Is She Still In Love with You?
When “John” first got together with “Wendy” everything was blissful. They shared as much time together as possible, their sex life was amazing and John felt as though he'd finally met the woman of his dreams and that the two of them were going to be together for life.
Then, suddenly something had changed. Wendy unexpectedly seemed distant and John had a sense that his love life was in jeopardy...and it was! Of course, relationships normally have their ups and downs and John and Wendy had survived those in the past, but this time it just “felt” different. He knew something was wrong. A few days later Wendy said, “We need to talk” and proceeded to tell him that she wanted time apart to think because she just didn't feel the same way anymore.
Can You Sense When a Woman Falls Out of Love With You?
It doesn’t matter whether a couple has been dating a few weeks, several months or have been together for a decade or more, a man can (and should) sense that his woman is seriously thinking about breaking up with him and their relationship is in deep trouble. We’ll talk about the man’s role in maintaining a woman's interest, but first let’s look at the common signs women display before giving you the “We have to talk” discussion.
Signals That She’s No Longer Interested
If a woman shows her guy one or more of these signals, he can bet that she’s going to be heading out the door in the near future.
- She’s unavailable to go out on a date: Unless there’s a major project going on at her work or something similar is happening in her life that is briefly taking up all of her free time, a woman always makes herself available for the man she loves. Women thrive on having love flowing in their life and when a woman is with a man that she loves, is attracted to and respects, she will make time for him no matter what.
- She avoids communication with him: Women love to talk, text, write or otherwise stay in close contact with the man they love. If she avoids his calls, signs off from a website (such as Facebook) when he starts an online conversation with her, gives a one-word or short replies when they’re chatting (to keep her answers brief and non-committal), or she is otherwise non-communicative, she has lost (or is quickly losing) interest in the man she has a relationship with. When a woman loves you, is attracted to you and respects you, she will always make herself available. However, that being said, you shouldn't always be trying to contact her if you want to maintain the dynamic (that women WANT) where she is chasing you and trying to keep YOU interested. If you want to learn about how to create and maintain that dynamic, watch The Modern Relationship.
- She flirts with other men in his presence: It is one thing for a woman to be social and friendly with other men in a group setting (even with her boyfriend/husband around), but it’s quite another when she OPENLY and OBVIOUSLY starts FLIRTING in a sexual way with a man (or men) in his presence. If that happens, then she's not your girl, she's anyone's girl.
- She avoids sex or displays of affection as much as possible: When she makes excuses about why she doesn’t want to kiss, hold hands or engage in similar expressions of affection with her man (in private or in front of others) when she never had that issue with it in the past, there’s a BIG problem. Another variation is when the only time she spends in bed with her man is to rest next to him because she’s tired or isn't feeling well or to go to sleep because has to get up early. If there was never an issue before, a man should immediately see that there’s something very wrong with his relationship.
- She doesn’t care about her appearance anymore: Of course when a couple is living together or they spend a lot of time in each other’s company, there are going to be times when she’s won't look her best, but women in a happy relationship will make an big effort to look attractive for her man whenever possible.
- She no longer gets jealous about other women, at all: In the past, if her boyfriend/husband mentioned another woman during conversation and talked about her attractiveness in a positive way, she would become jealous and possibly even get upset about it. Now, her guy can talk about women all day and she’ll barely raise an eyebrow or have any reaction at all. It will be even worse if he mentions the woman and she starts talking to her man as though he is a friend and she is encouraging him to go after a woman he seems to like.
There are numerous other signs she may give, but the ones listed above are the most obvious and common.
When Things Begin to Fall Apart
At the beginning of a relationship, most couples ignore signals that mean the relationship is going to be a short one because the chemistry and sex between them feels so good. It's different, it's new and it's fun to have sex again. However, once the relationship starts to settle down, both people begin to pay more attention to the signals that reveal to them that they’re probably not going to be a good match in the long-run. Those type of impending break-ups are generally started by women, or by men who have choice with women.
