Back when I was using the nice guy approach on women, I thought that it should work.
After all, what could possibly be wrong about being nice to a woman, especially when we always hear women saying, “I want a nice guy” and complaining about guys who don’t treat them well?
Surely women are making a huge mistake by not hooking up with nice guys, right?
Actually, the answer is no.
So, does that mean the secret to success with women to be a bad boy, jerk or asshole and treat women badly?
Once again, the answer is no.
As you will discover throughout this list of 55 reasons why nice guys fail with women, the secret is to be a good guy who also makes a woman feel sexually attracted and turned on during conversations and interactions.
If you can do that, women will love you for being a nice guy.
However, if all you’ve got to offer women is your niceness, you will be friendzoned.
Here are 55 mistakes that nice guys make, which lead to rejection or to getting dumped out of a relationship…
1. Thinking that being really nice to a woman obligates her to be romantically interested in him
Being nice to a woman doesn’t make her feel sexually attracted and turned on by you.
If you want a woman to have a romantic or sexual interest in you, the first thing you need to do is focus on making her feel sexually attracted and turned on by you.
Only then will she appreciate the fact that you are also a nice guy.
There’s nothing wrong with being a nice guy, but women only care if you’re nice AFTER they feel sexually attracted to you.
If a woman isn’t sexually attracted to you, she’s not going to reward you with sex, love and devotion just because you’re nice to her.
When a nice guy gets rejected by a woman after being really nice to her in the hope of getting her to like him, it doesn’t make any sense to him.
He thinks, “What is her problem? I’ve been so nice to her, I’ve been listening to her, I’ve been kind and considerate, I’ve been there for her…I would do anything to make her happy. Yet, she’s not even interested in me. She says that she just wants to be friends! Surely she is just confused.”
What the nice guy fails to realize is that being really nice to a woman doesn’t then entitle him to date her or have sex with her.
What makes a woman interested in having a sex with a guy is her feeling sexual attraction for him.
What makes a woman feel sexual attraction for a guy is his confidence, masculinity (i.e. alpha male thinking, behavior and actions) and his ability to make her feel feminine and girly during an interaction…NOT his niceness.
If a guy makes a woman feel attracted to him first (e.g. he is confident, gets her laughing, is charismatic) and is then nice to her, she will actually enjoy it and refer to him as a charming guy.
However, if a guy starts off being really nice to her in the hope that she will like him enough to give him a chance, she will close up because the attraction isn’t mutual.
What the nice guy doesn’t realize is that he needs to actively spark the woman’s attraction for him FIRST and then, when she is attracted, she will begin to appreciate the fact that he is also a good guy.
Since most nice guys aren’t aware that attraction is required before anything else, they will usually be very nice and sweet towards a woman and then expect her to like him and want to be with him based on that.
Yet, that’s just not how it works.
You have to start with attraction and then everything else follows on naturally after that.
If you start by trying to suck up to a woman by being really nice to her, she might like you as a person, but she usually isn’t going to be feeling enough attraction for you to think of you as being anything other than a friend.
2. Assuming that if women don’t like nice guys then they must want bad boys, jerks or assholes
A nice guy will hear women complain and say, “I want a nice guy” but then watch in disbelief as the very same women hook up with so called assholes, jerks and bad boys. It is very confusing for him.
The problem here is based on the nice guy’s perception of what a bad boy, jerk or asshole is.
He thinks that anyone who isn’t as nice to girls as he is is a bad boy, jerk or asshole.
Yet, in most cases, the so called bad boy is just an ordinary good guy who doesn’t go around sucking up to women and hoping that they like him for it like a nice guy does.
The so called “jerk” is often just a very confident guy who understands that women first want to feel attraction for a guy before they consider getting romantically involved with him, so he starts off by displaying confidence and not trying to suck up to women to get them to like him as a person.
Of course, I’m not saying that there aren’t any bad boys out there.
Of course there are.
There are also some messed up women who want a bad man, but they are an absolute minority and probably don’t even make up 1% of the female population.
Most women just want a confident, masculine guy who is also a good guy. They don’t want a self-doubting, ass-kissing nice guy and they don’t want a bad man.
In many cases, a nice guy (who usually lacks confidence in himself) will misinterpret another guy’s high level of social confidence as arrogance.
The nice guy will say, “I care about her so much. I would do anything to be with her. Yet, she is lusting after a guy who doesn’t even care about her. The guy she is in love with is a jerk. He thinks he’s so damn good. Why doesn’t she see that he’s a jerk?”
What the nice guy doesn’t realize is that women feel attraction to a man’s confidence and the “arrogant jerk” simply isn’t desperate to be with her like he is. Why? As a result of his confidence, he will usually have plenty of other women interested in him at the same time and he may not even find that particular woman very attractive.
When a nice guy hears that, he might think, “Well, why does she want to be with him if he doesn’t find her attractive? Clearly he doesn’t want her and I do, so why not be with me? I think she is the most beautiful woman in the world. Why doesn’t that mean anything to her?? I would treat her so much better than he would.”
The answer is simple: The fact that a nice guy is trying to show her that he would treat her well doesn’t mean much or anything to the woman because she isn’t attracted to him.
If the nice guy started by making her feel attracted to him (e.g. being confident, flirting with her, being charismatic, making her feel feminine in comparison to his masculinity), she would be then feel excited and lucky to have met a guy who makes her feel attracted and will also treat her well.
However, she’s not going to hook up with a nice guy just because she will treat him well. Instead, she will hook up with a guy who makes her feel attracted and then try to change him to be nicer to her later on.
The nice guy will then look on and think, “WTF? She complains about guys not treating her well and then she hooks up with a jerk instead of me. WTF!!!”
He just doesn’t understand that attraction has to come first.
He also doesn’t understand that if he had lots of women attracted and interested in him, he wouldn’t be able to give them all a chance to be with him. He would become more selective.
A very attractive woman has a lot of guys who are interested in her.
Would you call her a “jerk” if she didn’t get into a relationship with every guy who was interested in her?
Of course not.
It’s not her fault that she is making lots of guys feel attracted to her. She doesn’t have to be interested in all of them, have sex with all of them or have a relationship with all of them.
She can pick and choose.
The same applies for a very confident guy who knows how to make women feel attracted to him. He can pick and choose and doesn’t have to suck up to women with a nice guy act to hopefully get them to like him.
Women like him by default because he is attractive to them and as a result, women try to get a chance to be with him, even though he might not treat them as well as a nice guy would.
Why? Attraction rules.
Men want to be with women that they feel attracted to (even if the woman is a bit cold or a bit of a bitch to him initially) and women want to be with men that they are attracted to.
Sure, some guys will say, “No way! Screw those bitchy women! I don’t want anything to do with them.” Yeah, right – then he goes and jerks off to porn with bitchy, hot women.
If a woman feels a lot of attraction for you, she won’t really care if you’re not treating her as nicely as other guys do. She will want to hook up with you because her feelings of attraction are more important.
Unfortunately, most guys just doesn’t understand how the human mating dance works and why attraction is so important.
When a nice doesn’t get liked for being nice and sees women hooking up with guys that he perceives to be jerks or assholes, he usually concludes that women must hate nice guys and want to be treated badly.
Women don’t want to be treated badly.
They want to find a guy who makes them feel attracted and if he also happens to be nice, that is seen as a welcome bonus, but isn’t always necessary for sex to happen and a relationship to begin.
3. Getting angry at women for doing what he does
A nice guy will sometimes feel angry about how women don’t select guys based on how nice they are.
He’ll think, “I’ve been so nice to her. I’ve done everything she could ever want and she still doesn’t like me…what a bitch! Why is she interested in that guy who is a jerk?”
Yet, what he fails to realize is that he is doing the same thing as her. How so?
Generally speaking, a nice guy will usually want a girlfriend who is nice, intelligent, easy-going, down to earth, beautiful, loyal and trustworthy.
Yet, he will jerk off to porn with sluts, whores and pornstars (i.e. bad girls) every week.
If he had the chance to have sex with a bad girl (e.g. a sexy woman from a nightclub, a stripper or even a slutty pornstar), he probably would.
In fact, while jerking off to sluts, whores and pornstars, a nice guy will often fantasize about having some of those women as a lover, girlfriend or even wife.
In that moment of masturbation, it doesn’t matter to the nice guy that the woman he is jerking off to is a “bad girl.”
Why? Attraction rules.
He is sexually attracted to her, so the fact that she is a bad girl doesn’t matter and he simply jerks off to please himself.
The difference for women is that they can actually get laid a lot easier than a nice guy can because a nice guy’s approach doesn’t make women feel sexually attracted.
Most women just have to say, “Yes” and most guys (nice guys, bad boys, jerks and anyone else) would bang her at least once. Why? Men feel mostly attracted to women based on their physical appearance and are usually willing to have sex and even a relationship just based on the woman looking physically attractive.
This is why men instantly get turned on when looking at women in porn and don’t give a crap what the woman’s personality, intelligence level or anything else is. If she has a nice ass, pussy, tits or face, it’s boner time.
Yet, the same rule doesn’t apply for how women feel attracted to men.
Most women (not all) are more attracted and turned on by how a man’s personality, behavior and inner qualities make them feel (i.e. his confidence, masculine vibe, humor, charm, etc).
Yet, a nice guy doesn’t get that.
He thinks that women should like him for being nice, even though it doesn’t turn women on.
Think about it this way…
Initially, you are mostly attracted to a woman’s physical appearance more than anything else, so imagine how unattractive women feel.
Unattractive women will often complain about men being assholes for selecting women based on their appearance, but a woman’s physical appearance is what men find most attractive.
It’s not our fault that we find a woman’s physical appearance so attractive. That’s how nature works.
Likewise, it’s not a woman’s fault for being so attracted to a guy’s confidence and ability to make her feel feminine in comparison to how masculine he is being (i.e. how he is think, feeling, talking, moving, behaving, reacting to her).
She can’t say to herself, “No! I shouldn’t feel attracted to confidence. I’ve got to go for a nice guy who is afraid of me. I’ve got to select an ass kissing nice guy who doesn’t even know how to trigger my feelings of sexual attraction when I talk to him.”
So, what does she do?
If she can’t find a confident, masculine good guy, she settles for the next best thing (in her eyes), which is any guy who is confident and masculine. Unfortunately, that often means that she hooks up with bad boys and jerks, but think about it…
If you couldn’t find a beautiful, nice girl, would you be happy to settle for sleeping with a beautiful, bad girl (e.g. stripper, sexy club chick, pornstar)?
Women don’t actually want to be with a bad boy, just as much as you don’t want to get into a serious relationship with a pornstar.
You’d rather have a beautiful woman who is sexy, but is also trustworthy, right?
Well, maybe you might want a crazy, cheating pornstar, but that’s up to you.
The majority of guys just want an attractive woman who is a good person, just like the majority of women want a guy who makes them feel attracted and is also a good person.
4. Thinking that he should be rewarded with sex, love and devotion for being a good boy
As a boy, you get rewarded for being nice to your parents, teachers and other authority figures.
In the case of a mother, a boy will say, “Look mommy! I cleaned my room 🙂 Can I have some candy now?” and she will give him some candy, tell him that she loves him and hug him.
When you are no longer a little boy, the world stops rewarding you for being sweet and innocent like a child.
When you grow up, the world rewards you for being confident and going after what you want, regardless of whether or not you are a good guy.
As you would have seen in life, there are some successful people in this world who are bad people, but they are still successful and are enjoying all the luxuries of modern life.
Of course, the solution is not to copy the bad people and turn into a bitter, negative person with bad intentions.
The solution is to be a great guy who is honest and has great intentions, but is not an ass-kissing, self-doubting, insecure nice guy who expects the world to give him treats for being a good little boy.
As a man, you get rewarded by the world and by women for being confident and going after what you want.
The more confident and masculine that you become as a man, the more than women find you attractive.
When you get to the point where you are a very confident and masculine guy, success with women becomes too easy because most women feel naturally attracted to you. Why? Women are mostly attracted to a guy’s confidence and masculinity, which is why they will often hook up with bad guys and jerks.
5. Pretending not to be interested in sex
What a nice guy will often do is pretend that he’s not interested in a woman in a sexual way.
He will behave as though he only wants to be a friend to her, even though he really does want to have sex with her and regularly jerks off to porn, when he interacts with her, he will act as though he’s not even interested in sex whatsoever.
In his mind, he feels like he has a clever plan.
“I will befriend her and be so nice to her that she will eventually feel obliged to date me or have sex with me.”
The problem for the nice guy (apart from the fact that sexual attraction is missing) is that a woman will usually be able to tell if a guy likes her.
She will catch him looking at her, she will hear it in his words and she will see it in his actions. However, if he continues to just act like an innocent friend who isn’t interested in her in a sexual way, she will become suspicious of him and will find it difficult to trust him.
In some cases, a woman will play games with the guy by showing him little bits of interest and then rejecting him when he tries to make a move.
Not all women will do that, but some do enjoy having that power over guys because it gives them a boost of confidence and self-esteem, which they then use to feel confident when around guys who are actually making them feel sexually attracted.
When it comes to relationships, a woman does want to be with a good guy who treats her well and respects her. However, all that stuff comes later, not first.
Attraction first, nice stuff later.
6. Feeling superior over other guys because he is nicer than them
One thing I want to make clear here is that there is NOTHING wrong with being nice to a woman or to anyone for that matter.
In fact, The Modern Man method for success with women is about being a GOOD GUY who is also confident, masculine and socially intelligent.
The solution to success with women is NOT to be an asshole, bad boy, jerk or nice guy. Instead, the solution is to be a good guy who is also makes women feel attracted by displaying personality traits, behaviors and inner qualities that turn women on (e.g. confidence, masculine vibe, charisma, charm, humor).
