In this post, I’m going to help you get out of the friend zone with a woman or a girl that you like. I will provide you with techniques for attracting her, getting her out on a date and then kissing her to begin the sexual relationship, rather than just being her friend.
Here’s what I am going to explain for you in this post:
- The difference between a friend, lover and boyfriend.
- 3 common reasons why women place men in the friend zone.
- 3 ways to change the way that she feels about you.
- How to get her to go out on a date with you.
- How to kiss her for the first time.
The Difference Between a Friend, Lover and Boyfriend
It’s important to look at the differences between these roles because if you want her to be your girlfriend or lover, you really have to stop thinking, behaving and acting like a friend to her. You really have to stop that. You’ve got to start behaving like a potential lover or boyfriend, rather than a friend who has no sexual interest in her.
Friend (noun): A person who is on good terms with another. A person who is not hostile. A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
Lover (noun): A person who has a sexual or romantic relationship with another.
Boyfriend (noun): A male friend with whom a person is romantically or sexually involved; sweetheart or lover.
The way to not just be her friend is to think about what the difference really is between a friendship and a sexual relationship with a woman. It’s essentially the same thing, except for the sex. What happens before a man and a woman have sex? Is it about being “friends” or is about something else?
It’s about sexual attraction being present and then sexual tension building up and then being released through kissing and sex.
To get out of the friend zone with her, you’re going to need to make her feel sexually attracted to you and then escalate to kissing and sex. You do not need to be more of a friend to her or build up more of a relationship first. You have to focus on sexual attraction and building up the sexual tension between you.
3 Common Reasons Why Women Place Men in the Friend Zone
1. A lack of sexual attraction
When you’re only seen as a friend, she may like you as a person, but that’s not sexual attraction or what happens before sex. Being her friend is not what turns a woman on. A woman will feel turned on by a guy if she feels sexually attracted to him, not friendly with him.
Men and women create sexual attraction in each other by using different methods and approaches. Some guys feel as though women have it easy because we men mostly judge them on their physical appearance, so if a woman wants to look more sexually appealing to us, all she has to do is put on a bit of make up and she goes from looking okay, average or even below average looking to looking sexy and beautiful. A woman can also show her cleavage in a nice, tight fitting dress and attract us that way also.
The funny thing is that it’s just as easy for us men to attract women, but it’s not about us trying to looking more physically appealing. We men don’t go around putting on make up or wearing tight shorts to show off our legs or butt. It’s not about that. What is it about then?
It’s about your confidence and your belief in yourself around her. I’m not talking about you just being confident as her “friend,” I’m talking about the confidence that you have in your sex appeal to her. If you’re talking to the woman who currently has you in the friend zone, you’ve got to show her that you have Confidence in Your Sex Appeal. The confidence that you have in your sex appeal to her comes through via your body language and tone of voice. (Watch the video on this page for an example).
It’s funny how it works because a guy can have confidence in his sex appeal for various reasons. For instance, some guys feel as though they need to have a nice car and good clothes to be sexy to women. Then, when he gets a nice car and wears nice clothes, he feels confident in his sex appeal to women.
What will he then do as a result of having confidence in his sex appeal? He’ll be more confident around women and will demonstrate belief in his sex appeal to her and to other women. Then, the women will feel attracted to his confidence in his sex appeal.
At this point, some guys reading along may think, “Well, the women like him because of his car and his clothes” but that’s not the case at all. They like him because of his confidence in his sex appeal. You will see guys who don’t have a nice car or who don’t even have a car, who don’t have nice clothes or wear ordinary clothes, but they have confidence in their sex appeal to women.
Where is that confidence coming from? How can those guys have confidence in their sex appeal if they don’t have a nice car, nice clothes or other external things? It comes down to a decision; a decision that a guy makes about his sex appeal to women. It’s something that YOU get to decide on. You might decide that you have sex appeal because you’re a good guy with a great smile, or just because you said so.
Some guys may be wondering at this point, “How do I have belief in my sex appeal to women, if I don’t think that I have sex appeal?” Well, the funny thing is that if YOU don’t believe that you have sex appeal and you interact with women and they pick up on it, then you won’t be sexually appealing to them. Women aren’t sexually attracted to a man’s self-doubt; women are attracted to a man’s confidence and belief in himself.
When you have a lot of belief in yourself, you are very attractive to women. Having a belief in yourself as a man is the equivalent of a woman putting on make up, wearing a sexy dress or showing her cleavage. She suddenly goes from being okay looking to being very attractive and appealing. If you have a little bit of belief in yourself around women, they find you mildly appealing, but if you have a lot of belief in yourself, they can’t help but feel attracted.
