I’m going to give you 18 different tips to help you get laid when you’re out there meeting women in bars and nightclubs.
As you may know about me, I’ve had sex with a lot of women. At this point, I’ve had sex with more than 250 women and about 65% of those women I’ve pulled from bars and nightclubs. I’ve had a lot of fun out there, living the lifestyle and pulling lots of beautiful women back home for sex.
The girlfriend I have now is a sexy, 22 year old girl that I also pulled from a nightclub (I’m 37 years old). Getting laid from bars and nightclubs is very simple for me, so I’m going to share some great tips with you to help you get laid and make the process so much easier for you.
1. Know that one night stands happen…a lot
Depending on which studies you look at, anywhere from 60-70% of women admit to having experienced a one night stand before. When asked those sorts of questions, some women lie to make themselves look more innocent than they really are, so the actual percentage is most-likely higher than 60-70%.
From personal experience, pretty much every woman that I’ve had a one night stand with has said, “I never do this” or “This is the first time I’ve done this” or “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”
Women say that because they don’t want to look slutty in your eyes. She wants you to be able to trust her if you have a relationship with her, rather than you thinking that she has no self control and may cheat on you if she gets the chance. Even if she’s had several one night stands before, a woman will almost always say that it’s her first time and that she “never does this.”
I know that when I talk about these sorts of statistics (70% of women admit to having had a one night stand), some guys think, “Man…women these days are such sluts…bloody hell, the whole world has gone to the dogs…it’s all ruined. Why can’t it be like it was back in the early 1900s when women just had one man and stuck with him for life?”
Some guys wish that things would change and be like they used to be back in the early 1900s, where premarital sex was forbidden.
Back then, a man had to court a women and then eventually ask her father for her hand in marriage. The couple then lost their virginity on their wedding night. Yet, whether we like it or not, that’s just not the way it works anymore.
The world has changed and culture always changes throughout the ages. If you look back through human history, certain cultures always think they’ve got it all worked out and then 50 years later the culture changes.
Since women are now earning their own money and don’t have to quickly settle down and find a man to marry, many women are enjoying their sexual freedom. They know that it’s okay to have sex whenever they want, as long as most of the people they know don’t find out about it.
Many of the one night stands a woman has will remain her little secret and she won’t always tell her friends what she’s been up to behind closed doors.
The way it works these days is that women go out there and hook up with guys to find themselves a boyfriend, a husband or to just have some fun. So, when you’re out there picking up women and getting laid in bars and nightclubs, don’t think that the women in the club aren’t the sorts of women that you can’t marry.
They are pretty much just the same as any other type of woman you will meet anywhere else.
Most of the women you meet in nightclubs are the innocent looking women that you see during the day. Just because she looks innocent and works as an accountant, it doesn’t mean she’s never had a one night stand.
Likewise, just because she’s in a nightclub, it doesn’t mean that she has no family values and wouldn’t be a trustworthy woman. Most of the time, women put themselves out there in the hope that they can find a boyfriend or husband. Secretly, they hope that they will find the right guy so they don’t have to sleep around anymore.
Today, many couples are embarrassed to admit that they met at a bar or nightclub, because they are still coming to terms with the fact that the culture has changed. Many people still think it is “wrong” or embarrassing to have met in a bar or club, but it’s no different to meeting online or in person. Sex happens and then the relationship begins.
So, just know in advanced that one night stands happen a lot and many of them start from meeting in a nightclub. The women that you meet in bars and clubs will usually behave as though they are innocent angels who’ve never had sex, but most of them are open to having sex with you and seeing where it goes.
If you start a relationship, great, but if not that isn’t a problem either. In those cases, she will usually just tell her friends, “Nothing happened. I ended up going home alone” and she won’t ever speak of it again.
Another interesting statistic about sex is that 55% of couples admit to having had sex on their first date. Many modern men make the mistake of going through the dating process thinking that they need to date a woman 3-4 times before she will like him enough to have sex.
Yet, statistically speaking, most women that you meet are open to having sex on either the first night, first date or second date. Any longer than that and some women will feel as though the guy is lacking confidence or doesn’t find her sexy enough to make a move.
When you go out to bars and nightclubs, walk into the nightclub knowing that pretty much every woman that you’re looking at in the club has had a one night stand before. It’s just the way the way it is.
Some guys are turned off by that and think, “Women these days…you get them and they’ve been used and abused for years and then they finally get with you” and have a negative mindset about it. They see it as disgusting and wish that women would remain a virgin until marriage.
A man can look at it any way he wants, but the fact is that it is happening. Women are hooking up with guys, they are open to having one night stands and if you want to “get your end in” and have a good time, then just accept that one night stands happen.
Accept that you are going to walk into a bar or nightclub and you are going to get a one night stand too.
2. Smile a lot
When it comes to getting laid from bars and nightclubs, it’s important to be confident and be in a good mood. One of the best ways to do that is to smile a lot.
If you’re not a very confident guy or don’t have a high level of skill with women, then make sure that you do whatever you can to feel confident and be in a good mood so that you can approach women without hesitating or feeling tense.
Some guys make the mistake of being a bit of a poser and putting on act of being cool, aloof and alpha. If you’re a very confident guy, then it’s fine to do that – you will still get laid anyway, but if you’re not that good with women, posing and trying to look aloof or indifferent to the crowd isn’t going to help you.
If anything, it will just cause you to “get all up in your head,” feel insecure or feel like an outsider.
When you’re walking into a club or bar, smile and then start talking to some women, “Hey, I just got here and thought I’d come over and say hi. I’m Dan, what’s your name?” Get right in there, smile and feel good about approaching and meeting women.
Smiling allows you to get into the right sort of mood, rather than feeling as though you’re not ready to approach yet or that you’re “not in state” to approach.
Keep smiling throughout the night too. Have a good time at the bar or club. When women can see that you’re happy and in a good mood, you’re much more approachable. You may get approached at times, but at the very least women will feel more comfortable to smile back at you if you happen to catch eye contact with each other throughout the night.
An interesting example to give you some more perspective on why the smile is important is to look at a couple of champions from the UFC, named TJ Dillashaw and Jon “Bones” Jones. Those guys are great examples of elite athletes who use their body to positively affect their mind.
