A lot of the guys who aren’t successful with women could easily be more successful with women, if they just weren’t so afraid of rejection or weren’t holding themselves back from opportunities to be with women.
The fear of rejection comes up when a guy wants to approach a woman that he finds attractive, or when he’s talking to a woman and won’t escalate to a phone number, kiss or sex because he is worried about getting rejected.
The fear also comes up when there’s a girl that he already knows and likes (e.g. a girl that he has a crush on at work or university), where he will only ever talk to her, but never make a move because he’s worried about being rejected or ruining the friendship.
So, what I’m going to do in this big post is provide you with different ways to overcome and eliminate your fear of rejection. Once you get rid of your fear of rejection with women, it not only allows you to get better results with women, but it also helps you in other areas of your life as well.
You will learn not to be so afraid to take a little bit of a risk, to take a chance and move forward in the direction that you want to move forward in, whatever that may be in life.
1. Understand That No Man is Compatible With Every Woman He Meets
When you meet women, you’re never going to be compatible with every woman that you meet.
That not just because it’s you; every person in the world experiences the same thing. Even a woman isn’t going to compatible with every guy in the world.
A lot of guys will look at her and say, “Nah, not interested” even if other guys find her beautiful or really like her as a person.
When you go out and talk to women, if you talk to five women and you’re only compatible with one of them, that is called nature. That’s just how nature works; no person is compatible with every person.
If you want to be more compatible with women, then you will need to improve your social and emotional compatibility. When you are more socially and emotionally compatible with women, you will find that three or four out of every five women you meet will feel compatible with you.
Generally speaking, there are five categories of compatibility that decide whether or not a man and a woman are a good match. Those are:
Social compatibility is about whether or not you’re on the same sort of level, socially. You will get along with the same sort of crowd, you may have a similar fashion sense and like the same sorts of social activities (e.g. house parties, sports, BBQ get-togethers (a cook-out) with friends, etc).
Social compatibility is also about whether or not you’d get along well with her friends if she were to introduce you to them, or whether she’d feel proud to introduce you to her parents and family members.
Emotional compatibility is about how you make each other feel. If you interact with women and you’re not very confident as a guy, then you’re not going to be making them feel good emotions.
If you’re doubting yourself around a woman, feeling nervous and looking a bit tense, then you’re going to be making her feel uncomfortable, awkward and turned off by your lack of mental and emotional strength.
In many cases, if a woman senses that her presence is making you feel nervous or anxious, she will want to get away from the conversation or interaction as quickly as possible because she doesn’t want to feel responsible for making you feel that way. However, if you are confident around women they will feel relaxed, attracted, happy and excited to be interacting with you.
When you interact with women and you both feel enjoyable emotions, have a good vibe going back and forth and the interaction just flows freely rather than being stilted or emotionally guarded, then you have great emotional compatibility with each other.
Physical compatibility is about your physical attraction or appreciation of each other. Some women have a type of guy that they really want.
For instance, some women will only sleep with tall black guys, some women only want a skinny Asian guy and some women want a model-looking white guy. There are those sorts of women out there and you need to accept that.
However, just because some women have a very specific type that they are looking for, it doesn’t mean that all women think that way. The fact is that most women have an open type and are more interested in being socially, emotionally and mentally compatible with a guy.
They will happily forgo having a boyfriend or husband who looks like a male model, which 99% of the male population don’t look like, to have the other things like social, emotional, mental and spiritual compatibility.
That doesn’t mean that the woman is not physically attracted to her man, but that she simply doesn’t place as much importance on a man’s looks compared to how he makes her feel and the love and connection they share.
You will have seen endless evidence of that when you look at everyday couples, where the woman is very beautiful and the guy just looks average or even below average in looks.
Spiritual compatibility is about your outlook on life with regards to philosophy, religion, the universe and how you think about life and existence overall. This area of compatibility is not extremely important to all types of women.
Many women will adopt the spiritual outlook of their man and some women will be very strong minded about what they believe, but it really depends on the woman.
Mental compatibility is about your intelligence level and how that matches up. You might be more intelligent than her, she might be more intelligent than you or you may have an equal level of intelligence.
You might be a lot more intelligent than her and she may be very ditzy (silly, scatterbrained) and that might really work for you and her. It’s about being able to get along with each other, understand each other and get each other.
So, when you’re out there meeting new women, you shouldn’t go out there expecting to be compatible with every woman that you meet. Thinking to yourself, “If I talk to her and it doesn’t work out, then I’ve been rejected…I’m a loser…I can’t do this” is the wrong way to be approaching the situation. You will not be compatible with every woman you meet because that’s just how nature works.
When you understand that, you will also be able to look at women and see that they are not compatible with every guy they meet either. It’s not just YOU who is experiencing a lack of compatibility with some of the women you meet. It’s a human thing.