At this point, some guys might be wondering, “Why is confidence so important to women? How does that attract women? Why are women so interested in confidence?” Well, attraction is actually a pretty weird thing. If you think about it, we men are attracted to women’s body parts. Like, “Ohh, look at her legs…sexy.” Her legs are just two boney structures with muscle, blood and skin around them. What is attractive about that?
To us men, when those “legs” are on a woman, it has meaning to us and is attractive for some reason. It’s pretty weird how it works. The fleshy bags of skin on her chest, the “mammary glands” attracts us also. We’re like, “Ohh, look at her tits…nice.”
That’s just how attraction works; it’s weird. Women are attracted to a man’s confidence, which may sound weird, but it’s just the way it works. Yet, it does make sense if you think about it.
If you think about the value that confidence has in this world, you will realize that it’s very useful for surviving, thriving and getting things done. It’s a challenging world that we live in here on planet Earth and throughout the entire human history, it’s a been a real challenge to get to where we are right now.
Confidence is very useful and it’s something that women want to be connected with and breed with. We men want to breed with the beauty of the woman and women want to breed with the strength of the man. It’s just the weird way that attraction works.
If you can interact with this female friend of yours where you believe that have sex appeal in her eyes, she will feel attracted to your confidence in yourself. You will be able to look at her in a sexual way, rather than just looking at her as a friend (watch the video on this page for a demonstration).
When you know that she finds you sexually appealing and that there is a sexual vibe between you, it’s much easier to look at her in way that demonstrates your confidence in your sex appeal. How do you know that she finds you sexually appealing? Simple. You display confidence in your sex appeal and it automatically makes you sexually appealing to her. It’s a no-lose technique.
Women cannot stop themselves from feeling attracted to a guy who has confidence in his sex appeal, just like we men feel more attracted to a woman when she puts on make up, wears a sexy dress or shows her cleavage. It’s a natural reaction of attraction.
On the other hand, if she gets the sense that you doubt yourself around her or don’t feel good enough for her, it’s a natural and automatic turn off. Women don’t want to breed with the weakness of men, just like men don’t want to breed with physically unattractive women. You’ve got to attract her with utter belief in yourself and your sex appeal to her.
2. A simple misunderstanding
Often, when a guy is in the friend zone with a woman, she has accepted the fact that he doesn’t find her sexy because he’s never said anything about it. He’s never tried to flirt with her, he’s never looked at her in a sexual way and has just been friendly around her and been a really good friend.
When a guy like that eventually admits to having feelings for the girl, it’s a bit of a shock to her. She will often respond with disbelief and say, “What? I didn’t think you felt that way” and will tell him that she doesn’t want to ruin their friendship. To her, he has just been a good friend and hasn’t ever seen her in a sexual way, so it would feel weird to suddenly have sex with her.
What a lot of guys don’t realize is that women actually need you to tell them that you find them sexy. Most women are insecure about their looks, which some guys feel is weird and uncalled for, but it’s true. A quick statistic to back it up is the global survey conducted by Dove Cosmetics. They asked 3,200 women from around the world whether they considered themselves to be beautiful and 96% of women said no.
I know this shocking truth from personal experience as well. By meeting thousands of women (while taking clients out to approach women each weekend), having sex with a lot of women and having a lot of female friends, I’ve discovered that women are insecure about their looks. Even if you look at a girl and think she’s a total hottie, she will be insecure about her looks in some way.
It’s weird, but it’s just the way it is. So, if you’re interacting with a woman and you’re only ever being friendly with her and never giving her any sort of sexual compliment, she will usually feel as though you don’t find her as sexually appealing as other women. Many women will say, “Okay, well he just wants to be friends with me” and it’s just a simple misunderstanding.
3. Asking for too much, too soon
These days, most women don’t want to commit to the idea of having a relationship with a guy before they’ve kissed him. Some women won’t even commit to the idea of having a relationship before sex.
That may sound a bit weird for some guys as well, but if you think about where the change in women’s attitudes has come from, it will make total sense. In the past, premarital sex was not allowed so almost everyone didn’t have sex before marriage. A woman had to remain a virgin before marriage and she then lost her virginity on the wedding night.
So, back in those times, a guy would court a woman and then ask for her hand in marriage. He would then get her father’s permission to marry her and the couple would then get married. When they had sex on the wedding night, the real relationship would then begin.
Yet, that’s just not how it works anymore.
