Here are 4 things that you can now do to get her back:
1. Call her, say that you accept a friendship and are not looking for a relationship
Yes, it was a mistake to not accept a friendship.
It’s probably not your fault though.
You may have been told that accepting a friendship was weak and would cause you to end up in the friend zone.
See myth #3 here…
So, if you said no to being friends with her, don’t waste any more time beating yourself about.
The longer you take to get in touch with her and start the ex back process, the more time she will have to move on and find someone else.
Get her on a call as soon as possible and say something along the lines of, “Hey, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for reacting the way I did when we broke up. I didn’t behave in a very mature way. However, I’m over that now and I would like to take you up on your offer to be friends. By the way… before you assume that I’m only saying that so that I can get you back, I want you to know that’s not the case at all. It’s over between us and I fully accept that. However, I also think you and I can still be friends. So, how about it? Friends?”
By saying something like that to her on a phone call or in person (not via text), not only are you fixing the mistake that you made earlier, but you’re also showing her that you’re now at a different level emotionally (i.e. you’re more emotionally mature), which will automatically begin to spark feelings of respect and attraction inside of her.
By the way…
If your ex is unsure whether or not to open back to you, she might initially play a bit hard to get and say something like, “No, you had your chance and you blew it. I don’t want to be friends anymore. It’s over between us and you need to accept that. I am happy now and I don’t want to open old wounds. Goodbye.”
If she says something like that, it’s critical that you do not lose confidence in yourself and give up.
Instead, maintain your confidence, laugh and say in a light-hearted, joking tone of voice, “Oh, come on! Now you’re behaving just like I did before and I know you’re better than that. You and I aren’t getting back together, but we can at least be friends. That is the mature thing to do.”
Not only will she likely agree because she won’t want to seem immature, but also because she will be curious about your newfound sense of confidence and self-worth.
Then, once you pass her initial confidence test and get her to agree to being friends, you need to…
2. Get her to meet up with you as friends
Once you have begun to reawaken some of her feelings of respect and attraction on the phone call, you can then suggest a meet up.
So, when she seems relaxed and is possibly even thinking things like, “Well, at least he and I can still get along. I’m glad he has changed his mind about being friends. I actually missed our conversations and the way he makes me laugh,” you can then ask her to meet up with you to say hello in person.
For example: In a confident, easy-going tone of voice, you can say something along the lines of, “Hey, I’m so glad we ironed things out between us and can be friends. There’s no awkwardness between us anymore, which is how it should be between exes. We should catch up and say hi in person, even if it’s just one last time as friends, before we only ever see each other on social media. It would be good to say hi in person. I’m sure you agree. Anyway, I’m pretty busy for the next few days, but I will be free on Wednesday and Thursday? Which of these two days suit you best?”
If you’ve made her feel good during the interaction, she will likely agree to meet up right away and you can then go ahead and make arrangements.
3. If she says “No” to a meet up, ask for a final meet up as friends and promise to not contact her again after that
Sometimes a woman will play hard to get when an ex guy asks to meet up with her.
She might even say something like, “No, I don’t want to see you again. You had your chance at being friends and you said no. I’ve accepted that it’s over and so should you. I think it’s now better if we go our separate ways and move on without hanging on to each other anymore, even just as friends.”
In some cases, a woman will do that because she doesn’t want to make it too easy for you, or because she still has some doubts about your motives (i.e. she believes that you’re only asking to be friends to get her back and she’s not ready to take that step with you yet).
Regardless of her response though, you need to maintain your confidence with her and continue on with the ex back process.
Say, “Okay cool, if that’s what you want, I’m cool with it. However, let’s meet up one last time, so that we can part as friends, rather than always remembering each other based on how things ended between us. Then, after that, if you don’t want me to contact you ever again, I promise to respect your wishes and never contact you. So, as I said, I’m busy on Monday and Tuesday, but Wednesday or Thursday is good. Which day works best for you?”
By telling her that you won’t ever contact her again if she agrees to meet up, it gives her an incentive to go through with the meet up.
Pretty much every client that I’ve ever taught that technique to has been able to get a meet up with his ex woman, so try it for yourself.
However, just make sure that you do one very important thing before then…
Make sure that you have improved your ability to make her feel attracted to you as you talk to her.
Don’t contact her, get a meet up and then screw up your chances of getting her back because you mess up the meet up.
If you mess up the meet up, she may not ever agree to another one.
So, before you get to a meet up, make sure that you’re ready to properly re-attract her.
From there, you need to…
4. Re-attract her and get her back when you meet up with her
When you meet up with her, you need to keep building on her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you, so that even if she was initially thinking something like, “I’m only going to stay for 10 minutes, then I’m leaving and won’t ever talk to him again,” she quickly starts to change her mind and wants to keep interacting with you.
For example: Some of the ways you can make her feel that way are by…
- Making her laugh, smile and feel happy to be interacting with you again.
- Being confident around her, even when she’s being closed off or cold towards you.
- Using flirting to build up sexual tension between you and her.
- Making her feel feminine and girly in comparison to your masculine vibe, behavior or conversation style.
- Turning her negative feelings about the break up into something you can both laugh about together.
The more she can see that you’re being a confident, emotionally mature guy around her, the more she will naturally begin to think things like, “I haven’t laughed and smiled like this around him for a long time. I honestly thought it was over between us, but all of a sudden I’m not so sure. Why am I feeling like this around him?”