As long as you display some attractive traits, women will feel some attraction for you and then, when you are nice to them, they will see you as a charming, attractive guy.
However, if all a guy has to offer women is niceness, they will see him as a nice guy and friend zone him.
He will then think that women are crazy or that other guys are assholes who will never be as nice as he is.
In the mind of a nice guy, he is right and everyone else is wrong.
He has been listening to women say, “All men are assholes” and “Men are only interested in one thing” and has personally “been there” for women who when they’ve complained about how bad their boyfriends had been treating them.
So, he figures, “Okay, so if women don’t like guys who treat them badly, then I need to be the nicest guy in the world. I will show women that I respect them and wouldn’t ever expect to have sex with them…unless they wanted to. When women see that I’m not like other guys and I’m not only interested in sex, they will come rushing to me and jump all over my cock. Yayy! I’ve worked out how to be successful with women!!”
Here’s the thing though…
If success with women was about men being as nice as possible to women, what do you think would happen to this world?
Can you imagine if women rewarded men for being super nice, polite and handing all their power over to women in the hope of being rewarded with a kiss or, if they are lucky, even some SEX?
Man, that would be a weird world.
Men would essentially be the slaves of women. Women would have men on dog collars and would say, “Sit…you little bitch!” and the man would sit.
As you may have noticed, that isn’t how the world is or has ever been.
However, for a nice guy, he thinks that a woman should reward him for being nice to her, being there for her, for listening to all of her problems, talking to her like one of her girlfriends would, putting her needs and wants ahead of his own, being extra polite and respectful and so on.
In his version of reality, it all makes perfect sense, but in the real world, it’s just not how the nature of attraction works.
It’s not all the fault of the nice guy though.
Hollywood movies, TV sitcoms and the politically correct comments that woman make on TV are partially to blame for this.
In Hollywood movies, the nice guy character always gets the girl in the end after he saves the day, saves the girl (usually from a bad guy) or saves the world.
Despite being nervous, self-doubting and generally a big fat pussy around the woman the entire movie, she eventually falls in love with him and they smile and embrace as the credits roll.
Nice guys then go through life thinking that they could be that knight in shining armor for women and be rewarded with sex, love and devotion. Yet, the more he tries to be the “save the day nice guy,” the more women friend zone him.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with helping a woman, being nice to her and saving her from problem, but it won’t result in sex and a relationship unless she is sexually attracted to you.
7. Secretly feeling as though women are more valuable than him
Although most nice guys won’t admit it, they often have the insecurity of not feeling worthy of women, especially beautiful women.
In fact, many nice guys feel as though they have to trick women into being with them, because they tend to worship women and see them as a prize to attain.
Some of this stems from jerking off to a lot of porn and seeing beautiful women as being something that is out of reach to him. He feels as though the woman would almost be doing him a favor or making a mistake by going out with him.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that if he just starting making women feel attracted to him during interactions, he would see that most women he meets do feel attracted to him.
Once the attraction is there, all a guy needs to do is have the balls to move things forward (e.g. to a phone number, kiss, sex, date) and most women will go along with it.
8. Not realizing that most women see the nice guy act as manipulative and untrustworthy
Although many women perceive the nice guy act to be manipulative, I know that most nice guys are actually honest, good guys who just want to be loved, understood and included.
Nice guys usually have good intentions with women and want to find themselves a nice girl or have a few fun, sexual relationship before settling into a serious relationship.
Yet, even though I can see the good in nice guys, I’ve found that when women complain about nice guys, they almost always use the word “manipulative.”
Why? They perceive his extreme niceness, politeness and kindness as a manipulative attempt to get women to “trust” him, so he can then get them into bed.
Unfortunately for a nice guy, women don’t think, “WOW! This guy is so nice! I want to have sex with him” because they can sense that the nice guy is expecting love, sex and affection as a reward for his niceness…and that is both annoying and a turn off.
The question for the woman becomes, “Is he just a nice, innocent guy who has nothing better to do than help me out and be nice to me, or does he have an ulterior motive? Is he trying to get me to see him as a harmless guy who is just trying to be helpful, or does he actually have a sexual interest in me? If he isn’t being honest about his intentions with me, what else is he lying about? Can I trust this guy to be alone with me? I can already see that he isn’t honest about who he is…so, what else should I be worried about?”
9. Behaving like a character from Pleasantville
If you’ve ever seen the movie Pleasantville, you will know that something just doesn’t seem right when everyone is so nice, reserved and extra polite.
Why? Generally speaking, humans are good people, but they also have a naughty side that they like to express every now and then.
If the naughty side is suppressed, humans always develop strange psychological issues and twisted behaviors.
A classic case of that is to think about how many religious figures, who are against sex, have actually been caught out hurting innocent children. Another example are male politicians who pretend to be perfect and then have an affair behind their wife’s back.
The secret to success with women is not to become a naughty, bad boy who treats women like shit and just cares about sex.
The secret is to lead a balanced life and to be genuine about what you want and don’t want. A lot of very nice guys give people the impression that they are innocent guys who would never think about having sex with a woman, but they then jerk off to sluts in hardcore porn every week.
While jerking off to porn, the nice guy is thinking all sorts of “naughty” thoughts, but in person, he behaves as though he would never think that way about a woman.
In many cases, women can pick up on this mismatch of energy and get a “creepy” vibe around him.
On one hand, he seems like an innocent, nice guy, but on the other hand, the woman can sense that he isn’t being truthful in how he is presenting himself to the world.
People instinctively know that when a person is being way too nice, something is up.
What I’ve found is that any extreme personality type is always based on insecurity. For example: If a guy goes around acting overly macho and tough, he will be insecure about how people perceive him and will be trying to impress them.
Yet, when a guy is confident, masculine and relaxed, he is usually the type of guy who doesn’t feel the need to put on a bit act of bravado to impress people. He knows that he’s already good enough, which is why he is confident rather than insecure.
If you look up confidence in the dictionary, you will see that it’s the opposite of insecurity.
Confidence is essentially about having belief in yourself and your abilities, whereas insecurity is about doubting yourself and your abilities.
So, when someone is acting way too nice or way too aloof or macho, people instinctively know that something isn’t quite right about them and they put their guard up.
If you want women to trust you and feel comfortable around you, don’t put on any act for anyone. Just be real, confident and relaxed and let women and people experience your true, unfiltered personality.
10. Thinking that showing sexual interest in a woman is disrespectful or “too forward”
Either due to a strict upbringing by very conservative parents or repeated brainwashing by TV and movies, some nice guys have developed the belief that showing sexual interest in a woman is wrong, disrespectful, rude, ill-mannered or too forward.
In many movies, TV shows and music video clips, women are portrayed as being offended or shocked when a guy shows any sexual interest.
In person, many women will also behave that way too so they doesn’t look too easy.
Yet, the truth is that not only do women love it when a guy shows sexual interest, but they usually NEED it because most women are insecure about their appearance and sex appeal.
Here are some statistics to show you what I mean:
- 96% of women don’t consider themselves to be beautiful, according to a global survey conducted by Dove Cosmetics.
- Women are reported to experience depression at twice the rate of men in the USA.
- In the UK, 40% of women will require treatment for depression at some point in their life compared to only 10% of men. In other words, women are more depressed than men.
- Women are twice as likely to experience anxiety compared to men.
- 60% of the people who have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorders) and phobias are women.
Especially since most guys would bang most women at least once.
Yet, the fact is that, statistically speaking, women are more insecure than men, so rather than acting like you don’t find them attractive, it’s actually important to attract a woman and then show sexual interest in her, otherwise she might doubt herself and start playing hard to get as a defense.
Most nice guys don’t know about the insecurity of women, so they think that they are doing women a favor by not showing sexual interest.
Yet, it actually makes him get rejected more because the woman thinks that he isn’t feel attracted to her enough, so she then starts playing hard to get to make him show more interest.
Then, when he panics and feels like he’s getting rejected, he starts showing lots of interest, which turns the woman off because he seems desperate.
To cut through the bullshit, a nice guy just needs to learn to be honest about his sexual interest in a woman.
If he finds a woman to be sexy, he simply needs to be confident and masculine around her to attract her and then have the courage to be honest and say, “You’re sexy…I like you” while looking her in the eyes with a confident smile.
Personally speaking, I’ve never had a woman be offended by that.
I’ve only ever had women become flattered and excited about it and then begin to feel turned on by me because I am being charming (making a woman feel attracted + being nice to her = charming) and have the balls to say something like that.
It may sound like 96% of women are CRAZY for not knowing that they are so beautiful and sexy, but guys do the very same thing when judging their own sex appeal.
Most guys don’t realize that their confidence and masculinity are the most attractive things to women and if they display that, almost every woman they meet will feel instant sexual attraction for them.
Guys make the mistake of getting sucked in by the fake reality of Hollywood movies and TV advertising, which gives them a completely different perspective of what it takes to be successful with women.
For example: Most guys think that they need to be tall, handsome or rich before a woman will like them. Other guys think that without six pack abs and a gym body, women won’t find them very sexy.
Yet, here is the real reason why guys fail with women…
As you will discover from the video above, women can feel attracted to superficial things about men (e.g. money, height, looks), but they can also feel just as attracted to personality traits, behaviors and inner qualities (e.g. confidence, charisma, charm, masculinity).
Most guys don’t know that though, so they go around thinking that modern women are shallow and only want tall, good looking rich guys.
It’s not just guys who are mixed up and confused these days though; 96% of women don’t even think they are beautiful!
Obviously those women are wrong, but they just don’t know it.
Women compare themselves to the photoshopped billboards and magazine ads and to the sexy women in porn videos. They know that men find very beautiful women the most attractive and a woman knows that without make up, she doesn’t look the women in the magazines.
She knows that when she goes to bed at night, she just looks like a normal, girl next door type…and that makes her insecure about her looks.
It’s a very insecure world out there, which actually gives you a MASSIVE advantage when you interact with women.
How? Just know that the next time you interact with a woman, she will put on a brave face and act as though she thinks she is the most beautiful, valuable girl in the world, but secretly she doesn’t believe it.
Personally speaking, knowing that has allowed me to remain confident around women who play hard to get, which then causes them to feel attraction to my unstoppable, unshakable confidence.
It’s a beautiful thing and we guys are lucky that women find our confidence so sexy and attractive.
I personally know a lot of beautiful women and they all have things about themselves that they don’t like and are insecure about.
For example: They will say things like, “I know that I look good, but I hate my nose…I know that I’m not pretty because of my nose” or “Yeah, if only had better legs…I look too short…I hate it.”
When a guy looks at these women, you can tell that he is physically attracted to them, but in the woman’s mind she is thinking things like, “He’s probably looking at my nose…ahh! I hate my life! I’ll never be able to find a good guy who doesn’t see other women as being more beautiful than me.”
When a nice guy talks to her, he will act like he’s only interested in her as a friend and she will thinking, “Ahh!! My frikken nose! Guys hate my nose” and will start acting like she doesn’t care about him.
The nice guy will then panic and feel like he’s being rejected. Yet, in reality, he’s lack of honesty is making her act on her insecurities.
Here’s the thing…
A lot of nice guys make the mistake of thinking that a woman will see them as being sleazy or too forward if he shows sexual interest.
He’s seen movies, TV sitcoms and music videos where women slap men or push men away for showing sexual interest.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that it is a necessary part of seducing modern women and that women actually love it, appreciate it and need it.
A nice guy will often ask, “What if she doesn’t like that?” or say, “She’s not like other girls. She’s nice. She doesn’t want to be treated that way.”
He will then treat her like an innocent angel of a girl, which will turn her off because she isn’t an innocent angel.
According to surveys of women, at least 65% of single women masturbate a few times a week. The real percentage would be a lot higher because most women are too shy to ever admit to masturbating, so it’s probably closer to 85%.
Additionally, most of the women that a nice guy refers to be as being “nice” or “special” or “not like other girls” have already had sex and potentially had a few one night stands.
Personally speaking, about 40% of the women I’ve had one night stands with have said, “I’ve never done this before” in an attempt to make themselves look innocent.
They don’t want me getting the impression that they are easy and that, if we had a relationship and she went out with her girlfriends, she would easily sleep with another guy.
A lot of women give the impression that they are innocent little angels, but they each have a naughty side and in today’s day and age, most of them explore it very often.
In the past, a woman would remain a virgin until marriage, but not anymore.
Today’s world is completely different and many nice guys tend to see women as being from the 1800s or early 1900s when sex was still taboo.
Whether a nice guy likes it or not, the world has changed and women aren’t innocent little angels who don’t like sex. They are out there enjoying themselves and trying to find a great guy in the process.
11. Placing himself in the friend zone and then getting angry when the woman rejects his advances
A lot of guy nice guys complain about being placed in the friend zone by a woman for being nice to her.
Yet, what a lot of these guys fail to realize is that they have placed themselves in the friend zone by not starting with making the woman feel sexually attracted.
A woman doesn’t place a guy in the friend zone because she is not the one leading the dance, so to speak. She is not the leader of the sexual courtship; she is the woman, the feminine, the one who is guided through a sexual courtship by a man.
If you don’t want to be placed in the friend zone with a woman, you need to start by making her feel sexually attracted to you and then, you can treat her nicely as you guide her to a kiss, sex and into a relationship.
Watch this video to understand how it works…
Guys who start out trying to be a woman’s friend are the ones who get friend zoned, whereas guys who start out turning a woman on are the ones who get to have sex and a relationship with the woman.
To start out with attraction, you’ve got to display attractive personality traits, behaviors and inner qualities to turn her on and get her interest. Only then she will be excited about the fact that you’re also a nice guy.
However, if you start out by sucking up to her with a nice guy act, then she’s not going to be turned on and she will friend zone you.
The nice guy then gets pissed off that the girl he really likes doesn’t feel the same way about him, even though he’s been so nice to her.
