Here are the 4 most common reasons a woman will say that:
1. She is hinting to you that if you change, she will be open to giving you another chance
Sometimes, a woman might realize that although she still loves her man, she can’t see herself staying with him for life unless he truly changes certain things about himself.
For example: A guy might be a good, honest, caring guy, but he may have gotten into the habit of expecting his woman to make all the decisions in the relationship and be ‘the boss.’
In his opinion, he’s doing what he believes will make her the happiest and is being a good boyfriend (fiancé or husband) to her because he is letting her get her back.
He believes that it will make her feel happy with him, love him and respect him for being so considerate of her.
Yet, it doesn’t.
Rather than feeling satisfied and fulfilled with the role of boss, a woman will almost always become frustrated with her man and will begin to lose attraction for him.
Although a woman is happy to make decisions, a man shouldn’t just hand over his power to her and hope that she will be happy to mother him, or be like a big sister to him.
Taking on that role isn’t sexually attractive to almost every woman on the planet (there are some weirdo women out there who like it).
Almost every woman wants to feel like her man can and will make decisions for them, even if she doesn’t always agree with him right away or make it easy for him.
In other words, he satisfies her instinctive need to be with a man who can not only handle a bit of challenge from her, but can handle himself out there in the world.
Women instinctively don’t want to have sex with men who can’t at least stand up to a woman in a loving, but dominant way.
If a woman is in a relationship with a guy long enough and has been turned off by his inability to put her back in her place in a loving, but dominant way, then will fall out of love with him.
She will seem fine (for a while), but underneath she will be thinking things like, “Why can’t he man up and take charge for a change? Why do I always have to be the one who calls the shots? Why can’t he stand up to me? I need a man with more balls. I’m tired of leading for the both of us all the time. I would love to be able to relax into being a woman, while he acts like the man. Maybe I should break up with him and see what happens. Maybe that will wake him up and make him motivated enough to change. If he can change and become more assertive and emotionally dominant like a real man, then we can get back together again, but if not, I will just have to move on and find another man who can.”
Of course, in many cases, a woman won’t come out and tell her guy what is bothering her.
She doesn’t want him to talk her out of her decision of breaking up with him by promising to change, rather than actually changing what is turning her off.
She also doesn’t want to tell him every little problem with how he is approaching attraction in the relationship, because she doesn’t want him doing everything she says.
If he does, he will seem like he is under control, which will turn her off more.
So, rather than teaching him how to be the man she wants, a woman will often just say something along the lines of, “I think it’s best if we take a break from each other for a while. We both need to be apart to work on ourselves before we can be in a relationship with each other.”
The guy is then left feeling very confused as to what the heck that could mean.
It could mean anything.
So, what should he be working on?
His physique? His career?
In almost every ex back case I’ve worked on over the years, the guy simply needs to fix the subtle stuff (i.e. how he is approaching interactions with her, how he behaves and reacts to her, making her feel the need to treat him better, etc).
Yet, most guys out there simply aren’t aware of that.
So, when a woman says, “We need to be apart to work on ourselves” a guy will often start offering her all the wrong things to try and get her back (e.g. buying her flowers or gifts, telling her how much he still loves her, promising her that he will do whatever she wants if she comes back to him, writing her a letter to express his undying love, crying to her, saying that he’s going to go to therapy to fix childhood issues, etc).
Those things simply turn a woman off even more and convince her that he’s not the right guy for her anymore.
BTW: One of those examples above (going to therapy and telling her all about it) is such a common mistake that guys make.
To summarize: If you have to go to therapy, then go ahead, but don’t go telling her about your ‘personal journey’ to fix your childhood issues or other issues via therapy.
Just get on with fixing and improving yourself and then let her experience it.
The same goes with you potentially learning from me.
Don’t tell her about the issues you are learning about overcoming, your struggles to change and so on.
A woman doesn’t want to feel like she is being dragged down into a guy’s personal issues.
She wants to see him rise above it all, without having to blab on about it or seek pity or reassurance from her.
So, if you want to get your ex back, you first need to learn where you have been going wrong (e.g. not manly enough, too nice, too neutral around like a friend) and then fix and improve those areas very quickly.
