If you can’t get past the first few minutes of conversation with a woman, you will rarely get the chance to kiss, have sex or begin a relationship.
The longer you can talk to a woman, the more opportunity you have to build up her attraction and desire for you. This is important because, unlike men who are willing to have sex with women purely based on her looks, most women need to have their attraction built up based on what the guy is saying and doing during the interaction.
Do You Make Any of These Conversation Mistakes When Talking to Women?
Don’t Worry About Trying to Come Up With a Perfect Opening Line
What’s most important is whether or not your behavior, vibe, body language and personality is attractive to the woman.
For example: If a nervous guy approaches a woman with a great conversation starter like, “Hey, I thought I’d come over and say hi” the woman isn’t going to be as interested as she would be if he was confident, relaxed and easy going.
Since most men have never been taught how to attract women during an interaction, a lot of them mistakenly assume that the opening line is the most important part.
Some guys hope that if the opening line is good enough, the woman will be magically charmed and the rest of the pick-up will be as easy as pie. Yet, as you may have experienced in your life, most women don’t give men a free pass unless the woman is extremely drunk, unattractive or desperate for some attention.
Most women have standards, so if you don’t know how to make her feel attracted, she simply won’t be interested in you no matter what you say. However, when you make a woman feel sexually attracted to you, she then starts to appreciate the other things about you (e.g. you’re a good guy, you have good intentions, you’re charming, etc).
She opens herself up the conversation and interaction and actually wants something to happen between you. This is why it’s so important that you know how to attract women. If you don’t know how to attract women, improving your conversation skills isn’t really going to change the results you’ve been getting.
Watch this video to understand why…
What Do You Say Next?
To keep a conversation going with a woman, you need to trust your gut instinct and say whatever comes to mind.
If you freeze up and start thinking too much about what to say, you will be using up valuable mental space in your brain. Instead of being your normal, cool self, you will begin to shut down and become the more nervous, unsure version of yourself.
Women don’t want to meet the unsure, nervous version of you. They want you to believe in yourself and believe that you’re good enough. If you can’t do that while interacting with her, she will rapidly lose interest because women are turned off by insecurity.
Are Your Friends Bringing You Down?
Many guys don’t have any supportive friends to encourage them as they make approaches and improve their skills with women. Instead, most guys have friends who tease them and make them feel even more insecure by providing incorrect advice (e.g. that women don’t want to be approached, women only want bad boys, etc).
Personally speaking, back when I was hopeless with women and only had one friend, he would say to me, “Don’t worry, Dan…they’re all stuck up bitches. They wouldn’t know a good guy if they met one. You can’t win with these chicks. Let’s just go get a coffee and grab something to eat.”
No matter how much I tried to convince him to stay at the bar or club and try to approach, he would just say that women are stuck up and think they are too good for us.
He was wrong.
It was HIM who thought that he wasn’t good enough.
What both of us didn’t know back then was that women don’t want guys to feel like they’re not good enough. They HOPE that a guy has the balls to approach them and believe in himself, especially when she plays hard to get to test his confidence.
Yet, I had no-one around to tell me that. All I had was one friend who was insecure and believed that women were impossible to pick up.
As you might imagine, my friend’s horrible advice messed with my confidence and self-esteem. I believed him because he was a guy that I looked up to. Thanks to him, I began to develop a perception of women as being nasty, mean and superficial and assumed they only wanted bad boys, models, rich guys or guys with big muscles and flashy cars.
So, when I wanted to walk up and talk to a woman, it was only natural that I felt anxious and nervous. I assumed that I wasn’t good looking enough, so I approached with the expectation that women wouldn’t really be that interested.
When women saw that I doubted myself, it turned them off and they rejected me. I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t know why I was failing. Eventually, I discovered the reason why and the solution to fix it…
Are You Sick of Being on Your Own?
After experiencing many rejections for reasons that he doesn’t understand, a guy will usually get to the point where he thinks, “What’s the point in even trying? I walk up to them, try to get a conversation going and they just brush me off. They don’t even give me a chance.”
It all seems too difficult and makes a guy feel like he doesn’t deserve to be successful with women. After a while, guys like that often into fade into the background. If he goes to a bar or club for example, he will just sit back or stand around watching everyone else talking and having a great time.
Some guys also go to bars or clubs and “fall in love” with a woman they are observing. He will stare at her, try to think of something amazing to say and have a few more drinks to build up the courage to approach her. Yet, he will rarely if ever approach.
Eventually, he will look on in despair as “his woman” leaves with a confident guy who approached, got her interested and then took it to the next level.
If you are sick of being on your own and would rather have loads of women in your life, then decide to take the next step now…
Want to Know the SECRET to Success With Women?
Watch this hidden video where Dan exposes his BIGGEST secret to success with women, which allows you to easily get laid or get a girlfriend.
This video is only available here and you can watch it for free right now.