We’re living in a completely different society now. That’s not to say that “society is all messed up now” or that “women have lost their way,” it’s just that society is different. Culture always changes throughout the ages. If you look back throughout human history, you will see all sorts of cultures who thought they had it all worked out and would say, “THIS is the way that every human should live.”
Yet, they are then superseded by the following culture. They are left behind and their ways of thinking and living life become obsolete and irrelevant in the new version of human society. In today’s world, it’s totally fine for a woman to have sex and it’s totally fine for her to kiss a guy. So, most women don’t like the idea of a guy coming on to her and saying that he wants to have a relationship with her, before she’s even kissed him or had sex with him.
Women want to get to kissing and sex first and then see how they feel with you. Women are aware of the approximate 50% divorce rate in much of the developed world, so they aren’t in a hurry to marry the first guy who shows them interest. Instead of asking her for a relationship or asking her to be your girlfriend, you’ve got to get to kissing and sex first.
Once that happens, the discussion about having a relationship will come up naturally. Yet, even at that point, there is no guarantee or requirement for either of you to want to commit to a serious relationship. You’re simply just testing the waters or “dating” each other and seeing how things go.
3 Ways to Change the Way That She Feels About You
1. Change the way that you behave around her
I’ve been talking about this a bit already, but I will point it again now because it’s very important that you change your behavior before you change the way that you talk to her. If you start using some of the lines or conversation examples that I’m going to give you, before you’ve changed your behavior around her, it won’t have the same sort of impact on her.
The main way that you need to change your behavior is to start being more confident around her and believe that you have sex appeal in her eyes. Not just a little bit of sex appeal, but a LOT of sex appeal. The more that you believe in your sex appeal to her, the more sex appeal you will actually have to her. It’s really cool how it works and we are lucky to be guys because, unlike women who have to put on a lot of make up or buy expensive dresses and shoes to look more appealing, all we have to do it believe in ourselves.
When you believe in sex appeal around her, your behavior will automatically change to be more attractive to her. You will naturally be more confident, charming and have a more appealing sexual vibe to her. She will smile and feel excited about and attracted to the sudden changes in you.
2. Change the way that you talk to her
Instead of just talking to her like a friend and being that innocent, friendly who has no sexual interest in her, you really have to change that and be more sexual with her. You have to remember that you’re not after a friendship with her, you want to be her boyfriend or lover and the difference between a friend and a boyfriend or lover is sex.
Example: You work with a woman that you like or have a crush on a girl at university. When she walks into a room or walks into the cafeteria, instead of saying, “Oh, you look nice today” make it a bit more sexual by saying, “Ooh, look at you today…you’re looking fantastic…very sexy today.” You’ve got to include the word “sexy” to make it sexual and to show your sexual interest in her. Don’t say that she looks “nice” or “pretty” because that is what a friend would say.
If you’re in a work environment where that might not be seen as appropriate, then simply say it outside of the workplace. Say it to her at the Friday night drinks or while having lunch or a coffee with her. You might say to her, “By the way…you’re looking very sexy today…I saw you walk in this morning and it was like – ooh, look at Rebecca today…you’ve got it going on girl.”
Give her that type of sexual compliment instead of just being a friendly, non-sexual guy who asks unnecessary questions like, “Oh, that’s a nice dress…where did you get it? How much did it cost?” That’s not what you really want to say to her. You really want to tell her that she looks sexy and you want to have a sexual vibe with her, so don’t hide your sexual interest in her behind fake friendliness.
Another way to change the way that you talk to her is to playfully resist her “attempts” to have sex with you, even if she isn’t trying to. This is about you joking around and being playful about the idea of you and her potentially having sex, rather than talking to her in a serious manner or only as a friend.
An example of how to do this is when you and her are hanging out somewhere (e.g. a bar, a party, a park, etc) and she says, “Oh, I’m tired.” How can you playfully resist her attempt to have sex with you in that moment? You playfully assume that she’s hinting at wanting to go home and sleep with you by saying, “Stop giving me subtle hints that you want to go home and sleep with me. You know…I get what you’re trying to say.”
She will then smile, be shocked, laugh and say, “What? I was just saying that I was tired! :)” and you can then SMILE and say, “No, no…I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at me.” She will then laugh with you and both of you will be smiling about the sexual tension between you. You can then playfully resist her attempts to have sex with you further by saying, “Look…you’re going to have to take me out on a few dates before I let you have sex with me.”
