Why do so many good guys get rejected with women? Is it because women want a bad man? No. Thankfully, women definitely don’t reject good men in favor of bad men. Here are some of the many reasons why good guys get rejected by women:
1. He tries to get her to like him, before she is attracted to him
One of the biggest mistakes that good guys make with women is that they try to be “liked” by a woman for being a good man or for being a nice guy, instead of making her feel sexually attracted to him first.
For example: He might “be there” for her when she is feeling down or going through a challenging time in life, be a friend, listen, be very courteous and generous all because he is hoping to be liked as a person.
Instead of attracting her with his confidence, he hopes to be liked for being a good guy and then feels disappointed when she’s just not that interested in him. If you only want to build a non-sexual friendship with a woman, having her “like” you as a person is fine.
However, if you want to have a sexual relationship with her, you’ve got to make her feel sexually attracted to you rather than being a nice, friendly guy and getting her to like you as a person.
Making her feel sexually attracted to you is about being confident around her, being masculine and creating a sexual vibe with her by the way that you look at her, talk to her, touch her and also how you behave around her.
Example: Imagine a guy who has a crush on one of his female friends. He meets up with her at a party or for lunch/coffee and says to her in a friendly, non-sexual way, “Oh, you look nice today. Your hair looks nice…and that’s a nice dress.”
Is that going to make her feel attracted to him?
What he saying is too friendly, nice and non-sexual. A woman will assume that he is just being friendly with her or that he doesn’t find her sexually attractive and is simply being polite to her. On the other hand, if he were to smile and confidently say, “Ooh, look at you…you’re looking fantastic…that’s a sexy dress…you look very sexy today. How am I going to be concentrating on the coffee here? I’m going to be looking at you the whole time…you’re blowing my mind here :)”
He could also keep it very simple and just say, “Ohh, watch out…you’re looking sexy today” and give her a quick compliment about her sexiness. That type of compliment and conversation style is completely different to being friendly and saying she looks “nice.” Telling her that she looks sexy and having a tone to your voice that suggests you find her very attractive creates a sexual vibe between you and her, whereas telling her that she looks “nice” creates a friendly vibe between you.
When you create a sexual vibe with a woman, you get past all the fake, “friendly” conversation and get right into what you both really want to be doing: Sex, love and intimacy. Instead of being a neutral nice guy who tries hard to be politically correct and non-sexual with women, you are a real man. You are a good guy who is not afraid to show his sexual interest in women. You know that it’s okay to do so and as long as you do it in a confident, easy-going way, women love it and feel flattered by it.
As you may know, women are more attracted to alpha males than any other type of male. Unlike a nervous, self-doubting good guy, an alpha male is not afraid or ashamed of his sexual desire for women. It’s not about showing your sexual desire in a sleazy way, being a bad boy or demeaning women in any way. Instead, it is about appreciating women’s sexiness in a confident, loving way.
Women love to be appreciated and reminded that they are sexy, because most women are insecure about their looks (“96% of women don’t consider themselves to be beautiful” Dove cosmetics global survey). There is nothing wrong with showing your sexual appreciation of a woman, as long as you do it correctly. When you have the confidence and skill to do it correctly, women will instantly feel good around you, feel attracted to you and feel lucky to be interacting with you.
2. He tries to get her to commit to a relationship before sex
Back in the 1800s or early 1900s, getting a woman to commit to a relationship was essential because almost every woman lost her virginity on her wedding night. In those times, a man would have to court a woman and take her on a series of outings (dates) with a chaperone (a person, usually a family member, who would come along to supervise the couple and ensure that they didn’t touch or kiss) and he would then eventually ask her to marry him.
If the woman said yes, the man would then ask her father for permission to have her “hand in marriage.” The couple would then marry and in most cases, they would lose their virginity on the wedding night. So, back then, it made total sense to use a dating strategy of trying to get a woman to commit to a relationship before sex.
However, in today’s world that is just not how it works. Some guys are annoyed by that and wish that things could be as simple as they were back in the 1800s and early 1900s, but it’s just not the way it works anymore. Today, most women like to have sex to start off the relationship and then see where it goes from there.
One study from England found that 55% of couples had sex on their first date and another study from America found that 70% of women admitted to having experienced a “one night stand” (sex on the first night) before. 70% of Norwegians have also admitted to having experienced one night stands.
Sex does happen.
From my personal experience, I’ve found that most women are open to either having a one night stand, sex on the first date or sex on the second date. That is how most modern women like to decide whether or not they really like the guy and whether or not it’s worth pursuing a relationship.
Some guys may see that as “wrong” because they haven’t yet come to terms with the fact that culture always changes, but it’s how it works these days. Culture never remains the same. It’s a constant evolution based on new ideas, freedoms and understandings of life.