He may have treated her really nicely, listened to all of her problems, done favors for her, laughed at all her jokes and essentially done everything he can to show her how much good of a “friend” he is.
Then, he gets confused or even angry when she says, “Sorry, I just want to be friends” when he asks her out or tries to make a move.
He thinks that she’s a bitch or that he might just need to suck up to her a little more and then he’ll get some booty.
Yet, what’s really going on is that he hasn’t done anything to make her feel sexually turned on by him, so she’s not interested in anything other than a friendship.
12. Putting up with a woman’s bad behavior in the hope that she will like him for it
Since a nice guy’s approach to women is unattractive, he rarely gets a chance with any women.
So, when a girl shows the slightest bit of interest in him, he usually grabs onto that and never lets go.
A woman will often get to the point where she rejects the nice guy and has to say, “Let me be clear…I am not interested in you in that way…I only see you as a friend. Please understand that,” but the nice guy will keep holding on to any hope that she might change her mind.
In the mind of the nice guy, he feels that if he just sticks around puts up with her bad behavior, she will eventually begin to feel sorry for him and give him a chance.
After all, that’s what happens in most Hollywood movies and TV shows, so it should happen in the real world too, right? Wrong. The real world and the entertainment world of TV and movies are two completely different things.
I remember a time when a nice guy told me a story of how badly a woman that he liked had treated him.
She was planning on paying someone to get her house painted, but the nice guy stepped in and offered to do it for free so she could save some money.
In his mind, he thought he would get rewarded with love, sex and a relationship for being so nice and helpful to her. Instead, while he was painting her house, she put on a sexy dress and went out on a date with another guy.
The nice guy was furious, but stuck around to finish the paint job.
Over the next few weeks, his “friendship” with her then deteriorated and when he eventually confessed his feelings to her, she was shocked.
She said something along the lines of, “I thought we were just friends? I’ve never seen you in any other way. Sorry, but I think we are better off as friends. I hope you can respect that.”
He couldn’t understand what he had done wrong.
In his mind, he had been the perfect gentleman, but she still wasn’t interested.
If you have read this far into the article, you would know that he didn’t start with attraction, so he got friend zoned.
The world doesn’t work like this: Be really nice to women and you will be rewarded with sex and a relationship.
It works like this: Attract women and you will be rewarded with sex and a relationship.
13. Thinking that being an alpha male means being a jerk or bad boy
Some nice guys avoid taking an alpha male approach to life because they assume that to be an alpha male, they have to be the “top dog” all the time by bossing people around.
The nice guy just wants people to like him for the soft, insecure, gentle guy that he is.
That might of worked as a child, but it doesn’t work when a guy becomes and adult and he will often feeling angry at people and the world for not taking pity on him like they did when he was a kid.
Whether he accepts that now or 20 years from now is his choice, the laws of nature ain’t going to change for him.
It’s a fact of nature that women are more attracted to alpha males than any other type of guy. It’s not something that you can convince women to stop feeling. It’s instinctive.
What I teach here at The Modern Man is how to be a good guy alpha male; the type of guy that women lust after and men respect. The type of guy that everyone wants to be friends with.
Yes, there are bad boy alpha males out there, but just because you’ve seen a jerk alpha male or an asshole alpha male before, it doesn’t mean that all alpha males are like that.
So, don’t be afraid of the term “alpha male” and assume that it’s about being an aggressive asshole who bosses everyone around.
You can still be a good guy and be an alpha male. In fact, I recommend it.
Bad boy alpha males usually get their punishment in the end, whether it’s prison time, divorce, lonliness or failure at life in general.
Good guy alpha males are the guys that almost everyone looks up to and respects (e.g. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Will Smith, Bear Grylls, Bill Rancic).
When a nice guy goes through life rejecting women’s desire for him to be an alpha male, he is limiting his attractiveness to women. He may be a perfect match for a woman in so many ways, but if she doesn’t feel that he has alpha male qualities, her attraction for him will be mild at best.
14. Assuming that women are stupid and will fall for the “clever” nice guy act
Hollywood movies are partially to blame for this because, in the movies, the nice guy almost always gets the girl in the end.
An example of that is the movie 500 Days of Summer, where a nervous, nice guy named Tom hooks up with the female lead character named Summer, when she makes the first move on him and kisses him.
Throughout the movie, Tom behaves like a nice, innocent friend around her and is constantly obsessing over her.
He is in love with her and everything about her, but lies to her face by pretending to be a friend.
After a while, she picks up on the fact that he really likes her. Then, one day in the photocopying room, she stops, looks him in the eyes, walks over, kisses him and then walks out of the room.
Sadly, it’s movies like 500 Days of Summer that cause so much confusion, depression and loneliness for modern men.
Nice guys all over the world look at that crap and think that women are stupid and will be tricked by the nice guy act into making the first move on a guy.
In the real world, a beautiful woman like Summer would have just hooked up with a confident guy and Tom would have remained in the friend zone where had placed himself all along.
Since Hollywood movies are usually quiet vague and don’t come with explanations of what they really mean, it leaves it open to interpretation.
Someone like me can see exactly where Tom is going wrong, but many nice guys will watch what Tom does and think that it’s a strategy that might work for them.
“If I can just be nice enough and behave as though I am a hopeless romantic, maybe a girl like Summer will take pity on me.”
Many women watching the movie will roll their eyes and cringe when they recall the guys like Tom who have pursued them, despite there being no sexual chemistry.
Yet, women won’t try to stop men from behaving like that.
Why? Many women use guys like Tom as a self-esteem boost and lead him along, showing little bits of interest so he comes infatuated with her, treats her nice, compliments her, does favors for her, etc.
If he gets an honest female friend, she might tell him, “You don’t need to be that nice. Just be yourself” but he will have no idea what that means because it’s a vague statement.
What he really needs to here is, “Make her feel sexually attracted to you and turned on by you and she will then want you,” but he probably won’t know how to do that either.
15. Thinking that letting her be in the position of power will make her happy
A nice guy will often assume that the more power he gives to a woman, the happier she will be.
Yet, that’s not how it works when it comes to sexual relationships.
In the workplace and in everyday life, women do want the opportunity to be in a position of power, but that doesn’t mean that the same woman wants a man to submit to her power when he meets her at a bar or party for the first time.
These days, women take on leadership roles in the workplace and usually do an excellent job of it. However, when it comes to a sexual, romantic relationship a woman wants to be able to relax into the masculine power and direction of a man.
That doesn’t mean she wants a man to disrespect her and put her down. Instead, she just wants a man to remain confident around her and not hand over his balls to her in the hope that she is nice enough to give him a chance to be with her.
A classic example of a guy handing over his power is when a woman that he is dating asks, “So, what do you want to do today?” and the nice guy replies, “Whatever you want to do.”
Sure, women do want to get to choose where to go on dates sometimes, but in most cases, they just want to relax into being an emotional woman who doesn’t need to lead the way all the time. She wants to feel feminine and girly around a guy who is taking the lead and not expecting her to take on the masculine role and lead him.
Some nice guys get angry at women for being turned off when a guy lacks the balls or the emotional masculinity to lead.
Over the years, many guys have asked me, “Dan, why do we men have to lead? Why can’t a woman just take control and tell me what to do. I’ll do whatever she wants, I don’t care.”
Yet, what a lot of guys don’t realize is that a woman doesn’t feel turned on, attracted and in love if she has to take on the role of being a guy’s big sister, mother figure or teacher in life about how to be a man.
She wants a guy who makes her feel like she can relax and go along with what he wants to do, rather than always having to think ahead, plan and lead the way for the both of them.
So, rather than taking on the role as mother or big sister to a confused nice guy, a woman will simply reject him and hope to meet a guy who is willing to be a man for her.
Some guys hate to hear that though and will say, “I don’t care what they want! I will stay single and jerk off to porn for life.”
That guy will get more and more miserable as the years go on, until he eventually realizes that he’s either going to have to be a man or he will continue to be left behind as his friends get girlfriends, get married, start a family and move onto the next levels of life without him.
16. Misinterpreting the complaints that women make about men
A nice guy will often hear women complaining about men not treating them well enough.
He will then come up with what initially seems like a genius idea, “Ahah! I’ve got it! I will let her do whatever she wants, I’ll buy her gifts, dinner and drinks, I will do anything she says and treat her 100 times better than other guys do…THEN she will like me!”
What the nice guy fails to realize is that it doesn’t matter how nice he is to a woman.
If she doesn’t feel sexual attraction for him and respect him as a man, then she isn’t going to be interested in having a sexual, romantic relationship with him.
Yes, the woman who is complaining about guys does want to find a better, nicer guy, but niceness isn’t the number one trait that she is looking for.
Think about it from our perspective…
We men are more attracted to physically beautiful women. Despite our attraction for a woman’s physical appearance, most of us guys also want a woman who has a good personality.
Yet, most guys would gladly have a sexual relationship with a beautiful woman based on their attraction for her. In other words, if a woman is hot, you’d probably bang her and hook up with her for a while simply based on the fact that she looks good.
The same goes for women; they feel attracted to a guy, have a sexual relationship with him and hope that they can change him into a better guy. When they can’t change him, they complain, dump him and then try to find a better guy.
Nice guys will hear women say, “Guys are all assholes. Where are all the nice guys?” and he think, “WTF? I am right here. Why can’t she see that I’m nice? I guess I will have to be even nicer to make sure that she notices that I’m not like other guys.”
Yet, what women really mean by, “Where are all the nice guys?” is, “Where can I find a guy who makes me feel attracted and turned on and is also nice to me?”
Guys like that are very hard to find because they’re usually already taken (e.g. have a girlfriend or wife), or have multiple girlfriends and don’t have time for any more.
The good guy with multiple girlfriends might seem like a jerk to nice guys, but in most cases, he’s just another good guy who is letting multiple women have a chance with him at once. If he falls in love with one of them, he will accept her as his exclusive girlfriend.
Many nice guys hate to hear that because it annoys them that a guy like him could have so many women, while the nice guy isn’t getting anything other than the empty feeling he experiences after jerking off to porn multiple times per week.
What the nice guy doesn’t understand is that women want to feel sexually attracted first and then any nice traits that a guy has are seen as a bonus.
When a woman meets a guy who makes her feel sexually attracted and also happens to be a good guy, she will feel as though has struck gold and will hold onto him with both hands and never let go.
Even if he is seeing other women at the same time, she will try hard to become his number one girl…and she will love the challenge.
Meanwhile, the nice guy will be thinking, “WTF? Why is she chasing after him? I would completely commit to her.”
Yes, of course the nice guy wants to commit to her because he is attracted to her, but the attraction isn’t mutual. He has to turn her on first and that is something that almost all nice guys are unwilling to do upfront because they think it’s wrong or too forward.
17. Trying to convince a woman to like him
Many nice guys will attempt to convince women to like them, by explaining how he is not like other guys or that he has “feelings” for her.
What most nice guys don’t realize is that a woman doesn’t choose a guy based on how convincing his argument is about why he is better, nice, sweeter or more trustworthy than other guys.
A woman chooses based on the hot, tingly feeling she gets in her pussy.
In other words, if you turn her on by your behavior (e.g. by being confident, making her laugh, being charming, being charismatic), she will feel attracted to you and be willing to be with you, without you having to convince her to give you a chance.
Without knowing that simple fact, a nice guy will often express his “feelings” in a heartfelt way to a woman.
He’ll say, “Why aren’t you interested in me more than just a friend? I really like you. I would treat you so well. I will give you everything that you want. If you were my girlfriend, I would never cheat on you, treat you badly or take you for granted. Other guys just want to use you for sex, but I will give you my heart and my love forever.”
What the nice guy doesn’t realize is that doesn’t mean much or anything to a woman prior to her feeling sexual attraction and lust for him.
Women don’t respond to promises of loyalty, kindness and niceness, they respond to feelings of sexual attraction. If you also happen to be a good guy, then it is a welcome bonus, but it’s not her number one need.
Try to think think about it this way…
Imagine a woman who is completely unattractive to you.
The sort of woman who you would NEVER have sex with.
You have no sexual feelings for her at ALL, but she is saying to you, “I would treat you so well. I will give you everything that you want. If you were my boyfriend, I would never cheat on you, treat you badly or take you for granted. I would give you my heart and my love forever.”
Would that make you want her?
If you’re not a desperate guy who would have sex with any woman who offers, then you will say no.
If you say yes and would have sex with her, then you have a mindset that is VERY unattractive to women (i.e. a mindset of sexual desperation). Women are turned off by men who will have sex with any woman, rather than having standards.
A woman only feels special if she knows that you could easily have other women, but are choosing her.
Anyway, back to the unattractive woman.
If her attempts to try and convince you to feel attracted to her and love her fail because you’re NOT attracted to her, can you see where the nice guy fails too?
He fails to attract the woman, behaves in ways that turn her off (e.g. giving her too much power) and then tries to convince her to want a sexual relationship with him. Can you understand why she would say no?
She’s not being a bitch, she’s just acting on her instinct of attraction and with him, it’s just not there.
18. Claiming to be an honest, nice guy, but lying about his intentions
Many nice guys have an impression of themselves as being more honest than almost everyone else in the world.
A nice guy will go through life feeling as though he deserves to be with women because she so nice, honest and respectful towards women. Yet, when he interacts with women that he’s attracted to, he lies to them by pretending to be a nice, innocent friend.
When a nice guy observes a confident guy showing his sexual interest in a woman right away, the nice guy will usually label the guy as being a sleazy asshole.
In the mind of a nice guy, he thinks that women want to be taken on a series of sweet, innocent dates that eventually lead to a kiss when the woman is ready.
That approach was great in the 1950s, but not in today’s world.
Today, almost all women kiss or have sex with a guy on either the first night, first date or second date.