When you use that approach with her, you create a fun and interesting dynamic where it’s about her trying to seduce you and her trying to win you over. Women really enjoy that because 99% of guys don’t have the confidence or social skills to be able to playfully mess with women in that way.
Another example is where she wants to come over to your house for the first time or you are going over to her house for the first time. To playfully resist her attempts to have sex with you, you can say, “Okay, look…I’m coming over, but you’re not getting to have sex with me tonight. I’m not that easy. You’re going to have to take me out on a few dates first.”
You can then have a laugh with her and feel excited about the sexual tension that is building between you. Using this approach helps to release the awkward tension that is usually present when a guy and a girl are transitioning from a friendship to a sexual relationship. You’re both able to smile and laugh about the transition, rather than being so serious and formal about it.
Another way to change the way that you talk to her is to let her know about your feelings and intentions. I’m not talking about you suddenly becoming very romantic and expressing your feelings for her or being very soppy or sensitive about it. A lot of modern women find it very awkward and even tacky when a guy is being too full on or too sensitive about expressing his feelings.
So, when you tell her what your feelings are and what you’re intentions are with her, you’ve got to do it in a way where you’re not being overly serious or romantic where it’s a big deal for you. The best way to say it is to just be confident and easy-going and say it in a matter of fact sort of way, with a little bit of humor added in to release any awkward tension.
You can say, “By the way…I like you Rebecca…more than just a friend. It probably sounds a little bit romantic to say that, but it’s true. I think you’re sexy and I like you.” Just be easy-going about it and say it in a confident way. You don’t have to say those exact words. You can also say something like, “By the way Rebecca…just want to let you know that I like you more than just a friend…there’s something about you that I like…your very sexy…just want to let you know that. I mean, it probably sounds a little bit romantic to say that, but it’s true. I think you’re sexy and I like you.”
Important: Don’t send that to her via text, a Facebook or Whatsapp message or e-mail. You must tell her that she is sexy and that you like her in person, or at the very least on a phone call. Saying it via text does not allow her to feel attracted to your confidence and maturity in saying such a thing. Body language and tonality make up MOST of the communication between two human beings and when she only has a text message from you, she has to guess at what tone and vibe you are portraying with the message.
If she currently sees you as an insecure, self-doubting guy and doesn’t feel attracted to you, she will not see a message like that in a good way. She will have to guess as what you are feeling when you are sending it and will likely imagine you being all romantic and sensitive. You’ve got to be confident enough to say that sort of thing to her in person.
It’s important to be confident and easy-going when you tell this woman or girl that you find her sexy and like her more than just a friend. Don’t ask her to be your girlfriend or anything like that. Just tell her than you like her more than just a friend and think that she is sexy. Then, you need to focus on building her attraction for you, building up the sexual tension and then releasing that sexual tension via kissing and sex.
Another way to change the way that you talk to her is to stop talking to her as though you’re “just a friend.” For example: Instead of being the friend who sits around listening about the drama that’s going on between all of her girlfriends or the problems that she’s having at work, be the guy who actually flirts with her in those moments. That’s what she really wants from you and that is what will make her feel more sexually attracted to you.
So, if she always complains to you about work, instead of just listening like you normally do, SMILE and say, “You’re such a drama queen. This person did this, that person did that…lalalala.” What’s she going to do in that moment? She’s going to laugh at the social intelligence and confidence you are displaying by saying such a thing to her. You’re not being an asshole by saying it; you’re just playfully messing with her and that is what it’s cool and funny.
Another response to her being a drama queen is to say, “Geez…it sucks to be you, doesn’t it?” and then smile and have a laugh with her. Again, you’re saying that in a playful, flirtatious way. You’re not saying it in a mean, negative way. You are simply smiling and being confident enough to playfully mess with her in a moment like that.
The reason why it is considered “flirting” is that you are playfully dominating her in the conversation or making her feel girly in response to your masculinity, which attracts her. Women feel sexually attracted to men who can playfully dominate them in a conversation or interaction because it says a lot about a guy’s confidence, masculinity and social intelligence. Yes, what women are attracted to is weird, but it’s no weirder than our attraction to their body parts. It is what it is.
If you look at the dictionary definition of flirting, it is:
Flirting (verb): Behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions.
In other words, by playfully messing with her like that, you are attracting her for amusement rather than attracting her and thinking, “This is the line that will trick her into liking me and then get me laid!” You’re just being the cool, confident guy that you are and enjoying a bit of flirtatious vibe with her.
By flirting with her in that way, I’m not saying that you should never listen to her, never be caring or be there in a time of need. You should continue to be there for her, listen, love and care about her. However, you also need to mix in the flirting behavior and conversation because that is what will make her feel sexually attracted to you.