A mistake that many good guys or “nice guys” make with women is asking for a relationship commitment up front. He might do that indirectly by asking a girl that he’s only been talking to for a few minutes, “So, do you have a boyfriend?” or “Are you seeing anyone at the moment?” or he might ask her directly by saying, “Can I take you out on a date?” or “Are you looking for a boyfriend at the moment?”
Using that type of approach with women makes it too formal. You’re essentially communicating to her that you’re out of touch with the modern world. You don’t know that sex happens a lot and it usually happens before relationships even begin.
You don’t know that she has had a one night stand before or that she would sleep with you on the first night, first date or second date. You don’t know that most women just want to hook up with you and see where it goes. You’re out of touch with modern life.
Important: Most women will absolutely deny that to you if you ask them to their face. However, the statistics speak for themselves. In most parts of the world, women have sex on the first night, first date or second date. I’ve also found the same thing from personal experience.
Some women are receptive to the outdated dating approach of courting each other for months and then maybe having sex, but the majority of modern women just don’t like it. A woman doesn’t want to commit to a relationship with a guy right away, especially if he’s not even making her feel much attraction. Most women want to at least kiss you before getting into any conversations about starting a relationship or dating each other.
In most countries, the divorce rate is near or more than 50%, so women are also aware that they have to be careful who they choose for a boyfriend or husband. Dating and having sex has evolved as a way for modern humans to get a feel for each other and determine whether or not it is worth committing to a serious relationship.
Instead of rushing into a serious relationship and having sex later on, most women want to try you out first and see what it feels like to be with you in that way. A woman won’t admit that when you meet her, but it is exactly what she’s been doing behind closed doors with the men she’s been meeting.
The fact is that it’s no longer taboo or shameful for a woman to have sex before getting married. She’s not required to be a virgin when she gets married; she is allowed to have several relationships before settling down if that’s what she wants to do.
Society’s views on sex have changed and you don’t need to get a woman to commit to a relationship with you before she will have sex with you. Most women are open to at least kissing you the first time they meet you, but sex is also an option as well.
So, make sure that you don’t use the approach of coming across as though you want to have a serious relationship with her before you’ve even kissed her. Get to kissing and sex first and then take it from there.
3. Being too nice
There’s nothing wrong with being nice to a woman. Anyone who tells you that nice guys finish last or that you have to be a “bad boy” to get women is wrong. As you would have seen by observing the world around you, good guys have girlfriends, wives and lovers. Good guys hook up with women for sex on the first night or they have a girlfriend or a wife. They do not finish last.
So, being good is not a bad thing when it comes to women and dating. The problems occur when a good guy is too nice to a woman in the hopes that she will “like” him and then reward him with sex and love because of his niceness. Being nice to a woman is not the step before sex. That approach may get a woman to “like” you as a person, but it’s not what makes a woman feel sexually attracted to you. She may feel emotionally attracted in some (not all) ways, but in most cases, she will end up seeing you as more of a friend or you will feel like more of a brother to her.
Being really nice to a woman is what a nice friend would do for her because he cares about her, not because he wants to trick her into having sex with him. Women are not obligated to reward nice behavior with sex and that is not how it works anyway. Just like you want to have sex with women that you’re attracted to, a woman wants to be able to have sex with a guy whom she is attracted to, not a sneaky nice guy who is hoping to be rewarded with sex for being a good guy to her.
Instead of wasting time and being dishonest by using a sneaky nice guy approach on women, just be real. Attract a woman immediately by being confident and masculine around her. Don’t come across as a neutral good guy. Be the man and let her be the woman.
When she interacts with you, a woman wants to get the sense that you are the masculine one and she is the feminine one. She wants to see that you think, behave and take action like a man. It doesn’t matter if you are 18 or 58, the same rule applies. Women feel attracted to a guy’s confidence and masculinity, just like we men feel attracted to a woman’s beauty and femininity.
If you are confident and masculine, you can attract women immediately. You don’t have to “get to know her” and hope that you “grow” on her. You can attract her immediately. To attract her immediately, your vibe and presence as a guy should feel masculine to her. Don’t give her a confused vibe as a result of suppressing your masculinity and possibly coming across as a little bit feminine around her and in life.
After coaching guys for many years, I’ve found that approximately 30% of guys have mistakenly adopted fairly feminine mannerisms, behavior and vibe as a result of thinking that it would help them connect better with women. The remaining 70% of guys tend to suppress their masculinity and don’t allow themselves to “be the man” around women. They often feel as though it’s wrong to be a man or that it’s wrong to make a woman feel girly. A lot of that thinking comes from watching too much TV or some of the latest Hollywood movies that glorify women and make men look like stupid, clumsy fools who would be so lucky to get a chance with a woman.
