When you’re with other people (especially “cool” people), do you feel like you don’t fit in?
Have you ever thought, “I’ve always felt different…what is wrong with me?” or something similar?
Do you give yourself a hard time because you don’t behave like other people? Believe it or not you’re not alone in feeling this way. Consider this: What does it really mean to be different? The dictionary definition for different is:
Different (adjective): Not alike in character or quality; distinct in nature; dissimilar.
When you look at it this way, why does being “not alike”, “distinct in nature” or “dissimilar” equate to something that is “bad”? The truth is: Everyone is different in their own way. What matters is that YOU accept yourself rather than hoping that people will openly express their acceptance of you.
Most people are only concerned about themselves and what is going on in their life. They’re usually too busy worrying about their issues to be concerned about you being different.
Yes, sometimes “well-meaning” teachers, parents or friends will say things like, “Why are you so quiet when during a conversation? Why don’t you speak up?” or “Why don’t you go out more?” or “You should hang out where all the other guys from your neighborhood / college / work hang out.”
Yet, often they’re only saying these things because you’re putting out an “I’ve always felt different” vibe, which makes them feel they have to fix it for you because you don’t seem happy.
You don’t have to be like everyone else to be happy. Be who you are, but love yourself with or without the acceptance of everyone. No-one gets the acceptance and approval of everyone. Even people who are considered “cool” or “popular” are not accepted by everyone. That is natural and normal.
Celebrate Your Differences
Being different can be something that enhances your life and makes it better, or you can go around carrying your differences like a heavy burden. How you use your differences is up to you.
For example: Consider that a lot of successful Hollywood actors, business men, scientists, explorers, etc., are perceived as being different. These guys have used their differences to their advantage and they have not only become great in their fields, they have also made their mark on the world.
People who are a bit “different” in their thinking are usually the most interesting and admired, but this only happens because they believe in themselves while also respecting the differences in others.
Deep down, we all think we are different. Don’t think that your kind of different is better than everyone else’s…you’re different in your own unique way – just like everyone else.
Ultimately, being different shouldn’t be the excuse you use to hold yourself back from accomplishing great things in your life.
One Man’s Idea of Different is Another Man’s Idea of Greatness
Being different is only a matter of perspective.
For example: Imagine there are two guys who are saying, “I’ve always felt different.” Let’s call the one guy Mike and the other guy Steve. Now looking at the scenarios below, see how two guys who feel the same way can react very differently…
1. In social situations and when approaching women
Whether out with friends, at a business function or talking to a beautiful woman, Mike celebrates his uniqueness. He knows he’s got a “weird” sense of humor and sometimes he even comes across as the “silent” type, but none of this matters because he is totally confident in himself.
When he finds himself in a situation that makes him feel uncomfortable (e.g. he doesn’t like the topic of conversation, the noise is too loud or the place is too crowded), he’s confident enough to leave without thinking, “There must be something wrong with me” or “They’ll probably think I’m weird and they won’t like me.”
He likes who he is and because he’s not trying to get anyone’s approval and isn’t pretending to be someone he’s not, he always ends up being liked and accepted by most people.
When it comes to approaching women, Mike’s unique sense of self coupled with his confidence makes him attractive to women and he can usually get a phone number, a kiss or a date with most women he approaches.
On the other hand, when Steve finds himself in a similar situation to Mike, his reaction is very different. He walks around feeling nervous and insecure.
In social situations he lacks the confidence to assert himself and he’s constantly thinking, “I don’t really fit with the people around me” “I don’t really care about the topic at hand,” or “I feel like the oddball of the group.”
Talking to women is almost impossible for Steve. He stutters, fidgets and feels nervous and shy. Women either feel sorry for him and treat him like a little brother, or ignore him completely.
Ultimately, Steve avoids social situations or approaching women and prefers to wonder about by himself. However, deep down he still keeps thinking, “Even though I’ve always felt different, I’d love to just be able to hang out and be like other guys.”
2. When faced with a problem
When Mike encounters a problem in his life he faces it head on. Rather than take things personally because he’s “different”, Mike is mentally and emotionally strong enough to know that he can handle it.
If for example he approaches a woman and she “rejects” him, rather than think “She doesn’t like me because I’m different”, he realizes that he’s not going to be compatible with every woman he meets and that’s okay.
Steve on the other hand prefers to hide away from his problems. Instead of facing things head on he makes excuses about why he “can’t do it” or “it won’t work” or “it’s not for him”. Steve also prefers to be single because approaching women is just “too hard.”
Here’s a great video by Dan Bacon (founder of The Modern Man) that explains why so many guys make excuses for their lack of success with women (like Dan used to do) and what they need to do instead…
3. On having a purpose in life
Mike knows that he has always been different. Yet, rather than let it bother him, he uses his uniqueness to pursue his dreams. He has great plans for his future. He is the kind of guy who is rising through the levels of life, reaching for his true potential and going after his true purpose in life without fear.
The fact is, life is challenging and requires mental and emotional strength, but Mike knows that if men like Stephen Hawking can achieve the things he has despite his differences, then he can do it too.
These qualities make Mike attractive to women, because women like the idea of a man being able to have his say in the world. They like to know that the guy they’re with will be able to provide for himself, her and their offspring if they have any.
Steve doesn’t like to think about the future. He prefers to be alone living in some other world that he’s made up in his head. He doesn’t really have any goals for the future because he feels too insecure about being different and he assumes that he can’t do anything because people won’t accept him or approve of his dreams and ideas.
He also doesn’t try to date because he believes that most women label him as a loser or unattractive, so he sees no point in trying. Instead, he just masturbates to porn and dulls his desire to try and survive another week alone.
Be the Best “You” You Can Be
You can waste your life saying, “I’ve always felt different” and let it hold you back from achieving the things you really want, or you can choose to tap into those differences and use them to be attractive to women in your own unique way.