Here are 5 things you can do to get the sexual passion back, so she experiences more than just friendly feelings for you:
1. Start flirting and joking around with her like you would if hitting on a girl for the first time
This feels more exciting and enjoyable for both you and her, not just her.
If you want your ex to have a romantic interest in you again, rather than just seeing you as a neutral friend, it’s essential that you build up some sexual tension between you and her.
That means every interaction you have with her from now on, has to be less of you being Mr. Reliable or Mr. Nice and more of you being Mr. Sexy and Romantic.
Of course, just like when you meet a new woman and start flirting with her, you don’t want to go overboard by acting in a blatantly sexual manner.
If your ex currently perceives you as being just a friend, coming on too strong will likely scare her off.
So, the best approach is to keep things light and relaxed and then throw in some flirting, joking and teasing along the way to spark some of her sexual feelings for you.
So, here’s an example of what you can do the next time you’re hanging out with your ex…
Imagine that you and your ex are in a coffee shop together and are just catching up on each other’s news.
Basically, you’re having a normal conversation with her about random things (e.g. work, mutual friends, your plans for the weekend).
Then, when you’re both relaxed and even laughing about something, you can say something like, “I’ve never noticed that lipstick before. Is it new? It looks delicious” and confidently look her in the eyes with a bit of mischievous smile.
Then, just relax and switch back into having an ordinary conversation as if nothing happened.
That is flirting and since you are doing it with confidence, she will feel attracted, even if she tries to hide it.
Then, a little while later, you might say something like, “By the way… is that a new dress? Mmmm…looks very sexy on you” and again go back to talking as if nothing happened.
Continue doing this (i.e. flirting with her in between stages of normal conversation) several times throughout the meetup, to build up the sexual tension between you and her.
As the meetup progresses, your ex will find that she’s feeling sexually attracted to you again, even if she tries to deny it or hide it from you.
The more she thinks about you in a sexual way, the more she will open up to having sex with you because you’re both feeling good and attracted to each other again.
Sex speeds up the process of reconciling a relationship and it definitely helps to get the passion back with your ex rather than feeling like just friends.
So, don’t avoid doing it if you’ve made her feel attracted and built up some sexual tension with flirting.
When the sexual tension is released during sex, it will feel amazing for both of you.
2. Start tapping into her primal attraction triggers
A mistake that a lot of guys make when remaining friends with an ex they still feel attracted to and want back, is to be on their best behavior around her and do and say whatever he thinks she wants to see and hear.
For example: If she asks him for a favor, regardless of how unreasonable it might be, or how inconvenient for him, he always says “Yes,” and then has to turn his own plans upside down to accommodate her.
If she asks him a question about something random (e.g. “What did you do this weekend?”) he gives her a full explanation of what he was doing and who he was with.
If she’s in a bad mood about something and is snappy towards him, rather than tell her to behave herself and then walk away, he sucks up to her even more.
Essentially, he’s hoping that she will realize that he still cares for her and that he’s willing to do anything to make her happy.
She will then hopefully open up to being more than friends again.
Yet, here’s the thing…
It’s all very well and good to be a nice, reserved man around your ex, but that’s not going to make her feel passionately attracted to you again.
So, even if she does appreciate it that you’re always ‘there’ for her no matter what, the truth is, she’s not going to feel motivated to be on her best behavior around you and try to please you.
Essentially, being a good, predictable, available guy to your ex makes her feel that she’s already got you wrapped around her finger.
In other words, there’s no challenge there.
She can just snap her fingers and she knows you’ll go running.
As a result, she essentially takes you for granted.
You’re like an old pair of sweatpants that she likes to wear around the house when she’s doing the laundry or watching TV (i.e. her nice, reliable friend), but she would never wear you out in public (i.e. feel passionately attracted to you).
This is why, if you want to get the passion back with your ex rather than feeling like just friends, you need to make sure you’re not being a good little boy who is always on his best behavior around her and never says or does anything to upset her or challenge her.
In other words, you need to tap into her primal attraction triggers (i.e. her need to impress you so that you will maintain interest in her).
How can you do that?
Using the example from above…
If your ex asks you for a favor, rather than instantly saying “Yes,” you can say something like, “Sorry, but I have plans that day,” and leave her wondering who and what is more important than her.
Alternatively, you can say, “I’m quite busy on that day, but I will make time for you. However, since I’m being such a gentleman, maybe you could repay me by giving me a massage, or cooking me dinner?”
Say that with a teasing smile on your face.
Remember: It’s not what you say that’s important, but rather how you say it and that you don’t come across as easy or desperate.
By not instantly jumping to her rescue, she’ll begin to feel a flood of attraction and respect for you for being more of a challenge, rather than rolling over and doing whatever she wants.
She then instinctively starts to feel that she might be losing you.