In the movies, in TV sitcoms and in music videos, guys are usually scolded and demeaned if they behave in a confident way around women. In the real world, men who are wise enough to differentiate fiction (TV and movies) from reality (real life), know that being masculine around women is the right thing to do and it is what leads to kissing, sex and relationships. However, the guys who look to TV and movies as an education source in life often fear making women feel girly in response to their masculinity. In the movies, guys get rejected for that.
Many modern men have watched angry, feminist women on TV (e.g. shows like The View) talking badly about men who are confident around or who look at women in a sexual way. After watching enough of that crap, it begins to drive an unnecessary fear into a man because he just doesn’t know how attraction really works. He doesn’t realize how unhappy those masculine, feminist women are and how dead their sex life is with their “partner.”
Attracting women with your confidence and masculinity is what makes a woman the most happy and excited to be around you. It makes her feel like a real woman when you are confident and masculine enough to make her feel girly and to confidently compliment her on her sexiness. When a woman feels sexually appreciated by a confident, masculine man, it’s revitalising, invigorating and exciting for her. It makes her feel alive. So, don’t ever be afraid to do what is right. Don’t listen to those unattractive, angry, feminist women on TV and don’t look at movies and TV dramas as reality.
When you are wise enough to begin attracting women with your confidence and masculinity, you will notice that women feel lucky to have met a guy like you, especially because you’re also a good guy. However, if you are afraid to be confident and masculine and instead expect women to feel sexually attracted to you just because you’re a good guy, you will be disappointed again and again. Being a good guy is not what makes a woman wet. Being a confident, masculine guy who isn’t afraid to express his sexual interest in her does. Then, the fact that you’re a good guy is simply a very welcome bonus to her.
4. Being the friend
A common good guy mistake is trying to be a woman’s friend first and then hoping that she will eventually see him as being trustworthy enough to have a relationship with. He wants her to see that he’s just a friend, he’s non-threatening, he’s just a good guy and doesn’t expect sex. Secretly, he hopes that she will eventually realize (like women do in the movies) that he is “the one” for her and they will then live happily ever after.
Why do so many good guys use that approach? They simply don’t know what it takes to successfully get a woman into a sexual relationship. His confusion may come from being raised by conservative parents who taught him that he needed to have good manners around women, be nice, be a gentleman and be patient or by watching too many fictional “love stories” where the nervous, nice guy is eventually chosen by a woman after being friends with her throughout the entire movie.
A classic example is the lame movie called 500 Days of Summer, where the lead male character “Tom” has a crush on a girl at work named “Summer.” He is nervous around her, lacks confidence and is secretly obsessed with her. He acts like a nice friend around her and never shows any sign of liking her in a sexual way.
Since it is a movie, she starts the first ever conversation with him in an elevator. She comes across as an intelligent, easy-going, down to Earth type of girl who miraculously shares the same taste in music in him. Wow! So amazing! To start the conversation, she compliments him on his taste in music and he then begins imagining being with her as boyfriend and girlfriend. Later in the movie, she kisses Tom in the photocopy room at the office, even though he has done absolutely nothing to attract her.
In fact, every bit of his behavior is unattractive to women, but for the sake of making a movie and entertaining an audience with a strange reality, she kisses him first. Unlike in the movies, in the real world, women want to interact with a guy who is confident and who believes in his own sex appeal, rather than hanging around with her as a friend and hoping that she makes the first move on him.
A woman wants a man to attract her with his confidence and masculinity and then have the confidence to move the interaction forward to kissing, sex and a relationship when appropriate. A woman does not require weeks or months of “friendship” before she will kiss a guy or have sex with him. If a guy uses the friend approach, what will usually happen is that he’ll be in the “friend zone” with her for weeks or months and all it will take for him to be forgotten is another guy to come along and attract her and then escalate to kissing, sex and a relationship right away.
The guy in the friend zone will then be shocked and maybe even angry that she has hooked up with another guy. Yet, he doesn’t realize that sex happens very quickly between a man and a woman who are attracted to each other. He also doesn’t realize that most women usually don’t want to have more “male friends” than they already have in their life at that time. Sometimes, a woman will enjoy having many male “friends” who are secretly interested in her and hoping to get a chance with her, because it boosts her self-esteem and often results in guys doing her favors, buying her drinks and dinner, etc.
However, for the majority of women who aren’t looking for male friends and are instead looking for a lover, boyfriend or husband, using the friend approach will backfire and be a huge waste of time for both of you. Additionally, if a woman gets the sense that you like her and are trying to “sneak in the back door” by pretending to be an innocent friend, it will make her lose trust in you. She will then put her guard up around you and will be very wary about opening up to you any further.