Before the fight, they are smiling and feeling pumped up as though they have already won the fight.
If you watch the UFC, you will see some fighters appearing very tense before a fight and trying to convince themselves to relax and feel confident. Yet, Jon Jones and TJ Dillashaw walk up to the octagon as though they have already won the fight.
When Bruce Buffer was introducing TJ Dillashaw in his epic fight against Renan Barao for example, Dillashaw was behaving as though he would if he had just won the fight.
He was pumped and saying, “Yes!!!! Yeahhh!!!” as though this was his win. He then fought one of the most amazing fights in UFC history. The same with Jones, who walks out to the octagon smiling and raising his arms in the air as though he is the champion and has already won the fight.
Those guys are not doing that by accident or for no reason at all. Behaving as though they have already won is a deliberate technique to get themselves in the right frame of mind before the fight.
You can use the same technique (Use Your Body to Positively Affect Your Mind) when you are approaching and picking up women, by smiling to get yourself in a good mood and continuing to smile to maintain that mood.
If you already have a high level of confidence and skill with women, you can pick up women and get laid without smiling a lot or at all, but if you’re a guy who lacks confidence and isn’t very good at getting laid from bars and clubs, smiling is a great technique to use throughout the night.
Instead of walking into a bar or club and thinking to yourself, “Do I fit in here? How do I look? These people look like they’re in their own groups…not very approachable…” walk in like it’s your party, like it’s your sort of scene and as though you fit in perfectly.
Feel like, “Wow, this place is great. This place is perfect for me” and smile about it. Walk up to some women, SMILE and say, “Hey, what’s happening…I thought I just come over and say hi…I’m Dan…you girls are looking fantastic…how’s the night going?”
Smile, feel good about yourself and allow others to feel good in your presence. It helps you to get into the right sort of mood and maintain it, rather than feeling overwhelmed by all the different people in the club who aren’t smiling at you and welcoming you into their groups.
You have to manage your own emotional state and feel good with or without people, rather than hoping that other people make an effort to make you feel good about yourself.
Your emotional state is up to you. When Jon Jones walks out smiling, dancing and feeling like he’s already won, he doesn’t give a crap about what others think. He’s there to win and he knows that using his body in that way gives him an advantage.
When you’re out there in a bar or club, don’t worry what others are thinking. Know that smiling and feeling good about yourself gives you an advantage over other guys. Women find you more attractive and approachable because you’re confident and in a good mood.
3. Approach immediately
If you have a high level of confidence and skill with women, you don’t have to approach immediately and can approach whenever you want to. However, if you’re a guy who suffers from approach anxiety, don’t walk into a club and think, “Okay, I’m going to get a drink first…I’m going to go to the toilet…I’m going to look around first.”
You don’t want to give yourself a chance to start feeling insecure or feeling like an outsider in the bar or club. Approach the first decent women that you see, even if that woman is the female hostess who is greeting patrons as they come in.
You can approach and talk to her to get started by smiling and saying something like, “Hey, what’s happening? This looks like it’s a good night tonight…how have you been going tonight? You working hard?”
If there is no female hostess to greet you, then walk in and talk to the first decent looking women you see. It’s not about picking those women up, but about getting the vibe going for yourself and being social.
Walk right up to some women and say, “Hey, I just got here and thought I’d come over and say hi…I’m Dan, what’s your names?” As long as you do that in a confident, easy-going way, women will respond well to you. However, if you do it in a nervous, self-doubting way, women won’t be very interested in talking to you.
4. Look for women who are open
Whilst in the process of approaching immediately (i.e. within the first 1-10 seconds of walking into the club), try to look for women who are the most open to being approached by guys. Women who are standing around, facing themselves out to the crowd and not really talking to each other are very open to be approached.
Women who are having a casual conversation and regularly looking around the bar or club are fairly open to being approached. However, women who are locked in an eye-to-eye, serious conversation and have their backs turned away from the crowd are less open to being approached.
If you have a high level of confidence and skill with women, you can approach women whenever you want and push through any initial awkwardness.
However, if you don’t have a lot of skill with women and find it difficult to get laid from bars, nightclubs or anywhere else for that matter, make sure that you make it easy for yourself by approaching those women who are most open to being approached.
5. Show sexual interest immediately
This isn’t about being a sleazy guy and getting a bad reaction from women. It’s about showing your sexual interest in a woman and not being ashamed of that.
If you want to get laid that night, it’s better to find the women who enjoying that type of approach and are open to being sexual with you. If you show sexual interest in a woman and she doesn’t like it, then you know that she probably isn’t going to have sex with you or anyone else that night.
Personally speaking, I cannot remember a woman not liking it when I’ve shown sexual interest in her.
Why? If you have attracted a woman with your confidence (that happens within seconds of meeting you) and are being a cool, easy-going guy (she determines that within the first 10-20 seconds) and you then show her your sexual interest, women don’t reject that. Women don’t say, “Hey! Don’t show sexual interest in me! I never have sex and I would never have sex before marriage.”
When you show your sexual interest in a woman, she will smile, love it, giggle and feel turned on feel lucky that she is in the presence of an alpha male who isn’t afraid to show his sexual interest.
He’s not ashamed of being a man, he’s not a social reject or loser who doesn’t understand that sex happens. Instead, he’s a guy who understands that women want sex just as much as men, but can’t be as obvious about it.
A woman can’t go around showing that she is very interested in sex or that she will have sex easily because most guys will then assume think that she is slutty and couldn’t be trusted in a relationship.
She’s has to be a bit coy and pretend that she doesn’t ever have sex, so that a guy will feel as though he’s almost getting her to have sex for the first time.
Pretty much every woman I’ve had a one night stand with has said, “This is the first time I’ve ever done this” or “I never do this” or “I’m usually not like this” or “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”
In the early days, I would react to a woman saying that by adding in, “Women always say that” but I later realized that I didn’t need to say anything. Instead, the polite, classy and discreet thing to do is to just let the woman “save face” and maintain her identity as being an innocent little angel that you are seducing into having sex with you.