As a result, she feels more motivated to be nice to you, treat you well and do whatever she can to impress you (e.g. by dressing in sexier clothes when she’s around you than she used to before) to maintain your interest in her.
You can then lead the way and seduce her back into a relationship with you.
3. Re-attract her and then become a lot more touchy-feely
Many men are worried about initiating affection due to a fear of seeming needy or desperate.
Yet, it’s through physical touch that sexual, loving feelings can come rushing to the surface once again, even if she initially acts like she isn’t feeling that way.
So, don’t be afraid to get touchy-feely with your ex.
However, don’t just start with that if you haven’t first reactivated some of her feelings for you first.
If you go from being all nice and friendly with her one day to touching her the next, chances are she’s going to pull away and say something along the lines of, “Hey! What do you think you’re doing? I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but it’s not like that between us anymore. Please don’t do that because it makes me feel uncomfortable.”
To avoid that from happening, use interactions with her from now on to rebuild some of her respect and attraction for you.
For example: One of the ways you can do that is by turning conversations into playful teasing and laughter.
When you make her laugh and smile, you are helping her to get over any negative feelings she may still have towards you.
She then starts to look at you with different eyes.
The more she interacts with you, the more she likes how things feel between you and her now and she becomes open to allowing the passion to flow back into her interactions with you.
It’s then up to you to fuel those flames by becoming more touchy-feely with her.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are by…
- Teasing her and then grabbing her and tickling her.
- Watching movies with her that will automatically make her want to cuddle more with you (e.g. a romantic or scary movie). You can then naturally put your arm around her, or let her rest her head on your shoulder.
- Initiating hugs or even kissing her briefly on the lips when you see her and of course, if she doesn’t pull away, extending the kiss a bit longer.
- Touching her arm or leg often during conversations with her, without making it seem like you’re coming on too strong or being inappropriate.
The more attracted you can make her feel when she interacts with you, the more she’ll enjoy it when you touch her.
Her sexual and romantic feelings for you begin flooding back and you can then hook up with her sexually and see where things go from there (i.e. you can remain friends with benefits or enjoy a new relationship together – the choice is yours).
4. Stop being her texting buddy, or trying to get her back via text
Texting is definitely one of the main forms of communication between people around the world.
So, it’s perfectly normal that you and your ex will be doing a fair amount of interacting via text (e.g. texting to say “Hi,” and to ask her about her day).
However, if all your interactions are via text and you haven’t yet gotten on a video call with her, or at least just a phone call, it’s perfectly natural that she won’t be feeling a lot of passion for you.
That’s because in almost all cases, a woman wants to hear a guy’s voice (i.e. over the phone and in person), assess his body language and savor his masculinity before she will open up to him sexually and romantically.
That’s true for a woman who is just meeting a man for the first time, or a woman who is now just friends with her ex.
In the same way, for your ex to perceive you as being more than just a friend now, she needs to experience the new you via a phone call and also in person.
Only then will she be able to fully reconnect with her sexual and romantic feelings for you.
So, don’t waste any more time texting back and forth with your ex and hoping that it will evolve into something more than a friendship.
If you want to get the passion back with your ex, you’re going to have to do it face-to-face, where you can actively re-spark some of her feelings of respect and attraction.
If you don’t do that, she will likely just get bored or annoyed with you (i.e. for asking for a relationship via text) and then she might decide to stop being even ‘just friends’ with you.
Then getting her back becomes so much more difficult because she’s closed off.
5. Re-attract her and then give her compliments
Many guys assume that giving a woman compliments is about saying things like, “Your hair looks nice today,” or “That’s a pretty shirt.”
Yet, that’s what a guy who is ‘just’ a friend to a woman would say, not a guy who has a sexual and romantic interest in her.
So, when you do compliment your ex, make sure it’s the kind of compliment that will spark some of her feelings of sexual attraction.
In other words, rather than saying, “That’s a pretty shirt,” replace it with, “That’s a sexy shirt you’re wearing today.”
Essentially, you’re saying the same thing, but while ‘nice’ brings up neutral and platonic feelings, ‘sexy’ brings up feelings of desire and attraction.
By the way…
Some guys might say something like, “What if I compliment her and she gets upset or offended with me, won’t that reduce my chances of getting her back?”
The answer is “No,” and here’s why…
Many women become turned on based on feeling more sexually attractive around you, so don’t hold back from complimenting her and making her feel sexy.
However, again, make sure you do that after you have re-attracted her.
If you start giving her compliments before you’ve re-sparked some of her feelings for you first, she may end up feeling awkward instead of attracted.
Note: Don’t overdo the compliments either.
Just throw them in casually when it seems appropriate during your interactions with her.
Before you know it, she will begin to give you signs that she’s feeling attracted to you again in a sexual and romantic, rather than friendly, way.
You can then guide her to a hug, kissing, sex and then back into a relationship with you.
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