When you understand what actually matters to her and you make those changes, it will automatically reawaken her feelings of respect for you.
When she respects you, she will then naturally begin to feel attracted to you again in a sexual and romantic way.
When that happens, she then becomes open to giving the relationship another chance because you’ve proven to her that you really are different now.
More importantly though, she will have evidence that she now feels differently about you.
She now looks at you with more respect, attraction and love.
When that happens, you stop hearing excuses like, “We need to be apart to work on ourselves” and instead start hearing, “I want to see you. I miss you.”
Another common reason why a woman will say it is…
2. She wants to have some time apart so she can find a replacement guy
This is fairly common, but is rarely admitted by women because it can make them seem like a selfish person.
Yet, it’s just what happens.
She wants to open herself up to other guys, but doesn’t want to admit it.
To let her ex down gently and give herself enough time to find a replacement guy, she might say something along the lines of, “Look, I still really care about you, but for now, I honestly believe that we both need to be apart to work on ourselves. Let’s not talk to each other for a while. I’ll contact you when I feel ready and we can then see if we can get back together again. In the meantime, all I ask is that you respect my need to be apart for a while. We both have a lot of work to do before we would be ready for a relationship. So, let’s just take some time apart.”
A guy will usually then accept her decision and stop contacting her for weeks, or even months, while he waits for her to come back to him.
In the meantime, she is now free to go out and meet, hook up with and date other guys until she finds a guy that she wants to be in a committed relationship with.
Then, when her ex finally contacts her to see if she’s ready to give him another chance, she can say something like, “I’m sorry, but I’ve met someone else and I’m very happy with him. I hope you understand and accept that we’re just not meant to be together. I realized that when I had a chance to work on myself and find out what I really want. We had our chance together and it didn’t work. You really are a great guy though and I’m sure you’ll find a new girl soon. You deserve to have a woman who loves you and wants to be with you. I’m sorry I can’t be that woman. It’s over.”
He’s then left feeling devastated and wondering why giving her space didn’t work.
Here’s the reality about getting a woman back (it works differently when a woman wants to get a man back)…
If you’re not actively sparking your ex woman’s feelings of respect and sexual attraction, then another guy usually will.
Women tend to go with how they feel in the moment, so if she happens to meet a guy who makes her feel attracted and turned on and he has the balls and know-how to make a move and kiss her, or initiate sex, then she will usually just go along with it.
If they connect, enjoy each other and want to continue seeing each other, she can then begin to fall in love with him, or at least want to have fun with him for a while.
This can lead to both of them falling in love and becoming official as boyfriend and girlfriend and in some cases, even ending up getting married.
This is why, regardless of what your ex is saying right now (e.g. “I need to be alone for now” or, “Don’t contact me for a while” or, “We both need to be apart to work on ourselves”), giving her way too much space will usually only result in her using that time to move on.
So, don’t fade into the background and wait for her to miraculously change her mind about the break up, because she probably won’t.
You have to make her want you back.
How can you do that?
By interacting with her and making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
The more respect and attraction that she feels for the new and improved you, the more open she becomes to getting back together.
On the other hand, if you step back and wait for things to fix themselves (i.e. you give her weeks or even months of space to work on herself) and another guy comes along and activates her sexual and romantic feelings for him, she will almost certainly forget all about you and just starting moving on with him.
Another common reason why a woman will say that is…
3. She is trying to get out of the relationship with an excuse, rather than directly telling you that she doesn’t want you anymore
If a woman finds herself in a relationship that doesn’t live up to her expectations (e.g. her guy has been taking her for granted for too long, the relationship has become boring and predictable, she no longer feels the spark of attraction she once felt, her guy has become too emotionally sensitive or insecure), then she may decide to end it rather than wasting more time.
Yet, rather than be direct about it, a woman will often say something like, “I do love you, but we have had a lot of problems in our relationship. So, I think we just both need to be apart to work on ourselves for a while,” as a way of letting her guy down easy.
Some of her reasons for doing that might be…
- She doesn’t want him to quickly start acting like he’s changing and improving to force her into giving him another chance, even though she doesn’t want to.