I know you’ve pretty much summed this up in this article (great article by the way) but would just like some advice. I just finished off at a club party and I’m concerned about my lack of conversational skills. I found myself pretty much lost for words talking to most people. Had hardly much to say and may have subconsciously asked everyone the same uninteresting questions over and over. I’m happy to have approached this girl I really liked but yet again the same outcome. Conversation seemed to have lasted for only 20 seconds as she is the quiet type with little response and I was running out of things to say with some nerves. I’m not totally upset by the outcome but I will eventually get disillusioned of even approaching a girl if I just can’t keep conversation and escalate. I’d appreciate some advice Dan. I’m guessing your Ultimate Guide to Conversation can also be the answer I’m looking for? Thank you.
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
Yes, there will be a number of missing parts to your conversation, namely: Flirting, sexual vibe, being real (i.e. you may be putting on a “nice guy” persona and hiding your sexual attraction for her), display of relaxed confidence, listening and expanding on what she talks about in an interesting and engaging way, etc. The list goes on. Yes, you are also correct about what to do next: Learn by listening to The Ultimate Guide to Conversation. When faced with a problem in life that requires a person to have a certain skill-set, the person learns and then gets on with enjoying that part of their life. It’s no different when it comes to women; if you don’t know how to do something, learn it and then get on with enjoying your life with women.
I bought the ultimate guide to conversation and the flow and the boost to my confidence is incredible. Whats even more incredible is the way that women react. I honestly believe that the majority of them HAVE NEVER been approached properly in their whole lives. I finally understand what I was doing wrong, I never even imagined having the confidence to go up and talk to women like I am at the moment.
Thanks for sharing your success so far. Much appreciated.
Yes, I know what you mean about approaching women and sensing that. Most guys think that women get approached all the time and are annoyed by it, but the truth is that they only sometimes get approached by guys who do it WRONG and rarely get approached by a guy who does it RIGHT.
Enjoy the great times ahead!
All of what you said on this article is true.
I use to think that way as most nervous guys would plus my friends aren’t any better.
Even my best mate, despite him having a girlfriend(average looking) is also insecure & tries to give me advice(the wrong type)sometimes.
I admit, my lack of conversation skills is what holds me back from what I want.
Thanks for the positive feedback.
Practice talking to more women while using our advice. It’s that simple. You’ll get very good, very quickly. However, if you don’t practice, nothing much will happen. Talk to women. No excuses.
Thanks Dan for the advice
Is there anyway you can reduce the price for the ultimate guide to conversation?
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Does this article also apply to an ex girlfriend?
Because my gf broke up with me a month ago due to her losing feelings and instead of giving her space I got a little too needy and pushed her away more. Btw I am the bad boy type, I just thought it would work. I realized what truly went wrong in my relationship.
The problem is she won’t talk to me, she even told a close friend of mine to tell me that she doesnt want to be my friend and she was talking so much unnecessary crap about me. Btw all I said to her was hi. She thinks I’m annoying but I don’t talk to her, which is ridiculous. I’m thinking she thinks that because I put negative feelings about me in her head. Right?
I went straight up to her yesterday and talked to her. I told her to stop ignoring me and this is stupid. You need to let go of the past, just try to remember how close we used to be and leave all the bad stuff on the past. I’m sorry for the stuff I said after the breakup, it was stupid. She agreed and said she got so annoyed by that I also told her if we’re friends again and she said yes and I told her to shake on it but she didn’t want to…I just told her bye. I was talking to her in kinda confident way but I just acted like it was a normal thing and I looked like I was enjoying myself. She kept trying to brush me off subtly but I continued and after a bit I left. She was kind of crying too. I don’t know why.
What would be the best thing to do now?
Thanks for your question.
You need to read these three articles:
Is She Still in Love With You?
My Girlfriend Said She Needs Space
How Neediness Destroys Your Love Life
Totally spot-on article Dan. I can relate when I read that part “Are your friends bringing you down?” (But not really in a bad, discouraging and demotivational way)
You see, I sometimes hang out with these geeky friends of mine whom I enjoy playing video games with. One of them was celebrating his birthday on this fancy restaurant, and so we went there to have a good time. The waitresses were all hot ranging from 7’s to 9’s appearance-wise. Did the usual thing with the flow and flirted with this petite waitress and was teasing her a bit and calling her names playfully as she was going back and forth to our table. All was going well when I decided it was time to escalate to a phone number. I folded a piece of tissue paper lying around the table and told her to put in her number there. As soon as my friends heard this, they were all laughing and chorting as if what I did was awkward. Not cool. I know that waitress would have happily given me her number otherwise. Heh. Anyhow, that’s totally the last time I’m picking up girls in their presence.
Thanks for your comment.
Yes, friends like that can’t help reacting in those sorts of ways because they are envious of your abilities and they don’t want you to succeed in case you leave them behind. It’s fine to have people like that as friends, but yes – as you say – don’t go out of your way to pick up women in front of them unless you are really keen on a woman.