A simple way to show your sexual interest in a woman is to smile at her and confidently say, “You’re sexy…I like you” or to smile at her in a sexual way and say, “You’re a sexy one…I like you.” Any variation of that is fine, as long as you tell her that she is sexy.
Don’t say she is beautiful or pretty or well dressed, tell her that she is sexy.
Where a lot of guys go wrong is saying non-sexual things like, “You have nice hair” or “You have beautiful eyes” because they are too afraid to say what they are really thinking, or think that a woman would be shocked, offended or disgusted if a man showed his sexual interest in her. What a lot of guys don’t realize is that most women are insecure about their looks.
There was a global survey conducted by Dove Cosmetics that found 96% of women don’t consider themselves to be beautiful. This means that almost every woman you meet has an insecurity about her looks and does not think she is beautiful.
She may behave as though she is the hottest woman in the world, but secretly she doesn’t even feel as though she is very sexy or beautiful. It may sound strange, but it’s true.
A modern woman looks around at the billboards of photoshopped women who have been airbrushed to perfection and she knows that she doesn’t look like that. She knows that before she puts on her make up to go out, she looks like a completely different woman.
If you’ve ever banged a hot chick from a club and then seen her after she’s taken off her make up, you will know that hot women can look completely different without make up.
When you meet a woman in a bar or nightclub who has done herself up with make up, she knows that she doesn’t normally look that good. Most women LIKE it when a guy shows his sexual interest and lets her know that he finds her sexy.
In fact, some women NEED you to show your sexual interest so she can then loosen up and feel good enough around you, instead of acting confident when she is secretly insecure about her looks.
If she feels insecure about her looks, she will often play hard to get to make you chase her more so she can feel confident. You don’t need to put her or yourself through that. Just tell her that she is sexy and most of the games stop right there.
She knows that you like her and she is excited to be interacting with a guy who isn’t afraid of her or afraid of being rejected. He’s just being real, loving and open with her, which is a huge breath of fresh air for women.
One of the things to keep in mind when showing your sexual interest in a woman when at a bar or nightclub, is to make sure that you’re not ashamed of it. Don’t be thinking, “What if this goes wrong? What if she rejects me? What if she doesn’t like it?”
Based on what I’ve seen by observing guys and by listening to what my female friends and hot girlfriends say, is that about 95% of guys are worried about being rejected.
5% of guys have the confidence to show their sexual interest in a woman without being sleazy and without worrying about being rejected.
When guys like this interact with a woman they find attractive, he doesn’t give a damn about whether or not his sexual interest will be well received or not. A guy who understands this stuff will look at a woman with utter belief in himself, rather than looking at her and hoping that she might like him.
He knows that a woman feels attraction to a man’s confidence, so he’s not worried about whether or not she is attracted to him – that part of the process is taken care of already. When he shows his sexual interest in her, she feels even more attracted that he has the confidence to do that without worrying about being rejected.
The man and woman then create a private bubble that blocks out the world around them; a secret understanding between themselves that they are both sexually attracted and open to the idea of having sex.
You might have seen that when you’ve observed a confident guy talking to a woman and noticed that she is smiling “ear to ear,” is excited and turned on by him. It’s like the suddenly have a special connection and a secret understanding between them.
That is something that you can create with almost every woman you meet if you can just be confident enough to show her your sexual interest in the right way.
Women also know that if guy isn’t afraid to show his sexual interest, it will be more fun to have sex with him. He won’t be so worried about things in the bedroom and will be more confident, alpha and relaxed.
He will say and do whatever he wants in the bedroom, which is the sort of guy that women dream of having sex with. She assumes that will believe in himself in a relationship and will probably have the confidence to do well in life as well.
Some guys go through life thinking, “I have to be a woman’s friend first, before she like me enough to have sex with me” or “I have to be a gentleman and show her that I respect women and don’t expect sex” or “I have to show her that I’m a really nice guy and trustworthy” and other things that they think are important and essential before getting laid.
The way that it actually works is that a woman is primarily interested in whether or not she is sexually attracted to you first and then anything else that is good about you (e.g. you’re a good guy, have good manners, etc) is just a bonus.
However, the nice things about you are not the things that initially get her wet and wanting to have sex with you.
If you want to get laid from bars and nightclubs, make sure that you do the things that turn a woman on very quickly. Then, anything else about you as a man that is good and noble is simply a bonus to her.
6. Don’t confuse her tests as rejection
Pretty much every woman that you meet is going to test you to see how confident you are. It doesn’t mean that she is rejecting you; it’s just her way of verifying that you’re a confident guy. The number one thing that women are looking for in guys is confidence because it has so many benefits to her emotionally and also in life.
A guy’s level of confidence says a lot about him, who he is and his potential to do well in life.
Confidence is just one of those things that women want in a guy. It may sound strange to guys that women are so attracted to confidence, but it’s no stranger than how we men are so attracted to a woman’s body parts. “Oh, look at those legs” or “What a sexy butt!” or “Look at her cleavage!”
In reality, her legs are two, boney structures wrapped in bloody muscle and then covered over by skin.
What is so attractive about a combination of bone, blood, muscle and skin? Attraction is weird, but it is what it is. You have to accept that women are attracted to confidence and it’s something that is very important to them. It’s no stranger than the things that we find attractive about women. It is what it is. Accept it.
Likewise, understand that women aren’t attracted to insecurity and emotional weakness in a guy. Why? We live in a world that is challenging at the best of times, so women want to be with a guy who is strong, mentally and emotionally.
Women don’t want to hook up with a guy who is going to hide behind her when life gets challenging, or cry on her shoulder when he isn’t feeling very strong.
She doesn’t want a guy who is going to be a burden for her. Her instincts tell her to hook up with a confident man who can stand up and face the challenges of life and come out a winner.
So, when you’re interacting with a woman who wants to have sex with you that night, be prepared for the tests because they will happen. For instance, she may give you disapproving looks or not contribute much to the conversation to see if you panic and feel as though you are being rejected.
You may have beeen behaving like a really confident guy who wants her, but doesn’t need her (i.e. you have your choice with women and don’t need her, but you do like her and are interested), so she will then test that by saying something like, “Stand here and hold my drink while I go and dance.”