What women want from a good guy is for him to have the confidence to make her feel attracted and then move things forward quickly. Sometimes you can kiss a girl the first time you meet her, sometimes on the first date and sometimes on the second date. Yet, hanging around and being her so called “friend” for weeks or months is not the way to accomplish the goal of having sex with her or getting into a relationship with her. Start with attraction, then get to kissing and sex. After that, it’s up to you and her whether a relationship is necessary.
5. Placing her above him in terms of value
Some good guys will work in a great job, wear great clothes, drive a nice car and live in a nice apartment or house, but still won’t believe that they are good enough for the attractive women they meet. When interacting with an attractive woman, he will place her above himself in terms of value. He will assume that she has more sexual value, more dating power and more overall value on the mating market compared to him, so he will feel as though he’d be lucky to get a chance with her.
This will come across in how he talks to her, looks at her and behaves around her. She will get the sense that he isn’t good enough for her and that will then turn her off the idea of hooking up with him.
For some good guys, it doesn’t matter how much they’ve achieved in life or how much of a good guy they are, they still won’t feel valuable enough for most of the women they meet. Without having enough belief in his value to women, a guy will usually try to use what he has (or can offer a woman) to get her to “like” him and want him. For example: He may begin talking about his job and hint at how much money he is making or talk about his expensive car or the fact that he lives in an upper class neighborhood in the hope that it will impress her and get her to see that he is valuable.
That is a flawed strategy and is the worst thing you can ever do around a woman, especially an attractive one. When a woman gets the sense that a man doesn’t feel good enough for her and is trying to impress her with material possessions, boasting or promises of what he can offer her, it actually lowers his value in her eyes. She instantly realizes that he doesn’t see himself as a valuable guy and is trying to trick her into thinking that he is with superficial things.
What a good guy needs to do is decide that he is valuable just for being a good guy. Unlike other guys, he’s not an asshole, jerk or prick who is out to do her harm. He’s a cool, confident, good guy who has good intentions with her. He is rising through the levels of life and going after his true potential as a man, which is something that both women and men respect about him. A man like that is a valuable man. A good guy simply needs to realize that about himself and then remember it when he is interacting with women.
Where a lot of good guys go wrong is in looking at women as being better than themselves, just because the woman is beautiful or attractive to him. Giving a woman so much credit for making him feel attracted is the wrong way to judge her value. Just because she looks attractive, it does not mean that she is better than him or more valuable than him. Yes, she may be valuable because she is pretty, but a good guy is extremely valuable too if he is cool, confident and masculine.
A good guy needs to realize that there is a shortage of good men out there for women to choose from. For the most part, women have to choose between nervous nice guys and douchebags or bad boys. Almost all of the real men (i.e. good guys who are confident and masculine) already have a girlfriend, a wife or are sleeping with several beautiful women at once. So, if you’re a confident, masculine good guy, then you have to realize that most women will feel lucky to be with a guy like you. You are valuable, very valuable. You are a diamond in the ruff. You are the sort of guy who deserves to feel valuable around attractive women.
As a human being, you get to decide on your own value as a person. If you try to decide your value as a man based on looks for example, you will rarely if ever win the “value battle” with women because most guys are not very good looking and look average next to a beautiful woman. Women are the beautiful ones of the human species and when they do themselves up with make up, they look even more beautiful.
You can’t win the value battle with a woman by trying to decide whether or not you’re valuable enough to her based on your looks. You’ve got to decide whether or not you’re valuable enough for her based on what you think about yourself. For example: You can think, “I am a valuable man because I am confident and masculine and I’m a good guy. I’m valuable because I am rising through the levels of life and going after my true potential as a man. I am valuable because I am pushing forward in life with confidence and determination. I am valuable because I have good intentions with women and with the world. I am valuable because I said so.”
If you’re interacting with a woman and she feels like you don’t believe that you’re valuable enough for her, it turns her off on a deep level. Why? When it comes to sex and relationships, women don’t want to trade down in terms of value. A woman wants to feel as though you could easily have other women (she will know that if you are confident and masculine around her. She will know that other women will find you attractive as well), but will select her if she meets your standards.
A woman wants to feel lucky to be with you, not feel as though she’d be doing you a favor and hooking up with a low value guy who is offering her gifts or anything else to make up for his lack of self-perceived value. She wants to see that you consider yourself to be a high value man and when she sees that, she will naturally respect you and feel attracted to you.
Looking at women as being above you in terms of value will almost always lead to rejection. The only times you might get laid are with MILFs / Cougars who like the fact that they appear sexy to you, even though they know you deserve a younger, sexier woman. However, for younger, hotter women, they just don’t like it when they get the sense that a guy doesn’t feel good enough for her. Hooking up with a low value guy just doesn’t make any sense to her. Almost all attractive women don’t want to feel as though they’d be doing a guy a favor by hooking up with him.