2. Know That Each Approach or Escalation Will Feel Easier Than the Last One
An example to put this into perspective is to think back to when you first learnt how to swim as a boy. Getting into the shallow end of the pool is fairly easy to do, but diving into the deep end or diving off a diving board into the deep end, feels a lot scarier for most children.
The first time, you may be feeling fear and worrying about how it could go wrong, but when you finally jump in, you realize that it’s fine.
After that, most children will then have the confidence to jump in the deep end again and feel happy and excited about it. However, some children will still be a bit scared and will need to do it a few more times before they start feeling comfortable and stop worrying about something going wrong.
Eventually, it’s just a simple, fun thing to do and the child will have little or no fear when jumping into the deep end of a pool.
Another way to help you understand that approaching and escalating with women will get easier and easier and that you won’t always fear rejection, is to let you know that being good with women is a skill that you can develop.
If you think about the example of learning how to drive a car; that’s a skill that you have to develop. Before learning how to drive, a young guy may look at a car and see people driving around and think, “Okay, that looks pretty simple, I can do that.”
Yet, when he first gets in a car and attempts to drive it, he suddenly learns that there are many different things he has to focus on all at once.
He has to check his mirrors, put the car into gear, use the brake and accelerator (and clutch if the car is manual) and then abide by a huge collection of road rules that are mostly new to him. Initially, it feels a bit complicated for a lot of guys and maybe even a bit overwhelming, but he will push on because he’s not worried about being “rejected” by the car.
He has seen other people driving, so he knows that it’s possible. He knows that once he develops the skill he will be able to drive like everyone else. He doesn’t give up because he knows that it’s possible to develop the skill.
Another example is with guitars or other musical instruments. With a guitar for example, some guys will look at it and feel as though it would be a simple instrument to play.
He will have seen other people playing it and they just seem to be holding the guitar and strumming away to make the music happen. Yet, when he actually picks up a guitar, he then realizes that there are many things he needs to think about and do at the same time to produce nice sounding music.
If he gets some guidance from an expert or puts in a lot of practice on his own, he will eventually get to the point where he can play music. With any skill that you need to learn in life, it gets easier and easier the more that you learn and practice.
After a bit of learning a practice, you will be driving the car, playing music or picking up and having sex and relationships with women. If you can develop the skill, you will get the results you want.
When it comes to women, if you have been rejected in the past it doesn’t mean that you will continue being rejected in future. You simply need to focus on developing the skills required to properly talk to, attract and pick up women. Once you develop the skill, you will get the result.
3. Understand the Difference Between a Woman Rejecting You and Testing You
It’s funny because most of the rejections that you think you’ve experienced with women so far in life, are actually just a case of the woman testing you. Women rarely reject guys that they’re interested in, let alone attracted to.
So, if you have experienced some “rejection” in the past from women, where you’ve been talking to a girl and everything seems to be going fine, but she then suddenly closes up and appears to be losing interest, then it was most-likely just a test.
If you made the mistake that most guys make, you would have begun to panic (in your head), started behaving nervously and showing signs of self-doubt, which would have then caused her to lose attraction for you.
From what seemed like a sure thing that you and her would have a sexual relationship, it suddenly vanishes and you are left wondering what the heck just happened.
In most cases, it’s just a simple case of the woman testing you. She was testing to see how you would react, because she was trying to see how confident you really are.
Confidence turns a woman on, so if she tests you and you remain confident no matter what, she gets more turned on by you. For us guys, we can see a woman and decide within milliseconds about whether or not we’d have sex with her.
It’s a case of looking at women and deciding yes or no about yes because we are visually stimulated.
Yet, most women need to get turned on by a guy’s confidence and personality before they will want to have sex with him.
I’m not saying that women can’t look at a guy and say, “He’s hot, I want to have sex with him” because women will look at very good looking guys and say, “Wow, he’s sexy” or “Wow, he’s handsome” and consider having sex with him.
However, that does not mean that women think the same way as men do. Men are more sexually attracted to a woman’s appearance and women are more attracted to a man’s confidence and how his personality makes her feel.
A quick bit of evidence to justify that statement is to think about porn and how men masturbate to it because men are visually stimulated. When a woman masturbates, she closes her eyes and imagines having sex with a confident guy or a number of confident guys, depending on what her fantasy is.
Yes, some women will look at porn, but the majority of women don’t and they don’t use it for masturbation like guys do.
A guy will look at a woman and instantly think “Yes” or “No” about whether he would have sex with her, based on her looks. Women think that way too, but they will instantly go from a “No” to a “Yes” when interacting with a guy who isn’t good looking, if he is confident, masculine and charming.
A guy’s confidence, masculinity and personality are much more important to a woman, which is why average and below average looking guys are able to have sex with and marry beautiful women.