If you then stand there looking nervous and worried about other guys dancing near her, then her test has worked and revealed your true level of mental and emotional strength.
A confident guy who could easily have other women and doesn’t need her may laugh and say, “Put the drink on the table here…go and dance…I’ll be here” rather than standing up next to the dance floor and holding her drink like a servant.
Note: If a guy is very confident and alpha, he can stand there and hold her drink and it won’t make a difference. Why? He knows that no matter what anyone says or does, he is still the alpha…and she knows that too.
Another common test that women will put a guy through in a bar or nightclub is to get him interested and then turn away and start talking to her friends for a couple of minutes, to see if you panic and feel left out.
What she is hoping to see is that you have the confidence and social intelligence to talk to her friends and not feel as though you’re being rejected. She is hoping that you don’t feel left out and are able to stay in the interaction without worrying about a thing.
Depending on the girl, the level of testing is going to be different. Some girls test more than others, but don’t see those tests as her rejecting you. She’s just trying to determine how confident you really are.
Some women test guys a lot because they are trying to find a guy who is mentally and emotionally compatible with them. She doesn’t want to be with a guy who feels weaker than her. She wants to feel girly around a guy because he’s so confident and doesn’t suppress his masculinity around her out of fear.
Guys who get laid are the guys who believe in themselves and they don’t stop believing in themselves, no matter what happens. Women find that type of confidence irresistibly attractive because it says a lot about what sort of life the guy would be living, how much other people would respect him, how much fun it would be to have sex with him and the potential that he has to do well in life.
7. Really enjoy what you talk about
Have you ever noticed that when a cool guy is talking to women, he enjoys himself by talking about whatever he feels like talking about? He’s not straining to keep a polite, emotionally guarded conversation going. He’s just saying whatever he wants to say and enjoying it.
When you’re talking to a woman in bar or nightclub and looking to get laid, don’t try to impress her with serious conversation. The way that I talk to women is to talk about whatever the heck I want to talk about at the time.
So, say for example you decided to talk about the topic of holidays/vacations and said, “Hey, right now…if you could click your fingers and you would be anywhere in a dream holiday destination…just click and you’re right there…where would it be?”
If she then says, “Hawaii” it’s not about you then getting into a serious, formal conversation with her about Hawaii and why she likes it. When it comes to getting laid in bars and nightclubs, you’ve got to be having a good time and connecting with women, but you’ve also got to be enjoying yourself and having fun for your own sake as well.
Some guys make the mistake of coming across as a nice, innocent guy who wants to talk to her about pleasant things all night. That is not what gets you laid. Have fun with women and enjoy yourself, rather than trying to get her to like you because you connect so well on various topics.
The more that you enjoy what you’re talking about and have fun with it, the easier it is to escalate to kissing with women. You’re in a good mood and things flow more easily from one stage to the next.
In response to her saying, “Hawaii” you can then enjoy what you’re talking about by getting involved in the feelings of talking about Hawaii.
Really feel the emotion of what you’re saying and enjoy it. “Awesome! I’ve never been there, but whenever I’ve imagined going to Hawaii I haven’t thought about surfing because I think I’d be shit at that. Apparently surfing takes a lot of getting used to…I like the idea of those late night parties on the beach with the Hawaiian music and dancing. I love that sort of thing…”
By that point, she will have already begun to add to the conversation if you are saying it with feeling, or she will at least be nodding and smiling.
You can then ask, “How about you? Tell me something that you like about Hawaii. What is some ideal situation that you can picture yourself in there? Apart from you and me having sex on the beach…” or “…apart from you buying me drinks and trying to get me drunk so you can sleep with me. I know what you’re like…I can tell by the look in your eyes.”
The point is to enjoy whatever you’re talking about it, rather than trying to have a serious conversation with her. A lot of guys want to have sex with women from bars and nightclubs, but feel turned off by the idea of approaching because it seems like a huge task to go and talk to the women and get to know them.
Get rid of that mindset and instead just focus on having a good time and saying whatever you feel like saying.
You don’t have to get to know women well before having sex with them. Just have a good time, escalate things to the next level, kiss her and then leave to have sex with her. That’s basically how it works.
8. Don’t doubt your attractiveness
It’s very important to women that you don’t your value to them. She doesn’t want to feel like she is hooking up with a guy who doesn’t deserve her, who isn’t even in her league or who feels like she would be doing him a favor by hooking up with him. She doesn’t want to feel that way. She wants to feel like, “Wow…this guy is so confident…women like him…he can have other women, but he’s interested in me. I feel so lucky.”
That’s how she wants to feel. She doesn’t want to feel like she does with pretty much every guy she meets, where the guy makes her feel as though she is more valuable than him and that he would be so lucky to get with her. She wants to feel like she has a chance to score a guy who could have other women, but may choose her if she plays her cards right.
When I interact with a woman, I know that she is attracted to me. Why? I know that women are attracted to confidence, which I have plenty of. I know that women are attracted to a guy’s masculinity, which comes through in how I think, behave and take action. It also comes through in my vibe and body language. When I’m coming across as a masculine guy, I know that it turns a woman on.
I know that women like it when you show them sexual interest; I know that it turns them on. I know that women feel better around you when you show them sexual interest, so I don’t doubt what’s going on between me and the woman and because of that, I behave in a more confident way, which turns her on even more. She feels excited about my confidence and feels like she would be lucky to have sex with me.
For some guys, it almost seems impossible to have that sort of power over women. Yet, it is available to guys if they just learn how to think in a different way around women. Instead of doubting your attractiveness, know that you are attractive to women and do not deviate from that belief…ever. You are attractive to women because you are confident and masculine. End of story. No ifs or buts about it, you are an attractive man.
Most guys say, “To attract women, you have to be tall and good looking, or have big muscles” because they don’t know what else to think. Throughout my entire “career” of being awesome with women, I haven’t had big muscles. Yet, I have gotten laid every time that I’ve gone out to pick up women. It wasn’t always that easy for me for though.
