Here are 8 of the most common reasons why a woman will seem to be, or actually be uncomfortable around her ex boyfriend: 

1. She knows that you still want a relationship, but she doesn’t yet feel the same way 

If every time you interact with her on the phone or in person, she gets a sense that all you want is to get her back, it’s only natural that she will feel uncomfortable around you.


The pressure of having to accept what you want makes her feel stressed, uptight and on guard.

As a result, she can’t just relax and enjoy talking to you and being around you again.

Instead, she has to keep her guard up to stop you from pressuring her into a relationship she clearly doesn’t want to be in yet.

You’re likely also not doing anything to reactivate her feelings for you.

Instead, you’re just assuming that talking about the relationship and what went wrong is what’s needed to make her want to try again.

Yet, it’s not.

The main thing that will make a woman want to give a relationship another shot is if she starts experiencing strong feelings of respect and attraction for you again.

Without those feelings, the idea of renewing her relationship with you will simply feel stressful and uncomfortable.

This is why, if what you really want is to get your ex back, you have to make interactions with you feel relaxing, fun and enjoyable, rather than uncomfortable, annoying or tense.

One of the ways you can do that is by using humor to bring down her guard and make her laugh, smile and feel good when she’s interacting with you.

As a result, the discomfort she felt around you disappears and she actually wants to talk to you and see you in person more often, because when she does, she feels good.

It then becomes easy for you to fully reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you, so she then wants you to make a move to hug her, kiss her and have sex again.

When that happens, the relationship gets back together again naturally, because she wants it too, rather than you wanting it and her feeling pressured.

2. She doesn’t know how to handle herself around an ex 

If this was your ex’s first serious relationship, it’s possible that she doesn’t know how to behave around you now that you and her have broken up.

For example: A mature woman who has been in a number of relationships will have learned that when breaking up with a guy, she has many options she can take.

She can choose to cut him out of her life and not deal with him at all.

Alternatively, she can decide to stay in touch with him and over time they can become good friends.

Yet, in the case of a woman who doesn’t have much relationship experience, or is still a bit emotionally immature despite her age or experience, she might not be able to handle the pressure of interacting with an ex guy.

Additionally, she might also not be ready to cut him out of her life entirely.

As a result, she ends up feeling uncomfortable around him, because she doesn’t know how to treat him and how to behave (e.g. if she’s too friendly will he think she wants him back, yet, if she’s too cold and aloof will that ruin her chances of keeping him as a friend).

Here’s the thing…

Regardless of how naïve and inexperienced your ex might currently be when it comes to breaking up, she will quickly get used to it and she will change.

However, that doesn’t mean she’s suddenly going to feel happy and comfortable around you.

For that to come about, you have to be the one to make it happen.

That means, it’s up to you to make interactions with her enjoyable.

The more she feels relaxed and at ease around you, the more her guard will naturally slip down.

It then becomes easy for you to reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you and get her back.

3. She’s not sure whether she wants to remain broken up and is waiting for you to create a spark 

Sometimes, a woman might still have feelings for her ex.

However, she might still feel undecided about whether he’s worth giving another chance to, or if she should just move on and find a new man to be in a relationship with.

This is why she will usually stick around for a while and wait to see if he’s:

  1. Also interested in her and willing to work things out.
  2. Capable of giving her an upgraded attraction experience and making her feel like a sexy, desirable woman in his presence again.
  1. Man enough to take the lead and get her back into a relationship with him.

If he can do these things, she will quickly drop her guard around him and open back up to being his girl.

On the other hand, if he sticks around her and just acts like a neutral friend and doesn’t do anything to spark her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction again, she will pull away and focus on finding a replacement man as quickly as possible.

So, if you want your ex to stop feeling uncomfortable around you and get her back, make sure that you’re not being too nice, neutral or polite when you interact with her.

If you behave in those ways, she will likely feel unsure of where she stands with you and that will naturally make her feel uncomfortable.

On the one hand, she feels that there’s possibly a chance of you and her getting back together again.

However, on the other hand, you’re treating her as though you’re not interested.

As a result, she feels uncomfortable and unsure of how to proceed.

The best approach is to be friendly with her, but just make sure that you’re not pretending to be an innocent friend who isn’t interested in her in a sexual or romantic way.

Make her want you again sexually and romantically and when you do, her discomfort will melt away pretty quickly after that.

