In most ex back cases, a woman will usually move on if a guy just gives her time to think and doesn’t actually do anything to reactivate her feelings for him.
Your ex’s current perception of you is that you’re not giving her the attraction experience she wants (e.g. she might you to be want a very confident guy, but you’ve become an insecure guy and don’t seem to be able to change), so it’s unlikely that she will give you another chance if you just give her more time to think.
The fastest way to get your ex back is to actively make her have some feelings for you again.
However, if you give her too much time without any contact from you, chances are that she will move on.
You have to be present in her life if you’re going to change how she feels.
Where a guy can go wrong is that when his ex says, “Just give me more time to think about it,” he stops all communication with her and literally disappears out of her life for weeks or even months at a time.
He hopes that one day, she will wake up and suddenly feel attracted to him again if she has had enough time to think.
Yet, that’s not how it works in almost all ex back cases where a woman no longer has feelings for a guy (e.g. because he wasn’t giving her the attraction experience that she wanted).
Giving a woman a lot of time to think after a breakup will usually only make her come running back if:
- She can’t find a new guy.
- She is inexperienced with relationships and can’t handle the painful emotions of a break up.
- She just wants to get back together temporarily until she can find a replacement guy.
However, most women aren’t going to suddenly develop feelings for the guy that they dumped if he doesn’t interact with her and making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him.
So, don’t waste time being the nice, considerate ex boyfriend who is waiting around hoping she will suddenly realize her mistake and come running back to you.
Use the Time Apart to Fully Understand What She Wants You to Change About Yourself
When you understand what caused her to break up with you, and then take action on improving those things about yourself, you will be able to make her feel understood, and then give her a different experience the next time you interact with her.
For example: If a woman broke up with a guy because he was too insecure, needy and clingy in the relationship with her, to get her respect and attraction back, he’s going to have to show her that he has become an emotionally stronger man in the time that she’s been gone.
However, he can’t do that by saying to her, “I’ve changed. I’m not insecure and needy anymore. I’m a different man now,” because it’s unlikely that she will believe him.
Instead, he has to show her that he’s changed via his actions, behavior, way of thinking, the way he talks and interacts with her, and the way he responds when she tests him.
For instance, some of the ways that a woman will test a guy to see if he is still needy and insecure is by:
- Saying something like, “I don’t have feelings for you anymore. I don’t think I want to get back together with you.”
- Being cold and indifferent towards him, especially when he is being really nice to her.
- Telling him, “I’m having so much fun without you. I’ve been out with friends almost every night this week and it’s great. I can’t believe how good it feels to be single.”
- Trying to make him jealous by mentioning other guys who like her.
- Saying things like, “I’m happier on my own that I was with you” or, “I don’t think I even need a boyfriend to be happy. I’ve been completely fine since the break up. How about you?”
If he then reacts by getting upset and saying things like, “How can you do this to me? You know that I still love you. Please baby, just give us another chance to make this work. I can’t live without you. I need you!” she will know that he is only pretending to have changed and will lose even more respect for him as a result.
On the other hand, if he remains emotionally strong and doesn’t lose his composure, she’s likely going to be wondering, “What just happened here? Isn’t my ex supposed to be all insecure and needy? This isn’t the way he would have reacted before we broke up. Something has changed about it…I didn’t think it would be possible for him to change so quickly, but he has. Why wasn’t he like this before? I like this new version of him.”
Another example of impressing and winning over an ex is where a woman dumped a guy because he had no purpose and direction in his life.
The guy had been using his relationship with her as an excuse to hide from his true potential because he had a boyish outlook on life and wasn’t yet willing or ready to step up and be a real man who rises through the levels of life to reach for his true potential.
In a case like that, to get her respect back, the guy needs to show her that he’s no longer afraid to stand up and face life head on like a man.
If when he interacts with her and she asks him, “So what have you been doing?” he says, “Oh, nothing. Missing you mostly,” she will know that he’s still hiding from life.
On the other hand, if he says something like, “I’ve been really busy actually. You know how I’ve always been interested in photography, right? Well, I signed up for a course and attending the first class last night. This is what I want to do. In a couple of weeks, I’ll be going away for the weekend with my class to take pictures and learn more advanced techniques,” or “I’m great! I finally worked up the courage to apply for a promotion at work…and I got it! I’ve also decided to go to night school so that I can get even better qualifications because I’m working myself up to getting a partnership in my firm.”
It doesn’t matter what he’s doing, as long as she can see that he’s no longer hiding from his true potential as a man, and is starting to make progress towards achieving some goals in his life.
Of course, understanding what your ex wants you to change about yourself isn’t going to automatically make her come back.