If a below average looking guy is able to turn a woman on with his confidence, masculinity and personality, many women will not care that he doesn’t look like a male model.
Women are excited when they meet a guy who knows how to turn her on in ways that will last a lifetime.
Attraction to a person’s looks fades over time, especially if their behavior is unattractive to you. Women instinctively know this and would rather be with a guy who can turn them on in more meaningful ways, than just be with a guy who looks good, but lacks confidence or masculinity in his thinking, behavior, actions and overall vibe.
One of the ways that women attempt to get turned on by you is by testing your confidence.
Women will play hard to get or suddenly appear disinterested to see how you react.
She wants to see if you can remain confident and masculine. She wants to see if you have the social and emotional intelligence to recognize that she’s testing you and then playfully and confidently mess with her (tease her, play with her) as a result of it.
For example: You’re talking to a girl you like and she suddenly goes quiet and isn’t adding much to the conversation. Instead of you doubting yourself and thinking, “Damnit! I’m losing her. She’s losing interest in me…” smile at her in a confident way and say something like, “Look at you getting all shy now…you’re going into your shell…do I make you nervous, do I?”
Saying that to her turns the test back on her. You’ve used your confidence, masculine and social and emotional intelligence to handle the situation.
You’re smiling, including a sexual and flirtatious vibe, but you’re also making her feel girly in response to your masculinity, which turns her on. Women love to be made to feel girly at times.
I’m definitely not saying that you should be trying to make her feel girly during every minute of the interaction.
Instead, I am saying to bring that vibe when she is testing you and it will be very powerful. She will feel a deep, irresistible attraction to your masculinity. The attraction she feels for you isn’t something that she can turn off or control. It’s a natural attraction that draws women to you like a magnet and is the type of attraction that will last a lifetime.
So, from now on don’t confuse a woman’s tests as rejection. Her sudden change in behavior is usually just a test to see how confident you really are, so she can feel even more attracted to you. It’s actually a really cool thing about women that you should embrace and welcome.
When you notice that a woman is testing you and playing hard to get, you should feel excited about it because you now have a perfect opportunity to make her even more attracted to you by remaining confident and retaining your belief in yourself, rather than doubting yourself and starting to feel nervous because you think that you’re losing the opportunity with her.
4. Be the One Who Rejects
One of the keys to success with women is to reject women who are not good enough for you.
When you’re interacting with women, you will gain a lot of power and control if you can have a subtly judgemental vibe about you where you are judging her and deciding whether or not she’s good enough for you. By being the one who rejects, it’s not about outwardly saying, “I’m just deciding whether or not you’re good enough for me” or anything like that.
Instead, it comes through via your body language, vibe and behavior.
An example of body language is in how you look at her, where you give her a judgemental look at times, rather than just being nice, friendly and agreeing with whatever she says or does.
Using this approach with women is important because if women get the sense that you’re the sort of guy who will accept any half-decent woman who shows him a bit of interest, they will feel turned off by you.
A woman wants to feel special by attracting a guy who has standards, rather than a guy who will accept pretty much any woman.
By being the one who rejects, I’m not talking about ignoring women or pretending not to be interested. It’s not about acting, pretending or any other sort of immature social behavior. If you ignore women and pretend not to be interested, they are not going to say, “Wow! He’s not interested in us at all! I like him! I want to have sex with him.”
What it’s about is attracting women by being confident, masculine and creating a sexual vibe, while also having a subtly judgemental vibe about you.
It’s about you judging her and deciding whether or not she is good enough for you.
If you are acting or pretending that you are judging her and deciding if she is good enough, she will be able to see through that by simply losing interest in you and watching as you become nervous or desperate to regain her interest.
If you are being genuine about it and actually have standards about what you will and will not accept in a woman, then you will sincerely judge women and only accept women who are good enough for you. When a woman gets that sense about you in addition to feeling attracted to your confidence and masculinity, she will feel the urge to impress you and win you over.
When you allow yourself to take on that position, you will stop worrying about being rejected.
You will be the one who is deciding and because of that, women will get the sense that you’re a man who deserves their respect. Women feel special when they can attract a guy who has standards, but just make sure that you understand me clearly: I am not saying to ignore women and pretend not to be interested.
It’s about attracting women with your confidence and masculinity and then creating a sexual vibe between you, so she is actually into you.
However, you are deciding whether or not she meets your standards. When you get good at attracting women with your confidence and masculinity, you will see that you can attract most of the women you meet. When that happens, it will make even more sense to you to be picky.
You will become the chooser and women will hope to not be rejected by you. They will hope to get a chance with such a confident, self-assured man as yourself.
