It's a man's responsibility to maintain the love, respect and attraction that his woman feels for him. If he is unable to do that, the woman will gradually fall out of love with him and open herself up to the idea of being with another guy. She will become irritated and bored by the relationship and will usually say something like, "I need time to find myself. I don't want to break up, but I need space for a while."
When "John" and "Wendy" first began their relationship, everything felt blissful, exciting and hopeful. They shared as much time together as possible, their sex life was amazing and John felt as though he'd finally met the woman of his dreams and that they would stay together for life.
After a while, Wendy started to become distant and wasn't interested in hugging, kissing, having sex or even being around John anymore. Not knowing what else to do, John reacted by becoming clingy and protective, which turned her off even more. They'd had experienced some rough patches before, but this time it just "felt" different. John knew that something was seriously wrong, but didn't know what else to do expect become even more clingy and tell Wendy how much he needs her in his life.
A few days later, Wendy called him up and said, "We need to talk" and explained that she just didn't feel the same way anymore. Not having the guts to break up with him right then and there, Wendy said, "I need space for a while. I need time to think" and John went away hoping that he could work out how to get her back. John couldn't stop himself from missing her like crazy and ended up texting her, calling her and messaging her on Facebook until she finally said, "That's it. We are breaking up for real. Do not contact anymore. We are finished!"
What caused Jenny to feel that way? In most cases like this, the guy has caused the woman to lose respect and attraction for him during the relationship. This can happen if the guy becomes too protective, treats her badly, is insecure, etc. When a woman loses enough respect and attraction for a guy, she will then begin to fall out of love with him and at that point, the classic, "We need to talk" line will surface.
Signals That She’s No Longer Interested
Instead of just breaking up with a guy when they first begin to fall out of love with him, most women will begin to show signs that they are losing interest or are no longer interested in being in a relationship. Here are some classic signs that she wants out:
- She’s constantly unavailable to see you: Unless something else in her life (e.g. work, study) is taking up all of her free time, a woman will always make herself available for the man she loves. Women thrive on having love flowing through their life and when a woman is with a man that she loves, she will make time for him no matter what.
- She avoids communication with you: Most women stay in close contact with the man they love. If your woman is avoiding your calls and taking a long time to reply to texts or messages, it's a clear sign that she isn't interested. The best way to test her interest level is to stop all communication for a 7 days. If she loves you and wants to be with you, she will contact you within that time. If she doesn't, it's pretty clear that she has fallen out of love with you, is cheating on you with another guy or just isn't interested in being in a relationship with you. However, if she has already broken up with you and hasn't been in contact for a long time, then using the "No Contact" approach will not work. Instead, you have to show her how much you've improved as a man either in person or by posting up photos of your fun, interesting and forward-moving life on Facebook. If she's blocked you from Facebook, then e-mail her.
- She flirts with other men in your presence: It is fine for a woman to be social and friendly with other men in a group setting, but when she OPENLY and OBVIOUSLY starts FLIRTING in a sexual way with a man (or men) in your presence it means that she's not your girl, she's anyone's girl.
- She goes out partying without you on a regular basis: Many women will keep their boyfriend around until they find another guy to replace him. If she going out to party with her friends without you on a regular basis, it means that she is opening herself up to meeting and hooking up with new men. If she loved you, respected you and wanted to be with you, she would want you to come along or she would have little interest in going out and partying on a regular basis.
- She avoids sex or displays of affection as much as possible: When she constantly makes excuses about why she doesn’t want to kiss, hold hands or have sex (when she never had that issue in the past), it means that there is a big problem in your relationship and you need to fix it before she breaks up with you completely.
- She doesn’t care about her appearance anymore: There are always going to be times when both of you aren't looking your best (e.g. hungover in the morning, feeling sick with the flu, etc), but women in a happy relationship will always make a huge effort to look attractive for her man.
- She no longer gets jealous about other women, at all: In the past, if you mentioned another woman during conversation and talked about her attractiveness in a positive way, she would become jealous and possibly even get upset about it. Now, you can talk about other women all day and doesn't care one bit. She may even go as far as encouraging you to start hooking up with other women and tell you that she doesn't mind. If she says that, you can be 100% sure that she has now opened herself to the idea of hooking up with other guys. If an alpha male comes along who knows how to make her feel sexual attraction and then escalate to kissing and sex, she will most-likely cheat on you and then break up with you.
When Things Begin to Fall Apart in a Relationship
At the beginning of a relationship, most couples ignore any signals that reveal the relationship is going to be a short one because the chemistry and sex between them feels so good. Secretly they know that it won't last, but they just go with it and enjoy all the exciting feelings. However, once the relationship starts to settle down and the initial novelty wears off, they begin to pay more attention to the signals that suggest they're probably not going to be a perfect match. Those type of impending break-ups are generally started by women, or by men who have their choice with women and can easily find a replacement girl.
Guys who got lucky by scoring their girlfriend will usually become clingy and try to hold onto what they've got with her, even though the woman is clearly indicating that she wants out and no longer feels the same way. Since most women are too afraid to just come out and say, "It's over. I don't want to be with you anymore" they will say things like "I need some space" or "I need some time apart to think" and then hope that the guy understands what she really means.
Personally speaking, I lost the love of my life many years ago because I didn't know what to do when I noticed that my girlfriend was falling out of love with me. Feeling desperate, I became more clingy and protective of her, gave her all the power in the relationship and even cried to her. Needless to say, all of that turned her off me even more and simply guaranteed the break up. Why? Women are attracted to the strength in men and turned off by the weakness. Listen to the audio clip below to find out where I went wrong and what I had to fix about myself before I was able to have my choice of women.