However, it definitely will spark some of her feelings of respect for you, which will then make her use the time apart to think about how much you’ve changed for the better, rather than trying to think of why you’re not good enough.
Some Rules to Remember When You Contact Her
Giving your ex more time to think is fine, but eventually you’re going to have to call her up and get her back.
When you do call her, you are either going to be saying and doing the types of things that renew her feelings of respect and attraction for you, or saying and doing the types of things that will turn her off and cause her to lose even more respect and attraction for you.
So, when you interact with your ex (e.g. via text message, on social media, on a phone call, or even in person) avoid behaving in any of the following, unattractive ways.
- Pleading or begging.
It’s natural that if a woman is saying things like, “I don’t know if I still want to be in a relationship with you. I need more time to think about what I really want,” a guy who loves her and wants to be with her is going to want to make her change her mind.
Quite often, this involves the guy begging and pleading with his ex and saying things like, “Please don’t do this. Whatever you want me to do I’ll do it, I promise. You have my word on that. Just give me another chance to show you that things will be different this time.”
Yet that approach rarely, if ever, works because women are turned off by men that they perceive as being emotionally weak.
So, when you contact you ex to get her back, make sure that you avoid begging and pleading with her in any way.
Of course, if you’re already done that, don’t beat yourself up about it.
Simply make sure that from now on, you remain emotionally strong, no matter what she says.
If you do, she will feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction to the new and improved you.
- Using texting as a way to stay in touch with her as a friend.
When a woman breaks up with a guy, there are usually a lot of negative emotions swimming around in her head.
For example: She might be feeling angry, hurt, betrayed, frustrated or disillusioned all at once.
As a result, any contact that she has from her ex will likely be interpreted in a negative light, unless she can experience the changes in him first hand.
So, when a guy sends his ex multiple text messages in the hopes that he will stay on her mind and she will then decide not to move on, rather than think to herself, “That’s so sweet! My ex obviously still cares about me because he texts me all the time. Maybe we should get back together again,” she will more likely be thinking, “Why is he harassing me like this? I told him I want more time to think but he just won’t leave me alone. This just makes me want to get away from him even more. I’m so glad I went through with the break up.”
Remember: If your ex still perceives you in a negative light, a text from you is usually only going to annoy her, because she won’t be able to see what your intentions are.
Without hearing the tone of your voice on a phone, or seeing your body language and behavior in person, she has to guess at what your state of mind would have been when you texted her, and she will likely be guessing that you’re the same guy she broke up with.
So, I recommend that you only text your ex as a way of getting her on a phone call, where you can spark her feelings for you and get her to agree to meeting you in person.
- Asking her what she wants you to change.
For example: A guy might say, “I’ll do whatever it takes. Just tell me what you want me to change and I’ll do it. Please, tell me what you need me to do. Explain to me exactly what you need and I will do it. I promise.”
Yet, a woman doesn’t want to tell her guy what he needs to do, because she doesn’t want to be his teacher in life about how to be a man.
If she has to teach him how to be the man that she needs now, she fears that it will become a recurring pattern, and she will then feel like she has to take care of him for life.
A woman wants her man to figure out how to be a man without her help, rather than him asking her what he needs to do to make her happy.
An Example of How You Can Give Her Time to Think and Spark Her Feelings For You at the Same Time
There is a very simple way that you can give your ex the time that she wants to think about things, while at the same time actively re-sparking some of her feelings for you again.
Here is what you can do…
Call her up and focus on making her smile, laugh and feel happy to be interacting with you.
For example: If she says, “I’m still not sure what I want. I need more time to think about it,” rather than respond by saying, “Oh, okay. If that’s what you want then sure. I’ll give you more time to think” and lose your chance to spark her feelings of attraction, you can use that to make her smile, laugh and enjoy talking to you.
You can do that by saying (in a joking way) something like, “Yeah me too! I’m still thinking about whether I want you back. It’s a difficult decision for me. After all, every time I ate anything you cooked, I was risking my life because your cooking was horrible. On the other hand, you do wash the dishes pretty well, so this is a hard decision. I think I’m going to need more time to think about it.”
By approaching the conversation in this way, she’s most likely going to smile, laugh and feel some respect for you for having the confidence to playfully tease her in a moment like that.
Now, here’s the most important part…
After you’ve sparked some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you, go ahead and end the call by saying goodbye and then avoid contacting her for between 3 to 7 days (not longer).
When she doesn’t hear from you after having felt so good on that call, she will likely text you or call you and possibly even ask you to meet up with her.
However, that isn’t where you stop reactivating her feelings for you.
From that point onwards, you need to use every interaction you have with her to keep growing her feelings of respect and attraction for you, until she can no longer stop the love from flowing back into her heart.