5. Stop Fueling the Fear With Negative Fantasy
A lot of the guys who fear being rejected by women, feel paralyzed by painful thoughts about things potentially going wrong. In his mind, he is worried about the worse possible outcome happening to him and if it does happen, how it will make him lose even more confidence in himself around women.
For instance, if he approaches a woman to talk to her, he will imagine her saying, “Get away from me! Why are you talking to me?”
From all of my personal experience of approaching women and taking clients out to approach women, I’ve never seen a woman react that way to a confident, easy-going approach.
The fact is, if you come across a woman who reacts in that way, she is a weirdo! You do not need to worry about trying to impress a crazy woman like her. 99.9% of women do not react like a crazy woman and will instead be open to your approach.
Even though most women will respond well to being approached, many guys can’t get over their fear of being horribly rejected by a mean or crazy woman. If he hasn’t approached many women in his life, or if he has approached women, but done so incorrectly (i.e. in a nervous way, placing her above himself in terms of value, not creating a sexual vibe, etc) then he won’t have much positive experience to base his theories about women upon.
So, what will he do? In many cases, he will look at the behavior of women on TV, in movies and in music videos as being a true representation of a woman’s behavior and attitude towards men.
In music videos for example, you will see female pop singers acting very confident and they’ll have model-looking men bowing at their feet. She’s trying to portray an image of herself as being a confident, independent and powerful woman who can have any man she wants.
Yet, in most cases, when you watch the documentaries that go behind the scenes in a female celebrity’s life or when she is interviewed by a great interviewer, you find out that she’s a mess. She cries herself to sleep, she is insecure, she finds it difficult to keep a relationship together, she doesn’t think she is pretty enough, she’s actually very shy around guys she likes, etc.
If you watch movies, TV shows and music videos and see a man being slapped or having a drink tipped over his head for talking to a woman, you have to understand that it’s not how 99.9% of women behave in real life. The writers and producers of TV shows and movies include shocking, humiliating and jaw-dropping scenes to impress the audience.
Additionally, since most young guys these days spend more time playing video games and less time going to the cinemas, many new movies are aimed at impressing a female audience.
So, when you see men acting like fools around women in movies and hoping to get a woman to like him for being so nice, just know that it’s another stupid movie that is aimed at appeasing a female audience. It’s not reality and it’s not something you should try to learn from. It’s just a movie.
Some guys fuel their fear of rejection by thinking about times when they’ve tried to approach women, get a girl’s number or ask a woman out and have failed.
To justify his fear, a guy may say, “Well, I’ve tried in the past and it didn’t work, so what’s the point in trying? Women are just going to reject me. They don’t like me…I’ve tried asking them out and they’re all bloody stuck up or only want a male model.”
Yet, where is that type of thinking going to get him with women? He won’t be getting anywhere near a real woman and will have to resort to jerking off to porn every week for years.
His life will pass him by and he’ll wake up 20 years down the road and feel a horrible, sickening feeling of regret for the many years he has wasted, hiding from an unnecessary fear.
A better way to think about success with women is to be realistic by understanding that you may have to talk to five more women before you find yourself a girlfriend or lover.
Maybe you will talk to one more woman and it will turn out that there’s a spark between you and you and her begin a relationship. Maybe you have to talk to 10 more women or talk to 15 more women until you finally get used to being confident around women.
Maybe by the 15th approach, you stop doubting yourself around women and you actually start attracting women for once by being confident.
Instead of being too nice and hoping to get her to like you as a person, you stop with all that crap and just believe in yourself instead. With your confidence and self-belief, you are able to stand there and talk to her freely, joking around and expressing your sexual interest in her via your vibe, body language and things that you say.
An example of expressing your sexual interest in a woman by what you say is by looking at her, smiling and saying to her in a confident way, “You’re sexy…I like you.”
You say that at a moment where you and her are talking, flirting and having a bit of laugh together or if you’re confident enough, you can just stop and look at her and hold eye contact for a few seconds with a smile and then say it at any moment you choose.
It might take 15 attempts to get to that point because maybe the first time you try to approach or escalate with a woman, you’re crapping yourself. You’re really afraid of being rejected, so you come across as nervous and unsure of yourself and as a result, she doesn’t feel attracted to you.
Maybe the second time you approach a woman, you walk over and then quickly run out of things to say, so you then learn more about conversation and begin to know what to say to women to keep things interesting.
The third time you walk over and talk to some women, it just so happens that the woman you like is trying to impress her friends by playing hard to get with you, even though she likes you.
Yet, you don’t realize that and instead assume she doesn’t like you, so you lose confidence and appear nervous, which then turns her off. You then realize that you’ve got to believe in yourself and maintain that belief throughout the entire interaction.
So, you talk to some more women and you’re able attract a woman in the group, but you then start doubting yourself and getting all up in your head and find it difficult to focus on the conversation. Before you know it, you feel like you’ve run out of things to say, so you leave the interaction and feel like you’ve been rejected or have blown your opportunity with her.
