The secret of how to keep your ex in a relationship once you get her back is to deepen her feelings of love, respect and attraction from now on.
You can achieve that by not making the same old mistakes that you used to (e.g. taking her for granted, being clingy and needy, being jealous and controlling, not making her feel feminine and girly in your presence) and being a new, improved man who now makes her feel what she always wanted to feel with you.
For example: If you were too emotionally sensitive before, you are now an emotionally strong, more masculine man who doesn’t get upset, hurt or insecure no matter how difficult she behaves.
You’re strong now, so she can relax and trust you to really be the man from now on.
Where so many guys mess up is that they get a woman back, but are still pretty much the same guy and don’t know how to get rid of their insecurities or communication issues, so the break up happens again.
Don’t Bring Old Baggage to the New Relationship
You’ve got to see the previous relationship you had with her as being an experience you and her went through to get to this new, fresh, happy point together.
Both you and her have grown and become better versions of yourself, so when you start a new relationship, it will be better.
The sex will be better, the love will feel stronger and the intimacy will be more honest, meaningful and enjoyable.
Of course, that is if you (not her) really have changed.
For example: Sometimes, a guy will get his ex back by putting on an act of having changed (e.g. he pretends to be more confident than he really is, he’s pretends not to be jealous and controlling anymore, he acts more loving and caring).
However, deep down he’s the same guy as before and once he gets his ex back, he gradually falls back into his old pattern of thinking and behaving.
When his woman notices that he really hasn’t changed and is actually still the same guy she broke up with, she will break up with him again.
He has secretly carried the old, problematic baggage into the new relationship and now expects her to just carry it with him like she used to.
That’s not what a woman wants when she gives her man another chance after a serious break up.
She wants him to truly change and become a new, improved man that she can respect, feel attracted to and love for life.
If he has tricked her by putting on an act, she’s going to be more determined to keep him out of her life the next time, because he obviously doesn’t care enough about her to put in the work required to be the kind of man she needs him to be.
On the other hand, if you get your ex back and she sees that you’ve put in the effort to change and become a better man, she will not only respect you and feel attracted to you even more than ever before, but her heart will also fill up with new, exciting emotions and she won’t want the relationship to break up again.
She will feel like you and her have reached a new level together and everything about the relationship will be so much more special now.
She will enjoy the sex more, love hugging you more and feel happy to be spending time with you.
She will also feel confident and safe about your future together, because you’ve clearly started to become the man she always wanted you to be and she can see that you will continue improving.
So, the secret of how to keep your ex in a relationship with you is to…
- Fully understand what caused her to break up with you in the first place.
- Honestly change or improve those things about yourself.
- Get her respect and attraction back by interacting with her on a phone call and in person.
- Hook up sexually and start the relationship again.
Once that happens, your woman will begin to fall deeply in love with the new you and then the idea of losing you will seem like the worst thing that could ever happen to her.
Things That Will Ruin the New Relationship
Once you’ve gotten her back into a relationship, you’ve got to make sure that you are able to build on her feelings of love, respect and attraction over time.
Watch this video for more info…
You’ve got to take control of the dynamic of the relationship and cause her to be a good woman for you.
That’s what she really hopes you will do.
She doesn’t want to treat you badly, be a mean girlfriend or wife or end up having to break up or get divorced.
She wants a man who will make her be a good girl and happily love him and be devoted to him for life.
That’s a dream scenario for almost all women on the planet, but most guys simply do not know how to provide that experience, which is why there are so many break ups and divorces.
In terms of keeping a relationship together once you get her back, here are some classic mistakes to avoid:
1. Being way too nice to her when the relationship gets back together
Some guys don’t feel worthy of their ex woman when they get her back.
For example: A guy may think, “Don’t screw this up again. She’s given you another chance so you better make sure that you make her feel so happy to be with you, that she never wants to leave again. Be on your best behavior! Treat her like a princess. Don’t stuff up! Be nice!”
He might then be extra nice to her, agree with everything she says, always give in to her wishes and demands, let her make all the decisions and possibly even let her disrespect him, without ever standing up to her.
He hopes that will make her happy.
Yet, it doesn’t.
Of course, there are some insecure, domineering women out there who love the idea of bullying a guy and making him cater to her every beck and call, but the majority of women don’t want that.
Most women don’t like the idea of being more emotionally dominant than their man, even though they will act like they want to be in charge.
In most cases, a woman seeming like she wants to be in charge is just a test of the guy’s confidence.
- Will he laugh (in a loving way) at her for attempting to boss around a man, or will he cower and do whatever she wants?
- Will he remain calm and take the lead, even though she’s acting like she wants to lead everything and decide on everything?
- Will he let her make some decisions at times without feeling like he’s losing control, or will he get insecure and think that he needs to decide on everything and lead everything at all time?
Women test for these traits in men because it shows her how he will handle himself out there in the world.
A woman doesn’t want to get stuck with a guy who will get bullied at work, picked on by friends and ignored or looked over when promotions are available at work.