Being her friend isn’t what makes a woman feel sexually attracted to you. Believing in your sex appeal and having the confidence and social intelligence to flirt with her and playfully dominate her during a conversation, is part of what will make her respect you as a man. Instead of just feeling as though you’re one of her “girlfriends” who sits around discussing drama with her, you’re the guy who makes her feel attracted and lustful. She respects you and wants to experience sex with you and see if it turns into love and an amazing relationship.
3. Change the way that you look at her
According to countless studies into human communication, body language makes up anywhere from 70-80% of communication between two human beings when they are interacting in person. So, when you are interacting with this girl that you’re in the friend zone with, it’s really important that you bring in sexuality, confidence and masculinity into your body language.
Those are the elements that are going to make her feel sexually attracted to you and turn her on around you. When you use the body language techniques I’m about to give you that her behavior changes around you. You’re going to see that the way she looks at you changes. She will smile, give you submissive looks and have that look in her eye that suggests she is suddenly feeling more sexually attracted to you.
The first way to change the way you look at her is to use what I call, The Sex Smile.
The Sex Smile
This is about you looking at her in a way where you are thinking about sex, you’re confident about her attraction to you and you’re enjoying the sexual feeling that you’re experiencing with her. This is something that, in most cases, you will have to lead. Don’t expect a woman to lead The Sex Smile with you; some women will do it because they are very flirtatious, but if you’re in the friend zone with a girl who acts like a friend around you, she’s probably not going to do The Sex Smile first.
A woman will give you a Sex Smile back if you do it properly by really believing in yourself and your sex appeal to her. The Sex Smile works better the more you believe in yourself and the more than you stick with it. It’s difficult to explain The Sex Smile with words, so I recommend that you watch the video on this page to learn it.
If a woman asks you why you are suddenly looking at her in a sexual way, you absolutely should not show signs of nervousness and self-doubt in response. Simply remain confident, smile and say, “You know…I’ve never told you this, but I think you’re very sexy.” Saying that just cuts through all the fake, friendly conversation and gets right to the heart of what you really feel. Don’t worry about saying it; women LOVE to be appreciated for their sexiness, especially when a guy does it in a confident, easy-going way.
The Sexual Squint
This is about squinting your eyes at her in a sexual, playful way during a conversation. It’s flirtatious because it makes her feel slightly dominated because she is suddenly “under the spotlight” of your gaze. She feels attracted to how girly you are making her feel, but since you are just attracting her that way for your own amusement, it’s not serious and is considered flirting.
Once again, you can watch the video on this page for a demo.
The Delicious Look
This is about you seeing her as delicious and finding her to be very sexually appealing.
For example: She walks into work one morning or walks into university and comes over to say hello. Instead of you just saying to her in a friendly way, “Oh, you look nice to day. That’s a nice dress” use the word “sexy” and look at her in a way where you find her to be delicious. “Ooh, look at you today…you’re looking fantastic…looking very sexy today.”
At this point, some guys may be wondering, “But, isn’t that a bit too forward? Could she think that I’m being sleazy? Could she feel as though I’m demeaning her or anything like that?” Not at all. Women like to be sexually appreciated.
Seeing her as delicious is not about you being sleazy or going over the top with it like, “Ohhhhhh, look at you. Come here…take your clothes off and bend over. Giz a look….ohhhhh.” Obviously, that is over the top and would be considered sleazy by many women.
Seeing her as delicious is more about showing a loving appreciation of her sexiness. You’re just being a confident, loving guy and letting her know that you find her to be sexually attractive. It’s very important to let her know that you find her sexually attractive because if you have just been friendly with her in the past, she probably assumes that you don’t look at her as being as sexually appealing as other women.
In many cases, a woman who has you in the friend zone will feel a bit insecure around you. Sometimes, she feels as though she’s not good enough for you because you never look at her in the way that she wants to be looked at. You don’t make her feel sexy; you just make her feel like a nice girl.
The same rule applies when you’re in a committed relationship with a girl. For example: When I picked up my girlfriend who I’m now in a relationship with, I was sitting in a nightclub with a friend and we were looking around at the women on offer and saying, “Yeah…not many hotties here tonight…I might hook up with that girl once, but wouldn’t want anything more…wouldn’t touch that girl over there…”
Then, all of a sudden, my girlfriend to be walked in and I said, “Now THAT is what I’m talking about….that is hot.” I still feel the same way about her because I’ve chosen a woman that I’m really attracted to. I still make her feel like she’s the sexiest woman on Earth. When she does herself up and walks down the stairs before we head out to a party or dinner, I say things like, “Ohhh! Nice…my darling…sexy bitch” and she loves it.