You continue to experience ups and downs with your interactions with women, but it never gets past a conversation. Then finally, you get it right and it works.
You’re confident, you know what to say and can keep a conversation going and keep it interesting and no matter how much the woman tests you or plays hard to get, you don’t stop believing in yourself. You know that women are attracted to confidence and the more you can stand there and believe in yourself, the more she will be attracted to you.
Instead of fueling your fear of rejection with negative fantasies of what might go wrong, simply focus on getting to the point where you can actually pick women up.
Don’t say to yourself, “I got rejected in the past…it has gone horribly wrong for me in the past, so it’s going to continue go wrong. I’m never going to be able to get what I want with women.”
Thinking in a negative way and encouraging yourself to feel fear is not the correct way to make progress. Fueling the fear will simply keep you hidden away from achieving the simple goals that you have with women. Success with women is simple once you get rid of the negativity and just focus on moving forward and getting the results you want.
6. Don’t Need Anything From the Situation
If you fear rejection, a lot it has to do with the mindset of needing the woman. A guy will think, “If I talk to this girl, I’ve got to get her. If I don’t get her, then I’ve stuffed up…I’m going to miss out…I’m not going to be able to have any girl. This is my chance to get a girl.”
Approaching a woman to talk to her or attracting a woman that you already know is not your only chance to get a girl. It’s simply one chance out of millions.
If you feel as though you have to get her, you need to get her and if you don’t get her your life is a mess, you’re a loser or you’re doomed for life – then you’re most-likely going to fear being rejected by her.
To avoid the unnecessary fear of rejection, simply feel attracted to her like you feel attracted to other women, rather than seeing her as the only woman you’re attracted to. No doubt you go through life and find women attractive all the time. There isn’t just one girl in the world that you’re attracted to; you’re attracted to women everywhere.
So, talk to a woman and want her, but don’t need her.
For instance, maybe you want to have sex with her, experience love with her or have a relationship with her. That’s great, but you don’t need her and only her. She’s just one woman out of millions that would be perfect for you.
The irony is that she is going to like you and want you more if she gets the sense that you would be happy with or without her. If she feels as though you need her for your happiness or to feel validated as a man, then it will turn her off at a deep level.
When talking to a woman, you have to be happy with or without the result of a phone number, kiss or sex.
If you are making her feel attracted to you (i.e. by being confident, masculine and creating a sexual vibe) and she gets the sense that you want her, but don’t need her, what do you think she will she do? She will try to show her interest in you to make it known that she likes you and is interested.
What happens to her as a result of feeling that way and trying to get you interested? She likes you even more and becomes committed to the idea of being with you.
Instead of her thinking, “Yawn…okay, should I give this guy a chance with me?” like she feels with 99% of guys, with you she is thinking, “Wow, I like this…there’s something about him. I want this guy. I’ve got to get him to like me back.”
From that, you get to choose her rather than hoping to be chosen. That’s a pretty cool position to be in as a guy and all it takes is a simple switch of your mindset by wanting her, but not needing her.
When you genuinely use this approach, it eliminates the fear of rejection because it is you who is deciding whether or not you like her.
You know that you don’t need that particular woman. You know that you can talk to other women and feel just as attracted and interested in them.
You also know that if you allow yourself to be the chooser, then women will want to impress you and get chosen by you, as long as you are making them feel a sufficient amount of attraction via your confidence and masculinity.
On the other hand, if you are needy of women, you will be more-likely to fear being rejected and losing your opportunity with a specific woman.
For example: You finally work up the courage to approach a woman that you find attractive. This is your big chance to get a girl. You feel like everything is riding on this approach. If you don’t get her, then you’re a failure and women don’t like you.
She is just one girl out of millions who would be perfect for you. There are hundreds of millions of women that you would happily have sex with. She is not the only girl for you and if you don’t get her, your life is not ruined.
You can think in a negative, needy way if you want to. Yet, how are you going to feel as a result of thinking like that? You’re going to be fearing rejection, you’re going to be too worried about messing up and not succeeding with her.
She will pick up on that by observing your body language, listening to how you’re talking to her and sensing your underlying vibe of insecurity and neediness and it will turn her off.
So, instead of putting yourself in that unnecessary position with a woman, just know that if you talk to a woman and want her, but don’t need her, she will pick up on that and want you more as a result.
I’m not talking about you acting or pretending in any way. Don’t act like you don’t want her at all. You do want her, but you don’t need her.
She will pick up on that via your body language, how you’re talking to her, your vibe and how you respond to her behavior or tests.
For example: If you’re talking to a woman who feels attracted to you, but she gets the sense that you want her, but don’t need her, she will often test you by talking to and even flirting with other guys in the group or by suddenly pulling back her interest and acting disinterested in you.