- She’s afraid that if she tells him her real reasons for wanting to break up (e.g. that she no longer feels sexually and romantically attracted to him, he’s not manly enough for her, she’s finds the relationship boring), he might react in ways that she doesn’t want to deal with (e.g. get angry or possibly even violent towards her, beg, plead and cry, threaten to hurt himself).
- She doesn’t want to give him a chance to talk her out of her decision (e.g. by promising her he will change, telling her how much he still loves her).
- She doesn’t want to teach him how to be the kind of man she needs in her life.
- She doesn’t want him to take her feedback the wrong way (e.g. one of her secret reasons for breaking up with him might be that he’s too submissive and timid and let’s her get away with disrespecting him. She fears that if she tells him that, he might take it too far and become too assertive, controlling and aggressive in an attempt to show her that he’s not a pushover anymore).
- She worries that if she says that it’s totally over, he might move on faster than she can and she will then be the one who feels rejected and left behind. So, she wants to string him along for a while to give herself enough time to move on before he does.
Additionally, by saying that they both need to be apart to work on themselves, a woman knows that her guy will feel compelled to show her that he is willing to work on himself to fix the relationship and keep it together.
She knows that if he says, “No. I don’t want to work on myself. You have to accept me as is, right now” then she can say, “Okay fine, it’s over then.”
So, a guy will usually feel like he has to go along with her request to have time apart so they can work on themselves, rather than seeming unreasonable, lazy or selfish.
As a result, a woman can then get out of the relationship and give herself some times to move on without her ex making a big fuss about it.
Another common reason why a woman will say that is…
4. She is reacting to her loss of feelings for you and doesn’t know what else to do, or how to explain it to you
Sometimes a woman might initially feel drawn to a guy because he displays the qualities and personality traits that she is looking for in a man.
Yet, when she gets into a serious relationship with him, she gradually discovers that he’s not really the man she thought he was.
For example: She realizes that…
His confidence was just an act and in reality, he is actually quite insecure and unsure of himself deep down.
Despite making her feel strong sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for him in the beginning, she now feels more like his friend or roommate than his woman because he’s just too neutral around her.
Despite taking the lead initially, he has now taken a back seat and expects her to make most or all the decisions for the both of them, which makes her feel like his mother or big sister and that turns her off.
Although he initially seemed to be easy-going, emotionally independent and carefree in the relationship with her, he soon started to worry about losing her and ended up becoming insecure, needy, clingy or controlling.
Although he seemed to be moving forward in life and have big dreams and goals, she now realizes that he’s stuck at the same level and is either not truly interested in making progress on his goals, or he just isn’t able to do because he lacks the competence or skills required.
The more she notices things like that, the more her feelings of true respect, attraction and love begin to fade and eventually, she may decide that he’s just not the right man for her.
Yet, she might not know how to explain what she’s feeling to her guy (i.e. that something feels wrong to her, that she loves him, but always feels uneasy about a future with him because their life together doesn’t seem to be developing the way she hoped it would).
So, she feels stuck.
On one hand, she loves him, but on the other, something is telling her leave him and try to find a new guy who would be more capable of keeping a relationship together and in love for him.
However, rather than directly breaking up with him by saying something like, “It’s over. You have no chance of getting me back. I am going to try to move on after breaking up with you because I want to try my luck at finding a man who gets how to make a woman remain in love” she says that they need to be apart to work on themselves instead.
As a result, he then feels confused about the break up and assumes that the best approach is just to give her space to think about things, which then leaves her free to move on without him seducing her back into a relationship.
Of course, the good news in a situation like this is that if the guy can quickly transform himself and understand how to seduce an ex back into a relationship, then he will usually be able to do that fairly quickly and easily.
So, what are you going to do from now on?
Are you going to sit around saying, “My ex said we both need to be apart to work on ourselves,” or are you going to quickly change and improve the things about yourself that caused her to disconnect from her feelings for you and get her back?
Are you going to wait and hope that she doesn’t move on over the next few weeks or months, or are you going to seduce her back into a relationship today or in the next few days?
The choice is yours.
3 Common Mistakes to Be Aware of When Giving an Ex Time Apart
Understandably, your ex’s suggestion for time apart to work on yourselves make have left you feeling confused.