If you are the type of good guy who places women above you in terms of value, it won’t matter how much you achieve in life. Nothing will change until you decide that you are a valuable man as you are right now. Unless you give yourself credit for being the cool, good guy that you are, you will always feel as though you’re not good enough for attractive women. There will always be that “other thing” that you need to achieve first.
For example: A guy who works out in the gym to build muscle that will hopefully impress women. He will have a fit, strong body and obvious muscles, but he will think to himself, “I’m still not as big as those other guys I’ve seen. If I can put on another few kilos/pounds of muscle, THEN women will find me attractive. I’ve got to have bigger biceps first…”
Another example is where a guy is working in a job that he hopes will impress women. He will think, “If I can get a promotion, THEN women will like me.” He knows it might be years before he gets the promotion, but he will convince himself that the promotion will be the answer to his problems with women. He figures that when women see that he’s in a good position at work, they will suddenly like him because he will be a better provider.
Another example is about where a guy lives, “I’m living in this area at the moment. If I can move into the city or to a better neighborhood, THEN women are going to like me.” Then, when he moves to the new area, he will think, “My furniture isn’t good enough. I’ve got to get expensive, stylish furniture and a bigger TV…then I will feel comfortable bringing women home.”
That type of insecure approach will go on and on for your entire life if you don’t change it now. With that type of insecure thinking, you never feel good enough for attractive women. To break the cycle of insecurity, you’ve got to decide that you’re good enough right now. You have seen guys who aren’t even half the man that you are, but they have a beautiful girlfriend or wife. You’ve seen guys who don’t even have a job or a car or anything, but they have a beautiful girlfriend. You’ve got to stop doubting yourself and start giving yourself credit for being a cool, good guy.
You’ve got to decide that you are valuable based on who you are as a person right now. You then have to believe that and remember it when you are interacting with women, because women aren’t going to make it easy on you. Attractive women aren’t going to say, “Oh, you’re a good guy…wow! Well, it doesn’t matter that you’re not confident, it doesn’t matter that you don’t believe in yourself, it doesn’t matter that I feel like I’d be doing you a favor by going out with you…let’s just go home and have sex and then I will be your girlfriend.”
That’s obviously not how it works.
You have to believe in yourself. You have to believe that you’re valuable enough for a woman even when she tests you (e.g. by playing hard to get, not contributing much to the conversation) to see how confident you really are in that belief. Unless you believe in yourself, she can’t believe in you either. To her, there’s nothing to believe in when it comes to you because you seem to be a body of self-doubt around her. You second guess yourself and don’t feel valuable enough.
If a woman can test your confidence by playing hard to get and see that you still believe in yourself no matter what, it is VERY attractive to her. In most cases, it takes a few minutes for even the hottest, bitchiest and most cold women to melt like butter around that type of confidence. She suddenly becomes friendly and excited to have finally met a guy who doesn’t crumble under her pressure. When she notices that, no matter how hard she tests you, your confidence in yourself remains unstoppable, it flips a switch in her mind that turns her on at a deep level.
Women know that when a cool, good guy has that level of confidence, many other women are going to like him too. She knows that you will have your choice with women and the fact that you are interested in her makes her feel special. You are choosing her over the potentially hundreds of other women who’d love to have sex with you or be your girlfriend. When she gets that sense, she knows that she is getting herself a valuable guy.
However, if she gets the sense that you doubt your value around her, she feels like she would be losing out by hooking up with you. She gets that feeling from 95% of the guys she interacts with in life, because most guys don’t know how to attract women. Most guys go through life looking at women as having all the dating power and feeling as though they’d be lucky to hook up with an attractive woman. Yet, the 5% of guys who understand what I do, know that women feel lucky and excited to hook up with a cool, confident good guy who believes in himself.
When you have that knowledge about women, you are able to interact with women knowing that they would be lucky to hook up with you. When a woman tests you by playing hard to get, you don’t panic because you know that it’s a perfect opportunity to make her feel even more attraction for you. It’s pretty cool how it works and makes the whole process of approaching and meeting women exciting and rewarding. Instead of going home alone, you wake up the next morning with a hot woman in your bed who is eager to jump on again for a ride.
6. Not building sexual tension
Sexual tension: An exciting feeling that occurs when a man and woman feel sexual attraction for each other, but the escalation to sex is being delayed by them, the environment or circumstance (e.g. they work together).
Many good guys make the mistake of liking a woman and then trying to be a good guy by showing her how interested they are. He doesn’t want to “lead her on” or do anything that might cause her to lose interest, so makes it clear that he is 100% interested in her. Instead of playing with the feelings of attraction they are having with each other to then build sexual tension, he cuts out any chance of that by showing her that he’s keen and hoping to get a chance with her.