When she starts thinking that way, she can’t stop herself from dropping her guard a little bit and allowing herself to imagine what it would feel like if you and her got back together again.
As a result, she will open herself up to seeing you more often and you can then confidently guide her back into a relationship with you.
4 Common Problems That Guys Encounter When Trying to Get an Ex Back, After Saying No to Being Friends With Her
When a woman offers to be friends with her ex after the break up, it’s usually her way of letting him down easily.
In most cases, she’s just trying to be nice about the break up and ending things in a positive way.
So, naturally, when she says, “Let’s be friends from now on,” and the guy responds by saying, “No. If we can’t be a couple, I don’t want to be your friend,” she might feel a bit hurt by his reaction.
She may even think things like, “I can’t believe he’s behaving like this! After everything I’ve done to be nice to him, he’s throwing it back in my face! How immature and selfish of him. Oh well, if that’s how he feels, then I don’t want to be his friend either. I’m going to cut him off completely and start to move on.”
If he then realizes his mistake, starts thinking, “I said no to being friends with her when we broke up and now I regret it,” and then tries to make it up to her, chances are high that he’s going to encounter some of the following problems…
1. She is now happy without him in her life and doesn’t want a friendship
In some cases, offering to stay friends with an ex is a woman’s way of getting out of a relationship without having to deal with a man reacting badly (e.g. he begs and pleads with her to change her mind, gets angry with her and possibly even becomes aggressive or violent and refuses to let her go).
Yet, even though she’s okay with being friends with her ex initially, at the back of her mind, she may be thinking, “I’ll just be friends with him for a while and then gradually start to fade out of his life. I can then easily move on and find myself a new man to have a relationship with, without having to worry about him getting angry for leaving him so suddenly and not being available to him at all anymore.”
So, if her ex man doesn’t accept a friendship, she won’t be too worried about it.
Instead, she will focus on trying to find herself a replacement guy as quickly as possible, to ensure that she has the added protection of being able to say, “Sorry, but I’m happy now and I don’t want to be friends anymore. I have a new boyfriend and out of respect to him, I can’t be friends with you anymore. So, please accept that and move on too.”
Naturally, the ex guy might then start thinking, “Damnit! I blew it! Now she doesn’t even want to be friends with me anymore. It’s over. I’ve lost her forever.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Just because your ex might be saying she is happy without you now, it doesn’t mean that you can’t get her back.
You just need to maintain your composure around her and use any interaction you have with her (e.g. via text, social media, and especially over the phone and in person), to reawaken her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Don’t worry about the new guy.
He doesn’t matter.
What matters right now is you and her.
You and her are a much better match and you deserve another chance with her.
So, focus on reactivating her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction for you.
The more you reactivate her feelings for you, the more she will start thinking of you in a positive light.
Her walls will then come down and she will at least open herself up to being friends with you again.
You can then use the friendship to build on her feelings for you and get her back by getting to a hug, kiss, sex and then back into a relationship.
The next problem that a guy might encounter after rejecting a friendship with his ex, is…
2. She is annoyed by how he reacted when she offered friendship, so she now wants to play hard to get to teach him a lesson
Sometimes a woman might feel bitter or angry at her ex, for refusing to be friends with her after the break up.
She may think something like, “How dare he reject my offer to stay friends! I was being the bigger person by being nice to him and he threw it back in my face! Well stuff him! I don’t care. I don’t need him in my life anyway!”
If he then suddenly changes his mind and comes back asking for a friendship, she will usually be able to sense that he doesn’t just want a friendship.
So, rather than making it easy for him to have access to her as a friend, she will likely make him suffer by being bitchy towards him and saying things like, “Forget it! It’s too late now. I’m not interested in having anything to do with you anymore.”
If he then gives up on getting her back and walks away, he potentially loses the love of his life.
Another problem a guy might encounter is…
3. She acts unsure about whether to meet up with him as a friend, as a way of testing his confidence
Your ex is probably going to test your confidence before she opens herself up to giving you another chance.
So, if you suggest a meet up as friends, after you said no to being friends, it’s possible she might say something along the lines of, “I don’t know. You said that you didn’t want to be friends before, so what has changed now? Are you trying to get us back together? If so, I don’t feel comfortable meeting up with you.”
Essentially, she wants to see how strong of a man you really are and if you’re just going to give up at the first sign of resistance from her.
The important thing for you to remember is that if you can pass her tests and maintain your confidence when she’s being vague and uncooperative, she will naturally feel respect and attraction for you, even if she doesn’t admit it.
She will then drop her guard and open herself up the idea of getting back together.
Another problem a guy might encounter after rejecting his ex woman’s offer to be friends, is…
4. She says that there’s no point being friends now
For example: She might say, “You had your chance and you didn’t take it. There’s really no point to us being friends now. It’s too late. I’ve moved on and I’ve realized that I’m actually quite happy without you in my life. So, I don’t need to be friends anymore. I’m better off without you.”
Although hearing her say something like that might hurt and you may even feel that all hope is lost, don’t give up just yet.
You don’t have to be friends with your ex to get her back.
You simply need to interact with her over the phone (and especially in person) and reawaken her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you again.
When you do that, her defenses naturally come down and she then begins to wonder, “What’s going on here? Why am I feeling this way around him? Why do I suddenly look forward to hearing from him?”
From there, you need to build on that spark of attraction and get her back into a relationship with you.