It really is one of those vague things that women say to men, which can leave a man thinking that he has no choice, but to comply with what she said.
As a result, he may make one of the following classic mistakes, which just makes him feel more lost and confused and gives her more reason to move on without him.
1. Believing that time apart is the best way to get back together
Time apart works if a woman is still in love with her ex, feels attracted to him and respects him, but she is experiencing a lot of personal issues.
That can work.
Yet, it can also backfire and give a woman enough time to get over her ex, open up to new guys and try to make herself feel better by hooking up with them, or falling in love with one of them.
So, time apart isn’t always the answer.
After helping new men get women back for over 10 years now, I have found that what always works is when the man focuses on re-attracting the woman, so he can then naturally seduce her into a relationship.
In other words, he makes her have strong feelings for him again based on the new ways in which he now talks to her and behaves around her.
As a result, she begins to feel differently and doesn’t feel the need for anymore time apart and wants him back.
So, rather than backing off and giving your ex time to get over you and find herself another man, give her a few days of space and start the ex back process with her right away.
This means that you should use the next few days (or a maximum of a week) to:
Quickly transform yourself into a better version of the man you used to be in the relationship with her (e.g. more confident, manly, emotionally independent, assertive).
Interact with her over the phone and in person and make her feel surges of sexual and romantic attraction for you again (e.g. by making her laugh and smile, flirting with her to create sexual tension, being manly to make her feel girly in comparison to you).
Then, when she’s open to you, go ahead and hug, kiss and have sex to connect in a physical and emotional way again.
After you’ve had sex, let her be the one who is hinting at getting back together.
Don’t push for a relationship.
Just make her feel such a renewed sense of respect, attraction and love for you that SHE wants to get back together with you and YOU then say yes to that.
When you approach the ex back process in this way, you stand a much better chance of getting your ex back than any other way.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Giving her endless time apart and hoping she comes back on her own
Sometimes a guy assumes that if his ex is asking for time apart to work on herself, then she will come back to him when she is ready.
He assumes that because they used to love each other so much, had so many good times together, had enjoyable sex and told each other how much they loved each other, then she won’t be able to move past that.
She will feel compelled to get back with him because of how good things used to be.
She broke up with him because things were no longer like that and possibly not like that for quite a long time.
That was then and this is now.
So (if your ex had lost a lot of respect, attraction and love for you by the time she broke up with you), don’t sit around hoping that she will remember all the good times and come back because of that.
That almost never happens when a break up occurred due to the woman losing too much respect, attraction and love for her man.
Instead, like with most things in life, when her ex is not there, a woman usually gets distracted by someone else and begins to forget about her ex and move on.
So, don’t waste weeks or months avoiding your ex and waiting for her to come running back to you, because you might get a big shock when you finally contact her and she says something along the lines of, “I’m sorry. While I was working on myself, I realized that you and I are not right for each other after all. So, I have moved on and I am happy with someone else now. I hope you will accept that and get on with your life too.”
Don’t make the classic mistake that so many guys make where they assume that the No Contact Rule (not contacting an ex for 30-60 days after a break up) works the same on men and women.
It’s a technique that works well when a woman has been dumped by a man, but not the other way around.
As a man, if you want your ex woman back, you need to interact with her and reactivate her feelings for you, otherwise she will usually just move on.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Seeking pity from her before giving her time apart from him
For example: A guy might say to his ex woman, “Why can’t we just try and work things out like normal people? Why do we have to be apart? I promise I will work on myself if that’s what you want. Just stay with me. I can’t do this without you. Please baby, I really need to you to stick around. You mean everything to me. Without you, my life isn’t worth living.”
He hopes that by making her feel sorry for him, she will change her mind and give him another chance.
Yet, that rarely (if ever) happens.
Instead, his attempts to manipulate her into staying with him out of pity simply turns her off even more.
Additionally, if she is asking for time apart after having had slowly fallen out of love with him over a period or months or years, then she will be at a point where she doesn’t really care about how he feels anymore.
At that point, she cares about how she feels.
This is why, if you want an ex woman back, you have to reawaken her feelings for you as you interact with her, so she then has a reason to get back with you.