According to a quote by Lao Tzu, “He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened.”
So, before you can truly answer the question, “What kind of man am I?” you first have to ask, “What kind of man do I want to be?”
For example: Most guys in this world want to be a great man who is loved, respect and admired by others. However, that doesn’t mean that all men want to be famous actors, or musicians, or inventors, businessmen or wise gurus.
To be loved, respect and admired by others, you simply need to become and be what others refer to as a real man.
Essentially, a real man is the kind of man who does great things in his life based on what he loves, values and respects the most, while also loving and respecting others.
He is successful in his chosen career, he has his pick of beautiful women and when he settles down, he is a great husband and father. He lives up to his full potential and strives to rise through the levels of life, rather than settling for a mediocre life or making excuses about why he couldn’t make it.
When it comes to deciding what kind of man he wants to be, a guy may struggle to distinguish between the characteristics of a man who is truly great and one who is not.
For example: Just because a man is a famous actor and is liked by many people, it doesn’t actually mean that he is an ideal role model for men on how to succeed in all aspects of life.
In his private life, the famous actor may be insecure and have a hard time keeping a relationship together with a woman, but women in the media will refer to him as sexy, handsome or desirable.
Guys who are asking themselves, “What kind of man am I?” and looking for role models to help them form a clearer identity as a man might see the famous actor and think, “If I was as famous as him, my life would be great. I want to be like him.”
Yet, the famous actor is probably still trying to work out what kind of man he is and hasn’t yet mastered all areas of life (e.g. relationships).
So, if you really want to know what kind of man you are, here are 5 characteristics that are the markings of a real man.
These are things that you should strive to attain and master in your own life if you haven’t already…
1. A Real Man is Confident Enough to Be His True Self
Some guys never become what is referred to as a real man because they never get clear on who they really are inside.
For example: When he interacts with women or people he meets in a social environment, he might put on an act of being an even nicer guy than he really is.
He hasn’t yet realized that people will like him and respect him more if he just comes across as real.
Deep down, he resents other people because he is so nice to them and they still overlook him, reject him or make fun of him.
He thinks, “I’m so nice to people and they treat me like garbage. What is their problem?” because he doesn’t know that he is creating the problem by putting on an act of being even nicer than he really is.
People can sense that he is putting on an act, but he thinks that they have no idea. He thinks that is smarter than other people because he is nicer than them, but he is making a classic social mistake of faking a persona rather than being real.
If you think about the people that you respect and admire the most in this world, you will realize that they are the people who are their true self around others.
They don’t need to put on an act and are simply being who they truly are. People like that have an x-factor or charisma that is magnetically attractive and interesting to other people.
A guy who puts on an act of being even nicer than he really is (to hopefully impress people and make them like him) would rather be liked, loved and wanted for being his true self, but he is afraid to show it.
He worries that people will reject him, laugh at him or ridicule him for not being as passive and unassuming as he used to be.
He would like to dress in his own style (even if it’s a bit weird), pursue his passions (even if they’re different to what is considered the norm), and date the women he really wants.
Yet, he doesn’t feel as though he is allowed to do that because he is so concerned about what everyone else thinks…even though they don’t even care about him anyway.
He would love to be able to speak his mind and stand up for what he really believes without fear of being rejected or not liked, but he places way too much importance on what random people (who don’t even care about him) might think about him.
By pretending to be someone he’s not, he loses his natural charisma and uniqueness and simply blends into the background and yet another uninteresting guy who doesn’t believe in himself.
To be a real man, the first thing that you need to do is be confident enough to be your real self, while also being loving, considerate and respectful towards others.
The truth is, not everyone is going to like you, want to be your friend, or want to date you.
Not because you are not likeable or loveable, but that is how nature works. No guy is compatible with every woman on the planet and no woman is compatible with every guy on the planet.
Even the most popular celebrities in the world have millions of people who love them and millions of people who hate them or couldn’t care less about them.
Some celebrities can’t handle the fact that some people hate them, but savvy celebrities (e.g. Kim Kardashian) are wise enough to know that you can’t please everyone.