Guys who are desperate and have simply gotten lucky, will usually try to cling on to what they've got, even though the woman is clearly indicating that she wants out and no longer feels it. Women tend to be more aware of a man’s personality traits and how they will positively or negatively affect her during a relationship. Obviously, if she is with a confident, masculine guy who makes her laugh and makes her feel intense sexual attraction because of his personality style, she is going to want to stick right by him. However, if she is with a hesitant, insecure guy who makes her laugh, but doesn't make her feel much sexual attraction at all because he isn't strong enough (mentally and emotionally), she's going to be thinking of how she can get away from him as soon as possible. Since most women are too afraid to just come out and say, “It's over. I don't want to be with you anymore” they will say things like “I need some space” (Read: My Girlfriend Said She Needs Some Space) or “I need some time apart to think.”
Factors That May Delay, But Not Avoid a Breakup
In the case of a married or otherwise fully committed couple who have children or other long-term obligations, even though the relationship is not going well, the woman will sometimes unhappily stay with her man “for the sake of the children” or some other powerful reason. However, once their children are grown or she feels more financially or emotionally independent, she may start to seriously consider and display behavior that will signal an impending breakup. If her man doesn’t start to change his ways, usually characteristics he’s displayed for a long time and which she has pointed out to him as being unsatisfactory to her, the breakup will likely happen even sooner than she may have initially planned.
A lot of guys don't realize that the mother of their children (girlfriend or wife), is secretly planning when she can break up with him. He keeps going along as if everything is fine and ignores the signals I've mentioned above and many others that women will show when they've fallen out of love with their guy. By the way: If you are in that type of situation or if you have a girlfriend/wife and want to avoid her falling out of love with you, I recommend you watch The Modern Relationship and learn how to make specific changes to your relationship dynamic so your woman's love, attraction and respect for you GROWS over time, rather than fading away.
When a Man’s Behavior Makes Her Want to End the Relationship
Often, when a couple have settled into what seems to be a “successful relationship,” some guys, especially those who are normally insecure and are just happy that they have a woman with them (even if they are secretly more attracted to other women and don't really find their girlfriend/wife that attractive at all), tend to slip into their old ways and become lax in their relationship skills.
After a while, they begin to display characteristics that their woman will see as negative and undesirable. When this happens, a woman will start to consider breaking up with him and often will display one or more of the signals (outlined earlier in the article) that precede their breakup. Here are some common things that a guy will do, which will in turn kill a woman's attraction, love and respect for him and begin to chip away at the foundations of their relationship.
Moody, But Uncommunicative
As we all know, life isn’t always perfect every day and every hour and sometimes, there can be many things going wrong in a man’s life all at once. It's during these times when a man can either build on a woman's love, attraction and respect for him or begin to lose it. One of the many mistakes that men make during these times (there are other, more devastating mistakes that I explain and provide solutions for in Better Than a Bad Boy) is being upset/moody, but not talking about the issues with his girlfriend/wife.
Many women complain about this type of behavior and note that they can obviously see their man is distraught, but a woman questions what’s going on and how she can help, if she's always turned away and told “Nothing’s wrong...!” or “I’ll handle it” she will eventually begin to lose respect, attraction and love for the guy. She'll lose respect because he's not being respectful to her, attraction because he's behaving like a woman and love because she's losing attraction and respect for him. Even if a man doesn’t want to follow his woman's advice, he should at least respect her enough to explain what’s happening and to listen to her thoughts on the matter.
Destroying Her Love, Attraction and Respect...Daily
When a couple first gets together, they usually spend as much time as possible together because they miss each other and are enjoying all the new, wonderful feelings that come in the first stage of a relationship (see The 5 Stages of a Relationship). However, the initial excitement usually dies away because the guy doesn't know how to not only maintain a woman's love, attraction and respect for him, but BUILD on it.
