Here are 5 tips to make her want you back again:
1. Identify the main missing pieces of the attraction experience that caused her to lose interest
The attraction experience in your relationship is the overall feeling a woman gets based on your approach to attraction.
In other words, your approach to attraction either makes her want you more or less over time.
If you approach it in a way that makes her want you more, then she doesn’t leave.
If you approach it in a way that makes her want you less, then she will eventually cheat on you or dump you.
It’s just how it works.
So, are you aware of what REALLY caused her to lose interest and feel turned off by you in the relationship to the point where she broke up with you?
For example: Here are 10 subtle things about a man that can turn a woman off and 10 that can turn her on.
- He is too needy and clingy (i.e. always needs to be with her, constantly texting her, calling or spending all of his spare time with her, always needing her reassurance that she loves him, doesn’t like her talking to anyone else, becomes insecure if she is around other people, needs to be close with her physically and emotionally to feel okay about himself).
- He spends his remaining spare time watching TV, playing video games or playing with his phone because he’s too afraid to follow through and make progress on his big goals, dreams and ambitions in life.
- He finds it difficult to make decisions without seeking her input or encouragement first.
- His body language is weak, unsure, nervous, stressed, needy, desperate or feminine.
- He lacks presence as a man (e.g. he is too ‘in his head’ and struggles to just flow with a moment and live in the moment, he seems intimidated by other men in social situations to the point where he withdraws his presence and allows the other men to be more powerful, he surpasses his masculine energy around her to be nice or because he’s afraid of how she might react if he is a more powerful, dominant man).
- He tends to get annoyed or angry about things that she thinks he shouldn’t get so worked up about (e.g. other people’s decisions or actions that don’t affect him, the taste of food at a restaurant, the weather).
- He is emotionally unavailable and distant when it comes to her, but available and close with his friends or family.
- He doesn’t put in much effort to build relationships with her family and friends and tends to avoid them as much as possible, even though she has told him that family and friends are very important to her.
- How he’s unable to make her feel feminine and girly in his presence and instead makes her feel neutral, or like she is more powerful than him, which then causes her to feel repulsed by him, rather than feeling respect and looking up to him.
- He doesn’t feel worthy of her love and has no idea how to make her feel attracted to him and as a result, he tries to make pressure her into being loyal to him in other ways (i.e. he becomes controlling, makes her feel guilty about wanting to spend time on other things that don’t involve him, makes her promise she would never cheat on him).
- He makes her feel loved and appreciated, but doesn’t let her walk all over him. Instead, she feels the need to impress him and treat him well also.
- He is happy and would be successful in his life with or without her (i.e. he wants her, but he doesn’t need her to make progress in life, or to feel good about himself).
- He makes her feel like a sexy, desirable woman in his presence, regardless of how many years they’ve been together or how comfortable they feel around each other (i.e. he never falls into the trap of treating her more like a neutral friend than his woman).
- He easily passes her confidence tests (e.g. when she rolls her eyes at him, pretends to disagree with him during a conversation, or acts like she’s annoyed about things that she doesn’t really feel annoyed about) by remaining confident, rather than getting upset and doubting himself around her. This allows her to look up to him and respect him as the more confident, dominant and powerful one in the relationship, which causes her to feel a deep, exciting and ongoing attraction for him.
- He always feels confident and at ease around other people in social situations, which makes her respect him and feel safe when with him.
- He is a bit of a challenge to her, so she feels the need to put in effort to maintain his interest, rather than taking him for granted.
- He has a clear and definite purpose in life and is working towards achieving it.
- He is respected by other people because of how confident, emotionally masculine and emotionally secure he is.
- He allows her to relax into thinking, behaving and acting like a feminine woman when she’s with him, because he thinks, behaves and acts like a masculine man (i.e. rather than being like a neutral friend, or worse, acting like a feminine guy).