I still have the same reaction to her that I had the first night and it’s authentic. So, if you are really attracted to this female friend of yours, then let it be known. If you withhold your sexual interest in women, if you withhold that appreciation of their sexiness and femininity, then you are taking something from them and depriving them of an amazing gift.
The gift of appreciating her sexiness and femininity is much more valuable than buying her flowers, chocolates or an expensive dinner. Making her feel like a real woman and making her feel appreciated is a gift that lasts a lifetime.
This type of look is where you look her up and down and evaluate her sexiness and then follow it up with a compliment.
For example: She just walked in somewhere to meet you and you look her up and down and say, “Ooh, you’re sexy…you’ve got it going on girl. You’re looking really good today.” Guess what will happen? If you have already changed your behavior around her and she thus feels attracted to you, she will be happy and excited at what you just said. You will see her smile from ear to ear, or giggle and look at you in a submissive way. In other words, she will love it.
Looking at her in that way and saying that sort of thing cuts through all the bullshit. It cuts through all the fake, friendly conversation of you hanging out and just being her “friend.” It really gets to heart of what is required to begin the transition from a friendship to a sexual relationship.
At this point, some guys may be thinking, “What if I do it and she doesn’t like it?” or “What if I do it and she tells me that she doesn’t want me to look at her in that way?” If you’re worried about being rejected in that way, then you don’t understand women or attraction.
Women are attracted to a man’s confidence. If she is attracted to you, then she will love that you’re looking at her in that way. If she says, “Why are you looking at me like that?” it’s usually just a test to see if you will become nervous and doubt yourself. If you do, it means that you’re just trying to use a line on her and are not even confident.
What you need to understand is that you are really lucky to be a guy, you’re really lucky to be a man because women feel attracted to your belief in yourself. If you look at her in a sexual way and she tries to play hard to get or test you, you will attract her MORE by not becoming nervous or doubting yourself. If you don’t back down from your confidence, you become more attracted to her.
You will see that if you don’t back down, she will smile and become girly in response to your masculinity. When that happens, she will feel a rush of attraction for you in a way that she rarely, if ever, gets to experience with other guys. Most guys that a woman meets do not have the confidence to remain strong under her pressure. Most guys buckle and become nervous in response to a woman’s tests, so when a woman comes up against a guy who doesn’t back down, it’s exhilarating, exciting and enjoyable for her.
If you panic and become nervous in response to her testing you by pretending not to like your display of appreciation for her sexiness, it’s a turn off. It’s the equivalent of a woman with make up on, suddenly washing off all of her make up. When you see what she looks like without the make up, you suddenly don’t feel the same way about her. She looks different. She doesn’t look as attractive without the make up on.
If you can remain confident no matter what she says or does, then you remain really attractive to her. It’s very easy to do when you know that women are attracted to confidence and that the more confident you can be, the more attracted she will be to you.
How to Get Her to Go Out on a Date With You
In many cases where a guy is in the friend zone with a girl, it will feel awkward for both him and the girl to transition from a friendship to a sexual relationship. However, if you do change the way that she feels about you first, it will make sense to her that you and her should change the status of your relationship. If you don’t make her feel attracted to you first, any attempts to get her out on a date will feel awkward and even unnecessary to her.
If some friend zone cases, the woman will open up and reveal her feelings. She may even walk up to you, hug you and kiss you or invite you over to her place and all just flows from one step to the next after attracting her and letting her know how you feel. Yet, that is the ideal reaction. In many cases, a woman will feel insecure and awkward about transitioning from a mere friendship to a full blown sexual relationship.
So, instead of asking her out on a date or asking if she wants to be your girlfriend, you should go on what I call The Half Date. This is where you invite her out to something that you’re already going to be doing with friends. She can bring some friends or a friend along with her if she wants to. For instance, you and a couple of friends are going for a drink at a bar on the weekend for someone’s party, or to a bar on a Friday night celebrate your friend’s promotion at work, achievement at university or something like that.
You simply say to her, “Hey, you should come along as well” when you’re telling her about it. “We’re going to go there on Friday night…it’s a really cool place…we’re going to be hanging out…you should come along as well.” Don’t refer to it as a date by asking her, “Do you want to go out on a date with me? We’ll meet at the bar for my friend’s party.”