That approach works with some unattractive women or women who are looking for a desperate man they can control, but it doesn’t work with 99% of attractive women. Why? Since men are mostly attracted to a woman’s looks, most of the guys that an attractive woman meets in her life will show 100% interest in her immediately. They will hand themselves over to her on a silver platter and make it absolutely clear that they are hoping to get a chance with her, which ruins the opportunity for sexual tension to build up between them.
One of the most exciting things that you can do for yourself and a woman is to create sexual tension between you. Embrace the fact that you and her are sexually attracted to each other, but are not immediately jumping all over each other to have sex. You might have sex with her 30 minutes later when you pull her home from the bar or club, or you might have sex with her on the first date, but in the meantime, just enjoy building up the sexual tension.
Let it get to the point where she is excited and really wants to have sex with you, rather than her being initially interested in you and then losing interest because you don’t know how to create sexual tension. Don’t ruin it by being Mr. Keen who is so starved for female attention that he becomes desperate at the first sign of interest from a woman.
Example of creating some playful sexual tension: You’re talking to a woman in bar. You’re both attracted to each other, flirting and having a laugh. She turns to you and says that she’s going to the bathroom. Instead of just being a boring good guy who is super excited to be talking to a girl who is showing him some interest, build some sexual tension instead. Smile and confidently say, “Oh, you move very quickly, don’t you? I’ve only known you 5 or 10 minutes and you already want me to go to the bathroom with you. I don’t move that quickly. You’re going to have to take me out on a few dates first before you get to have sex with me.”
By saying that, you are creating a playful obstacle in between you and her hooking up for sex. It doesn’t matter if she wasn’t even implying that you join her in the bathroom for sex (99% of cases women won’t be implying that!). What matters is that you are creating the excitement and joy that comes with sexual tension. You are socially intelligent enough to do that, which is exciting for women. It shows that you’re not a desperate guy who is trying to be nice and polite to her in the hope of being reward with sex, love and affection.
Another example of creating sexual tension is by using eye contact. When interacting with a woman, there will almost always be a physical distance between you. The physical distance between you is the block, the obstacle or the barrier between you and her linking up to kiss and have sex. So, the obstacle is already there. The other thing you need to add into the mix is more sexual attraction, which you can create with sexual eye contact.
Instead of just making eye contact with her like a typical good would do (e.g. friendly, non-sexual), add in a more sexual vibe to your eye contact (watch the video on this page for a demonstration). Have a bit of a smile and look at her as though you’re almost about to eat her. Look at her and know that she is sexually attracted to you. How? You are being confident, which naturally makes a woman feel sexually attracted, so she is attracted to you. End of story. Accept it. Don’t doubt it. Believe it. Live it. Enjoy it.
Based on the additional confidence that you will be displaying by knowing that she is sexually attracted to you, her attraction for you will increase even more. You can’t lose with that sort of approach with women. Being confident and knowing that women feel attracted to confidence allows you to naturally and effortless attract women. It’s pretty cool how it works. Make sure that you do it.
When you confidently look at her in a sexual way, it creates sexual tension between you because there is a mutual sexual attraction as well as a physical distance that is separating you from each other. Both of you feel open and possibly even eager to close the distance and begin kissing and having sex, but the physical barrier remains between you. You have created a private world between you, a private bubble or a “private understanding” that you and her both want to have sex with each other.
You may have seen a man and a woman instantly react to each other in that way before. From a simple interaction, you noticed that they were suddenly looking at each other as though they had a private understanding between them that they would hook up and have sex. Then, you would have witnessed lots of flirting, touching and laughing between them. After that, they would have hooked up for sex and/or became a couple.
When you’re interacting with a woman that you want to have sex with, make sure that you create sexual tension and then release the tension with kissing and sex. Failing to create sexual tension will mean that most women find your approach boring and unappealing and they will place you in the friend zone instead.
7. Waiting too long to make a move
Women don’t always show the same signals of interest, so you can’t ever rely on a woman making it obvious that she wants you to kiss her for the first time. The way that a woman shows her signals of interest will differ based on her confidence level and what type of man she is looking for.
For example: A woman who is very confident and beautiful will usually play hard to get when she meets a guy that she likes because she wants to find a guy who can handle her level of confidence. She will test to see how strong a guy is, mentally and emotionally and if he can’t handle her playing a bit hard to get during an interaction, then he’s not confident enough to be her lover or boyfriend. He’s too weak (mentally and emotionally) for a girl like her.
Another example is a woman who is insecure about her looks and value to men. This type of woman will often become shy when she likes a guy. She will stop showing any signs of interest and won’t contribute much to the conversation because she is worried about being rejected by the guy she likes. To a guy who doesn’t understand women, he might see that as a sign that she doesn’t like him. He will then doubt himself, leave the interaction and both of them will go home alone.