The couples who stay together are the ones who are able to build on their attraction, love and respect for each other, while the others all eventually fall apart. Most guys are able to get through the first stage of a relationship because women will put up with errors and annoying personality traits until the novelty of having sex with a new person wears off. After that, she'll start focussing heavily on why he isn't the man for her and will either break up with the guy, cheat on him and then tell him about it or begin treating him so badly that it only makes sense that they take a break.
By the way, if you want to learn how to create and maintain the type of relationship dynamic where your woman's love, attraction and respect for you grows over time, rather than fading away, I recommend you watch The Modern Relationship. I often hear back from guys who've saved their marriage or long-term relationship by following the advice in that program. It's natural, practical and most importantly – it WORKS in the modern relationship environment.
Being Unreasonably Jealous or Insecure
After a while together, it won’t be unusual for a woman (in a happy or unhappy relationship) to suddenly realize that she hasn’t been with her friends in a while. She'll get the urge to hang out with them or will want to take up hobbies or activities that she enjoyed before they met. All of this is normal – just as it would be for a man to resume his interests, catch up with his buddies or enjoy activities he participated in before meeting his lady. However, a huge problem begins to emerge when an insecure guy suddenly starts panicking with jealousy when his lady wants to go out for dinner with her friends, or rejoin an exercise class or do some other innocent activity she used to participate in. Some men will even become upset about business trips she has to take for work, or time she wants to set aside for family or coworkers.
When a man’s anxieties start to manifest into this type of insecurity and jealousy and he makes a fuss about his woman spending time with anyone other than him, all sorts of relationship problems will begin bubbling to the surface. At first (during the “Lust and Romance” stage of a relationship) she might find it charming that he wants to spend all of his free time with her but, after a while, she is going to become resentful that she has to justify every minute of her day spent away from him.
Stepping Down from His Leadership Role
Women are attracted to men who assert their leadership and power in life and in their relationship. They enjoy men who are in charge of the important aspects of their relationship and who make plans for how they are going to spend their time together. Unfortunately too many guys (who behave like lower-ranking men. Read: The Consequences of Not Being an Alpha Male) will, over time, relinquish their leadership/alpha role in the relationship and turn it over to the woman.
All women will “test” their man and make a fuss over some aspect of their relationship, in order to see how he behaves in response. Alpha males understand this and will stand strong and not relinquish their leadership role. The woman will then happily step back and show less-dominant behavior. Lower-ranking males (i.e. any type of guy beneath an alpha male) on the other hand, will assume that if they don’t give the woman what she wants, they will lose her, so they step back and become the more submissive person in the relationship.
In situations like that, some women will take on being the stronger one but, over time she will resent her man and lose respect for him for allowing her to be the “leader.” She will be wide open to any offers of interest from alpha males and will find it painless and easy to instantly break it off with her current guy and move on with her life with a real man. The same applies for a man who is with an unattractive woman whom he doesn't fully love, feel attraction for or respect: If a beautiful woman comes along who also has all the personality traits he is looking for, it will be easy for him to leave his current woman if he chooses to do so.
Taking Her For Granted
When a couple first gets together, most men will have a strong sense of passion that they display in and out of the bedroom. However, once a couple gets more settled, too many guys slip into a less exciting, standard (and boring) routine.
A woman in a relationship like that will be able to virtually plot out how a sexual encounter will go, or know exactly where they will go out to eat for dinner or how any type of “date” they might have will go. She can see that her lover has stopped putting in any sort of effort into their relationship because he “assumes” that if it worked in the past, it should still be working for him now. That’s where he’s very wrong.
Woman in “comfortable” relationships occasionally (not always) still want to be wooed and romanced as they were when they first got together with their man. However, the best approach is to create the type of relationship dynamic where your woman is always trying to impress you and maintain YOUR interest. That is what we teach here at The Modern Man and if you want to learn about it, I recommend that you watch The Modern Relationship.Next Page >>
By Dan Bacon, Founder of The Modern Man. Dan Bacon on Google+ (Personal photos with women)