You can then relight the spark between you and her (e.g. by flirting with her to create sexual tension between you, being emotionally masculine around her) and get the relationship back together again.

4. She is hoping that you don’t start an exhausting conversation about the relationship 

When a woman breaks up with a guy, she has likely reached the point where she no longer has feelings for him.

So, when she interacts with him afterward, she will usually be feeling uncomfortable, anxious and tense and thinking things like, “I hope he’s not going to start talking about the relationship and us getting back together again because I don’t know what to say to him. As far as I’m concerned, it’s over between us and that’s a conversation I don’t want to have with him.”

Basically, she doesn’t want to be put in a position where she has to reject him or be mean to him to avoid an uncomfortable conversation.

So, if you don’t want your ex to feel that way when she’s around you, you need to make it clear to her via your actions, behavior, attitude and conversation style that you’re not going to put her on the spot in that way.

Remember: The time will come when you and your ex will have a deep, meaningful conversation about the relationship.

However, before you reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you usually isn’t that time.

So, if you don’t want your ex to relax and feel happy to be around you again, don’t be too serious about everything.

Instead, focus on making her smile, laugh and feel good to be around you again.

The better she feels when she’s around you, the less uncomfortable she will feel.

She then begins to drop her defenses and open back up to spending more time with you, rather than trying to avoid you.

Of course, if the topic of the relationship comes up, it’s totally fine to talk about it, but make sure that you’re being light-hearted and easy-going about it.

Don’t make a big deal out of it and put pressure on her to want you back right away.

Instead, just focus on saying and doing the types of things that will naturally and easily reawaken her feelings for you again (e.g. being confident even when she seems uncomfortable around you, using humor to keep interactions light and happy, flirting with her to create sexual tension between you and her).

The more you do that, the more she will enjoy your company again.

She will then be able to fully reconnect with her feelings of love, respect and attraction for you and open up to being your girl once again.

5. She has to be around you due to work or studies and is trying to signal to you that she’s not interested 

It goes without saying that if you and your ex have to constantly see each other because you work together or go to the same university, things will naturally be a bit tense and uncomfortable.

See it from her point of view…

She was dating you and feeling happy and in love.

Then, something happened that caused her to disconnect from those positive feelings and then replaced with more negative feelings (e.g. anger, disappointment, regret).

So, while she’s trying to deal with all that, she has to keep running into you daily or at least pretty often.

Then, for the sake of appearances (i.e. because you’re both in front of coworkers, your boss, other students or your lecturers) rather than ignore you or be bitchy towards you, she has to pretend that to be nice to you instead.

That is stressful to her and it comes through in the way she reacts and responds when she’s around you (i.e. uncomfortable).

So, if you want to change that, it’s up to you to make your interactions with her more relaxed and easy-going.

In other words, every time you interact with her, or are even around her from now on, focus on using humor and making her and anyone else around you smile, laugh and feel good in your presence.

The more you do that, the more likely it is that her discomfort will naturally start to fade away.

She may then begin thinking things like, “I can’t believe this is the same guy I broke up with. He’s being so amazing around me now. Even though I initially felt so uncomfortable because I thought things would be weird between us now that we’ve broken up, he’s put in the effort to make me feel relaxed and at ease. In fact, I now enjoy being around him. I actually feel so drawn to him.”

She then becomes open to being around you and talking to you more often.

You can then use those interactions to get her back.

How can you do that?

By showing her that you’re now at a different level as a man than when you and her broke up.

For example:

  • Instead of feeling insecure and needy when you’re with her (e.g. because you worry that she will find another man more attractive than you, you don’t believe you have what it takes to get her to fall back in love with you), you’re now more confident and emotionally strong.
  • Instead, of chasing after her and accepting whatever she dishes out to you (e.g. she treats you badly or disrespectfully and you accept it, she throws a tantrum or creates drama over nothing), you’re now more of a challenge to her so she feels motivated to impress you to maintain your interest in her.
  • Instead, of being afraid to disagree with her or stand up to her in case you lose your chance of getting her back, you now stand up to her in a loving, yet assertive way when she’s out of line.
  • Instead of just talking to her in a neutral way like a friend, you now flirt with her and make her feel like a sexy, desirable woman.

The more you’re able to give her the kind of attraction experience she always wanted from you, but never got, the more open she will become to interacting with you to see where things go.

You can then fully reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you, get her back and enjoy a new relationship.

Another possible reason why your ex is uncomfortable around you is…

6. She still feels guilty about how and why she broke up with you 

Sometimes, a relationship might end under unpleasant circumstances.