Hearing that will anger some nice guys and a nice guy reading this may even assume that I think all women are sluts. They’re not; it’s just that the dating process has changed. These days, most women are open to starting a relationship with sex and then seeing where it goes.
In the 1800s for example, a man would have to slowly court a woman and then eventually ask her father for her hand in marriage.
Pre-maritial sex was forbidden, so the dating strategy was a long courtship where the man proved himself as a nice, trustworthy man who could provide a good life for the woman.
Yet, that’s just not how it works anymore.
Hearing that may make some nice guys wish they could go back in time and live in the 1800s and that is fine, but since we haven’t invented time travel yet, he either has to accept that things have changed or continue missing out on sex and relationships and having to jerk off to porn all the time.
Not all women will have sex on the first night, first date or second date, but I estimate about 85% of the women I’ve met have been.
I’ve slept with women from all walks of life and nationalities and it’s always the same because the dating game has changed.
Women may give the impression that they’re “not that sort of girl” but that’s just a social persona that they put on to avoid being mistakenly judged as being a slut. From the woman’s perspective, she’s just trying to have some fun while she works on finding the right guy for her.
Nice guys who interact with women and pretend to only be interested in her in a friendly way, often don’t realize the dishonesty in their approach.
They feel as though they are being nice to her or being a “gentleman” and as such, they should be rewarded for it. After all, he always hears women complaining about men only “wanting one thing,” so he tries to show her that he’s not interested in sex.
Yet, she is interested in sex.
19. Copying the thought patterns of confused celebrity nice guys
Just because a guy is a celebrity or rock singer, it doesn’t mean that he has all the answers to success with women.
Some nice guys will watch interviews of male celebrities and pop idols and hear them talk about women in the same, confused way as he does.
When listening to a song about women that has been written by a confused nice guy, a nice guy will think, “Yeah!!! See…THIS guys gets it! Women are so stupid for rejecting us nice guys…even this SINGER is saying it, so it MUST be true that women are just confused.”
There are some celebrities and rock/pop singers who are good with women, but many aren’t.
Some nice guys don’t realize that and think that if celebrities are saying the same things about women (e.g. women only go for bad boys), then in must be true. He then clings to the hope that ONE DAY women will realize their mistake and start giving nice guys the respect the “deserve.”
What the nice guy doesn’t realize is that it isn’t a smart move to copy the thought patterns of men who are still struggling with women despite being a celebrity.
He doesn’t realize that there are millions of good guys who get laid more than celebrities, even though they are just ordinary guys.
He wants to believe that women are wrong for rejecting him because he doesn’t want to face up to the fact that he may have been wrong about women all along.
So, he listens to confused, male celebrities who complain about women wanting bad boys and he feels happy in his little world of lonely masturbation and anger towards women.
What he doesn’t realize is that most women would like him and be open to hooking up with him, if he could just be wise enough to start with sexual attraction and then confidently lead the way to kissing, sex and a relationship.
Yet, the nice guy doesn’t want to do that.
He wants women to feel sexually attracted to him and romantically interested in him for being nice.
20. Thinking that being incredibly nice to a woman is original and will sweep her off her feet
What a nice guy doesn’t realize is that his caring, attentive nice guy approach is NOT original.
Throughout her life, a woman will constantly be hit on by guys who are kind, considerate and extra nice in the hope of being liked by her.
A guy will think, “I’ll get her…I’ll be so damn nice to her that she will see me as the cutest, sweetest guy she’s ever met. She will feel guilty about how kind I am being towards her and she will have to give me a chance with her.”
If a woman has some experience with men, she will know that very nice guys almost always change once they get her into a relationship.
The nice guy will usually go from being sweet, considerate and kind to insecure, inconsiderate and controlling when in a relationship.
Instead of explaining to him that she isn’t falling for his nice guy act, she will simply say, “Thanks, but I’m not looking for a relationship” or “I wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship” and then hope that he gets the hint.
She knows that nice guys who struggle to get laid are usually a nightmare to break up with, because they will cling on to the only attractive woman who has given them a chance in a long time.
21. Thinking that being romantic will make her want to be with him
Most nice guys see romance as a means to an end.
In other words, it’s a trick, a ploy or a move to get a woman to like him.
Yet, when he tries this “special trick” on women, they are usually annoyed by it because the attraction isn’t mutual.
Romance from a nice guy tends to be one sided, awkward and unwanted, but real romance is something that both the man and woman are aware of and want; it’s exciting and invigorating for both of them because there is a mutual attraction.
From a nice guy’s perspective, he thinks that by being romantic he is giving women what the want and if he really lays it on thick, the woman will feel guilty for getting so much nice attention and kindness that she will have to sleep with him.
22. Thinking that “being in touch with his feminine side” is what women want
In the 1980s, women began to have more of a voice on TV and were saying things like, “Men are so emotionless. They shouldn’t be afraid to cry. They should get in touch with their feminine side. I respect a man who has the guts to cry.”
Statements like those were partially responsible for creating what became known as the S.N.A.G (Sensitive New Aged Guy), which resulted in a lot of men ending up as 40 year old virgins or getting cheated on or dumped by women for years on end.
The SNAGS began crying during movies, taking a lot of interest in traditionally feminine things (e.g. cooking, cleaning, home decorating, fashion, romantic movies, etc) and rejecting traditional masculine behavior.
Many guys who were already married to a woman thought they could fix their stale marriage by becoming more of a SNAG. What did the wives do? Divorce them.
Why? If she wasn’t attracted to him in the first place (e.g. because he had become insecure, wasn’t able to make her feel girly and feminine in comparison to his masculinity) and then he became a sensitive, feminine type of guy, she would be even more turned off by him.
Here’s the thing…
Sometimes, women just say whatever comes to their mind about men and relationship if they don’t mean it.
Men who don’t realize that it’s not a woman’s role to lead us and teach us how to be men, make the mistake of listening to what women say and then taking it 100% literally.
“Okay, you want sensitive? Fine, I will cry my frikken eyes out in front of you! Do you like me more NOW?”
Confused men follow what a woman says and then she changes her mind (often a second or two later), the guy is left confused and even angry at her for it.
He doesn’t realize that we men have to decide what we want to do, while also taking into account the wants, needs and desires of women.
We need to be respectful of women and listen to them, but it is us men who make the final decision about how we behave, think and act.
It’s not up to women to guide and take on the role of mother or big sister in your life.
It’s just not how the nature of male/female attraction works.
Men who understand women know that a woman will often say one thing and then do the complete opposite or be fully committed to a new cultural idea one year and totally against it the next.
In the early 2000s, gay people became socially acceptable and began appearing on TV shows, such as “Queer Eye For the Straight Guy” in which they would give a heterosexual man a “makeover” and get him dress nicely, get a new hairstyle and make his home look more stylish.
When the straight guy was presented to everyone near the end of the show, women would say, “Wow! He looks so handsome. Wow! I like your clothes! Wow! I would date him”
So, what did many guys do?
They took it way too far and ended up creating what became known as the Metrosexual.
They began waxing their chests, legs and/or eyebrows. They got pedicures, manicures, starting wear pink shirts and way too much cologne.
What did women do? They rejected, cheated on or dumped those guys for being too in touch with their feminine side.
Women began saying, “I don’t like a guy who spends more time getting in the bathroom than I do” and once again, guys all around the world were confused about what women want.
Don’t get me wrong though.
The fact that modern men are more in touch with their emotions is a good thing. Additionally, the fact that is has become socially acceptable for a man to say, “I love you” to a friend or family member is also a GOOD thing.
In the past, a lot of men were too closed up emotionally.
A son would often grow up never hearing his father say, “I love you” or “I’m proud of you son,” which is a damn shame for both of them.
However, thanks to the efforts of women and yes, even gay guys, modern men are much more capable of being more emotionally open and present with women, their friends and family.
So, a lot of good has come out of the confusion of the last 3-4 decades. We’ve become wiser, more enlightened and more open-minded.
To be clear: There is nothing wrong with feeling emotion, taking care of your appearance or even cooking a dinner for a woman.
The problem is when a guy goes overboard, loses touch with what it means to be a man and ends up coming across as a feminine guy or even making some people wonder if he is actually gay.
Don’t copy the gay guys from TV and don’t listen to what women say and take it so literally.
Yes, be more emotionally open and loving, but don’t be a girl about it.
Women are not attracted to guys who are more “sensitive” and emotional than they are.
A woman wants to be able to feel as though she’s with a guy who is mentally and emotionally strong, not a guy who will break down into tears when life gets tough.
She wants to be able to relax into the feminine around a guy who is secure in his masculinity. If she wanted to be with someone who was very emotional and sensitive, she would hook up with a woman.
23. Misinterpreting the meaning of a woman teasing a confident guy
When a nice guy observes a woman tease a man or put him down for being very confident (e.g. “You think that all the women like you, don’t you?”), it is usually meant as a test of his confidence.
Women are attracted to confidence and when a woman tests a guy by teasing him and attempting to make him nervous, but notices that he remains confident, then she feels even MORE attracted to him.
If the confident guy is also a good guy, then the woman will be excited and want to be with him.
However, if no confident good guys are available, many women will hook up with a guy who is so confident that he is arrogant or a bit of a jerk.
Why? Confidence and masculinity are the most attractive things to women.
A nice guy will see a woman hooking up with a guy who isn’t very nice and wonder if the woman has lost her mind. He’ll think, “Why is she with him? He doesn’t give a crap about her and will just use her for sex. I would treat her so well. What is wrong with women?”
When a nice guy sees a woman putting a confident guy down or picking on a confident guy for believing in himself, a nice guy will often make the mistake of thinking that women want a man who will lower himself around her.
So, instead of behaving in a confident way around women, he will behave in a shy, soft, hesitant and polite way and let women push him around in the hopes that it will make them like him.
Nice guys will sometimes say, “I wouldn’t want to be presumptuous and assume that a woman likes me” not realizing that it’s that assumption, that belief in himself that would actually attract women.
Many nice guys feel embarrassed to be too confident around a woman because they feel as though would be disrespectful to the almighty woman. < em>”What if she thinks I am being arrogant by being confident? What if she says that I’m an asshole for assuming that she would like me?”
Many nice guys never realize that there is a big difference between being a good guy who is very confident and being arrogant.
Arrogance (noun): Offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.
Confidence (noun): Belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.
As a man, your confidence is your number one weapon for success with women and in life.
You’ve got to belief in yourself and go after what you want with women and in life. However, arrogance is a completely different thing altogether.
At times, it may appear as though women are putting a man down for being arrogant, but almost every time it will simply be a test of his confidence. If he remains confidence and doesn’t buckle under pressure, the women will be even more attracted to him than before.
24. Constantly contacting her
There’s nothing wrong with showing your interest in a woman by getting in contact with her, but nice guys usually make the mistake of going overboard.
Sometimes, a nice guy will think, “I don’t want her to think that I’m not interested. I’m not one of those jerks who will play games with her. I am serious about her. I will contact her all day every day because I want her to know how much I care and that I’m serious about her.”
What he doesn’t realize is that women want to have the opportunity to miss a guy.
Women love the feelings that come with wondering, “Will he call today?” or “Why hasn’t he responded to my message? It’s been two hours!”
The nice guy robs her of that and instead forces her to feel smothered, trapped and even annoyed by his constant contact.
The nice guy also doesn’t realize that a woman wants to feel like she has to impress HIM and maintain HIS interest.
She wants to know that he could easily have other women, but if she plays her cards right and continues to impress him, he will give her a chance.
When a nice guy learns that about women, he usually thinks, “No, I don’t want to play any games with her. I am serious about her and I will definitely give her a chance. I don’t want her getting the impression that I would not accept her. Of course I would accept her. I want her more than anything else in the world.”
What he doesn’t realize is that the approach he is using towards her is the approach that she wishes he would make her take.
She wants to be in the position where she has to impress the guy to win his love and affection, rather than be in the position where she eventually “gives in” and gives a guy a chance with her because he’s been so sweet and nice.
In other words, she wants a guy who is more of a challenge to win over…
Being a challenge doesn’t mean faking it that you don’t like a woman.
Instead, it’s about making her feel attracted to you, showing some interest in her, but not being fully sold on her right away.
By eagerly trying to get her to be his girlfriend, a nice guy prevents the woman from experiencing the thrill of the chase as she gradually wins a guy over and is lucky enough to have sex with him or become his girlfriend.
A nice guy doesn’t want to let her have that experience.
He feels as though showing any sign of resistance towards her will turn her off, when in reality, it actually makes a woman more interested.
Nice guys usually see challenging behavior as being as “jerk behavior,” whereas women see it as exciting.
Think about it…
If a woman is attractive, pretty much every guy would bang her at least once.
There’s no challenge for her.
She wants the excitement of feeling attracted to a guy, but not being able to get him to fully like her unless she really impresses him.
That way, she gets to feel like she has scored a guy that she really wants to be with, rather than just saying yes to the 99% of guys who would bang her if she allowed it.
Women won’t go around admitting that, but all you have to do is watch what they do (i.e. lust after guys who make them feel attracted, but are a challenge to win over), rather than what they say, “I just want a nice guy” or “Where are all the nice guys?”
Once again, being a challenge is not about faking non-interest in a woman.
You have to make her feel attracted to you, show some interest, but not be fully sold on her unless she really impress you.
You don’t say, “Okay, impress me” and expect her to impress you. Instead, you let her see that you’re not fully sold on her by the way you use your body language, talk and respond and react to her.
25. Thinking that women are making a mistake by not dating him
A nice guy will often develop the attitude of, “Well, stuff you bitches…if you can’t see the good guy that is in front of you, then you won’t ever get to be with me. You can all go get f**ked!”
Personally speaking, I feel sorry for guys like that and I work my ass off here at The Modern Man to make as many informative articles and videos as I can, to hopefully get the message out there.
Nice guys are usually good, intelligent, honest guys, but they just have the wrong idea about how the human mating dance works.