As you may know if you know about me and my story, I used to go out and approach women and get rejected all the time because I didn’t know what I was doing. Women didn’t like me because I lacked confidence in myself and was too afraid to show my sexual interest. I doubted my attractiveness to women because I was comparing myself to other guys based on looks.
Yet, when I worked out the secrets that I teach here at The Modern Man, getting laid and getting a girlfriend has been a simple, guaranteed process for me. When you know what you’re doing around women, it’s very simple. You just go out and get laid. You can’t pick up every woman, but you go out and are always able to pull beautiful women back for sex and have an awesome time.
A big secret to my success with women is simply believing in my attractiveness to women. Don’t ever doubt your attractiveness to women. The irony is that when you don’t doubt your attractiveness to women, you are actually attractive to women because you’re confident.
9. Give yourself permission to be the cool guy
A lot of guys will look around at other people in a bar or club and think, “They’re all in their groups…women don’t want to be approached because they already have plenty of people in their group to talk to…those guys seem really cool and are dressed really well…I don’t fit in here.” With that sort of mindset, a guy will naturally feel nervous and look like a bit of an outsider in a bar or club.
He will wonder how he can get into the “cool crowd” and get women to like him. What he doesn’t realize is that being part of the cool crowd starts with giving himself permission to be the cool guy, by saying to himself, “I am the cool crowd.” You have to decide that you’re a cool guy and then take action in life based on that belief about yourself.
Earlier in the article when I gave the example of walking into a bar or club, smiling and saying something like, “Hey, how’s it going…I thought I’d come and say hi. I’m Dan…what your name?” That’s an example of me giving myself permission to be the cool guy. I’m not waiting around for people to show me that I am accepted; I assume acceptance and just get right into it.
With that sort of confidence, women don’t say, “Get away from us!” or “Why are you talking to us?” because they want to be cool too. They want to be included in the cool crowd, so they will be nice to cool people to fit in and be accepted. It’s a natural, instinctive reaction that most humans have when they meet a confident, “cool” person.
10. Escalate all the time
When you’re out to get laid, it’s best to separate the women who are open to having sex that night, with the women who will want to go on a few dates first. Some women will not have sex on the first night because they are shy in front of their friends, or are out with their coworkers and are worried about ruining their reputation at work.
When you escalate all the time, it’s about constantly pushing things forward and testing the boundaries to see how a woman responds. When you start to escalate with woman and she goes along with it, she gets more committed to the interaction and sex becomes an inevitable outcome. If she doesn’t want to have sex that night, you will usually be able to at least get a kiss from her.
Here are some escalation examples:
Example 1: Go for a shot or a drink at the bar
You can say something as simple as, “Hey, let’s go grab a drink. I’m going over to the bar, come with me” or “Hey, I’m going to grab a drink from the bar…come with me…let’s go grab a shot.” If she says, “I don’t want to drink a shot” then say, “Alright, come to the bar, let’s go grab a drink. What are you going to drink? Me and you are going to get a drink together – come on.”
Just say it with confidence and belief in yourself and be the cool, easy-going guy that you are and most women will go with you. If she says no, which some women will because they want to test your confidence (that’s okay – it’s not a rejection, it’s just a test), simply smile and say, “What? Come on, let’s go grab a drink” and reach out your hand and say, “Come here, give me your hand” and then lead her to the bar.
If she still continues to test you and smiles and says, “No, I want to stay here” you can smile and say something like, “Come here, I want to talk to you” like a father would say to his little daughter. Then, smile and say, “Let’s go get a drink” and lead her to the bar with you. Just be persistent because some women will feel shy to go with you, some will want to test your confidence and other will be trying to not look too easy in front of their friends.
Getting her to be alone with you like that creates a more private connection between you and her. She is showing her willingness to do things alone with you and to follow your masculine direction. Many women will also be open to a bit of kissing while you’re waiting to order drinks at the bar or after the drinks have been served and paid for and you’re standing there talking to each other.
Some women feel more comfortable kissing when their friends or coworkers can’t see. However, it really depends on the size of the bar or club and on the particular woman. Some women don’t care and will kiss you immediately after meeting. It really depends.
At the very least, by going to the bar to order a drink together, you will have achieved an important step in the process of getting laid by getting her to feel comfortable and willing to be alone with you. That is often enough for many women to then feel comfortable to do things like sit on your lap when you’re back at the table with her friends, hug you, etc. Always be escalating if you want to get laid. Just keep moving things forward because any step forward is a step closer to sex.
Some guys will be wondering now about who pays for the drinks. It’s fine to get the first round and then ask her to get you a drink next time, if she doesn’t automatically offer. If a woman is attracted to you and likes you, she will usually buy you a drink for the second round.
Example 2: Use the Hug Technique
If it’s her birthday, you can say, “Ohh, birthday hug! Come here – birthday hug. Happy birthday” and then give her a hug for her birthday. This helps to break the physical barrier between you and her. It also gets her and her friends smiling and laughing and feeling more comfortable around you.
Example 3: Dance the 10 Second Dance
If a song comes on and she says, “I love this song” you can add in, “This song is awesome…come here, let’s do a 10 Second Dance…I can’t be bothered dancing for half an hour, but let’s dance for 10 seconds.” Then pull her close to you and dance with her for 10 seconds. If she tries to go longer than 10 seconds, you can then jokingly say, “Hey, 10 seconds is up…if you want anymore dancing you’re going to have to buy me a drink first…I’m not that easy…you’re going to have to work for it baby.”
When it comes to getting laid in bars and nightclubs, quick escalations and testing the waters in these ways is important because you want to find the women who are actually interested in having sex that night. Additionally, since a lot of women are open to having sex right away, they will show a guy signals of interest and then get frustrated if he doesn’t pick up on them.
If she’s open to having sex that night, she doesn’t want to get stuck talking to a guy who won’t have sex with her because he can’t see her signals or will be too chicken to make a move. Each woman shows her signals of interest in a different way. An obvious sign of interest is when a woman looks at you in a girly way, while also playing with her necklace and biting her bottom lip. However, not all women make it that obvious, so it’s important that you believe in your attractiveness and escalate all the time in case you are interacting with one of the women who don’t make it obvious because they want to test the guy’s confidence and masculinity.