These days, I only keep friends who understand and are also good with women. For my friends and I, walking down a street and talking to a couple of women and then ending up back at someone’s apartment (mine, my friend’s or the women’s) 1-2 hours later or later that night is normal for us. However most other guys would ruin the vibe and stop the escalation from happening so quickly. For some of my friends, it’s totally normal to meet a girl and be kissing her within seconds to minutes. To most other guys that sounds unbelievable or “sleazy,” but to us it’s normal and we never hear women complaining!
I want a wingman. It’s much more difficult to improve this area of your life yourself. Think about it – if you go out and approach some girls and they’re being bitch and cold towards you and reject you. THEN it is very very easy to “get back into your shell” so to speak, but if you have a supportive friend (wingman) with you, then you can have a “back up”, in case something is going wrong. I just can’t find that kind of friend Dan. I got only one true friend who I usually hang out with, but he got very lower-ranking male behavior and thinking mate. Those kinds of fiends that REALLY want to improve themselves and their skills with women, are RARE.
Thanks for your comment.
You’ve already been informed on how to make new friends, but you simply don’t take action to make it happen. Stop making excuses and take action.
I randomly came across your site and really appreciate your advice. I’ve tried to change my outlook on not only women, but on life in general, as I have found that the traits required to attract women are traits that are important for all aspects of life!
There is one thing that has been bothering me though, and it’s something that I read in this article. It touched a nerve.
“They’ll try to rationalize why they are not fitting in by thinking, “They all look like they know each other. There are no available women here. They’re all in groups or aren’t interested in talking to new guys.”
I find this sums me up perfectly at university parties etc. I realise this is something I need to address, but I have no idea how to go about it. A lot of people seem so “clicky” I find it impossible to break through. I really would appreciate some advice!
Thanks for your comment.
Yes, the advice for that type of insecurity is provided in Alpha Male Power: http://store.themodernman.com/in/d2e92f Don’t worry, it’s not only you who thinks that way; a lot of people have the same insecurity and go through their whole life never knowing how to overcome it.
I recommend you read this article for more info: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/the-consequences-of-not-being-an-alpha-male.html
QUESTION ON FASHION!
Didn’t know where to post this dumb this question but this seemed the most relevant. Right not to bore you with a long winded story about my life but basically I’m in the Hells Angels don’t know if you know much about the subculture but basically being in the HA is my life I don’t have a job this club/gang whatever people want to call it is everything anyway as part of being in a motorcycle club your required to wear the colors like ALL THE TIME! so pretty much anytime I’m out I’m wearing a vest with Hells Angels on the back. Leads me onto my question.
Does having more extreme fashion make you less compatible with the majority of women? I can tell when I talk to women its a turn off, if I talk to 20 women maybe one or two find it fasinating but thats generally gothy/metal chicks most women/people have a negative stereotype of what the HA is all about and most women don’t see it fitting in with their life its just a fact. I mean the simple answer would be just change your clothes but I am limited.
Personally I think most guys look and dress the same so there not going to have a problem they wear the clothes that are “in” and women/people accept it.
In Dating Power, we explain that you should “dress for your scene” to increase your compatibility with women. However, we also state the fact that if you know how to talk to women and REALLY attract them with your personality, then many (not all) women will overlook the way you dress. Some will change to suit you and some will want you to change a bit to suit them at times. That said, with your particular lifestyle, many women will not be suitable for a relationship. You can have sex with them (use the techniques from Dating Power: http://store.themodernman.com/in/ff7fdd We explain exactly how to escalate to kissing and sex on the first day/night you meet a woman), but social compatibility in a long-term relationship will not be there with every woman you meet.
If you purchase Dating Power, shoot me a personal message via this contact us page and I’ll tell you exactly where to meet women who are suitable for you: https://store.themodernman.com/contact_us.html
Thanks for the reply.
What if you want to branch out and attract other women I mean should you be dumbing yourself down to the most common level in terms of fashion so your compatible with the largest pool of women or should you just wear what you want like the things you like the women who can handle it will and the women that can’t they wern’t right for you anyway.
Its interesting how do certain women decide that something just isn’t going to work for them, even though they feel attraction for you? I understand maybe core things like lifestyle, where your heading in life can be a make or break but insignificant things like clothes or a haircut like how does a woman just decide “ok no” if she feels attraction for you but there are one or two things she doesn’t like. Maybe really really attractive women who have options might because they can afford to but how do insignificant things come into play for certain women and with others it doesn’t matter at all?
I mean I have a female friend who says she only likes handsome men and she actually does only date those type of men its rare I know but how does she stop herself falling for guys who are not that, is she just vain or shallow?
You’re welcome mate.
Here’s what you need to do if you want to be successful with women…
Stop worrying about what women might say or do. Women are not the men. We are the men. We decide what women we like and if we have the confidence to back that up, the woman will be ours. That is how it works. You can get caught up in, “Oh, but I heard one woman say this or that” forever, but guys like me (and the naturals I know) don’t worry about what women say. We just choose what women we like and then escalate to sex and a relationship. If you’re unsure how to do that, I recommend you watch this: http://store.themodernman.com/in/ff7fdd
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