For example: A woman might…

  • Dump her guy via text or email, rather than talk to him face to face. This can be really difficult for a guy to come to terms with and it can cause him to wonder things like, “Didn’t what we had together mean anything to her? How could she break up with me in this way? She didn’t even care enough to tell me to my face. Was everything just a big lie?”
  • Insult him during the breakup and accuse him of being a bad boyfriend or lover just to hurt him, even though she doesn’t really mean it.
  • Tell him that she’s attracted to someone else and she wants to explore her feelings for the other guy, rather than stay in the relationship with him.
  • Tell him that she got drunk while out with her girlfriends and had a one-night stand.

So naturally, if a woman didn’t handle the breakup with her ex in a nice way, she may now be feeling guilty about it.

If she then has to interact with him, it’s understandable that she might be experiencing a level of guilt and this will make her feel uncomfortable around him.

Here’s the thing…

If your ex behaved badly during your breakup and possibly said or did things that you feel were unforgivable, you need to ask yourself why you care if she is now feeling uncomfortable around you.

It shouldn’t matter how she feels, considering that she didn’t care how she made you feel before.

Instead, you can forget about her and move on and find yourself another, high quality woman to have sex with and be in a relationship with.

Of course, if you’re willing to forgive your ex and give her another chance with you, you can do that too.

It’s up to you.

Just use interactions with her to reactivate her feelings for you and make it happen.

The choice is yours.

7. She doesn’t want to make you feel comfortable around her because she fears it will lead to you talking to her more and more, which may result in you and her getting back together

There are instances where a woman will break up with a guy even though she still has feelings for him, because she knows that the relationship just won’t work out in the long run.

However, she also realizes that if she opens herself up and is nice to her ex (e.g. she accepts a friendship with him), he will probably convince her to give him another chance, even though she knows that it’s a mistake and she will end up getting hurt by him again.

For example: Some of her reasons might be…

  • He’s a really good guy who treats her well, but he doesn’t make her feel sexually attracted. Instead, she feels more like his neutral friend or roommate than like his woman.
  • He doesn’t have much drive and ambition and he’s happy to stay stuck in a dead-end job, or he’s way too driven and works too much, so he doesn’t give her the time and attention she wants from him.
  • He’s too jealous and tries to control what she does, what she wears and who she hangs out with.
  • They have different ideas about what they want in life (e.g. he wants to live day by day and not take on too many responsibilities in life, whereas she wants to settle down and start a family, or vice versa).
  • She feels like she’s more emotionally mature than him and that he’s not likely to change any time soon. Alternatively, he’s too serious and she prefers having a more light-hearted, easy-going approach to life.
  • He’s too emotionally dependent on her and has made her the center of his world and can’t function without her approval and support. On the other hand, he’s too emotionally closed off and she feels excluded from his life.

So, rather than risk getting back into a relationship she feels won’t last, she may decide to distance herself from him to help herself get over him.

Of course, if she then happens to interact with him, she will make the interaction as tense and uncomfortable as she can as a way of discouraging him from talking to her and possibly convincing her to give him another chance.

This is why, if you want your ex to open back up to giving you another chance, you need to show her via your attitude, actions, behavior and the way you interact with her that you’re at a different level now.

Initially, she might feel a bit nervous about giving you another chance (because she may not believe you can change), but when she sees for herself that you really have changed and improved in the ways that matter to her, she won’t be able to hold out for very long.

Suddenly her resolve to keep you at a distance will begin to fade and from there, you can quickly get her back.

8. She is hiding something from you that she doesn’t want you to find out

In some cases, a woman might be uncomfortable around her ex, because she’s hiding something from him and is worried if he gets too close he will find out (e.g. she cheated on him which is why she wanted to break up, she’s already in a new relationship and is worried that will make him feel bad or angry).

Essentially, she’s hoping that if she appears nervous or anxious around him, the tension will rub off on him too and he might then begin avoiding her more and more.

She can then move on, without him ever finding out what she did.

Here’s the thing…

If you want your ex back, you need to make sure that you’re prepared to accept her, even if she did cheat on you. 

If you can’t do that, it’s probably better for you to walk away and make a fresh start with another high quality woman.

On the other hand, if you decide to take her back regardless of what she may have done, then for your sake as well as hers, you need to forgive her and not hold on to the past.

Then, reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you and get her back.

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