When a nice guy doesn’t understand attraction and what women really want, he will get angry at women for choosing guys based on things that he doesn’t understand.
He wants women to stop following their natural instinct of attraction and start lusting after guys because they are nice.
When he tries to get women to like him for being nice and they aren’t interested, he concludes that women must be crazy and are making a mistake by not seeing how good of a guy he is.
Yet, unless he actively starts making women feel sexually attracted to him during interactions, he will continue to experience the same rejection over and over again.
Eventually, a girl may give him a chance, but she will lose interest in him in a relationship if he is unable to maintain her feelings of attraction after the initial novelty of being with someone new wears off.
26. Thinking that building a friendship with a woman is the same as going through a sexual courtship with her
A friendship is different to a sexual relationship.
While it might seem like the “logical” thing to do to build a friendship with a woman before making a move or tell her that you have feelings for her, it’s just not the way it works.
The fact is that many women will kiss or have sex with a guy on the first night, first date or second or third date, without any prior friendship or knowledge of the guy.
- An American study found that 55% of couples have sex on their first date.
- Durex Condoms survey in Norway found that 70% of people had experienced a one-night stand.
- Student Beans survey in the UK found that 51% of men and women admitted to having experienced a one-night stand.
- The National Survey on Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles found that the average amount of men that a woman had sex with before marriage has almost doubled in the last 10 years from an average of 3.7 to now 7.7.
Does this mean that modern women are sluts?
Pre-marital sex is no longer forbidden, so women men and women are free to take each other for a test drive first (i.e. have sex, date for a while) before they commit to an actual relationship.
Some guys fall in love right away and commit because they are a great match, while others have sex, break up and continue looking for a more compatible person.
Some nice guys might complain about that and say that they wish they were living in 1800, but those guys just need to grow up and accept that the world ALWAYS changes.
Culture is never stuck on one trend forever.
It used to be forbidden for women to wear a mini skirt. It was shocking for a woman to show her ankles.
Now, millions of men all over the world are jerking off to hardcore porn, where women are copping 3-4 dicks at once.
The world changes man. Deal with it.
The gentleman nice guy approach of slowly courting a woman has been replaced by instant hook ups that either result in a relationship or a, “That was fun, bye!”
A lot of nice guys just don’t understand how much sex is actually going on.
In his mind, women don’t want sex as much as he does. Why does he think that? Because most women aren’t sexually attracted to him because he uses the nice guy approach.
In his world, women aren’t even into sex because they always seem to be saying things like, “Sorry, I’m not looking for a boyfriend right now” or feel shocked when he shows sexual interest in them.
Why? Because the sexual attraction isn’t mutual.
The nice guy is trying to achieve his end goal with her (i.e. a sexual relationship) by being a friend to her first and hoping to slowly grow on her over time.
The nice guy tries to get a woman to “like” him as a person, but doesn’t realize that a woman liking him as a person is completely different to her feeling sexual attraction and lust for him.
Sexual attraction is required before sex, not a friendship.
It’s fine to be friendly with a woman after you make her feel sexually attracted, but don’t waste time doing it beforehand. You will get instant results with women if you start by turning them on instead.
Here’s the thing though…
If you listen to what women SAY, they will say that they like to “get to know a guy first” before rushing into anything.
If you watch what women DO, you will see that they feel instant attraction for some guys and rush into a sexual or committed relationship, without getting to know him well.
Why? Women can’t go around looking slutty by admitting that they don’t need to get to know a guy first before kissing him or having sex with him.
27. Reframing rejection as being the fault of everyone else
Over the years, some guys have contacted me and said something along the lines of, “I’ve done the noble thing by being a really nice guy. I’m a gentleman. I’m a good guy, but women just don’t get it. I guess they want to be treated like shit. Where are all the women that my grandfather would have been able to meet? Give me those types of women. The women of today are just money hungry sluts who don’t know a good guy when one is staring her in the face. If they want guys to treat them like shit, maybe I should start being an asshole.”
I feel sorry for guys like that because they just don’t know what you’ve been learning so far in this article.
I used to feel the same way at times and wonder why a beautiful, intelligent woman would want to be with a guy who I perceived to be a bad boy, asshole, jerk or just a guy who didn’t seem like he was any better than me.
I heard so many women say things like, “I want a nice guy” and I misinterpreted what women actually meant by it.
I thought they meant, “A really, really nice, sweet, polite guy” when they actually meant, “A guy who makes me feel attracted and is also nice to me.”
When I didn’t understand what I now teach here at The Modern Man, I thought that I deserved to have beautiful women in my life because I was nice.
I thought everyone else was acting crazy for not giving me the credit that I felt I deserved for being so nice.
Yet, I was wrong.
For a nice guy to become successful with women, he has to stop blaming everyone else and simply start making women feel attracted to him by displaying the personality traits, behaviors and inner qualities that naturally attract women (e.g. confidence, charisma, masculine vibe, charm, humor).
A nice guy needs to understand that women do want a good guy, but getting a woman to have sex with him doesn’t begin with him showing her how nice of a guy he is; it starts with sexual attraction.
Women aren’t crazy for rejecting nice guys, just like men aren’t crazy for rejecting physically unattractive women.
Both genders are simply reacting to what they feel naturally turned off or attracted to.
Physically unattractive women might feel angry that men don’t find them very attractive, but we can’t help it.
Likewise, nervous, self-doubting nice guys might feel angry that women don’t find them very attractive, but women can’t help it that they feel attracted to confidence.
28. Hoping that he will grow on a woman if he can just spend enough time around her
In the movies, the nice guy who is hopeless with women will eventually grow on the woman.
He will start out getting rejected by her and then he will save the day, save the world or save the girl and then she will like him.
Awww, how sweet.
In the real world though, a guy needs to create the spark of sexual attraction right away otherwise another guy who knows how to do it will have a sexual relationship with her and he’ll end up in the friend zone.
In some cases, a guy will have time to slowly grow on a woman, but in most cases, modern women have options and will simply hook up with a guy who gets her attracted and moves it forward to kissing and sex.
Over the years, many guys have said something along the lines of this to me, “Dan…I’m a bit of shy guy, but once women get to know me they start to like me.”
Yet, that’s just not good enough.
Hoping to eventually “grow on a woman” is not an effective strategy for having your choice of women in today’s world.
All it takes to lose the woman you like is for another guy who knows what he’s doing (i.e. he starts with attraction and then confidently guides her to kissing and sex) to come along and take her from you.
After that, you will be placed even further in the friend zone than ever before.
Even if you had known the woman for months and had really gotten to know her as a friend, she will place more importance on the hot, tingly feeling in her pussy, than the friendly feelings she has for you.
She wants to get laid with a guy who makes her feel attracted, not a self-doubting, nice guy who makes her feel friendly emotions.
100 years ago, a nice guy would have had more of a chance to grow on a woman because a woman didn’t really have that many options, compared to today where women can go out to a bar, use online dating or just say “Yes” to the many guys who like her at work or through friends.
A long time ago, dating was frowned upon and most women couldn’t be alone with a potential suitor and would need to have a chaperone (usually a member of the family) accompany her and the guy everywhere, to ensure that they didn’t kiss or get physical in any way.
Back then, a woman had to save her virginity for marriage, so the dating process was completely different.
In today’s world, most women have sex on the first night, first date or first few dates.
Some guys get angry when they hear that because it implies that modern women are sluts, but they aren’t.
Humans adapt their dating and mating strategies to the particular culture they are surrounded by.
In today’s world, most people don’t wait until marriage to lose their virginity and instead have many sexual, romantic, loving relationships before feeling ready to settle down.
Many women only sleep with a guy as a way of keeping him interested because they know that a lot of guys will not put up with having to wait weeks or months to have sex.
So, instead of losing him to another girl, she will sleep with him very quickly so they can start their relationship.
Many nice guy don’t realize this and instead try to slowly grow on a woman over time, hoping that she will eventually “like” him.
He doesn’t realize that he can skip all that crap and get right to sex and a relationship by attracting her first and then moving it forward.
29. Thinking that if he tells a woman he has feelings for her, it will make her want to be with him
One of the most common mistakes that a nice guy makes is telling a woman that he has feelings for her, before he has even attracted her and created the exciting, loving feelings that come with sexual chemistry.
In the mind of a nice guy, he thinking, “If she knows how much I care about her, love her and respect her, then she will surely give me a chance and want to be with me.”
Yet, as you would know if you’ve read this far into the article, that isn’t the way to start a sexual relationship with a woman.
In many cases, a nice guy will behave like her friend for a long time and then suddenly confess his “feelings” for her, but she will have been so turned off by self-doubting, super nice behavior that she won’t see him in that way at all.
She will have noticed that he was being extra nice and polite as an attempt to get her to like and trust him, which she will suddenly stop feeling around him.
Instead of making her feel sexually attracted and turned on while he interacted with her, he would have been making her feel very friendly, soft, innocent, polite, unsexy emotions.
So, rather than looking to him as a man who she’d love to get bent over by, she looks at him more like a little brother or friend.
Despite being a good guy and having good intentions with her, she rejects him because she just doesn’t feel the same way he does (i.e. she doesn’t feel the sexual attraction that he does for her).
When a nice guy gets to that point and hears a woman say, “Sorry, I don’t see you in that way. I think we should just remain friends” it is devastating.
He has spent so much time thinking about her, fantaszing about being in a relationship with her and believing that he has been going about the courtship in the right way.
In his mind, his “clever plan” to get her to like him and trust him was working until he confessed his feelings. Little does he know, he was going about it the wrong way the entire time and only ever made her see him as a friend.
At this point, a lot of nice guys feel angry, confused and bitter towards the woman and women in general.
Some guys won’t move on from that experience for many years of their life, never really understanding the fundamental mistakes they’ve made.
They also don’t realize that they actually can recover from their mistakes and get the woman into a sexual relationship by simply going about it in the right way from now on (i.e. focus on making her feel sexually attracted and turned on. When she is feeling a lot of attraction, move to the next appropriate level – kiss, date, sex).
30. Thinking that asking a woman if he can kiss her is romantic and the “right thing to do”
In romantic movies and movies that are based on high school and college life, you will often see a nice guy asking a girl if he can kiss her.
She’ll reject him, but later on the movie, he will save the day, save the world or save her from some sort of danger. Then, in most cases, she will rush over and kiss him first.
For a lot of modern men who’ve grown up without a proper education on how to attract and pick up women, they may look at that as the way the world really works.
A guy might think that if he behaves like one of those loveable loser characters in movies and asks a girl if he can kiss her, she will say yes or eventually kiss him in a random moment after he has been super helpful towards her.
What a nice guy doesn’t realize is that women hate being asked if they want to be kissed because it shows a lack of confidence and masculinity.
When a woman masturbates, she fantasizes about having sex with a confident, masculine guy doing whatever he wants to do to her.
Women dream of being in front of a confident, masculine guy who, when the moment is right, pulls her close to him and starts kissing her or leans in and kisses her.
Yet, a nice guy will often make the mistake of acting like an innocent gentlemen and bashfully asking if he can kiss her.
It’s an act because that’s not how he really wants to behave.
When he jerks off to porn, he has all sorts of hardcore thoughts about women and imagines himself doing all sorts of “naughty” things.
Yet, when in the presence of a real woman, he acts as though he’s an innocent gentleman from the year 1892.
What the nice guy doesn’t realize is that asking a woman’s permission to kiss her will ruin the moment for her.
She will feel disappointed that he is suppressing his masculinity around her and pretending to be more of a feminine, shy, self-doubting man.
31. Expecting that a woman should care about him because he cares so much about her
When nice guys reach out to me for help, they will often say, “Dan, I really care about this girl. She’s special to me. How can I get her to feel the same way? She said she only sees me as a friend. I don’t know what to do. I really like her, I respect her…why doesn’t she see that?”
What he doesn’t realize is that really caring about a woman is not the step before sex.
Nice guys often perceive themselves as being really caring, considerate gentleman and feel as though that should give them an edge over other guys.
He will often feel as though he is entitled to have sex with a woman because he is nicer than the other guys in her life.
If the woman doesn’t “allow” him to have sex with her, then he feels as though she’s obviously a bitch who likes jerks and bad boys and wants to be treated badly by men.
This stems from a nice guy not understanding attraction and what women really want to experience while going through a sexual courtship with a guy.
Even though his approach to women doesn’t work and results in him being rejected or dumped again and again, he keeps doing it.
He feels as though women must be confused and need to be rescued from all the bad men in the world.
Some nice guys remain a virgin into their 30s and 40s, or rarely have any relationships with women because they are using the flawed nice guy approach.
Instead of going through a sexual courtship the fast and easy way, a nice guy will waste time trying to show women how much he respects them, cares about them and wants to be their friend.
For an intelligent nice guy, it’s difficult to admit that his approach might be wrong.
He’s used to being right about pretty much everything else in his life, so he assumes that he is right about women too and everyone else just doesn’t get it.
Unless he has more of an open mind, he may continue on his nice guy path for life, constantly experiencing rejection, break ups and the inevitable frustration and even depression that comes with it.
32. Misinterpreting what women mean by “nice guy” or “sweet guy”
When a woman gushes and lustfully refers to a guy that she likes by saying, “He’s such a sweet guy” or “…and he’s so nice” it means that she is ALSO sexually attracted to him.
She has probably already kissed him and possibly even had sex with him recently.
In the mind of a nice guy, he hears “sweet” and “nice” and takes what the woman is saying literally.
He thinks that the guy must be very sweet and nice to her and wonders why she hasn’t been responding to his nice, polite sweet behavior.
A nice guy will often then make the mistake of thinking, “Right…well, if these women want nice and sweet, then I will be 100x nicer and sweeter than all the other guys. THEN they will like me!”
