If you want to know how to get back with your ex-girlfriend, you may be struggling to move on after the breakup of a relationship or you might want her back because you know that she’s the right girl for you.
Whatever the case, make sure that you go through the process of getting your ex back in the right way.
The right way to do it is to focus on making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you as a man. When she feels that, she will then become more open to forgiving you, hearing what you have to say and giving the relationship another chance.
Did She Break Up With With You, or Was it Your Decision to End it?
Relationships break up for different reasons (i.e. cheating, lack of attraction, emotional abuse, the love died out, etc), but whether you broke up with her, or she broke up with you, the fact is that you are now serious about wanting to get her back.
Soon after the break up, you may have begun to realize that it wasn’t going to be easy for you to find a new, beautiful woman to take her place. You may have met other girls, but they just haven’t made you feel the same way as your ex-girlfriend does.
With this being the case, you’re not alone. At The Modern Man, we get contacted every month by hundreds of guys who ask things like, “What’s the best way to get back with your ex-girlfriend?” or “How can I get my ex back before she moves on with another guy?” or “How can I get my ex back, even though she now has a new boyfriend?”
It’s a horrible place to be in for a guy because you are likely feeling lost, lonely and even a bit depressed without her in your life. Without her, you don’t feel right. It’s almost as though you need her to feel emotionally stable and secure.
However, the way you and all those other guys are feeling provides a big clue as to the mistake you made to cause your ex to become your ex in the first place – you put her on a pedestal and made your whole life revolve around her.
So why should this be a mistake? Well, women are attracted to confident, masculine, secure guys who know who they are and have a sense of purpose in life. A woman will often get into a relationship with a guy who bases his entire life, happiness and sense of identity on her, but she will eventually get bored of it.
Why? A woman doesn’t want to be a man’s purpose in life. She doesn’t want him to hide from his true potential as a man behind her and a relationship. She wants to be loved, not hidden behind.
Your need to get back with your ex-girlfriend may be a good indicator that your lack of purpose as a man led to you becoming clingy and overly possessive and behaving in a jealous way when your girlfriend did her own thing outside of the relationship.
If this is resonating with you, getting back together with your ex will come down to showing her through your attitude and behavior that you’ve learned from the mistakes you made and you’ve become a better man as a result.
Mistakes to Avoid
If you want to get back with your ex-girlfriend, you first of all need to figure out what happened to cause your relationship to end in the first place. After all, if you don’t know what caused your ex-girlfriend to feel differently about you, you can’t take any kind of action to make the improvements needed to turn things around.
Second of all, you need to question whether your reasons for wanting her back are that genuinely believe that if you give it another chance it will last, or that you are afraid to get back out there and meet new women.
Either way, getting her back is going to mean making changes for the better and taking action to become a better man than the one she chose to dump. With the above in mind, the following commonly made mistakes are mistakes that must be avoided.
1. Hounding her with phone, text, and every other kind of messages
If you slip into taking this approach, you probably believe that “hounding” her in this way is a good way to keep thoughts of you in her mind so that she’ll realize what she’s missing.
Well, let’s just say that this approach will remind her of you, but not in the way you want. The things she’ll be reminded of are the things that caused her to want to break up with you, and the more you hound her, the more she’s going to be convinced she made the right decision.
2. Begging and pleading to be given a second chance
Along with hounding her with messages often comes begging and pleading. Believe me, this does nothing to help change a woman’s mind. Behaving this way makes you look weak, wimpy, and desperate – and these are not attractive traits!
The bottom line is that there’s nothing you can say that will make her feel any differently about you, if you are not able to trigger the feelings of sexual attraction and respect that she wants to experience around a man.
No amount of begging or pleading will change her feelings, but showing her that you’ve learned from the experience and taken action to become a better man will give her reason to rethink her decision.
3. Getting her friends involved
When begging and pleading aren’t working, there’s a real temptation to recruit the help of her friends to try to get her to change her mind.
If this is something you’ve considered, you’ll be intent on accidently-on-purpose bumping into some of her friends and making sure they get the message about how heartbroken and devastated you are and how desperate you are to be given a second chance.
This is a big mistake on many levels but not least because making yourself a guy who uses other people and seeks the pity of other people in this way makes you a weak, wimpy guy that no woman is going to be interested in. Taking this approach will only embarrass your ex-girlfriend, it will do nothing to change the way she feels about you.
Get Back With Your Ex-Girlfriend the Right Way
To get back with your ex-girlfriend in the right way, you need to begin showing her (through your actions and attitude) that you have learned from the mistakes you made and have taken action to develop the qualities that make you a better man than you were when she chose to end the relationship.
There’s nothing you can say that will make her feel differently before you actually make the effort to trigger a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you as man.
Displaying the alpha qualities that all women are instinctively attracted to in a man, will show her that you’ve now got what it takes to make her feel exactly the way she wants to feel in a relationship (i.e. she feels girly in response to your masculinity, she feels like you can lead the way to a better life for you and her, she feels like you now understand her and what she really wants from you as a man, etc).
Are you prepared to do what it takes to get back with your ex-girlfriend?