- He is able to communicate with her in a way that deepens her respect, attraction and love for him over time (i.e. he understands that men and women communicate different and women don’t always want a man to offer a solution when they bring up a problem. In many cases, a woman just wants to express her emotions and see that her man understands, rather than him immediately going into problem solving mode and making her feel like she has to think, behave and act like a man).
There are many subtle things that turn women off or on and if you want to be successful in a relationship (or with getting your ex back), you need to understand them.
If you don’t ever understand how women feel attracted and what turns them off, you will never know what you’re doing and will always be at the mercy of her (i.e. hoping that she doesn’t suddenly break up with you).
On the other hand, when you know how to maintain and build on a woman’s attraction in a relationship, she will never leave.
She will know how difficult it will be to find another man who understands what you do and as a result, is able to make her feel so madly in love after so long.
Likewise, when you understand what to adjust and then interact with your ex and let her experience the new you, she will immediately begin to realize that a relationship with you would feel completely different now.
As a result, she will naturally drop her guard and begin opening herself back up to the idea of being with you again.
Another tip to regain her interest in you is…
2. Understand that what you think of yourself will directly affect how she perceives you
Your thoughts about you and your chances of getting her back are very important.
If you believe in yourself, you will naturally exude the type of confidence that is attractive to women (what I call, Independent Confidence), but if you doubt yourself, you will naturally exude insecurity, self-doubt and fear, which will turn your ex off.
For example: A guy who doubts himself around his ex girlfriend, will often think something like, “I don’t deserve her after the way I treated her” or, “There’s nothing I can do to change her mind about breaking up with me because she has lost interest in me” or, “She said it’s over and that she doesn’t have feelings for me anymore, so I guess I need to accept that. I can never change how she feels and get her back.”
To him, the situation will feel hopeless and he will feel like he has no chance.
As a result, he will naturally feel dejected and sad about the situation.
If he interacts with his ex, she will easily pick up on that because women are hard-wired to assess a man’s emotional strength.
It’s one of their natural talents, which pretty much every woman masters as she goes through life and has experiences with men.
If a guy doubts himself, she will see it in his body language, hear it in the tonality of his voice and pick up on it based on what he says and how he says it.
This is why, it’s very important that you gain control of your thoughts by quickly getting to the point where you are 100% confident about your chances of re-attracting her.
Don’t have any doubt at all that you can re-attract her.
Know that you can and then do it, rather than placing yourself in the friend zone with her, or worse, thinking that you’re not even worthy of being her friend now.
Then, do it and you and her will be back together within days or 1-2 weeks at the most.
3. Don’t try to get her to commit to a relationship right away
So many guys get rejected by an ex girlfriend (or wife) by focusing on trying to get her to agree to a relationship, rather than allowing the relationship to naturally get back together as a result of hooking up and beginning to see each other again.
When a guy is immediately pushing for a relationship (i.e. to get back together as boyfriend and girlfriend, or husband and wife), the woman will say no, or ask for more time to think about it, if she isn’t fully re-attracted and is still unsure.
Then, if she’s not feeling much attraction and isn’t missing him after telling him to give her time to think about it, she will let him know that she’s sticking to her decision to remain broken up and will wish him all the best.
I’ve seen that happen in so many ex back cases, so don’t make the mistake of pushing for a relationship right away.
Instead, just focus on rebuilding her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you (e.g. by making her laugh and smile and feel good when she interacts with you, changing your approach to attraction so she feels as though you’ve understood what caused her to lose interest in you in the first place, making her feel like a feminine woman in your presence rather than like a neutral friend, flirting with her to build up sexual tension that she wants to release via kissing and sex with you).
The more attracted she feels, the more open she will be to hooking up, hanging out, seeing each other and assessing how she feels.
If she feels good being back with you, then you will have gotten her back.
If she doesn’t, then a break up will happen again.
So, make sure that you prepare yourself and are ready to properly re-attract her.
4. Don’t try too hard to impress her
Sometimes a guy will try to impress his ex woman being extra nice and sweet towards her, putting up with any bad treatment she dishes out to him or even helping her out financially.
