What do you really want to experience with women?
I’m not talking about what you tell other people, but what you really want? Do you ever picture yourself having sex with new women all the time, or is your ultimate fantasy to be married to a sexy, beautiful woman who loves you more than anything else in the world?
Whatever it is that you really want with women, why are you getting it? What is really stopping you?
If you’re like a lot of modern men, it is FEAR.
Irrational, unnecessary, stupid FEAR.
Here’s the thing…
Fear feeds on the power that you give it. Fear can only exist if you feed it. If you want to be a truly confident man, you have to feed your confidence, not your fear.
Some guys go through life looking for reasons to be fearful, rather than looking for reasons to be confident. They hide themselves away from women and if they do interact with women, they present a weak, hesitant, fearful version of themselves.
Instead of having the confidence to be themselves and allow an interaction to unfold naturally, they tense up and put on an act of being someone they’re not.
The fear being rejected, fear saying the wrong thing and fear being embarrassed or humiliated in front of others. It’s a horrible state of existence that I once used to live with, until I discovered what I reveal in this video…
Life or Death Fears Are Useful
The primal feeling of fear is a useful thing when it comes to protecting your life (e.g. running away from a tiger, keeping your home locked at night to prevent intruders from entering, etc), but for anything else it usually just holds you back from achieving what you want.
For example: Approaching women.
Many guys feel fear when they want to approach an attractive woman. All of a sudden, thoughts like these trigger feelings of fear, anxiety and nervousness:
- What if she has an angry boyfriend and he rushes over and then beats me up?
- What if she tells me to go away and humiliates me in front of everyone?
- What if I approach her and get rejected and then other women think I am a loser?
- What if something that I know from work (or university) sees me getting rejected?
- What if I run out of things to say and look like an idiot?
- What if freaks out and other people step in and tell me to go away?
Yet, what most of these guys don’t realize is that the majority of women are friendly and open when approached by a guy, as long as he approaches and talks to her in a confident, easy-going way.
If a guy approaches and immediately tries to pick her up in a rushed way, or comes across as nervous, awkward and tense, then of course she isn’t going to react as positively as she would to a guy who is confident, easy-going and isn’t in a rush to get a phone number.
How can you feel confident and relaxed when approaching women? Start by watching this video…
When you approach women in the right way (i.e. you make them feel attracted to you and you have an easy-going attitude), things flow smoothly from one step to the next. After experiencing that a few times, you begin to realize that approaching women isn’t something to be afraid of – it’s something to be excited about.
There’s nothing more rewarding for a single guy than being able to approach and attract women at will. Suddenly, the world opens up to him and he has his choice with women.
He’s no longer the fearful guy who waits in the shadows or spends most of his time masturbating, watching TV, “hanging out” with people on social media. Instead, he’s getting laid with hot girls and getting the love, respect and attention that he has deserved all along.
Yet, none of that will happen for him unless he faces up to his fears and becomes the man that he knows he can be.
“Do one thing every day that scares you.” Eleanor Roosevelt, longest-serving First Lady of the United States
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” Plato, Classical Greek philosopher
Fear Based on Previous Experiences
If you’ve been rejected by a lot of women and don’t really know why, it’s understandable that you will feel some fear, insecurity and anxiety around women that you find attractive.
However, that fear is not a permanent thing that you have to live with. You can get rid of it by learning how to attract women properly so they don’t reject you.
Over the years I’ve heard many guys say things like, “I really do want to have a relationship with a beautiful woman, but I’ve been rejected so many times in the past and have been turned down when I’ve asked women out. I stopped trying a while back because women are just too choosy these days. You can’t please them.”
Yet, those guys are wrong.
What they don’t realize is that they ARE good enough for women, but are simply approaching the pick up in the wrong way. For example…
Many guys use the nice guy approach and wonder why women reject them for it…
Many guys don’t even realize why women like a guy who is more of a challenge…
The more you learn from me, the more you will realize that you ARE good enough for women. You can attract and keep a beautiful woman, but you have to approach things in the right way.
If you are sick and tired of missing out on experiencing the type of success with women that you KNOW you deserve, then stop fuelling your fear and start fuelling your confidence…
Want to Know the SECRET to Success With Women?
Watch this hidden video where Dan exposes his BIGGEST secret to success with women, which allows you to easily get laid or get a girlfriend.
This video is only available here and you can watch it for free right now.
Had it not been for YouTube, I doubt I would have found out about MM during my depression last summer. New year, new start!. No more hiding and feeling alone.
I’m glad we can help you mate. If you ever get stuck and are being held back by fear, remember this Tweet I posted recently: https://twitter.com/Dan_Modern_Man/status/275926339486367744
Also, since you mentioned the New Year, follow this guide and you WILL get a kiss on New Year’s Eve: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/articles/new-years-eve-kiss.html
Here’s my story. About a year ago now I got overly attached to this girl too soon. We had only went out once, from reading some of your articles I went wrong everywhere, needless to say, that was it, some time passed and she said she didn’t feel the same anymore. I took it pretty bad and tried to make her see things from my logic, which just made things worse. I want to do a complete 180 on my life not just with women, but life in general. I never want what happened with her to happen again. I want to have a choice of women mate, not just getting caught up one. Taking into account all the modern man programmes can you put them in order of which ones I should start with, right through to the ones I should finish with. I want to build myself into a man that women want and are attracted to.
Thank for sharing your story.
The program you need to watch first and foremost is Better Than a Bad Boy. From there, you should read The Flow, watch Dating Power and then if you need any more help, go through the remaining programs as you see fit.