Love her or hate her, Kim was able to remain one of the most popular women in the world for many years in a row, just by being herself.
People say, “She’s famous for doing nothing,” but the reason why she is famous is that she is actually being herself and she is doing a damn good job of it.
As for Kanye West, more people hate him than love him because of his arrogance, but he is simply living his life and being himself. He might be wrong about some of the things he says, but at least he is living his life on his own terms.
He started out developing video games and also making music for the games, before he realized that he was more interested in the music. He then spent most of his time making music and eventually became famous for it, even if many people think that his music sucks.
Although many people might hate his music, he is doing well, enjoying his life and expressing himself in his own unique way. Love him or hate him, he is being the man that he wants to be and he’s been very successful so far.
I’ve pointed out Kim and Kanye on purpose because I know that people either love them or hate them.
By watching how people react when Kim and Kanye are a topic of conversation, I’ve found that people who hate them are usually those who aren’t being themselves and are angry at the world for not letting them be successful, or angry at the opposite sex for not wanting them.
I’m not saying that I’m a huge fan of either of Kim and Kanye, but I do respect the fact that they are living their life on their own terms. They are not perfect, but neither is anyone else.
So, the question remains: What kind of man are you? Not the persona that you present to the world – the real you. Who are you really? What do you stand for? What makes you different? What do you really care about in this life?
Just think of some of the men that you admire most in life who are not actors. Can you think of any? Try to think of men that you look up to and respect.
You will find that those men are comfortable with their identity and confident enough to be themselves. They don’t need to put on an act to try and please everyone, because they know that it is impossible to be liked by everyone.
As a man, if you can be yourself and not waste anymore time pretending to be someone you’re not (e.g. acting nicer than you really are when you talk to women), you will not only be more successful with women and in life, but you will discover that loads of genuine, cool people feel drawn you to, want to be your friend, want to support you or simply want to be around you.
Additionally, rather than settling for unattractive women, you will begin to enjoy your choice of beautiful women who will love, respect and look up to you.
That’s what happens when you get clear on what kind of man you really are and have the confidence to actually be that man around other people.
2. A Real Man is Respected and Looked Up to By Others
One of the main qualities that a woman looks for in a man is someone she can respect and look up to.
However, respect is not something that happens without you doing anything to create it.
To be respected and looked up to by women and other people, you have to:
- Be a man of your word: When you say that you will do something, you have to be relied on to do it; no excuses.
- Treat others with kindness and respect: You cannot be respected if you do not respect others and treat them well. Treat people well and then expect and gently demand the same respect and good treatment in return.
- Not be afraid to stand up for what you believe: Sometimes it can be difficult to stand apart from the crowd, but if you believe in your cause then be courageous enough to keep pushing forward to achieve it.
- Not whine about life like a victim: Life can be challenging sometimes. A real man knows this, so rather than complaining and whining about it, he looks for solutions to his problems and then takes action to fix the problem and then moves up to the next level of success in life.
- Not criticize or belittle others: A real man doesn’t have to bring others down so that he can feel good about himself.
3. A Real Man is Clear About His Purpose in Life
A big part of knowing who you are as a man is to have a clear purpose and direction in life.
When a guy doesn’t know what he wants in his life, then he will often just wander through life settling for whatever he can get, or whatever comes his way.
Women hate that because it lacks masculinity and seems more like what a woman would do.
Women love men who have purpose and direction in life and who will stop at nothing to achieve it, because it then allows the woman to relax into his masculine direction and simply be his loving, feminine woman.
When a guy has big dreams and ambitions and is determined to achieve them, he doesn’t wait around for life to give him a handout (e.g. win the lottery, hope that a beautiful woman approaches him one day, hope that he magically gets a promotion at work, etc).
Instead, he makes things happen by having the balls to take action and go after what he really wants.
He doesn’t sit around complaining about how difficult life is and making up excuses for his lack of success. He makes his success happen by taking action.
A man like this is a sought after friend and lover.