Just frame it as you and her catching up. Say something like, “I’m going out on Friday night with some friends…it would be really cool if you could come along as well and we could catch up and hang out. We’re going to be there for my friend’s birthday and celebrate, so it would be great if you could come along.” The Half Date is great because it allows her to meet up with you without appearing as though she is interested in beginning a sexual relationship with you. Many women feel awkward about the transition, so it’s just a way to make her feel more comfortable to meet up with you.
If you’re not the sort of guy who goes to bars or you don’t drink, that is fine also. Instead of going to a bar, you can invite her to a sports game or to a BBQ (cookout) at your place, a friend’s place or at a park/lake on the weekend. You can also get a bit of a house party happening and invite her to that. It doesn’t matter if only 8 people are attending the house party; that is still a house party. You don’t have to have 50 people there to make it a house party.
In the case of holding a house party and inviting her along to that, you can say, “Hey, we’re having a house party on Saturday night, you should come over. It would be really cool if we could catch up and hang out.”
Once you get a woman to attend a Half Date with you, it’s then about building up the attraction and then escalating to a kiss or even sex if that’s possible. It’s not about hanging out and just being friendly with her the whole time. You’ve got to be flirting with her, believing in your sex appeal and making her feel attracted.
How to Kiss Her For the First Time
1. Transition From The Hug Technique to a Kiss
The Hug Technique is really cool because it’s a versatile technique that you can use with women in many different situations. Here are some example ways to use it:
Birthday Hug: If it’s a girl’s birthday, you can say, “Oh, birthday hug…come here” and open your arms and move in for a birthday hug. I’ve never had a woman reject a birthday hug.
New Years Eve Hug: You see some girls walking a long a street on New Year’s Eve or you see them hanging out somewhere. Walk over and say, “Heyyy! Happy New Year’s Eve” and they will say it back and then say, “New Year’s Eve hug” and simply open your arms and move in for the hug. Women never reject an NYE hug either, probably because they are in a fun mood and want to have a good time.
Goodbye Hug: If you’re in the friend zone with a woman and rarely, if ever touch each other, you can use the Goodbye Hug to close the distance and create an opportunity for a kiss. So, if you’re hanging out with this girl and are parting ways, what you can say is, “Alright, come here…let’s have a goodbye hug today” and then move in for the hug.
Don’t make it a friendly, non-sexual hug. Make it a warm hug where you hold her with love and sexual appreciation. Then, simply pull back from the hug and still hold her and look her in the eyes. If she stands there smiling and gladly maintaining eye contact with you, or looks at you in a shy, girly way, then she is feeling turned on and is open to being kissed, so simply lean in and kiss her.
If she quickly pulls away from the hug or turns her face away from you, then she is signalling that she isn’t open to kissing you, in which case you need to focus on building more attraction and sexual tension before attempting a kiss.
If you want something to say when you’re pulling back from the hug and looking her in the eyes, simply relax and say, “It’s been good catching up today” while maintaining eye contact with her. That will make her feel attraction because it takes confidence and masculinity to do that, which are both very attractive to women. Say it in a sexual, loving way, not in a friendly, platonic way that has no sexual vibe at all.
2. Create a Private Moment Between You
One of the way that I got out of a friend zone situation was by going out to dinner with her, her female friend and one of my guy friends. That is an example of a Half Date by the way. We had a few glasses of wine over dinner and then we all went back to my apartment, which has a balcony with a view that over looks the city.
While inside the apartment, we were all just hanging out and were having coffee and some biscuits. My friend was talking to her female friend and I said to my girl, “Hey, come out to the balcony for a minute…we’ll go check out the view.” On the balcony, we were having a chat and flirting back and forth. I was giving her The Sex Smile and she was feeling it.
After about 30 seconds of that, I put my hand out to reach behind her lower back. I didn’t initially touch her back, but a couple of seconds later I did. I then drew her towards me and we just looked at each other and smiled and then started kissing. Now that was an amazing moment. It was like fireworks were going off. It just amazing.
The reason I am telling you about how amazing the first kiss was, is not to say that it was so cool that I kissed that girl and felt so good. The reason is to let you in on a bit of secret here. That secret is to know that the first kiss is going to feel good for you AND for her. My girl was blown away by the kiss and we had an amazing time that night.
It wasn’t a case of me getting a kiss from her, me getting sex from her or getting the amazing blowjob she gave me that night. It was a case of both of us releasing the built up sexual tension because we had been “just friends” prior to that moment, but sexual attraction was present. I was simply confident enough to move things forward and allow that exciting, mutually pleasurable release of sexual tension to occur.