By the way, it sounds like you should read this: How Neediness Destroys Your Love Life
I’m not sure about the relevancy of this comment to this article. Firstly I would never tell any woman that i have read the modern man, or bought any products and the simple reason is, women seem to have a belief that you are who you are and that’s that. My fear is that they will think I am trying to be someone I’m not and I would destroy a relationship if I told them. The MM programme’s are about helping people to change and become better. The way I look at things is that it is pot luck who influences you when you are growing up, but now I am 21 and i want to choose my influences. Thats the whole reason I’m learning the MM programme’s. My question: Is this part of the natural divide between men and women? Should the modern man programmes remain a secret from my future women? I just think women don’t ever really know what they want until they feel it, am I right?
Thanks for your question.
Yes, you are correct – there is no need to tell women about your “dating education.” Women don’t tell you about all the “tips and techniques” they’ve learnt from girly magazines or from friends. Likewise, you don’t have to tell a woman that you’ve learnt how to be confident, masculine, etc. Just be it and get on with enjoying your time together.
Is shyness a personality type or is it just a lack of confidence that causes people to be shy? And do women find shyness in a guy sexually attractive in any way?
Thanks for your question.
Good question. No, shyness is not a personality type. Shyness only happens as a result of ineffective mindsets (ways of thinking). Read: The Consequences of Being an Alpha Male
A lot of guys think that they have an “introverted personality type” when in fact, they simply think like a lower ranking male and experience shyness, nervousness and the desire to be alone more than others do. If you change your thinking, you change your life. Success with women begins with changing how you think. If you think like a lower ranking male, you will experience the consequences.
The thing that holds me back the most is not taking enough action and approaching any women. I’ve approached just probably about 2-3 girls that I didn’t know,in my entire life mate. I really want to approach at least, cause the advice and techniques you provide is great, but I can’t. I feel nervous, don’t know what to say, don’t know what to do etc. I am a MESS around girls I find really attractive, especially the high status girls in school who I feel intimidated around. I want to be able to approach girls I find attractive, what’s wrong with me? Why do I feel nervous? How do I get confidence to approach at least?
This is the video for you: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/question-and-answer-video-series-part-6.html
Is there any problem with taking pictures of yourself on facebook if you have other pictures like pictures of you and other people interesting things etc? I get its odd to have albums and albums of pictures of yourself and nothing more but everyone seems to do it so is it cool?
It depends what the photos are of.
If you’re showing off a new tattoo or something, then fine. However, if you’re just home alone or somewhere alone and snapping photos of yourself, generally speaking, it isn’t cool.
I’ve seen the Facebook profiles of some guys who try to put on a “cool” face/pose for the camera and snap multiple pics of themselves. While you can do whatever you want with your Facebook profile, shots like that aren’t going to make women say, “Wow, this guy is cool!”
A lot of guys mistakenly assume that women are more interested in a guy’s looks than anything else. So, they go out of their way to try and look good on camera. However, what really counts is how confident and cool you are in person. Snapping photos of yourself alone will never achieve anything positive for your dating life. I’ve seen Facebook profiles of guys who got photos of themselves in all sorts of poses. It doesn’t look cool. If anything, it actually looks a bit gay.
You see, as a human male, your mating dance for a woman is not about being pretty. If you were a peacock bird, then sure – make yourself all pretty to attract the female peacock. However, as a human male, women are looking to see how confident you are, whether you are liked by other people (including women), how socially intelligent you are, how masculine you are, etc. Photos of yourself won’t achieve that.
BTW: Saying that “everyone” is doing it is false. Women do it, lonely guys do it and guys who want to show off their muscles (thinking that it will get them a girl) do it. None of the naturals I know does it. None of the “cool” guys I know do it because they have better things to do, like having sex with women, enjoying time with friends, going after their purpose in life and enjoying life.
Waoh…this is a real piece and I think I’m becoming to let fear rule over me..well the thing is past experience has affected me and its really dealing with ME..I think I need a fix.Dan,please,help a bro.
Very good article.
I am very guilty of this. I’ve been living in fear around women for years. I got really sick of it, but I don’t think it can change because its chronic. And when you said talking to women is easy, it makes me feel even worse that I don’t even know how to do it.
Another thing, don’t you think that beautiful women want handsome because they care a lot about what society thinks? I think women do care what others think of them? For example, if a bunch of girls saw a beautiful girl with a below average guy, they’d automatically assume that she is desperate.
Thanks for your question.
You’re a classic case of a guy who has ineffective mindsets. Meaning, the way you think causes you to feel unnecessary fear, anxiety and nervousness. Listen to this: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2d8360c
Dan, what a great article.
Sums me up perfectly. Often, people say that you must wait to find a girl but I dislike that mindset.
I personally am feeling a pretty strong desire for romantic/sexual companionship/fun and have realized that I should go for it.
My problem is that I freeze up in public and talk myself out of approaching. My justification is that I will look weird.
Thanks for your positive feedback and comment.
Mate, it won’t look weird. Women WANT men to approach. Don’t believe that? Listen to this: http://www.themodernman.com/street_talk_with_women.html
Also, listen to this guy: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/audio/turn_rejection_into_success.html (He used to be like you, but he changed and listen to the life he is now living).
I approached a stunning girl at a friggin bus-stop and we had an awesome, flirty chat. She was not single so I toned it down but what a positive reaction! If she was single imagine how happy she would have been. I mean bus-stops are a “no-approach” zone apparently.
Also, the one’s I’m attracted to are nicer to me for some reason.
You are on the path my friend. You are now seeing what most guys are unaware of: You can have your choice with women if you know how to approach and go through The Flow.
BTW: According to my records you haven’t yet purchased The Flow. I recommend that you read it. If you like what you’ve been learning so far, you’ll love what you learn from The Flow. It’s a life changer.
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