He hopes that if he shows her how dependable and totally devoted he is, she will be impressed and want to give him another chance because of that.
Yet, when a guy uses that approach, a woman will usually just take advantage of him temporarily (e.g. allow him to help her financially, use his continued interest in her to feel good about herself while she secretly moves on behind his back) and then eventually tell him that she wants him to stop contacting her and leave her alone.
Alternatively, a guy might try to impress his ex by pretending that he has loads of options with other women, even though it isn’t true.
She then says, “If you’re so popular with women, why don’t you date one of them? Why are you contacting me? Are you trying to show off? I don’t care. I’m dating new guys, so let’s just not talk to each other anymore. I’m moving on and you should too.”
So, what should you do instead?
Let her see that you are interested in getting back together if it happens, but at the same time, you feel confident, happy and are making progress in life with or without her.
When she notices that you don’t need her back, but are open to it if it happens, she will naturally begin to look at you in a more positive light (i.e. you’re not needy, you have been able to bounce back from the break up and get on with life without her, you are going to be a lot more attractive to other women now based on your improved emotional strength and maturity).
As a result, she will begin to wonder whether or not things really need to be over between you and her, which can lead her to being much more willing to catch up in person if you suggest it.
5. When you get back together, make sure that it’s a completely new relationship dynamic
The relationship dynamic (i.e. who is the more dominant one, how much love, respect and attraction flows between the couple, the settings they have about who does what, how they relate to each other, the expectations they have, the way the relationship operates) will determine whether or not the relationship will feel good for both you and her.
So, if you get back with her and aren’t able to create a new, more enjoyable and effective relationship dynamic, a break up will almost certainly happen again.
To put it into perspective for you, here are some examples of a relationship dynamic that is out of sync:
- A guy is too submissive and allows his woman to dominate him with her confident personality. As a result, she ends up losing respect for him not being man enough to stand up to her and put her back in her place in a loving, but dominant way.
- A guy puts all his love and attention on his woman and neglects his goals, dreams, interests and friends just to spend every spare minute with her. With nothing else to focus on, it usually leads to a guy being overly clingy and needy, which cause the woman to feel smothered by him and want to get away and have her own space.
- A guy becomes overly controlling and jealous towards his woman, which can cause her to resentful and closed off towards him, or to eventually cheat on him or dump him (usually when he is at an emotionally weak point in life) to get revenge for how he has treated her.
- A guy becomes so comfortable in the relationship with his woman that he starts treating her more like one of his buddies. This leads to the sexual spark dying between them and she then ends up feeling more like a neutral friend, or a housemate than his sexy girlfriend or wife. She then starts feeling more attracted and drawn to men who see her as a sexy woman, which often leads to cheating or a break up in the long run.
- A guy spends most of his time playing video games, getting high and chatting with friends and expects his girlfriend to just wait around in the background of his life. She may put up with that initially, but she will eventually feel neglected, bored and resentful, which will usually lead to cheating or a break up.
- A guy is following through on his goals and dreams, but he is still being clingy, needy, controlling or overly jealous with his woman. So, she doesn’t care that he’s being a man by following through on his dreams, because she’s so turned off by his emotional weakness and selfishness when it comes to her.
So, when you get her back, make sure that you are ready to create a new relationship dynamic that causes her to fall more and more in love with you over time.
It’s not difficult to do because you’re going to be using an approach to the relationship that causes a dynamic anyway.
It’s simply about approaching the relationship in a way that creates a dynamic, which causes her to feel more respect, attraction and love for you as the days, weeks, months and years go by.
When you do that, she simply won’t ever want to break up with you again.
She will know how difficult it is to find that kind of relationship dynamic and also won’t want to leave you because she will be in love with you.
Women simply don’t want to break up with a guy that they are in love with and want to be with.
Of course, first you have to get her back and then you can establish the new relationship dynamic…