Guys want to hang around him because they are either like minded and enjoy interacting with someone who has the same values as them, or if they don’t, they hope that his drive, ambition and zest for life will somehow rub off on them too.
Women flock to him, because women are turned on by the idea of being with a man who is rising through the levels of life and reaching for his true potential.
A guy like that makes women feel secure, because they know that he is someone they can depend on during difficult times and rely on to be an emotionally strong man all the time, no matter what life throws at him.
When you have a definite purpose and direction in your life, your sense of identity and happiness isn’t based on your friends or your woman.
You don’t become needy, clingy or insecure because you don’t actually need other people to make you happy.
You want and love to have other people in your life, but you would be happy with or without them, which is a very attractive and appealing to women and to friends.
So, do you know what your purpose is?
What are your biggest dreams and ambitions in this life? What would you love to achieve, but you are worried you might not be able to?
What huge goals will really push you to grow and become a bigger and better man over time?
By answering those questions, you will begin to get clear on your purpose in life.
4. A Real Man Has His Choice Of Women
When a guy lacks purpose in life, most of the women he meets won’t be very interested in him.
He may then begin to believe that superficial qualities like looks, money and status is what will make him attractive to women.
If he doesn’t have these things, he may then settle for the kind of women he can get, rather than the beautiful women he really wants.
Watch this video to see what I mean…
On the other hand, a real man who knows what kind of man he is understands that most women are mostly attracted to men for reasons other than looks, money and status.
He understands that it’s a man’s personality traits and behavior that makes him attractive to most women, not what he looks like or what he has in his bank account.
Yes, it is true that some women only want a rich guy or a male model, but the majority of women are much more flexible and open about what they find attractive about men.
If you want to have your choice of women, you have to be able to trigger a woman’s attraction for you for reasons other than your looks (e.g. by displaying your natural charisma, being confident, having a masculine vibe, holding up an interesting conversation, using humor to make her laugh and enjoy interacting with you).
5. A Real Man is a Good Guy, But is Not a Pushover
A real man will be good to people, be respectful and be kind, but he won’t allow people to push him around, walk all over him or use him.
He will continue to be a good man, but he will stand up for himself and by being assertive and letting the person know that they are out of line or that they he would appreciate better treatment in future.
A real man knows that he can be a good guy, while also commanding and expecting respect and good treatment from others.
He knows that commanding respect doesn’t make him an asshole or jerk, but instead makes him a man that others respect and admire, as long as he continues to be the good man that he is.
For example: A guy might be required to help out and work overtime to get a project finished at work.
A really nice guy will not only stay late and work longer than everyone else, he will also end up staying behind to clean up after everyone else has already gone home in the hope that it impresses them.
Yet, people will almost certainly treat him like they always have and simply rely on him to the confused guy who doesn’t know how to be respected and liked by others.
On the other hand, a normal good guy will stay late and pull his weight and when the project is finished, he will rally everyone together so that they can clean up and leave at the same time.
In a relationship, a real man knows that taking the lead in a relationship doesn’t make him a domineering, controlling, arrogant boyfriend or husband.
He knows that a woman wants to be able to relax into her natural, feminine role and feel as though she can count on him to lead the way to a better life for the both of them.
She also wants to feel that she can count on her nice guy to be an emotionally strong man when the circumstances require it.
She doesn’t want to have to be the strong one in the relationship and feel as though she is carrying him throughout life.
You Can Be Whatever Kind of Man You Want to Be
If you’ve been asking, “What kind of man am I?” I hope that you have now realized that the answer is to be your true self and not put on an act to try and please random people who don’t even care anyway.
As long as you know yourself and are not afraid to be who you really want to be, you can be whoever you choose to be in life.
When you embrace your true self, you will exude a natural charisma and confidence that is attractive and interesting to women, to friends and co-workers.
You can accomplish whatever you want in this life if you just believe in yourself and don’t stop when things get challenging.
You can have the types of women you really want if you just believe that you deserve that and then push forward and make it happen.