That said, you will also be able to get laid by using a slower approach to the pick up by talking to her for hours and building up sexual tension with eye contact and bit of flirting. I’ve used that approach before and gotten laid, but when I’ve used the approach of escalating all the time, I get laid quicker and easier. Escalating all the time allows you to sort out the women who are open to having sex with the women who are going to require 1-3 dates first.
Escalating all the time also ensures that you don’t disappoint the women who want to know for sure that they are interacting with a guy who is actually going to hook up with them that night. If you have been talking to her for 30 minutes, but haven’t made any sort of move on her or shown obvious sexual interest, a woman who is looking to get laid that night will usually lose interest and want to meet other guys instead.
11. Reframe the interaction as though it’s about her trying to win you over
A lot of guys fall into the trap of trying too hard to pick a woman up. When a woman senses that a guy is trying to pick her up, she may then feel as though she has to play hard to get so she doesn’t look too easy. When she starts pulling back and playing hard to get, the guy will then feel as though he is being rejected and losing her, which will cause him to appear nervous or self-doubting, which will then turn her off.
So, before a woman begins down that path and ends up saying something like, “Hey, by the way – we’re not having sex tonight” make sure that you reframe the interaction first. One of the ways you can do it is by reframing her saying that she is going to the bathroom as meaning that she wants to have sex with you in the bathroom. Here are some examples:
Her: I’m going to go to the bathroom.
You: Wow, you’re very forward. We’ve only been talking for 5 minutes and you already want me to go to the bathroom with you? I don’t work that quickly. I’m going to need a couple of more drinks first. Get me a scotch on the rocks and then I’ll be more open to it.
Her: I’m going to go to the bathroom.
You: Wow, you’re forward. The last woman who hit on me at least took me out to dinner first, but you want me in the bathroom already?
By talking to her in that way, you are reframing the interaction to be about her trying to pick you up. She’ll laugh, she’ll love it and she’ll know that you aren’t a social reject who doesn’t understand that sex happens. You are a guy who is confident with women and willing to joke around about things like that, rather than being nice and polite the whole time because you’re worried about saying something wrong or “offending” her.
To reframe the interaction as though it’s about her trying to win you over (which is actually how women want the interaction to go. She wants to feel lucky to pick you up, rather than feel as though you’re just another guy who is hoping to be chosen by her), you also want to be raising and lowering your interest level in her to keep her guessing.
Rather than being 100% interested in her no matter what she says or does, let her feel your interest level drop at times, even if you do it in a playful way. For example, if she says that she’s an accountant you can say, “Woah…okay…I liked you up until that point, but when you said that you’re an accountant, you lost me…you’re too smart for me…I don’t have the vocabulary to be dealing with a girl like you.”
12. Try social .vs. sexual styles
I know that a lot of guys aren’t comfortable with walking up to women and immediately showing their sexual interest in them. Many guys go through life thinking that they have to be a nice, humble, gentleman who doesn’t look at women in a sexual way or think that a woman will want to have sex with him. Maybe it’s as a result of brainwashing from the media or being brought up in a conservative family, but whatever a guy’s backstory is, he knows that he secretly jerks off to hardcore porn every week.
He knows that he loves women, wants to have sex with women and looks at women in a sexual way. Yet, he goes through life suffering from a conflict of identity because he thinks he needs to be a nice, humble, innocent gentleman, but he also wants to be sexual with the women he meets. Since it’s so common for modern men to have that conflict of identity, I know that many guys aren’t comfortable to use a sexual style of pick up right away.
If you’re not comfortable showing your sexual interest in women, it’s fine to use the more social style of pick up that we also teach here at The Modern Man. The social approach is where you just walk up to women and be social, have a good time and build up sexual tension over the course of the night (or day) with eye contact and flirting. You gradually build up to touching, kissing and then take a woman home for sex.
However, you can also use the more sexual style, which gets you faster results because you’re able to efficiently sort through the women who are open to having sex that night, rather than investing 2-3 hours in a woman and then only getting a kiss and her phone number at the end of the night. You don’t have to use the more sexual style if you’re not comfortable with it, but I would encourage you to try it.
Try being a little bit more sexual than you think you should be. Try being a little bit more confident than you think you deserve to be. Try being a little bit more presumptuous about her attraction for you. Try to do that rather than doubting yourself and hiding your sexual interest in her. If you mix that in with a social style of pick up, you will find that your success rate at getting laid will skyrocket.
You don’t have to go down the path of being a sleazy guy; that’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about showing your sexual interest in women and not being afraid of that. I have gotten laid many times by using the more social, friendly, easy-going approach, but it does take more time. Sometimes you have to invest 2-3 hours of hanging out with a girl, rather than 2-3 minutes and then you’re dancing close with her, groping her, kissing her and it’s on.
Then, it’s just a matter of time before you leave the bar or club to have sex. I’ve pulled women out of bars and clubs immediately, within 5 minutes, 10 minutes and all the way up to four hours. My fastest times always happen when I show my sexual interest right away with the more sexual style of pick up, but using the social style is fun as well.
13. Be in a party mood or a sensual mood
You can go into a bar or a club and get laid by being in a party mood or a sensual mood. You can walk up to women in a really sensual, relaxed mood and say, “Hey, what’s going on…I thought I’d come over and say hi…I’m Dan, what’s your name?” and then she gives you her name. If you’re talking to two women named Jenny and Michelle for example, you can say in a sensual, charming way, “Oh, so it’s Jenny and Michelle…two of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen in my life.”
Women like the sensual style, as long as you are confident and relaxed about it. It’s not about being sleazy, it’s about being sensual, confident and relaxed. Have a relaxed, sensual smile and make relaxed, confident eye contact with the women. When you do it right, women love it.
Alternatively, you walk in to the bar or club in more of a party mood. You walk in, smiling and feeling good about yourself, the night and the bar/club. You’re in a party mood and you walk right up to some girls and say (with a smile), “Hey, what’s happening…I just got here…thought I’d come over and say hi. I’m Dan, what’s your names?” They will smile and respond by talking to you if come across as confident and easy going.