Some women will make it very obvious that they like you. For instance, a woman may be talking to you and playing with her hair in a girly way, biting her lip, looking at you in a submissive way and/or constantly primping herself (e.g adjusting her hair, reapplying lipstick, etc) to make herself look more presentable to you. She may even say that she likes you or ask whether or not you have a girlfriend.
Since women show their interest in different ways, you can’t rely on women to give you a standard signal that they like you. It will almost always different, except for the times when women make it completely obvious. You’ve got to know that many women will like you and then play hard to get to see how you react. They want to see if you’ll suddenly lose confidence in yourself or, if the woman is insecure, she will want to see if you actually do like her for real or are just trying to get her interested to feel good about yourself.
Where a lot of good guys go wrong with women is waiting too long to make a move because they are sitting around waiting for super obvious signals from a woman, or hoping that she makes the first move. He doesn’t want to see “too forward” or be rejected for making a move, so he will keep interacting with her in the hope that she will make it very obvious that she likes him. This may go on for an hour or two if he’s meeting her for the first time at a bar or party, or it may go on for weeks or months if he knows her as a friend or acquaintance.
Eventually, most women get frustrated and tired with the lack of action from the guy and then lose interest in him. Instead of wasting more time on him, the woman will open herself up to opportunities to be with other guys. For example: If he’s talking to a girl for the first time, she may say, “I’m going to the bathroom” or “I’m going to go dance with my friends” and then never come back. If she’s a woman that he knows and has been a “friend” to for a while, she will reject him when he eventually tries to make a move.
She will say something like, “Sorry…I don’t want to ruin our friendship” or “I’m too busy right now” or “I’m shocked to hear that you feel that way…we’re just friends!” To avoid that happening to you, simply build up sexual tension and then release that tension with kissing and sex. Don’t sit around waiting and hoping that a woman makes the first move or makes it completely obvious that she likes you, because most women won’t do that.
8. Lacking confidence around her
Women are sexually attracted to a man’s confidence and are sexually turned off by a man’s insecurity, self-doubt, nervousness and other emotional weaknesses.
To be confident around women, you have to give yourself permission to feel confident based on the fact that you’re a cool, good guy. Women aren’t going to make it easy for you and say, “Hey, I like you. Don’t doubt yourself. Be confident around me.” Women aren’t going to do that because they are looking for guys who are confident enough to handle them as well as the challenges of life.
The world that we live in here on planet Earth is challenging, even at the best of times. In most cases, you need to be a confident man to survive, thrive and prosper on this little planet in the universe. It’s been a tough road to get to where we’ve gotten to today as a human species. The weak don’t always do well in this weird and wonderful world and women instinctively know that. So, don’t question a woman’s attraction to your confidence. It makes total sense that women are attracted to a man’s confidence.
If you display a lack of confidence around women, it won’t matter to them that you’re a good guy. Goodness is great, but it’s not what makes a woman feel sexually attracted to you. You’ve got to be confident and masculine and then the fact that you’re a good guy is simply a welcome bonus to her.
9. Thinking that being a gentleman will win her over
There’s nothing wrong with being chivalrous, being a good man or being gentlemanly to a woman. It’s just that it doesn’t mean crap to a woman unless she is sexually attracted to you. Being a gentleman or doing nice things for her is not the step before sex. You don’t get rewarded with sex for being a gentleman. That’s not how it works.
You get a woman sexually interested in you by being sexually attractive to her, which comes from your confidence, masculinity and how you make her feel when you interact with her. If she feels girly in response to your masculine vibe, it won’t even matter if you’re a good guy or a bad boy, because she will naturally feel sexually attracted to you. The same applies to you as a man; it doesn’t matter if a stripper or a pornstar is a “bad girl,” you feel attracted to her because of what she is displaying to you.
If you display confidence and masculinity around women, they will feel attracted to you. However, they don’t feel attraction to niceness or goodness. That doesn’t mean you need to be a bad boy in any way; it just means that you need to be attractive.
10. Pretending not to be interested in sex
Some good guys make the mistake of shutting down their sexual side around women. A guy like that will act as though the only reason he’s talking to a woman is because she’s interesting or that he’s just interested in being friends.
That approach is nice if you just want to talk to a woman and not create any sort of sexual spark between you, but it’s the opposite of what you need to if you want to get laid or get yourself a girlfriend. Pretending not to be interested in sex with a woman you’re attracted to is called lying. You are being dishonest to her and to yourself by behaving in that way.
In many cases, the good guys who pretend not to interested in sex when interacting with women are the same guys who jerk off to porn every week. They feel intense attraction to women, they love women and they want to be sexual with women, but when interacting with women in person, they pretend to just be an innocent, friendly guy. When a good guy puts on an act like that, he’s not being who he really is as a human being.
