forced him to level up as a man and become confident and emotionally strong once again.

So, to test if he has changed, a woman will act hot (i.e. compliment him, show interest) and then cold (i.e. be closed off and distant, say mean or rude things) to see if he can handle it.

If he doesn’t lose confidence and simply continues to interact with her in a way that sparks her feelings (i.e. being confident, charming, masculine, playfully challenging, funny), she will naturally open up again to giving him another chance.

If he loses confidence and lets her see that he’s emotionally weak and unreliable, she close herself off further and focus on moving on without him. 

  • He attracts her, but then turns her off again

For example: He took her for granted in the relationship, so he begins treating her well (i.e. being loving, affectionate, romantic, giving her compliments and so on) to try and win herb ack.

She then starts to feel attracted again and drops her guard a little bit.

Yet, after a while, he becomes complacent again and starts doing little things that make her feel neglected (i.e. not listening when she’s talking, not caring about her feelings, forgetting important things she told him).

As a result, she goes cold once again. 

So, her actions and words don’t seem to match up because one day she is interested and the next she isn’t.

  • Sometimes she feels confident and happy without him and other times she doesn’t 

When she feels good about herself and her life, she acts cold towards her ex because she doesn’t need him.

However, when she’s going through a bit of a slump, feeling depressed or unattractive, or feeling lonely, she suddenly shows interest in her ex to get some attention from him and make herself feel better.

4. She says she’s open to working things out, but avoids you 

A woman does that to test how her ex will react.

For example: 

  • Will he lose control of his emotions (e.g. get angry, upset and say, “Why are you giving me mixed signals like this?! Do you want to work things out or not?! Stop playing games with me!”) If he does, then she will feel turned off by his lack of manliness and lack of ability to handle difficult situations.
  • Will he give up because he’s not really that interested in getting her back anyway? If yes, then she will push herself to move on, rather than wasting even more time with a man who doesn’t want to be with her.
  • Will he become needy and plead with her (e.g. desperately ask why she is ignoring him even though she said she was open to working things out, desperately tell her that he’ll do anything to make the relationship work)? If yes, she will perceive him as emotionally weak and feel as though breaking up was the right decision after all.
  • Will he try to suck up to her? If yes, she won’t feel motivated to put in any effort to impress him and will begin feeling attracted to other men who are more of a challenge to her.

5. She says it’s over, but still acts like your girlfriend 

That often happens a man and woman have been in a relationship for many years.

When they eventually break up, it can take some women many months to come to terms with the fact that they’re no longer in a relationship.

As a result, she will continue to treat him like a boyfriend.

For example: 

  • Continue to interact with his friends and family like before (e.g. comment on their social media posts, call them and possibly even see them in person). 
  • Text him like she did when they were together (e.g. share random funny things she finds, or news articles, or talk about random things).
  • Be interested in what he’s doing on a daily basis, who he is spending time with and so on.
  • Get annoyed if he doesn’t text, call her or respond to her when she contacts him.
  • Invite herself over to his place, or just turn up at his place to hang out.
  • Expect him to help if she’s struggling with something (e.g. her car won’t start, she needs a lift somewhere, she can’t afford to pay one of her bills). 

The reason a woman will behave in those ways is that, deep down, she still thinks that he belongs to her.

However, if he behaves like she does, or suggests that they get back together, she becomes annoyed and says something like, “We’re no longer boyfriend and girlfriend you know? It’s over between us and you need to accept that.”

She will continue to treat him like a boyfriend, but not be a girlfriend to him, until she finds a new man or gets over him and is able to move on emotionally. 

6. She says she can’t deal with being in a relationship right now, but then starts dating a new guy 

What she really meant when she said that was, “I can’t deal being in a relationship – with you – right now.”

Yet, she said, “I can’t deal with being in a relationship right now. I need some time to be on my own” for one, or more of the following reasons:

  • So he feels like he will have a chance with her, if he just gives her a bit of time. 
  • So she could have some space to date the new guy she had cheated on him with, or was planning on being with as soon as the breakup was official. 
  • She could create space between him and her and move on in peace, without having to go through the many days or weeks of drama (i.e. emotional texts, pleading, long discussions) that often happen after a breakup. 

7. She says that you deserve better than her, so she can’t get back with you

Women often use that as an excuse to get away from ‘nice guys’ they don’t feel attracted to. 

Here are some common examples of ‘nice guy behavior’ that women secretly feel turned off by in a relationship:

  • He tries to make her happy by letting her make all, or most, of the decisions (e.g. where to go, what to eat, what to watch, what to do, who to hang out with, where to go on vacation). Yet, she ends up feeling like ‘the man’ or the leader in the relationship, rather than his girl. As a result, she doesn’t respect him and look up to him. When a woman can’t respect a man, she can’t feel attracted to him.
  • He accepts any kind of treatment from her (e.g. she’s cold, doesn’t show much or any affection, punishes him by withholding sex if he disagrees with her about something, sulks, insults or disrespects him on a regular basis), because he doesn’t want to risk losing her. Yet, she doesn’t want a wimpy, pushover kind of guy. She wants a man who is good to her, but also stands up to her in a loving, assertive way. She wants to feel motivated to treat him well, rather than feeling like she can do whatever and he’ll put up with it no matter what. 
  • He thinks that making her the center of his world (e.g. giving up his goals, hobbies, interests and friends to focus solely on her and the relationship) is what she really wants. Yet, that causes him to become clingy, needy, controlling or jealous and turns her off. What he doesn’t realize, is that although a woman does want to be loved and appreciated, she also wants a man who is emotionally independent and doesn’t need her in order to live a happy and fulfilling life. If a woman gets the sense that her man sees her as his world, she feels suffocated and trapped. She feels like the leader and as though he is depending on her to be consistent. She wants him to be happy and enjoy life regardless of what she does. Then she won’t feel like the leader, or the person he looks to for security and a sense of purpose in life. 

8. She says she cares about you, but prioritizes everyone and everything else over you

A woman will usually say that she cares about her ex to make him feel obligated to behave himself around her (e.g. be nice and agreeable, be helpful, not upset her by pushing for a relationship, be patient and give her space). 

She will then feel free to move on behind his back.

When she meets a good enough replacement guy, she will then say, “I have something to tell you. Please don’t get angry. I didn’t mean for it to turn out this way. It just happened. I met a guy and we’re in a relationship now. I would appreciate it if you didn’t contact me anymore. I don’t want to ruin my new relationship and I need you to respect that. I wish you all the best.”

So, she said that she cared, but secretly, she didn’t and she simply moved on behind his back.

As a result, her actions and words didn’t match up.

If you have been experiencing any of the situations described in this post, then make sure you get her back while you still can.  

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