Unfortunately, he just doesn’t understand attraction and what women really want to experience before sex and when a relationship begins after sex.
33. Thinking that if he gives her hints that he likes her, she will make the first move
An example of this is shown in the movie, 500 Days of Summer, where the male lead character named “Tom” is a typical nice guy.
He is obsessed with the female lead character named Summer, but doesn’t know how to make something happen between them.
When Summer asks if he wants something from the office supply room, Tom tries to hint to her that he likes her by saying, “You know what I want.”
Summer looks confused and acts like she doesn’t understand what he is trying to say.
Why? She doesn’t want to lead him and make it easy for him to hook up with her. She wants a guy who is confident to move things forward, without having to get her to reassure him that she is interested.
In his mind, he is hoping that she says, “Oh yes, I know what you want. You want to have sex with me. Okay cool, let’s have sex tonight and start a relationship.”
Of course, in the movie, she ends up kissing him first, which was really disappointing for me to see because I know how much that will confuse real guys and mess with their head.
Summer could tell that Tom was interested, so one day in the photocopy room, she looks at him and then walks up, kisses him (tongue make out) and then walks out. After that, they start a relationship.
Some nice guys will see that and think that if they just give a woman enough hints and wait long enough, she will make the first move.
Yet, in the real world, a woman like Summer wouldn’t do that and would simply have sex with a confident guy who picked her up.
500 Days of Summer is just one of many bullshit nice guy movies that cause men and women so many problems around the world every day.
The really annoying part about the movie is that, in the end, Summer left him for another guy and got married, without ever explaining why she did it.
Then, using the same nice guy approach women, Tom picks up another woman while waiting to be interviewed for a job. This time, the woman is even MORE beautiful than Summer. Then, the credits roll and everything is all nice and peachy.
Unfortunately, a lot of nice guys get sucked in by the bullshit, fantasy reality of movies and then feel depressed when their nice guy approach doesn’t work in real life.
Guys see movie characters like Tom being kissed by women for giving hints that he likes her and think, “Wow! Maybe I can do that with the girl at work or at university. Maybe if I can give her enough hints, she will ask me out or even kiss me when we’re alone.”
That movie actually portrays women as being stupid and gullible when faced with the nice guy act.
In the real world, women reject guys like Tom and hook up with confident guys who know what they are doing.
If a guy like Tom does “get lucky” and get a chance with a woman like Summer, he almost always gets dumped later on when she realizes her mistake.
Women aren’t stupid; they want a confident man who makes them feel attraction, respect and love and if a guy can’t deliver that, the woman will reject, dump or divorce him.
Again, some nice guys will feel annoyed when they read that because he might feel as though women are too hard to please.
Women are easy to please when you understand what makes them feel attracted.
If you don’t understand how to initially attract a woman and then deepen her respect, attraction and love when in a relationship, then yes – women will seem very hard to please and your relationship life will feel like a nightmare.
However, when you know how to attract women and also know how to deepen their feelings in a relationship, it’s an easy, wonderful, enjoyable life full of love, laughter and good times.
34. Thinking that chivalry will get him laid
Chivalry (noun): Courteous behavior, especially that of a man toward women.
Nice guys who get caught up in being chivalrous towards women usually don’t realize that chivalry means nothing to a woman unless she is sexually attracted to the guy.
A woman will usually be happy about the nice treatment and will welcome it, but chivalry isn’t the “trick” that gets a woman to say, “Wow! You’re so sexy! I want to be with you!”
A nice guy will often feel angry at women for not rewarding him for his chivalry.
“I opened the door for her and what do I get? Nothing. She smiled and then went and flirted with that asshole at the bar. Look at the prick – he’s touching her. He smacked her ass…did you see that? Why does she want to be disrespected like that? Why do women like douche bags and hate nice guys like me who are chivalrous and actually care about them? It just doesn’t make any sense!”
In the mind of the nice guy, women are innocent angels who need to be treated like a princess.
Showing any sign of sexual interest towards a woman is wrong and only when he has offered enough chivalry to her, will she then reward him with sex and a relationship.
He feels as though needs to open doors for her, pull out a chair for her at the table, buy her drinks and dinner, give her his coat if it is cold and generally be as chivalrous as possible.
What he doesn’t understand is that almost all modern women only like small doses of chivalry from guys whom they are sexually attracted to.
Too much chivalry is seen as tacky to most modern women because it’s so outdated.
We are living in a completely different world today and to be successful with women, a nice guy needs to accept that he’s not living in the medieval period where everyone needed to be “proper” and display the best of manners at all times.
In today’s world, good manners are appreciated, but being excessively well mannered is usually seen as tacky and unnecessary for most situations.
35. Thinking that the answer must be to treat women like shit
For nice guys who never come across this article and don’t ever learn what you’ve been learning so far, they will often come to the conclusion that women are crazy and must want to be treated like shit.
In the video below, you will see that a group of confused nice guys even made a song about it.
A lot of confused nice guys will watch that video and think that if guys are singing about women being crazy and wanting to be treated like shit, then it must be true.
Here’s the thing…
The secret to success with women is not to treat women badly.
Of course women don’t want that.
If women wanted a bad guy who treated them horribly, you would hear women bragging about how their man beats them up, abuses them and treats them like dirt.
The secret to success with women is to be a confident, good guy who can turn women on during a conversation and deepen their feelings in a relationship.
36. Misunderstanding a woman’s reasons for rejecting him
What a nice guy usually fails to realize is that he’s not being rejected for being nice, he’s being rejected for not making her feel attracted to him first.
Instead of being a confident guy around her and making her feel girly in response to his masculinity (e.g. his masculine tone of voice, his masculine attitude, his masculine behavior and body language), a nice guy will hope that a woman will like him for being really nice to her.
Regardless of how nice he is to women, they just aren’t interested because the attraction isn’t mutual.
Yes, he feels attracted to her and would happily bang her and even have a relationship with her, but all she feels towards him are friendly feelings because he’s doing nothing to actively turn her on and make her feel attracted.
Not knowing this, a nice guy will sometimes think, “Why doesn’t she give me a chance? I’m a nice guy. Isn’t that what women want? Am I not good looking enough? Is that what it is?” never stopping to notice that he often sees beautiful women with average or even below-average looking guys.
To come up with an easy excuse, he tries to make it out to be about his looks, instead of facing up to the fact that his nice guy approach to women may be causing the rejection.
37. Thinking that he has to save women from mistakenly hooking up with bad boys or jerks
Some nice guys feel as though women are making a HUGE mistake by hooking up with guys who aren’t as nice as he is.
In his mind, a woman is like a “damsel in distress” and doesn’t have enough intelligence or awareness to realize her mistake, dump the “bad” guy and then hook up with a “nice” guy instead.
A nice guy often feels as though a woman just needs to be told that she’s making a mistake and should be choosing a nice guy like him, rather than being used and disrespected by some jerk who doesn’t even care about her.
Movies and fairytales brainwash this mindset into boys from a very young age.
Boys are taught that women are helpless and are often being taken advantage of by bad people or bad men.
In the movie, cartoon or fairytale, the hero boy or man will save the poor, helpless woman and they will live happily ever after. Superman saves the day, then gets the girl. Spiderman saves the day, then gets the girl. The list goes on and on.
In many Hollywood movies, the wimpy nice guy character will usually walk up, punch the bad boy in the face and knock him out with one punch.
This usually happens when the bad guy goes too far and treats the woman badly and then the nice guy steps in to save the day.
After he saves the day, she is his girl and he starts behaving very confidently from then on in the movie.
In the mind of a nice guy, women are innocent angels who need to be rescued from the bad men they are sleeping with.
To him, women are clueless, helpless victims who are making a huge mistake.
What the nice guy doesn’t realize is that women are simply hooking up with men whom they feel attraction for and hoping that one of those guys turns out to be a good guy.
The nice guy sees this as stupid, crazy behavior by women, even though he jerks off to whores and sluts (bad girls) while watching porn.
He feels as though women need to be saved from their mistake and held in his nice, loving arms. What he doesn’t realize is that women don’t want to be held by him unless he firsts make them feel sexual attraction.
A nice guy will often become obsessed with a woman from work or university or that he has met through friends.
Since most women don’t show him any interest, if a woman does show him interest and also happens to be with what he sees as a bad boyfriend or husband, he will feel as though he needs to save her.
He may think, “She a special woman. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like that. That guy isn’t half the man I am. She should be with me. If she was my girlfriend, I would do everything for her. I would treat her like a princess.”
What he doesn’t realize is that women are perfectly capable of making their own decisions.
Women are just as and sometimes even more intelligent than men and are usually very aware of the decisions they are making regarding their sex life.
If a woman doesn’t know that she is making a mistake, she will eventually realize it. H
owever, she doesn’t need to be saved by a sweet nice guy who feels as though she needs to be handled like fragile glass.
First and foremost, a woman wants to feel sexually attracted to the guy that she is with. She also wants to respect him as a man and feel feminine around him.
The number one thing on a woman’s list is NOT niceness, but niceness is something that almost all women want from a man that they are attracted to.
When a woman is with a bad man, she will almost always wish she could find another man who is just as confident as her man, but who is also a really good guy.
Those men are hard to find though, which is why you will often hear women saying, “Where are all the real men?”
Many women have to settle for what they’ve got because there is a shortage of real men in today’s world. When women do come across a real man (i.e. a good guy who is also confident and has a masculine approach to life), they grab onto him with both hands and never want to let go.
Yet, when a woman comes across yet another self-doubting nice guy who suppresses his masculinity around her, she sighs in disappointment.
Guys like that are a dime a dozen, but real men are as hard for women to find as a needle in a haystack.
38. Thinking that buying her flowers or a gift will do the trick
Not all nice guys make this mistake, but I’ve heard from enough guys over the years to mark this down as a common reason why nice guys fail with women.
I’ve literally lost count of the amount of guys who have bought a woman a gift, or bought a series of gifts in an attempt win her affections.
In the 1800s and early 1900s when almost all women couldn’t earn their own money, it was a good idea for a guy to show that he could buy her lots of nice, pretty things.
However, times have changed and women no longer select guys on the basis of being able to buy things for them.
In today’s world, sexual attraction and emotionally compatibility are the most important thing for most women because they actually want to love the guy they are with and enjoy being around him.
Yes, there are some gold diggers out there and women who only like guys who are rich, but the majority of women don’t reject guys who work in a normal job or earn an okay income, because the majority of guys fall into that category.
Pretty much every guy you see with a hot girl is just earning a normal wage and in some cases, doesn’t even have a job.
She hooks up with him and gets into a relationship with him based on sexual attraction, not money or means. She can afford to do that because she can provide for herself by working and earning money.
In the past, a woman would put up with a man (for life!) even if she didn’t love him or want to be with him, simply because he could provide food and shelter and because it was shameful to divorce.
It wasn’t always about attraction and real love back then.
Not anymore though.
If you want to be successful with women in today’s world, you actually need to be able to make a woman feel attracted and then deepen her feelings of respect, attraction and love in a relationship.
39. Thinking that a woman will want him if he explains how nice he is compared to other guys
When a nice guy overhears a woman complaining about men, or about her boyfriend, husband or lover, he will often see that as his chance to be with her.
He’ll explain to her that he’s not like other guys and remind her that she deserves so much better.
When she complains about guys only being interested in her for sex, he will explain to her that he’s not like other guys and cares about a woman as a person before anything else.
When a woman notices that a nice guy is constantly putting other guys down and saying how good he is compared to other guys, she realizes that he’s doing it as an attempt to impress her and get her to see him in a good light.
He feels as though the nicer, more innocent and gentlemanly he appears to her, the more she’s going to want to be with him.
He thinks, “After all, women do say that they want a nice guy. So, I’ve just got to get it through to them that I’m the nicest guy available.”
In the mind of a nice guy, he thinks that getting a woman into a sexual relationship is about getting her to “like” him as a person first. He doesn’t realize that a woman liking a man is secondary to her feeling attraction for him.
A woman would rather be with a guy who makes her feel attraction and then hope to change him over time, than be with a guy who she doesn’t feel sexually attracted to, but who is really nice to her.
40. Pretending to be anti-men in an attempt to get women to like him
Since a nice guy makes the mistake of thinking that he has to get women to “like” him before he can have sex with them, he sometimes make the mistake of being anti-men.
When feminist women complain about all men being chauvinist pigs or only interested in sex, some nice guys will see that as an opportunity to be “liked” by women.
He will say something like, “yeah, I know…most men are just pigs. Sometimes I am ashamed to be a man because other guys give us a bad name. I’m not like them at all. I treat women with respect. Women are intelligent and shouldn’t be looked at a sex objects. Women have feelings and should be respected.”
From a nice guy’s perspective, his “clever plan” is a genius idea and will be his special trick to get into the panties of naive women.
He’ll often get so caught up in the feminist bullshit that he will actually start to believe it. He will think that any guy who isn’t bowing down to the almighty woman is a chauvinist pig or an asshole who needs to be educated about “how to treat a lady.”
What the nice guy doesn’t realize is that most women can see right through his false persona.
When women notice that other women aren’t attracted to him and he basically has no options with women, they will realize that he is being a cheerleader for women to get them to like him, or he might actually be gay.
After all, he’ll say things like, “I’m on your side ladies. All men are bastards!” in the hope to be liked, so no-one can blame the women for suspecting that he might be one of the girls.
Instead of having sex with the women he has befriended, he will be seen as more like a brother to them.
Then, when he eventually tries to make a move, he will get the old, “Huh? What are you doing? Noooo…we’re just friends” or “Sorry, I like you as a person, but not in that way. I don’t want to ruin our friendship” line, which is simply a gentle way of saying, “I am not attracted to you.”
The exact same nice guys who complain about men looking at women as sex objects or “only being interested in one thing” will go home and jerk off to sluts and whores while watching porn.