She wants a man that others respect, which then makes her feel safe.
When a woman begins to feel more dominant than her guy and feels like she can push him around, she stops respecting him as a man.
Her instincts kick in and let her know that she’s potentially with a guy who won’t be able to stand up for himself in everyday life.
Secretly, she begins to think, “He’s such a wimp. No matter what I say or do, he’s always putting up with it. I wish he would just stand up to me once in a while and be a man. His emotional weakness is just so unattractive to me.”
She then loses interest in having sex with him and tries to end the relationship before it’s too late (i.e. before she gets pregnant to him).
Even if a woman doesn’t want children, hates children or says she too young or too old to have children, she is still controlled by the same instincts that affect women who do want children.
Women are instinctively wired to feel attracted to and stick with a man that they can look up to and respect.
If your woman loses respect for you, everything else starts to fall apart after that, which is why getting her respect back is the first thing you need to do.
You can do that by briefly apologizing and then immediately switching to being the sort of man that she can look up to and respect (e.g. emotionally strong, honest, driven, confident).
After that, you need to focus on making her feel good around you by attracting her.
Her feeling attracted to you is the most important part of turning her around and changing her mind about you.
Okay, so let’s assume that you do it right (see video above) and get her back.
From then on, you need to continue being a man that she can look up to and respect.
Don’t make the mistake of handing all your power over to her and being super nice because you think it will make her happy.
Instead, just be a good, loving man and treat her well, but don’t go overboard with how nice you are being.
If you go overboard with it, she will see it as being fake or forced and it just won’t feel right to her.
So, simply be a good man, be the more emotionally dominant one and lead both you and her into deeper feelings of love, respect and attraction over time.
Note: While you are doing that, she will almost certainly act like she doesn’t care, like it’s not having a positive effect on her or that she won’t ever change her mind.
Yet, she will secretly be changing how she feels.
As a result, her guard will come down and she will be more open to interacting with you in person and getting back together.
Another mistake to avoid once you get her back is…
2. Taking her for granted once again
One of the biggest reasons why a woman breaks up with a guy is because he has fallen into the habit of taking her for granted.
For example: At the beginning of the relationship, a guy will usually be very loving, attentive and caring.
He may notice his woman’s efforts to look good for him, all the things she does for him (e.g. making him a coffee, making the bed in the morning, cleaning up the kitchen) and how good she is to him.
Yet, over time, he might become neglectful and stop noticing and commenting on the effort she puts in to look good for him.
Alternatively, he may begin assuming that it’s okay for her to run around and do everything for him, because she loves him or because she’s his girlfriend or wife.
Naturally, when this happens for a long time, the woman will likely start thinking, “Why do I have to do everything? He never pulls his weight around the house and always expects me to clean up after him. At least if he noticed me once in a while and gave me a compliment, I’d probably be able to handle his laziness, but I just feel like his slave these days. I’m miserable. What am I sticking around for? This isn’t going to get better over time like a relationship should. It’s probably just going to get worse. I need to get out and find myself a man who will treat me with the respect and love I deserve,” and she then breaks up with him.
If the guy realizes his mistake, he will make some adjustments to his thinking and behavior and successfully get her to give him another chance.
Then, their relationship will get better and better over time, because he is one of the rare guys who learns from his mistakes, makes changes and becomes a better man as a result.
However, not all guys do that.
Sometimes, a guy will get his ex back after taking her for granted, by making her a whole bunch of promises about things he will change.
He might say, “Please baby, I know that I took you for granted, but I’ve realized that was wrong. I promise if you give me another chance, I will treat you better. I promise to help around the house and I’m going to be the loving, caring man that you deserve.”
Yet, after he gets her back, he slowly falls into his old pattern of taking her for granted.
Mainly because he hasn’t really made any improvements to his way of thinking.
He’s still the same guy she broke up with.
He simply promised her to change, but deep down everything about him is still this same.
It was an act.
Naturally, when his woman realizes that she’s been duped, she will break up with him again and then try to find a replacement guy to give her the attraction experience she really wants.
So, don’t let that happen to you.
If you get her back, make sure that you do things right this time.
Be one of the rare men who sincerely change and improve as a result of a breakup, by going beyond the level that you were at when she broke up with you.
Then, when you get her back, it will be forever, rather than being for as long as it takes for her to realize that you’re still the same guy she broke up with.
3. Not giving her the attraction experience she secretly wants
Gone are the days where a woman would stay in a relationship with a man regardless of how miserable she felt because she was expected by society and family to only have one man for life.
In today’s world, a woman will quickly break up with a guy if can’t give her the attraction experience she wants from him.
For example: A woman might want her guy to be more ballsy and stand up for himself to her and to other people, rather than being so shy, hesitant and soft spoken.
Yet, if he just continues to go around being a pushover and allowing himself to be emotionally dominated by people, then he’s not giving her the attraction experience she wants from him (i.e. a confident, emotionally dominant man that she can look up to, respect and feel attracted to).