You will get laid easily when you’re in party mode or sensual mode, but if you’re in poser mode you will rarely get laid. Poser mode is where you’re all up in your head and trying to look good in the hope that women notice you or like you. Posing often includes acting like you’re indifferent to the bar or club and are so important or cool that you no-one there is good enough to talk to you.
The only posers who get laid are the really good looking guys, who will sometimes get approached by women. For the rest of us guys, we have to get in there and meet women, rather than standing around and hoping to be approached. We have to make a woman feel attracted to our confidence, masculinity and personality, turn her on during the interaction and then take her home to have sex.
14. Don’t wait for women to give you approach signals
If you don’t get laid from your first approach, you will need to keep approaching until you find the right woman for you that night. Don’t make the mistake of having an approach done and then standing around as though you’ve been rejected or are now lacking confidence in yourself. Keep feeling good, keep smiling and keep approaching.
Many guys will stand around hoping that women give them obvious signals that it’s okay to approach (e.g. smiling and waving him over, winking at him, etc), but that isn’t an effective strategy because almost all women don’t make it that easy for guys. Don’t ever sit around hoping that women will suddenly make it easy for you. Don’t look for favors in the club (e.g. women who will take pity on guys who are afraid) because it rarely, if ever happens and when it does, the women are usually unattractive.
The way to approach women in bars and clubs is to use your confidence to approach and attract women. If you have a high level of skill with women, you can approach any woman you want and it will usually go well. However, if you’re not that good at picking up women or getting laid, try to look for women who are open to being approached (e.g. standing around and not saying much to each other, while looking around at the crowd) and then just approach.
In the movies, women will call men over or approach men, but in real life, most women simply wait around hoping to be approached by a confident guy who won’t be afraid to show his sexual interest in her and will escalate to either a phone number, kiss or sex that night. So, don’t wait around hoping that women make it really obvious that they want to be approached by you in particular. Just approach women who look open and use your confidence to attract them.
If you have approached a woman and it hasn’t resulted in a sexual vibe or kissing and you then exit the interaction, that is fine. Don’t get all up in your head and worry, “That approach didn’t go well, so everyone is probably looking at me now thinking that I’m a loser.” No matter what you do after the interaction ends (e.g. stand around with a friend talking or go to the bar), just make sure that you maintain your positive vibe and confidence and then approach more women.
15. Stay in there
This is so important.
You have to stay in the interaction as long as possible because some women need more time than others. You will be able to do a better job of staying in there by using some of the tips I’ve given you so far (e.g. not seeing her tests as rejection, not doubting your attractiveness to her, enjoying whatever you decide to talk about, etc).
When it comes to pulling a one night stand or getting laid from bars and nightclubs, sometimes you will go up and talk to a woman and be kissing her immediately because she’s in the mood, a little tipsy or because you and her have a special connection or great sexual chemistry. Sometimes it takes 10 seconds to get to the kiss, sometimes 20 seconds, a minute, 5 minutes, an hour, two hours or even three hours.
It takes different amounts of time because we’re dealing with humans here, not robots. Humans are complex creatures who behave in slightly different ways based on their insecurities, personality type, etc. For instance, you might be talking to a group of women and the woman you like is trying to show off to her friends by playing hard to get. She may really like you, but also be trying to get some status in her group by showing her friends that she isn’t easy to pick up.
A woman may also feel embarrassed to escalate in any way because her coworkers are around, or she may feel as though she needs to play hard to get to show you that she’s a trustworthy girl. So, don’t expect every interaction that you have with a woman in a bar or club to go from a conversation, to kiss and then sex with 30 minutes to an hour. Sometimes it takes a lot more time, which is why you have to stay in the interaction as long as possible.
One of the biggest keys to getting laid from bars and nightclubs is to stay in the interaction as long as possible, even if you feel uncomfortable at times. Sometimes you have to invest 1-3 hours of hanging out with the girl, partying and talking with her friends and sometimes being a little bit indifferent to her and just talking to her friends. When a woman sees that her friends like you too (or even better – her female friends are attracted to you also), it makes her feel more comfortable hooking up with you. She knows that her friends approve and that they may even be jealous that she’s met a guy like you.
In the early days when I was still trying to work out how to pick up women, I hadn’t yet discovered the power of staying in there and pushing through any feelings of awkwardness. I would go out to approach and pick up women and when it wasn’t escalating very quickly, I’d be thinking, “Okay, this girl doesn’t like me” and would then doubt my attractiveness to her and fall into an insecure way of thinking.
When a woman would notice that I’d lost confidence, she would then feel turned off by that and start showing signs of disinterest. I would then leave the interaction and feel rejected, not knowing what had just happened. When I decided that I would stay in interactions as long as possible and see what happens, I then started to get laid more often.
I was then able to realize that there are many reasons why an interaction won’t always immediately escalate to kissing, groping, etc. Sometimes, you walk up to a woman and then walk out with her a couple of minutes later and sometimes it takes a couple of hours. When you can learn to accept that and stay in there, your success at picking up women goes through the roof.
The interactions won’t always lead to sex that night though. Sometimes, you will even get to point where you are kissing the woman, making out and she will be loving it and she’ll then say, “I want to go home by myself tonight” and you have sex with her on the first date instead. That’s fine and it will happen sometimes, but just know that you have to stay in there as long as possible to increase the chances of you getting laid that night.
When you’re in a long interaction with a woman or her friends, don’t ever feel like you’re an intruder or as though you’re a burden to them. Be someone who is adding good energy and vibes to the group, or if you’re talking to two girls, be the guy who is having a good time with them. If she’s in a group that isn’t very interested in talking to her, it’s fine to mainly focus on your girl most of the time. However, if she is with people who want to spend time with her, make sure that you’re talking to them too.
16. Kiss her
If you want to get laid from bars or nightclubs, you will usually at least have to kiss the girl before she will be willing and open to leave the venue with you. If you get to the end of the night and still haven’t kissed her, it won’t make much sense for her to leave with you and then be alone with you. To her, you will still feel more like a friend than anything else.