Then, when he interacts with real women, he will behave as though he doesn’t look at women in a sexual way.
He gives women the impression that he feels as though women are perfect princesses who should be treated with the utmost of respect and should never be looked at in a sexual way.
41. Believing that women should choose men based on their level of niceness
Imagine for a moment that women did choose men on how nice they were.
In that world, the nicest, most polite, obedient men would get the girl. The nicer a guy was to a woman, the more of a chance he’d have to get a chance with her.
Can you imagine it?
Men would essentially be slaves to the almighty woman.
A man would bow at a woman’s feet and beg for her affections.
If a woman wanted to sit down, a man would get down on all fours and she would sit on his back. She would fart on him and he would say, “Thank you m’lady” and she would say, “Shut your trap.”
I know, it’s a bit of an “out there” example, but I intentionally made it a bit out there to make a point.
It is not our role to suck up to women and hope to get a chance with them.
You can do that if you want, but women will not respect you or feel attracted to you if use that approach.
Sure, many women will like you as a person because you’re so nice, but they won’t be fantasizing about having sex with you. Instead, they will just hook up with a guy who doesn’t feel the need to bow down to them like you do.
There’s nothing wrong with being nice to a woman, but just don’t put on an act of being even nicer than you are to suck up to her.
She can see right through it.
What many nice guys fail to realize is that women do not choose guys based on niceness.
It’s not how the world works and if it did work that way, planet Earth would be a very weird place indeed.
For a nice guy to break away from his fairytale ideas of women being perfect princesses who choose men based on niceness, he needs to accept that it’s not how the world works.
Women want men to be good to them, but to not be such an ass-kissing nice guy who puts on an act of being even nicer than he is to hopefully get her approval.
42. Thinking that continuously putting a woman’s needs ahead of his own, will prove to her how “devoted” he is
Some nice guys will do anything and everything for a woman in an attempt to get to “like” him.
For example: He may drive her around town to get errands done even though he is busy with other things, cancel his important plans to help her with anything she needs and generally let her use him in any way she wants.
In his mind, this is the perfect way to show her how devoted he is. He hopes that she will eventually realize that he’s a great guy and will then want to be with him.
The nice guy will feel as though he needs to prove himself to a woman before she will “give him a chance.”
He may even say to her, “I will do anything for you. Just name it and I will do it. I want to show you how much I care about you. You are very special to me.”
What a nice guy doesn’t realize is that a woman doesn’t care how “devoted” he is if she isn’t attracted to him.
Women don’t want a friendly, non-sexual guy that they can push around or lead around like a little puppy dog.
If you decide to put a woman’s needs ahead of your own at times because you’re a good guy and sincerely only want to be her friend, that is completely fine and acceptable.
However, if you are constantly putting a woman’s needs ahead of your own and letting her take advantage of you in the hope that it will make her “like” you and give you a chance to have a sexual relationship with her, then you’re doing it wrong.
43. Not admitting his attraction for a woman
When a nice guy likes a woman and wants to have a sexual relationship with her, he will rarely tell her that he finds her attractive.
Rather than saying, “You’re sexy…I like you” or “You look sexy in that dress” he will make friendly, innocent comments like, “You have nice guys” or “That’s a nice dress.”
If the woman is experienced enough with dating and relationships, she will know that he has a crush on her.
However, since he isn’t man enough to do anything about it, she will feel turned off by his dishonest, insecure approach.
From then on, any type of nervous, self-doubting or hesitant behavior around her will be a sign that he either doesn’t feel good enough for her (women hate that) or he is trying to trick her into thinking he is an innocent nice guy who just wants to be her friend (they hate that just as much).
She will know that something just isn’t quite right with him.
Since women don’t go around instructing guys on how to be a man, she will just accept that he is who he is and will say something like, “You’ll find a nice girl one day…don’t worry” or “I wish I could find a nice guy like you” and plenty of other confusing comments that make no sense to most nice guys.
She will then hope that he gets the message and understands that she doesn’t feel attracted to him.
Since he thinks that he needs to hide his attraction for her, he will sneak looks at her and hope that she doesn’t catch him. Sometimes, she will catch him looking at her and he will quickly look away feeling embarrassed or though he has been busted.
She will then begin to lose trust in him and will put her guard up. She may even feel uncomfortable being alone with him because something just doesn’t seem right.
44. Sticking to safe conversation topics to avoid offending women
When a nice guy is talking to a new woman, he usually sticks to the classic, boring conversation topics of work, location and age.
“Where do you work? Where do you live? How old are you?” When those topics dry up, he usually has a few more things to say before completely running out of things to say.
Instead of being real and being able to keep a conversation going and keep it interesting in a fun, easy-going way, he puts on an act of being a polite, nice guy to hopefully impress her with his manners.
He worries about potentially saying the wrong thing to a woman because he thinks that he has to get women to “like” him.
He doesn’t realize that if he focused on making women attracted to him, they would be interested in talking about pretty much anything with him and would try to keep the conversation going.
What women want is a good guy who also has a backbone.
In other words, a good guy who has balls and who isn’t afraid to say or do whatever he wants, while also being respectful towards others.
When women get the sense that a guy is afraid to explore conversation topics or say anything that they might disagree with, they realize that he has no backbone.
He’s a soft, wimpy assed nice guy who will bend and flex to please everyone in the hope that he is liked. That is very unattractive to women because men like that are usually picked on by guys, picked last for promotions and insecure in relationships.
If she is talking about something that he doesn’t agree with, a nice guy will usually try to avoid saying what he really thinks.
He doesn’t want to offend her, so he may even pretend to agree with her.
If she senses that he’s just agreeing with her to please her, she will lose respect for him. When a woman loses respect for a man, she instantly begins to lose attraction for him and when that happens, she will usually lose interest.
45. Thinking that complaining about women to others will fix the problem
In the mind of a nice guy, women are confused and are making a mistake for not liking him.
He will sometimes feel as though he needs to get other people to understand that he is a nice guy and deserves credit for that.
So, he may post up a “pity me” style Facebook status update, such as, “Why am I so unlucky in love?” or “I don’t get why women love jerks so much. I’m a nice guy and I will never change.”
Some nice guys will waste most or even all of their life sitting around and waiting for the world to change.
In his mind, he deserves women because he is nice and the problem is that people just don’t get that.
If he complains enough times, he feels that someone will come to his rescue or a woman will reach out and say, “You know what? You’re right! I have been hooking up with the wrong guys all my life. I need a nice guy like you. Call me.”
Yet, that just ain’t going to happen because most women aren’t attracted to insecure men who are putting on an act of being nicer than they actually are, in the hope of impressing women.
Women who are attracted to insecure nice guys are usually insecure themselves and will instantly dump the guy if she ever gets a chance with a confident, alpha male or she will simply make the nice guy’s life a misery by constantly threatening to break up with him and then using his pleas and desperation as a way to feel good about herself.
As you may know, seeking pity and complaining about things is not the way to fix your problems in life.
If a real man has a problem, he acknowledges it, seeks a solution, uses that solution and then gets on with his successful life.
He doesn’t sit around complaining and seeking pity in the hope that someone will come and rescue him.
He takes action, finds and uses a solution and then keeps pushing forward to an even better life than ever before.
In life, we are regularly faced with new challenges and obstacles to overcome. If a guy has the attitude where he seeks pity and complains instead of getting the job done, then he’s not going to get very far in life or have a great time with women.
46. Trying to hook up with women even though the sexual attraction isn’t mutual
A nice guy will usually skip the attraction step of a sexual courtship and will attempt to make advances on a woman, even though their relationship feels like a friendship or a brother/sister relationship.
For the woman, it just feels wrong or awkward to her, so she rejects him with a classic line such as, “I don’t want to ruin our friendship” or “Sorry, I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”
Whether she understands the nice guy’s mistake or not, her instincts will tell her that it just doesn’t feel right.
From the nice guy’s perspective, he has done everything right and has been the “perfect gentleman” up to that point, so he doesn’t see any reason why she wouldn’t give him a chance.
After all, nice guys get the girl in the movies and women are always saying, “I want a nice guy” so his approach to women makes complete sense to him.
Sometimes, a nice guy will feel as though asking a woman out on a date will make her want to be his girlfriend.
This belief usually comes from seeing nice guys in movies or TV shows ask a woman out, go on a date with her and then eventually she becomes his girlfriend.
However, without sexual attraction, without sexual chemistry and without her being able to respect him as a man, any request for a date just doesn’t make any sense to her.
47. Not being his true self
A lot of nice guys are reluctant to learn how to attract and pick up women properly, because they don’t want to have to become someone that they’re not. However, what he doesn’t realize is that the nice guy act that he puts on in social situations is not who he really is.
When he is home alone and looking at porn, he is excited to look at women. However, when in front a real woman, he will often behave as though he doesn’t look at women in a sexual way.
He will become a fake version of himself and put on a persona that he feels will trick women into liking him. He feels as though he is smarter than everyone else and that women will fall his unassuming, innocent nice guy act.
In many cases where a nice guy is able to get a woman to fall for the nice guy act and begin a relationship with him, his real personality will slowly come out during the relationship.
After a while, he may begin to treat the woman badly, become overly possessive and controlling, talk down to her and even hurt her.
His initial act was that of an innocent, friendly nice guy, but what eventually comes to the surface is an insecure guy who has somewhat of a hate towards women for not liking him in the past.
For a nice guy to become successful with women, he has to start to be his real self rather than pretending to be nicer than he actually is.
He has to begin to allow his true self to come to the surface when he is interacting with women and with people. He needs to get used to that, rather than continuing the habit of presenting a extra nice, innocent version of himself and hoping to be liked for it.
In most cases, a nice guy doesn’t intentionally want to be lying or putting on a fake persona, but he doesn’t know what else to do.
What a nice guy really wants is to know himself and be loved and appreciated by others. He has mistakenly thought that the path to love and appreciation is through niceness and behaving in a very innocent, almost childlike way.
However, that is acting and putting on a forced social persona. It’s not his true self. It’s a fake version of himself that is portraying to women and the world because he thinks that it will get him what he wants.
Most nice guys use the nice guy approach because they haven’t yet discovered that attracting women is easy.
In the mind of a nice guy, he will have to impress the crap out of a woman to get her to give him a chance.
Yet, he’s wrong.
Attracting women is the easy part.
All you’ve got to do is display some of the personality traits, behaviors and inner qualities that naturally attract women (e.g. confidence, masculine vibe, charisma, charm, humor) and most women will feel attracted to you.
Of course, that is, as long as you’re not trying to suck up to them with a nice guy act while displaying those traits.
You’ve just got to be real. Let your real, honest personality come through without running through the filter of the nice guy act.
Yet, who are you anyway?
The typical nice guy hasn’t yet discovered who he really is and is instead acting in a way that he thinks will get women to like him and want to be with him.
Some nice guys keep the persona going for decades, to the point where they convince themselves and those around them that it’s just the way they are.
“I was born like this. I’m a nice guy. What else can I say? Why should I have to become an asshole to attract women? I won’t do it. I’m a nice guy and I refuse to stop being nice.”
To a nice guy, it’s often a case of either being really nice or really bad to women.
He doesn’t realize that the guys who are the most successful with women now and in the long run are the confident, good guys.
48. Thinking that doing anything other than being nice to a woman is playing “mind games” with her
When a nice guy first hears the phrase “nice guys finish last” he may then assume that to be successful with women, he will need to become a bad boy, jerk or asshole and essentially play a whole bunch of mind games on women.
The way he sees it is that his nice approach is authentic and he isn’t interested in playing games with women, even though his nice guy act is a strategy that he is attempting to use to seduce women.
After searching online, a typical modern nice guy will come across all sorts of random advice that is being made up by guys who aren’t even successful with women.
They will say things like, “Act like you’re not interested in her. Be aloof. Tell her that you already have a girlfriend” and other rubbish like that. Unfortunately, a lot of good guys end up following that advice and it causes them more harm than good.
One day, the woman he’s got a crush on says to him, “I feel like I don’t know you anymore. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but you’ve been behaving really weird lately. You should loosen up. You seem tense.”
Let me make this clear for all the nice guys reading along: You do not have to play games with women to get them into a sexual relationship with you.
You simply have to attract women, create sexual chemistry, build a connection and escalate to kissing, dates and sex. Being nice to her and expecting her to want to have sex with you because you’re such a good, honest, loyal guy is not the approach that works.
Instead of sticking with your nice guy identity and trying to defend it for the rest of your life, simply switch to being what women refer to as a “great guy” or a real man.
A real man is confident and masculine while also being a good guy. He treats people well, but stands up for himself and what he believes in. He lives life on his terms, while also being respectful of other people.
49. Making a woman feel as though she is the answer to all of his problems
Many nice guys give a woman the impression that, without her, he will be unhappy, depressed and lost.
When she rejects his initial attempts to turn their friendship into a relationship, he may begin to plead and say, “You mean everything to me. I want you in my life more than anything else. You’re the most amazing girl I’ve ever met.”
Unfortunately for the nice guy, he has been watching way too many romantic movies where an approach like that allows the guy to get the girl in the end.
In the movies, a guy is usually shown to beg his way into a relationship.
The male character will plead with the woman, “Please, give me a chance. I promise I will treat you well” and she will reject him again and again until he does something amazing like save the world, save the day or save her from some danger or a bad guy.
When a nice guy gives a woman the impression that he needs her, she gets the sense that he sees her as a way to be happy with himself…and that turns her off. She doesn’t want to be responsible for how happy or depressed he is.
What the desperate nice guy doesn’t understand is that the guys who are the most attractive to women are those who are happy with or without her.
In the mind of a nice guy, guys who happy with or without a particular woman are jerks or bad boys. He thinks that he needs to behave like a romantic guy from a movie and devote every waking moment to thinking of her.
Yet, that’s not what women want.