To be clear here, I’m not talking about being sleazy or being over the top in the way that you show sexual interest in women. I’m also not talking about not caring about a woman and only looking at her as a sexual object. What I’m talking about is that you at least be man enough, honest enough and real enough to show your sexual interest in her. Remember that most women (96% of women, according to the Dove cosmetics global survey) don’t think that they are beautiful. So, you are doing most women a favor by showing your sexual interest in her and making her feel appreciated.
Most women are insecure about their looks and sexiness to men and secretly appreciate it when a cool, good guy is confident enough to say something as simple as, “You’re sexy…I like you” instead of pretending like he’s just an innocent guy who would never, ever think about having sex with her.
Being a Good Guy Who is Successful With Women
If you consider yourself to be a good guy, then from now on allow yourself to feel confident and valuable about that fact. Being a good guy is cool and you need to stop doubting yourself in any way. You need to understand that you get to decide on your value as a man. You can think of women as being more valuable than you and out of your reach, or you can think of them as being equal and then take action in accordance with that thinking.
Say to yourself, “I’m a good guy, therefore I am a valuable guy. I’m not like all those bad guys out there…those pricks, assholes, liars and snakes. I’m a good guy and I’ve got good intentions with women, so I’m going to allow myself to feel valuable around women because of that. Women are going to be lucky to hook up with a guy like me.
No matter how many tests women throw at me while I’m interacting with them, I’m not going to buckle under the pressure. I know that they are just testing to see how confident I am…and when they see that I continue to be confident no matter what, they will be excited and feel attracted to me. I won’t see women as being higher value than me merely because they look attractive. I am higher value (or equal value) because I am an awesome guy.
When I can maintain that belief in myself and stay on that confident path, women are naturally going to feel attracted to me and they will stop rejecting me.”
Back when I was hopeless with women, I was still the same good guy that I am today. Deep down, I’m still the same good guy with good intentions who wants to do good things in the world. I like to do good things for people and I’m a nice guy at heart, but what has changed is that I believe in myself. I allow myself to feel valuable around women and people based on the fact that I’m a good guy.
Nothing that anyone says or does ever deters me from my belief in myself. I am confident all the time, no matter what happens…because I said so. I have decided to be confident and I’ve stuck with that. I decided to believe in myself and that’s that. Thankfully, women find that type of confidence very attractive in a man and it has allowed me to have sex with hundreds of beautiful women, even though I don’t compare to them in the looks department.
Confidence (or belief in yourself) is a very powerful trait to have as a man. It’s very useful in this world. Confidence helps you in your career, when hanging around friends or when dealing with the challenges of life, so it makes total sense that women feel attracted to it. Allow yourself to have it. Embrace and it enjoy it. You deserve it because you are a good guy.
Have belief in yourself rather than doubting yourself around women. Step forward and go after what you want in life (including going after attractive women) with determination and unshakeable confidence. That type of approach to life is very attractive to women at a fundamental level. The fact that you’re also a good guy is simply a welcome bonus to her.
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Dan does it really matter so much if you are using more superficial stuff to give your confidence a boost? I get what you are saying about being a good guy and I’ll use that with other things I feel are good about me but to me being just a good guy with good intentions isn’t good enough lol it doesn’t boost my confidence because I think well 95% of guys have good intentions whereas if I use stuff that I feel gives me an advantage over other guys or is better that does give me a boost like looks, clothes, lifestyle I know it’s not the best way to go about it but if in my mind I place more importance on the other stuff can I not just work with that ineffective mind set until I start to believe in the other stuff? Because right now that does nothing for me.
Thanks for your question.
No, that isn’t the only way to build confidence and to feel confident! 🙂 I provide confidence boosting techniques, insights and mindsets in every one of my programs. The more you learn, the more confident and skilled with women you become.
Confidence is about having belief in yourself and your abilities. Some guys need more help with confidence than others. In your case, you’d probably need to go through a few of my programs before you began to let go of patterns of thinking that caused you to feel insecure.
The dictionary definition of confidence is:
Confidence (noun): Belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.
The dictionary definition of insecurity is:
Insecurity (noun): Lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt.
If you need more help, my programs are here: http://store.themodernman.com/
I have been reading your book the Flow but not been pactising probably from the past few weeks, but I can talk to women in a normal friendly way.
But my weakness is my flirting technique, for example when I was going to see my friend, the girl got off the same station as me from the station we got on.
So I thought of saying “I hope you not following me” but was not sure if that is flirting or flirting would be like “I hope you not following me because my girlfriend will be jealous” would that be better?
If all that wrong then where can I learn to flirt, because the other program you offer is not ebook and it on video without subtitles as I’m deaf by the way…
Yes, the second example is flirting.
The dictionary definition of flirting is:
Flirting (verb): Behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions.
About learning more examples of flirting: All of my programs include different examples of flirting, but since you are deaf that will be a problem. I will be making more free posts this year with examples of flirting. Stay tuned!
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