If you then start to panic and appear nervous and uneasy about “losing her,” she has successfully caught you out in an act.
To get this done correctly, you cannot act or pretend. Instead, you have to know that she’s not the only girl in the world for you. If you look at her as being your “chance” with women or being “the one” for you, then you’re going to be too worried about succeeding with her, which is actually a turn off to women.
It’s absolutely fine to want to succeed with her, it’s fine to want to pick her up, it’s fine to want to have sex with her, but you don’t need it. That’s the difference that will help you get rid of your fear of rejection and more easily attract women.
7. Know That it’s Not Always Your Fault
No matter how good you become with women (e.g. you’re confident, you’re a great conversationalist, you know how to flirt and make women feel sexual attraction for you, you’re a cool guy, you dress well, you’ve got a positive outlook on life, you’re moving forward in life, you’ve got purpose in life and are an all-round awesome guy), it doesn’t mean that every interaction will go smoothly and end up with you getting a phone number, kiss or sex.
Why? Some women are bad communicators and don’t know what to say during a conversation with a guy they like.
Some women are weird, some women have a crappy vibe about them and a negative outlook on life. Sometimes, a woman will like you, but will also be trying to impress her friends by playing hard to get and she will go too far with it to the point where you lose interest in her.
Sometimes, a woman will get nervous and start doubting herself around you and want to get away from the interaction.
She will really like you, but will be doubting herself and just get away from the interaction and hope that you chase after her. You realize these sorts of things when you become a really confident guy and see that most people are fairly insecure, nervous and self-doubting when interacting with the opposite sex or in social situations in general.
So, instead of feeling a fear of rejection and thinking, “Hhh…what if I talk to a girl and it doesn’t work?” or “What if I try to make a move and it doesn’t work?” just know that you are doing the right thing. You are attracted to a girl, you’re wanting to move it forward and you’re being the man about it by making a move. If she doesn’t vibe well with you or you and her aren’t compatible enough, that’s not necessarily your fault.
Sometimes it’s her fault, sometimes it’s a lack of compatibility, but don’t put all the blame on yourself, feel down about it and then fear being rejected by other women.
An interaction doesn’t always go smoothly from one step to the next and you should accept that in advance. When you are really good with women, you will be able to push through any awkwardness and manoeuvre around any mistakes she is making (e.g. she’s playing too hard to get) to get to a phone number, kiss or sex with most women.
However, if you’re not very skilled at approaching and picking up women yet, just know that it’s not always your fault that an interaction died or fizzled out.
Simply go talk to some other women, or put your confidence and skills with women to the test by seeing how far you can push the interaction. Staying in an interaction and trying to deal with it is of the best ways to improve your confidence and skills with women and become better with women as a result.
Instead of saying to yourself, “I’m losing her! I’m feeling nervous now…I’ve got to get out of here” say to yourself, “No…I’m going to stay in here. I’m going to face this and see how far I can take it.”
Doing so makes you a lot stronger as a man and it also often ends up turning into something like kissing, sex and a relationship because the awkwardness is sometimes created by the woman, so you just have to be strong enough to push through it.
8. Know That Everything Will Be Okay
A lot of guys really stuck on their fear of rejection and get used to hiding away in fear.
The potential of being rejected becomes more overwhelming and powerful to them than actually going out there and getting the result that they want with women. He doesn’t understand that no man is compatible with every woman he meets and that he will be perfectly compatible with millions of women, not just one woman.
In many cases, he also doesn’t know that the “one true love” myth is actually a myth that began back in a time where premarital sex was forbidden. Back then, most people only had one and sometimes two sexual partners in life before getting married.
So, the whole idea about “the one that got away” came about and then Hollywood movies began to entrench the idea with an endless supply of movies about “the one,” the one that got away, soulmates all other fanciful ideas.
It’s fine if you want to believe in that stuff. You can believe in whatever you want. If you want to believe that there is only one “soulmate” for you out there that is fine, but it’s not going to help you with the fear of rejection.
What’s going to help you with the fear of rejection is to understand that there are millions of women who are perfect for you.
There are millions of women who would blow your mind with the amount of love that they give you. There are millions, possibly billions of women that you are sexually attracted to.
There are millions of women that you could have an amazing relationship with. With that in mind, let me ask you: If you had a relationship with one of these millions of women and she really loved you and you really loved her and you had a great connection and relationship, would you say that she is your one and only soulmate?
Possibly, if you wanted to put that sort of label on it. However, how about instead of having a relationship with number 257,000 out of the millions of women that you could choose from, you had a relationship with woman number 435,026. The relationship with her was amazing and the love was deep, real and lasted for life. Would she be your one and only soulmate?
If you wanted to put that sort of label on it, you could. It’s up to you how you decide to look life.