A woman wants a guy to want her, respect her, like her and appreciate her, but not need her.
50. Being a pushover
The nice guys who really fail with women are those who let people push them around.
They are the quiet guy in the group or the shy look one at parties. A guy like that will laugh in a nervous, self-doubting way and essentially stand back as the alpha males get all the attention from women.
He knows that he’s a great guy, but he just doesn’t have the confidence to back it up.
He’s either had been raised by parents who turned him into a wimp, or he has been brainwashed by the junk he’s seen on TV and in the movies.
In life, you can only be nice to a certain point before people start walking all over you.
So, if you are the sort of nice guy who is a bit of a pushover, you should start to reconsider the how you allow people to treat you.
Some guys have no limit of how nice they will be to women and people in their attempts to be liked.
Even though he may get angry and frustrated when alone with his thoughts, a pushover nice guy will rarely stand up for himself. If he does, he will usually do it in a wimpy, “pity me” sort of way, rather than a confident, assertive, alpha male way.
What a lot of nice guys don’t realize is that women feel an instant attraction for guys who are assertive, but also cool and friendly with people.
It’s not about being an assertive asshole, but a good guy alpha male who doesn’t let himself get pushed around or taken advantage of.
When a woman sees that a guy is a leader and not a follower, she feels a natural attraction to to him because women are programmed to feel attracted to alpha males.
Her attraction for confident, alpha males is not something that she can control or switch off – it just happens.
We men feel the same type of instant attraction when we see a woman’s cleavage or pretty face – it’s not something that we can switch off, it just happens.
Unattractive women or women with no tits may say, “Hey, you shouldn’t feel attracted to pretty faces or nice tits,” but that isn’t going to stop us.
Likewise, nice guys might say, “Hey, you shouldn’t feel attracted to confident, alpha males. You should feel attracted to insecure nice guys,” but that isn’t going to stop the natural instincts of women.
51. Always being available for her at any moment
There’s nothing wrong with quickly replying to a woman’s text, answering her phone call or helping her out if she is in trouble.
However, a nice guy sometimes goes too far with his availability and kindness towards a woman because he is hoping to be “liked” by her and then rewarded with sex, love and affection.
What a nice guy doesn’t realize is that not always replying to a woman’s texts, not always answering her calls and not always being available at any moment is actually what women want from a man.
Why? Women want to feel the full spectrum of emotions in their relationship with a man.
If the only emotions a nice guy makes her feel are safe, loved, wanted and needed, she will eventually get bored of that.
That’s not because women are crazy and need to be entertained, but that life isn’t as simple as just being nice, calm, warm and sweet all the time.
In other words, life isn’t black and white. There are many colors and many shades of gray too.
If you don’t allow a woman to experience a wide variety of emotions, she will naturally get bored of you. Not because she’s crazy and needs to be entertained, but because she is human and will not be confined to a boring, monotonous reality.
So, when a nice guy always immediately replies to her texts, phone calls or requests, she comes to expect it and then starts to feel bored.
At times, a woman also wants to worry about why a guy hasn’t replied to her text right away. If he doesn’t answer her call (e.g. because he’s busy working on his life purpose, career, hanging out with friends, exercising, etc), she wants to be able to worry that he might be with another woman.
She wants to be able to feel anxious when choosing which dress to wear for the date, instead of knowing that whatever she wears he will always say, “Oh, that looks nice.”
If it doesn’t look nice, she wants him to have the balls to say, “I don’t like that dress. You looked way better in the blue dress yesterday” rather than just saying that she looks nice every day.
She wants a real man, not a faker.
She wants to feel as though she needs to impress him, as well as feeling as though he loves her, wants her and sees her as the sexiest woman on Earth.
When a nice guy hears that, he will often try to fight against it.
“No. I was raised to be a gentleman. I refuse to play any sort of games with women. I will always be available, I will always be nice and if they don’t like that, then they are obviously confused bitches.”
What the nice guy doesn’t realize is that not being 100% available for a woman 24/7 doesn’t mean that he is playing games with her.
What it means is that he has a balanced approach to life, rather than being obsessed by a woman.
A real man is a man who will love and cherish his woman, but will also have many other interests in life that take up his time and attention.
If he is always available for her at any moment, a woman will get the sense that he is either hiding from his true potential as a man or is simply another desperate guy who is willing to do anything for a woman in the hope that she will like him.
52. Thinking that he won’t have a chance with a woman until she gets bored of being with bad boys
Over the years, a number of guys have said something similar as this to me, “Dan…women are entitled, stuck up bitches these days. They hate nice guys like me and only want bad boys or rich guys. I’m not even going to bother with them until I finish university, get a high paying job and can afford to buy the bitch whatever she wants.”
I feel sorry for guys like that because they just don’t understand attraction.
They fail to acknowledge the fact that most of the guys that women hook up with or have as a boyfriend are actually GOOD GUYS.
Yes, some women hook up with bad boys and about 1% of the population is very rich, but pretty much every other guy is just an average good guy making an average income.
A lot of nice guys feel as though a woman is rejecting him as a guy, when she is simply rejecting his approach to her (i.e. he’s trying to befriend her, rather than making her feel sexually turned on and aroused by him).
He thinks he is “doing the noble thing” by being nice to her, never realizing that his approach to women is boring and outdated.
If he could just stop putting on an act of being a sweet, nice, innocent guy and start being a good guy who makes women feel attracted and turned on during interactions, women would suddenly become open to having a sexual relationship with him.
Some nice guys have the mistaken belief that a woman will go through a “bad boy phase” and then eventually realize that she wants a nice guy who treats her like a princess.
This belief stems from seeing very confident, assertive women in their 30s and 40s eventually settling down with a nice guy.
Why does that happen? Simple. Women lose their attractiveness as they age.
When a woman hits 30 years of age, she rapidly begins to lose value on the mating market because she doesn’t have the young, fertile body that she used to have.
She eventually gets to the point where she has to accept whatever she can get because all the confident guys are either committed or still sleeping with women in their 20s.
Sitting on the sidelines and hoping that women will eventually want you for being a nice guy is a failing strategy.
Just look at the high divorce rate out there today. Most divorces are initiated by women and it’s usually because the guy doesn’t even know how to make her feel attracted.
She might have married him to please her parents and stop being left behind by friends who were getting married, but that doesn’t mean she will stick with him for life.
If you want to be successful with women, you’ve actually got to be the sort of guy they want to hook up with and stay with. Anything less than that will almost always result in cheating, dumping or divorce.
If you can’t accept that and make changes to how you have been approaching women, then you have a miserable life ahead of you.
However, if you can be a man right now and not sulk and complain, you will accept that you need to stop putting on a nice guy act and hoping to be rewarded for it.
You will realize that women need to feel sexually attracted to a man to want to be with him and he needs to be able to deepen her feelings over time for her to want to stay with him for life.
You might not want to accept that now, but believe me – you will be forced to later on in life if you get to 40 or 50 and are still being rejected or dumped by women.
53. Being unable to read a woman’s signals of interest
When a woman has enough experiences with nice guys who get the wrong idea and misinterpret her niceness as meaning that she is interested in sex and love, she will usually begin to develop a colder, more bitchy reaction when nice guys show interest in her.
In the past, she may have been too afraid to tell the last 20 nice guys, “Hey, I’m not interested…I only see you as a friend. Don’t even bother. There is absolutely no chance for us,” but after experiencing that for years on end, most women get to a point where they crack and have to change their approach.
For some nice guys, even a direct rejection from a woman won’t fully deter them.
He will read into anything she says to him from now on, or anything she types in a message or e-mail.
If she puts in a smiley face or signs off with xxx at the end of her message, he will usually misinterpret that as meaning that she has changed her mind and now wants to be with him.
In most cases, it won’t be because she has changed her mind though.
It will either be that she is trying to mess with him and is using his desperation for her to build more confidence in herself or is simply a girl who signs off messages to friends with xxx and other loving gestures.
What a lot of guys don’t realize is that most women are afraid to directly reject guys.
Why? For most of human history, a man could get away with rape or murder.
Even to this day, many women are still hurt or killed by guys they’ve rejected or dumped.
To play it safe, most women tend to string men along by saying, “I’m not ready for a relationship right now” until they actually find a confident, masculine guy to have a relationship with, or they say things like, “I don’t want to ruin our friendship” to appease the nice guy and let him feel like he is a good, trusted friend of hers.
Most nice guys will never read this article and won’t know why they are being rejected by women.
Instead of understanding the rejection and then changing their ways to be the sort of guy who naturally attracts women, the uninformed nice guys get angry and bitter about the constant rejection they receive from women.
For guys who understand attraction and know what signals to look for, it is completely obvious when a woman is interested.
When he notices the signals, he simply moves forward to kissing, dates, sex and a relationship.
However, for the average nice guy, a woman’s signals of interest are mostly outside of his awareness. He will be able to pick up on some signals, but not all.
More importantly, he will usually miss the signals when she is trying to tell him that she isn’t interested.
Since most women will give a vague rejection excuse such as, “I’m just not looking for a relationship right now” or “I don’t want to ruin our friendship” the average nice guy will feel as though he still has a chance.
He will assume that he just needs to try harder and will attempt to be even nicer and sweeter to her (e.g. give her space, don’t try to make any moves, be really considerate, respect her even more, explain that he doesn’t want to rush things, etc), in the hope that it will make her like him.
All the while, she will be on the look out for a more confident, authentic guy to hook up with or will already have a lover and won’t tell the nice guy.
54. Making a woman feel as though she doesn’t have to do anything to impress him
Many nice guys make the mistake of being too keen and desperate to get a chance with a woman.
The nice guy will hear that women like a guy who is a challenge, but he will disregard that as “pointless mind games.”
What the nice guy doesn’t realize is that there is a fundamental reason why women like a guy who is a challenge to acquire, compared to a guy who will accept her no matter what.
Guys who are desperate and will accept almost ANY woman are usually the type of guy who get pushed around in life, overlooked for promotions and ignored in social situations.
In other words, spending her life with him will most likely be very problematic and difficult.
On the other hand, guys who have standards about what they will and will not accept in a woman are usually the type who lead others, get picked for promotions and have lots of great friends.
What type of guy is going to be more beneficial to a woman to breed with or even just be in a relationship with?
A woman is presented with two options:
- A good guy who is confident and authentic (i.e. he’s a good guy, but he is not putting on an act of being nicer than he actually is). He likes her and treats her well, but he’s not going to remain interested in her unless she continues to impress him. If she behaves badly, he stops liking her. If she doesn’t look very attractive one day, he begins to lose interest.
- A nice guy who is desperate for any half-decent woman to like him. He will do anything and everything to hopefully get a chance with her. No matter how badly she treats him or how she presents herself, he remains 100% interested and keen the whole time.
It might seem like a woman would go for the nice guy because it’s easier, but she isn’t after easy.
She wants to feel sexual attraction and feel like she is getting a valuable guy, not a guy who would accept pretty much any half decent woman.
She wants to feel special that she has been chosen by a guy who could easily have other women, but is going to give her a chance, rather than feeling like she accepted a guy who sucked up to her with a nice guy act.
By having standards and expecting a woman to impress him, the first guy is not playing games with her. He still likes her and treats her well, but if she doesn’t live up to his standards, she doesn’t get a chance with him.
She then feels as though if she’s going to get him to have sex with her and commit to a relationship, she’d better be on her best behavior and try hard to look extra pretty.
On the other hand, the desperation of a lot of nice guys causes women to feel as though they don’t even have to try. He’s already 100% interested and will remain that way no matter what she says or does.
In the mind of a nice guy, that is a GOOD thing because he doesn’t ever want her thinking that he doesn’t like her. He wants to be gentle with her and treat her like a fragile little princess.
Yet, that’s not what women actually want.
Women want to feel as though they have to maintain the interest of a guy. If a guy just accepts anything from her, what type of life is he going to lead? Will he be successful? Will people respect him? Will he accept a mediocre life?
55. Suppressing his natural charisma
Charisma (noun): Extraordinarily appealing personality. Compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others. Magnetic presence.
When you let your real, authentic, unfiltered personality come through, you have charisma.
If you’re also a good guy, then you will be seen as a charming, charismatic, attractive guy. However, if a guy lets his real, authentic, unfiltered personality come through and he’s an asshole, he’ll be seen as an asshole.
The secret is to be real, but to be good.
Every guy, even nice guys, can be seen as charismatic and attractive in the eyes of women.
Yet, since most nice guys are more worried about being rejected, they often suppress their true personality around women that they find attractive.
Instead of coming across as a cool, charismatic guy, a nice guy often comes across as weird, nervous and self-doubting to the woman.
If he presents a suppressed version of his real personality, something won’t seem right about him and some women will even label him as being “creepy.”
A nice guy may sometimes have the ability charismatic around close friends, but as soon as he is in front of an attractive women, he tends to shut that side of himself down and go into his shell.
If he interacts with the woman, he will usually turn into a nice, friendly guy who just wants to “get to know her.” He will behave as though he’s just an innocent, nice guy who wouldn’t ever think about her in a sexual way.
When a woman interacts with a nice guy who is suppressing his natural personality, she can usually sense it.
If she has observed him interact with other people in a more open way, but then shut down and go into his shell when interacting with her, she knows that he either lacks confidence or isn’t a man she can fully trust to be alone with.
In the mind of a nice guy, he is the most trustworthy man on the planet, but women don’t feel the same way because they sense that he’s putting on an act. They sense that he isn’t being authentic and is hiding something.
Phew! That took me quite a while to type up! 😀
As I explained throughout this article, the secret to success with women is not to become an asshole, jerk or bad boy.
Women are not crazy and they do not want a bad man who will beat them up and make them feel miserable.
Almost all women want a confident good guy who has the balls to turn her on during a conversation and the wisdom to guide her into deeper feelings when in a relationship.