So, for a guy like that to keep his ex in a relationship once he gets her back, he needs to show her that he’s now emotionally strong and able to stand up for himself.
It’s not about him become aggressive or acting like a thug or anything crazy like that.
Instead, he should remain being a good man, but just have a bit more balls.
He should be able to talk with confidence, look people in the eye and take action with confidence to achieve what he wants to achieve in life.
She doesn’t want him putting on an act of being confident to please her and then quickly giving in to her demands if she gets annoyed and throws a tantrum to test him.
She wants his newfound confidence to be real and if he can do that, her love and devotion for him will be real.
Another example is if a woman wants her man to be more goal-oriented in his life.
She wants him to have a big life purpose and direction outside of his relationship with her (i.e. something big that he’s striving towards achieving in his life other than being with her).
If he gets her back and she realizes that he’s only talking about his dreams, but never actually doing anything to make them a reality, she will just break up with him again and find herself a man who isn’t all talk and no action.
Note: A man does not need to have achieved his goals before a woman can fully love and respect him again.
Instead, he just has to show her that he’s putting in the effort to become a bigger and better man to ensure a safer and more secure future for both of them.
As a man, you’ve always got to be making progress towards your biggest goals in life.
Little, standard goals (e.g. getting a job, buying a new sofa, exercising) are not big goals and ambitions. That’s just the standard mechanics of life.
I’m talking about your biggest goals, dreams and ambitions.
Make progress towards that.
So, with your woman, do you know what part of the overall attraction experience was missing in the relationship?
- Were you not enough of a man for her?
- Were you not following through on your big goals and ambitions?
- Did you become too emotionally sensitive?
- Did you give her too much power and as a result, prevent her from feeling like your girl and being able to look up to you?
If you want to keep your ex once you get her back, you’ve got to understand what part of the overall attraction experience was missing and adjust those things about yourself.
When she can see that you get it now and she doesn’t have to silently feel angry and frustrated at you anymore, she can relax and allow herself to fully trust you, respect you, feel attracted to you and fall in love with you again.
4. Falling back into your old insecurities
One of the main reasons why a woman will break up with a guy is because of his insecurities (e.g. he doesn’t believe he’s good enough for her, he’s afraid of losing her, he’s insecure about his future prospects, he’s insecure in the bedroom, he’s insecure about other people).
It all has to do with a woman’s natural instincts of needing to be with a man who is strong enough to take care of her and their offspring should they have any one day.
Unlike in the past where a woman wanted the physically strongest man (i.e. because she needed protection from wild animals and, in later times, from being abducted or raped), today’s woman wants a man who is emotionally strong.
Essentially, because modern women are no longer under threat of being eaten by wild beasts and can rely on the police, courts and government for protection, they no longer needs a man who has big muscles to protect them physically.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with having muscles or being physically strong of course, but it’s just not that important to most women anymore.
Some women place importance on it, but most women know that a nervous, insecure guy with muscles doesn’t guarantee her a safe, happy future.
A woman knows that modern life is challenging and requires emotional strength (i.e. confidence, self esteem, assertiveness, determination to succeed) in order to survive, thrive and prosper.
She needs a man who will remain emotionally strong, regardless of how difficult things get in life (e.g. he’s faced with financial problems, taking on the responsibility having a family and raising children, dealing with difficult coworkers, dealing with friends who are creating problems in their life).
So, if a guy is plagued by insecurities and expects his woman to be gentle with him, she will quickly start losing respect for him.
She will feel turned off by his emotional weakness and then the idea of sticking with him for life just won’t feel right to her anymore.
She may love him as a person and cherish the memories they’ve shared, but her instincts will be telling her to get out the relationship before it’s too late.
So, if insecurity was one of the main reasons why she dumped you the first time, to keep her in a relationship when you get her back, you need to show her that you really have changed.
For example: No matter what your ex says to you, how she treats you (e.g. pulls back her attention to see what you will do, is mean towards you, throws a tantrum, insults you), or how much she tries to get you to react in your old ways, you need to remain confident and emotionally strong.
When she can see for herself that things really are different now and that you are no longer falling into your old patterns of insecurity, she will relax into being a feminine woman around you, knowing that you are now the kind of man worth sticking with.
By the way…
Once you’ve gotten her back, she may test your confidence and emotional strength by bringing up the past and complaining about the mistakes you used to make.
Don’t take it seriously and feel like you need to apologize over and over again.
Just turn it into something to laugh about together and then move onto the next conversation.
For example: “Yeah, it’s pretty funny to think about…I mean, what was I thinking?” and then have a laugh with her about that, rather than allowing her to turn it into a serious thing or a negative thing.
Remain confident and guide you and her into deeper feelings of love, respect and attraction in the new relationship.
If you do that, everything will be fine.
The relationship will literally get better and better every day, week, month and year that you’re together.