You can look at women and at love as being scarce and hard to find, or you can see the abundance of women and love around you. We’re all here on a planet that is floating in what appears to be an infinite space.
There are billions of us humans here on the planet and everything is going to be okay if you decide to approach one of the millions of women that you find attractive.
You’re not going to die, be killed or be ruined forever and all eternity because you walked over and talked to a woman and weren’t compatible with her. Big frikken deal. You talked to a girl, you liked her and you attempted to escalate, but she wasn’t that interested. Big frikken deal.
It’s just a conversation and an interaction between two humans that happened to meet. Really, you don’t need to worry about not “getting her.” It’s not a big deal at all.
Yet, to some guys, talking to a woman seems like a really big deal to them.
A guy might say, “What if everyone at school finds out?” or “What if everyone at work finds out?” or “I live in a small town…what if they find out?” or “What if I talk to a girl and it gets back to people that I know that I talked to her and it didn’t work out?”
If you are approaching your interactions with women correctly, then most women that you talk to will at least feel attracted to you as a result of your confidence, masculinity and the sexual vibe that you create.
So, there is nothing to worry about.
If you happen to meet a woman that you’re not compatible with, that is fine as well. In fact, it’s nature. No human is romantically compatible with every human on the planet and that is okay.
Talking to a woman and checking to see if you and her are a compatible match is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. It’s just normal and you should feel proud that you’re being a man about it and approaching or making a move. You’re not hiding away in fear, you are taking action and being a confident man.
Billions of humans interact with each other every day on the planet and they don’t all end up giving each other their phone number and then having sex and a relationship, do they? No. It’s just normal and natural that interactions and they don’t always lead to kissing, sex and a relationship. So, don’t put so much pressure on yourself.
Know that everything will be okay. You’ll be alright. If you talk to a particular woman, it might seem very important to you in that moment. You might feel as though you have to get her because you’re attracted to her, you like her and she is actually talking back to you and seems interested.
Yet, she is one of millions that you would have an amazing relationship with.
If you’re the sort of guy who knows how to make women feel attracted and isn’t afraid to talk to women (because you know they will feel attracted to you, so you know that it will be fine), then you’re not going to be worried about getting one particular girl.
If the interaction doesn’t work out, you will talk to other women that you’re just as attracted to or even more attracted to and you’re not going to worry about the girl you met where it didn’t work out.
If you just focus on one girl and think, “I’ve got to get her. My whole life is about her. She is my soulmate. She is the one. I’ve got to get her. It’s me and her in the universe and no-one else matters – just me and her” then you’re going to cause yourself all sorts of unnecessary trouble.
You will be fearing rejection and will be worrying about messing up your one opportunity with a girl. When she senses your neediness for her, she will much more likely to reject you.
So, know that everything will be okay whether you get one particular girl or not. Yes, she might be beautiful and also be a nice, easy-going, intelligent girl, but she’s not the only woman like that.
Those women are everywhere and when you can learn how to be confident around women, you will find that types of women who were previously cold and bitchy towards you, suddenly open up and be friendly and easy-going with you. You will then realize how much choice with women you really have.
9. Get Excited About Feeling Nervous
This one is really cool.
One way to get past the overwhelming, immobilizing feelings of nervousness and fear is to feel excited about it.
For example, think about guys who are thrill seekers (e.g. base jumpers, skydivers, etc). They are risk takers who are afraid, but excited about it at the same time. They are excited about facing that feeling of fear and then getting the rush from actually doing following through and doing what they want to do.
The same applies to approaching and escalating to kissing and sex with women. It’s actually really exciting to get out there and approach women, or to suddenly start talking in a confident, sexual way with a woman that you’ve had a crush on for a while.
With the woman that you’ve got a crush on for example, you stop looking at her as an innocent friend and instead start to appreciate her sexiness by looking at her with a smile and a look in your eyes as though you’re almost going to eat her. She’s delicious to you and you’re not afraid to show her that.
Suddenly, you have the confidence to smile and confidently say, “You’re sexy…I like you” to her. It’s actually really exciting to do that. You feel so much more alive as a man.
Compare that to hiding away and being afraid of getting rejected. Some guys will hide from what they want with women and try to justify their fear by saying, “What if I go over and talk to her and it doesn’t work out?” or “What if I try to make a move and it doesn’t work out?”
What sort of life is that to live? If you think like that around women, what does that say about you as a man? Here’s the thing: You are better than that. You do not have to be afraid.
When you stop being afraid and start embracing the feeling of being nervous and having those “butterflies” in your stomach or the “tingles” or whatever you call them, that is when life starts to get really interesting.
When you’re living at the edge of your comfort zone with women, you are growing and you’re going places in life. Yet, when you’re hiding from stepping outside of your comfort zone with women, you’re not going anywhere.