Essentially, what you need to do is attract her, make your intentions known and be confident and strong enough to push through any awkward moments so you can actually get to kissing and sex.
Each friend zone transition is going to be a little bit different because some women are going to be a bit easier than others and some guys are going to be more confident than other guys. However, what you need to know is that when a woman is attracted to a guy and he lets it be known that he finds her sexy and then attempts to move it forward, she will rarely, if ever, reject that.
If a woman is not attracted to a guy, then she has reason to reject him. She only sees him as a friend and doesn’t feel any sexual feelings for him, so it makes sense to reject his attempts to kiss her. So, make sure that you attract her first by believing in yourself and having unstoppable confidence in your sex appeal. Then, have the confidence to let her know how you feel, “Ooh, you’re looking sexy today…how are YOU doing? Look at that dress…watch out! :)”
Have the confidence give her that experience rather than being a non-sexual friend and say, “Oh, hey – how’s it going today? I haven’t seen you in a while. How’s it been at work?” Drop the friendly, platonic stuff and show her a more sexually confident side of yourself. Then, be confident and strong enough to push through any feelings of awkwardness leading up to the kiss.
As a man, it really is your responsibility to be strong enough to move things forward. Women don’t want to have to lead a man and will instead wait and hope that you have the confidence to lead the way and make a move. If she does play a bit hard to get or rejects your first attempt to kiss her, it doesn’t mean that you’re doomed for life and that you can never be with her. It just means that she’s a little bit more challenging than other women.
If she says to you outright, “No! I’m not interested in you in that way” then okay, that’s a no. You need to step back and attract her for a while and she if she changes her tune and starts showing you signs of interest. However, anything outside of an absolute “No!” is an opportunity to move things forward.
If she is giving you very obvious signals such submissive facial expressions in response to your flirting or getting really involved in the flirting by laughing, smiling and giggling about it, then it’s her way of showing that she is open to it. So, you need to be confident enough (or simply allow yourself to feel confident enough in the moment) to move things forward.
One main thing to remember with a friend zone transition is that it’s not about you getting something from her. It’s not about you taking something from her or you getting something and she doesn’t get anything out of it at all. The first kiss from a friend zone transition feels great for both the guy and the girl. So, just know that you’re going to give her that gift.
The sex from a friend zone transition feels amazing for both the man and the woman. So, you will be giving her that gift as well. You are sharing an experience together, not taking something from her. The relationship will feel great as well, with a nice backstory that she can tell her girlfriends, “We started out as just friends and then wow – something just happened. A spark just set off between us and I suddenly felt really attracted to him. It feels amazing and we get along so well. I’m just so happy right now.”
So, if you want to get out of the friend zone, first make sure that she feels attracted to you and then make your intentions known. Build up the sexual tension and then push through any feelings of awkwardness to get to that point where both of you release the built up sexual tension and enjoy it. It’s a beautiful thing.
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Great video Dan, I think it’s the best I’ve seen so far!
Thanks mate! Doing my best here to help out. I’m glad to see that it is appreciated.
Thats very nice Dan,I certernly have learnt alot from this artical(especially the you look sexy part)thanks.
Cool. Make sure you try it out next time with a woman you like, but remember to change your behavior (i.e. be more confident, believe in your sex appeal, etc) around her first before changing the way you talk. That way, she will be happy to hear that you find her sexy, because she will be attracted to you too.
“As a man, it really is your responsibility to be strong enough to move things forward. Women don’t want to have to lead a man and will instead wait and hope that you have the confidence to lead the way and make a move.”
Why does that ability, skill, gimmick, come natural to some men but meanwhile knowing how to do that, as in lead a woman, take the lead with a woman, how and when to initiate/escalate, all common sense to some men, or why some men are fast quick-learners with this meanwhile this is not natural to some of us guys, men, as in we were not born knowing how to lead a woman, how to take the lead with a woman, initiate/escalate with a woman? Are us men supposed to be naturally born knowing how to get a girlfriend, how to lead a woman? if not, then does that mean we are naturally born Beta Males who are not meant to mate, breed, have companionship? or are there other factors involved?
Thanks for your question.
Some guys are raised in a way that teaches them how to be a man, but most aren’t. Hence why TheModernMan.com exists.
My father couldn’t teach me (even though he and my mother are still married) and my experiences at school made it even more difficult. However, I pushed on, discovered the secrets, have enjoyed amazing success with women ever since and now I share them with guys via The Modern Man.
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