When a Break Up Needs to Happen, it Usually Does...
Even when a relationship isn't going well, the woman will sometimes unhappily stay with her man "for the sake of the children" or some other reason such as feeling embarrassed to break up with a guy in a workplace setting. However, once their children are grown, she feels more financially or emotionally independent or is no longer working at the same job (or studying at the same university), she will begin to display behavior that signals an impending breakup. If her man doesn’t start to change his ways, she will proceed with her decision to break up with him.
After helping 1,000s of guys to get their ex back (with my program Get Your Ex Back: Super System), I have found that the break up NEEDED to happen to wake the guy up and get him to realize how important it is to be a confident, emotionally secure man. In today's world, most women don't put up with being in a bad relationship for life and if you want to keep your girlfriend, you actually have to be the type of man that she wants to stay with.
When a Man’s Behavior Makes a Woman Want to End the Relationship
When a couple has settled into what seems to be a "happy relationship," some guys (especially those have gotten lucky by scoring their girlfriend), will become clingy, insecure and overly-protective of their woman. He might also stop going after his life purpose and instead make his whole life about her. If she gets the sense that he is hiding from his true potential as a man behind her and the relationship, she will lose respect and attraction for him on a fundamental level. When that happens, she will begin to fall out of love with him.
Here are some additional behaviors that a guy will display, which kill a woman's attraction, respect and love for him and begin to chip away at the foundations of their relationship...
1. Disconnecting From Her
Life isn’t always perfect 24/7 and sometimes, there can be many annoying things going on in a man’s life all at once. It is during these times that some guys block out their woman and become moody and irritable around her. Instead of talking to her about his problems and how he intends to fix them, a guy like this will tell her to shut up or that "It's fine! I'll fix it. I don't want to talk about it" and always block her out. Even if a man doesn’t want to follow his woman's advice, he should at least respect her enough to explain what’s happening and to listen to her thoughts on the matter. A woman wants to feel connected with you and your life and if you block her out during times when you and her could connect more, she will become annoyed and feel as though you don't really love her or want her in your life. You may not feel that way at all, but that is how most women will intrepret the behavior of blocking her out and not sharing any of your problems with her and how you intend to fix them.
2. Being Jealous in an Insecure Way
If you and your woman spend a lot of time together, it is normal for her to eventually want to have more balance in life by spending time with her friends alone or by doing things on her own. She might get the urge to hang out with her friends, restart hobbies or activities she enjoyed before you met or even begin a new hobby. All of this is normal and you shouldn't panic if your girlfriend wants more balance in her life. However, if you display jealousy in an insecure way, she will lose respect and attraction for you as a man. It is fine to be jealous in a positive way and want to see her (e.g. "Okay babe...enjoy your time at the park with the girls. I'll miss you"), but isn't fine to be jealous in an insecure way where you are worried that she will cheat on you or begin losing interest in you. If she gets the sense that you are being jealous in an insecure way, she just won't be able to look at you in the same way from then on. She will feel as though you probably don't deserve a quality woman like her and that, without her, you'd find it difficult to get another quality woman to like you.
3. Letting Her Be the Boss
Women are attracted to men who assert their leadership and power in life and in a relationship. After watching way too many Hollywood "romantic comedy" movies or TV sitcoms with guys acting like wimps around women, many modern men feel as though the way to keep a woman is to let her wear the pants in a relationship. Although women will behave as though they want to boss men around (e.g. in music videos), what they really want is a man who knows that he is the boss.
All women "test" men to see how they will respond. Alpha males understand this and do not relinquish their leadership role when talking to a woman, dating a woman, having sex with a woman or being in a relationship with a woman. When a woman can see that you are definitely a real man all the time (i.e. you never back down from being the boss), she will then happily relax and begin to show less-dominant behavior around you. Lower-ranking males (i.e. any type of guy beneath an alpha male) make the mistake of thinking that unless they give a woman what she wants, they will lose her, so they step down and become the more submissive person in the relationship or conversation.
If you allow your woman to become "the boss" of the relationship and "wear the pants," then it's only a matter of time before she loses enough respect and attraction for you that she then begins to fall out of love with you. You may be able to keep the relationship together for a while because you're both paying the rent of mortgage, but she will secretly open herself up to meeting another guy. If an alpha male comes along and wants to have sex with her, he probably will. The same principle applies for a man who is with a woman that he doesn't fully love, respect or feel attraction for; if a beautiful woman comes along and shows him a lot of interest, it will feel much easier for him to leave his current woman and hook up with the new one.
4. Taking Her For Granted
When a couple first gets together, most men will have a strong sense of passion that they display in and out of the bedroom. He might talk about his life purpose, his big dreams for the future and his desire to become an even better man. However, once the relationship begins to settle down, many guys take their woman for granted and don't follow through on their promise to become a better man.
After a while, the woman will begin nagging her man and starting arguments with him. She will feel frustrated that he is hiding from his true potential as a man and just taking her for granted. She will feel as though he doesn't respect her and just expects her to stick with him for life because they enjoyed some sex and good times for a while.
Become the Man That She Wants and Needs in Her Life
Everything that we teach here at The Modern Man is about transforming you into the man that women want and need in their life. It's about building on who you already are and guiding you along the rapid process to becoming a better man. From that, you will not only enjoy easy success with women, but all other areas of your life (e.g. work, friendships, relationships with family, personal happiness, etc) will dramatically improve.
The Secret to Keeping a Relationship Together
The real secret to keeping a relationship together is to deepen the love, respect and attraction your woman feels for you. This is a complex thing to do and if you're interested in mastering that skill, I recommend that you watch my popular program The Modern Relationship.