You’re stagnating and are potentially jerking off to porn too much. Hiding from women is not going to get you results with women. Holding back your interest in women and being afraid to show your sexual interest is not going to get you results with women.
One of the things that you can say to yourself when you feel nervous if you see a woman that you want to approach, or if you’re talking to a girl you like and are afraid to be confident around her, make a move or be a bit more sexual and flirtatious is, “Cool! I’m feeling nervous! This is awesome. Once I do this and get past it, I’m going to be able to do even bigger things than this. I’m going to be even stronger than I am now.”
That is a much more forward moving, exciting, alpha male approach to life. Instead of being shut down by the fear and losing your opportunity with her, simply get excited about the fact that you’re living at the edge of your comfort zone. Embrace it.
Important: When you say something to yourself like, “Cool! I’m feeling nervous. I’m at the edge of my comfort zone” I’m not talking about thinking about it or saying it in a nervous, tense and worried way.
I’m not talking about you feeling nervous about the nervousness or feeling the fear and trying to convince yourself not to be afraid.
What I’m talking about is you feeling excited about the nervousness.
Be excited and think to yourself, “Cool! I’m feeling nervous. This means that I’m at the edge of my comfort zone with women. When I do this and I’m able to handle this type of situation, I will then be able to do bigger and better things after it. I am growing as a man. Things are happening for me. I’m moving forward!” and actually feel excited about it.
Don’t feel nervous about the nervous, fearful feelings you experience. Feel excited and know that you will make huge progress when you push yourself to get past it.
10. Know That it Will Be Worth it
It only takes that one, special girl to make all of your previous “rejections” worth it.
When you’re talking with her and you’re laughing, hugging each other, touching each other, kissing, having sex, she’s giggling, she’s looking at you with those loving eyes and you then wake up in the morning and she’s next to you, you’re hanging out, having a great relationship and experiencing love – all of the times when you’d met women who weren’t compatible with you become meaningless and irrelevant.
You don’t really care about the times that you approached women and it didn’t work out; they become irrelevant because what you have with her is what you’ve been after all along. That’s the thing that you were aiming to achieve and you did it. The feelings you are experiencing with her now are more than worth it.
If you can just use the alpha male approach of knowing that it’s good to go after what you want.
Going after what you want is nothing to be afraid of. There’s nothing to fear about the fact that you will meet women and find some who are fairly compatible with you, slightly compatible and then some are incredibly compatible with you.
When you can accept that in advance, you will push forward until you find a some of the millions of women who are incredibly compatible with you. It will be amazing for both of you.
She’s going to be looking to you with excitement, lust and irresistible feelings of love. She’s going to be totally into you and want to be with you. When you’re having sex with her, she’s going to love it. When you’re in a relationship, she’s going to be looking at you with loving eyes.
That is worth it.
Getting to that point is much more enjoyable that succumbing to the fear and hiding yourself away thinking, “What if I get rejected? What if I talk to her and she doesn’t like me?”
You can live that sort of fearful life if you want to, but it’s not going to get anywhere. Hiding yourself away because you’re too afraid to meet compatible women isn’t going to make you grow as a man, but being man enough to take a chance and push yourself outside of your comfort zone will.
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Hello Dan, thank you for inspiring me with ideas, I will put your skills to daily practical use….
You’re welcome mate.
I hope to hear about your success with women sometime.
Thanks a lot for writing this article man. It is a real eye opener. Part 3 about women testing and 7 about the awkwardness they sometimes create are just what I needed to learn. I usually have fantastic interactions with women but sometimes things just seem to fizzle all of a sudden. I didn’t know it was yet another one of those tests. Now, I know. Thanks mate.
Thanks for your positive feedback.
Great to hear that you had the realization. Knowledge about those sorts of things makes all the difference. Stay in the interaction, be confident and see it through until the end.
I’v been using your advice for a little while now and it’s been working pretty good and will pick up some more of your products. small opinion though:)
I started a new job where a lot of cute girls work and after two weeks I was dragged into a conversation on how co workers date each other. Upon the conversation the girl who my co worker was talking about and the girl who I noticed from the beginning walked around the corner and my body language changed I started scratching my head………..BIG Mistake! I caught her take a long stare at me from my side vision but made no I contact with her. next time I saw her she took one look at me and walked the other way……I know what this means as she picked up on something and is obviously letting me know she’s not impressed. I plan on just acting like nothing happened and keeping my distance as It’s obvious she wants to avoid me know. Would this be correct.
Thanks for your positive feedback. I’m glad that we’ve crossed paths and I look forward to guiding you to success.
About your assumption: Yes, that is absolutely correct. Watch this: http://www.themodernman.com/blog/how-to-recover-from-a-bad-first-impression-youve-made-on-a-woman.html
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