Kissing changes things from being friendly to sexual in an instant. It creates a private connection between you and a woman where sex becomes inevitable. So, at least try to kiss her, with the knowledge that women rarely reject kisses from guys they are attracted to. She might shy away from the kiss if she’s worried about her coworkers seeing, in which case you should try to get alone with her first (e.g. go to the bar together and then find a private place in the bar to sit down for 5 minutes, “Hey, let’s just sit down here for 5 minutes and then we’ll go back to your friends. Cool?”)
One of the ways to kiss a woman in a bar or nightclub is after the 10 Second Dance. When you stop dancing, hold her close in front of you so you are face to face and making eye contact. Her reaction to that will usually tell you whether or not she is open to kiss you. If she stands there smiling and maintaining eye contact with you, there’s a 99% chance she will be open to being kissed right then and there, so just lean in and it will happen.
However, if she is turning her head away and avoiding eye contact in an uncomfortable way, it usually means that she doesn’t want to kiss you right then and there. If you haven’t attracted her properly because you’re not being confident around her or haven’t included a sexual vibe, then she will most-likely reject your kiss. So, make sure that you focus on building her attraction for you before attempting any other type of escalation.
17. Take her home or at least to another venue
Some women will be open to going straight home with you after meeting in a club. Some women have an identity crisis with the whole idea of having sex on the first night (e.g. she doesn’t want to look too easy in your eyes, she wants to show off to her friends by playing hard to get, she’s worried what her coworkers might think about her, etc), so she may want to go to another bar, club or venue (e.g. cafe, take away food store, etc) before going home with you.
Going to another bar or club with her is an escalation to the next level. She is personally going to a new place with you, rather than just talking to you as though you are a random guy in a bar or club that isn’t going to be a part of her life. Going to another venue with you allows a woman to feel as though she is still maintaining her pride and sense of identity (i.e. the identity of being an innocent woman who never has sex outside of a relationship).
With the small percentage of women who need to go to another venue first (I’d estimate that about 30% of women require it before going home with you), they will eventually say something like, “I’m getting tired…I might go home” which is your cue to say, “Okay, let’s get out of here together.” At that point, she still isn’t 100% committed to going home with you and may act surprised when you get in a taxi or your car and suggest that she comes over to your place.
To break the tension and get her laughing and relaxed about going home with you, just say, “But, don’t get any funny ideas, we’re not having sex tonight…I’m not that easy.” The woman will then usually laugh and say, “No, YOU don’t get any ideas!” and then you just head home together and get it on. It doesn’t matter if you go to her place or yours, but it’s best to go to the place that is closer.
Many women are a lot easier than that and you simply have to say to her (at the bar or club), “Hey, you want to get out of here?” and she will say yes, or “Hey, it’s been a good night so far, but I’m thinking about getting out here now…you want to get out of here or what?” The woman may say something like, “Yeah, I’m thinking about leaving too” to which you can smile and jokingly reply, “Cool, you can give me a massage when we get home then.”
If you don’t want to go straight home with her and want to go to another venue first, simply say something like, “Hey, there’s a really cool bar up the road that I want to check out. Let’s go check it out” and she will then leave with you. Sometimes all of her friends will come along with you, sometimes some of her friends will come and sometimes (usually when you’ve already kissed her) it will be just you and her.
Most women can read between the lines and know that if they are leaving a venue with you, it will most-likely lead to something else happening. It’s not an absolute guarantee of her having sex with you, but it’s at least a commitment of escalating things to the next level. She may be behaving as though she isn’t going to have sex with you, but secretly she is hoping that you keep pushing things forward.
I’ve pulled one night stands where I am back at my place kissing the girl, her tits are out and she’s giving me oral sex, but she is still saying, “I don’t know if we should be doing this” or “Maybe we should stop…I’m not sure.” Right up until the point where I put on a condom and slide inside of her, she is still saying that she isn’t sure while kissing me and touching me.
Then, when it goes it, she shuts up and says, “Ohhh!” and loves it. There are many different levels of escalation that you have to go through when getting laid. Depending on the woman, she will put you through many different tests and say things (e.g. “I’m not sleeping with you tonight” even though she’s in the taxi and on the way back to your place with you) to maintain their innocent identity.
You just have to keep pushing forward with confidence and see how far you can take things. Obviously, it’s not about being aggressive or going against a woman’s will, but it is a case of understanding that most women will pretend to not want to have sex so they don’t look easy in your eyes. If you do have a relationship with her, she wants you to know that she normally doesn’t do these sorts of things, but she is having sex with you right away because she likes you and is just going with the moment.
Just know that most women who go to bars and nightclubs have had a one night stand before. When talking to a woman in a bar or club, there’s at least a 70% chance that she’s had a one night stand before and she will likely do it again if you can seduce her.
18. Know that every approach will not get you laid
Meeting random strangers is not a black and white process. You’re not going into a computer simulated environment where everyone is preprogrammed to behave and respond in certain ways. In a busy bar or nightclub, there will be all sorts of personality types, energy levels, insecurities and people who are trying to present a certain type of social persona or identity to the crowd.
If you approach two or three different women and it doesn’t get you laid, that is fine. If you start thinking that you’re a failure, then you’re thinking about it in the wrong way. The correct way to think about it to understand that when people meet each other, they’re not always going to be compatible and that is okay. It’s not your fault that a woman isn’t compatible with you. No man is compatible with every woman he meets and no woman is compatible with every man she meets.
Meeting a woman who isn’t compatible with you doesn’t mean that you’re a failure. It just meets that you’ve got to meet other women. So, when you go out there to get laid, don’t put pressure on yourself like, “Okay, I’m going to talk to three women tonight and if I don’t get laid, I’m a failure, I’m a loser, I can’t do this…and I’m just going to give up and jerk off to porn every week.”
If you talk to three groups of women and it doesn’t work out, that is fine. If you have been doing it properly (i.e. believing in your attractiveness, smiling and enjoying yourself), you will have been getting more and more pumped up with each approach and when you then talk to the next woman or the next group of women, you may then get yourself a woman to have sex with that night.
Don’t give up. Don’t expect that women are going to be nice and make it really easy for you. Go out there, have a good time, be confident, believe in your attractiveness to women, keep escalating and moving it forward and have a great time.